destructo-girl.com

"Anyone But You"

Author: Michelle
Email: michellabella52478@yahoo.com
Notes: Yeah, right. The lyrics are to "Take a Bow" by Madonna.
Additional Notes: // \\ denotes flashback.

Take a bow, the night is over
This masquerade is getting older
Lights are low, the curtains down
There's no one here

Before third period began, Buffy sat quietly studying her History notes for the test she had to take in a few minutes. After spending hours at Willow's house the night before, she was determined to get a good grade. But when Cordelia and Harmony entered the classroom, she found it hard to concentrate.

"You didn't tell me how your date went last night," Harmony reminded her friend. "I've been in suspense since you told me about it yesterday."

Cordelia placed her books on her desk and sat down. "I had a good time. A great time, actually."

"Is Liam as enjoyable to be around as he is to look at?"

Three seats behind them, Buffy balled her hands into fists on the desk.

"Moreso. He knows how to have a good time, that's for sure. A little quiet, but still fun. We're going out again tonight," Cordelia told her.

"Ooh, where?"

"The movies."

"What movie?"

The brown-haired girl smirked devilishly. "Does it matter? We'll be in a dark movie theater sitting way in the back, Harmony. You do the math."

"I gotcha."

"Liam O'Neal won't know what hit him. That boy – and his luscious lips – are in for a bit of a surprise tonight."

Buffy was tempted to say something to them, but was interrupted when Xander Harris sat down next to her. "Hey, Buffster. You didn't happen to study for this test, did you?"

"Last night I went to Willow's house and studied with her." She never took her eyes off of Cordelia and Harmony, who were laughing at something she hadn't heard.

Xander noticed his friend's attention was focused elsewhere. "What's wrong? You look like you're a million miles away."

"Sorry, Xand. I was just thinking."

"About anything in particular? Or anyone?" he asked.

She shook her head. "Just stuff." Glancing again at Cordelia, Buffy decided to get Xander's opinion on the brunette's relationship with Willow's brother. "Did you hear that Liam had a date with Cordelia last night?"

"He did? You're kidding me. He lived to tell the tale?"

"Physically he's fine." She kept it to herself the fact that she sat on her bed in the dark watching out her bedroom window until he came home. "It's his mental capabilities I'm questioning."

"Yeah, I can see why. Liam and Cordy…that's an interesting new development," Xander commented.

She frowned. "And not a pleasant one at that. But there's nothing any of us can do about it. He told me yesterday it's something he has to figure out on his own."

"Liam and Queen C. Who would have thought?" he mused. "I thought for sure he was hung up on you."

"What?!" Buffy didn't know if she heard her friend right. "That's impossible."

"Come on, Buff, don't tell me you don't see it. The way he looks at you, talks about you…hell, if it wasn't for Riley he probably would have asked you out a long time ago."

"You're crazy."

Xander shrugged his shoulders after a moment. "Maybe I'm seeing things then."

"You must be." 'You must be, Xander,' she thought.

Say your lines but do you feel them?
Do you mean what you say when there's no one around?
Watching you watching me
One lonely star

Buffy returned home from her date with Riley at ten after eight that evening. They'd planned on going to the movies and then to the Bronze, but she hadn't felt much like socializing. They ended up sitting in his living room watching television until she decided to leave. She felt bad for ruining their plans, though Riley insisted he understood.

"Mom? Dad? Are you guys home?" she called as she walked up the stairs.

"We're in our room," Mr. Summers responded. "Come on in, we need to talk to you."

She made a right at the top of the staircase and entered the master bedroom. What she saw inside took her by surprise: her parents were packing a suitcase. "What's going on? Where are you guys going?" she asked them.

Mr. and Mrs. Summers exchanged a knowing glance. Finally, the time had arrived for them to reveal the truth to their daughter. "Honey, I'm going into the hospital," her mother told her.

"Why?" Buffy didn't understand. As far as she could tell, her mother was in perfect health. "What's wrong?"

"You know those little headaches I've been having? Well, the doctor wants to run a few tests on me. I'll be staying at the hospital until they find out what's causing them."

"It's really nothing to be worried about. Just a precaution," Mr. Summers reiterated.

"How long will you be there?" Buffy wanted to know.

Her mother made her way to where Buffy stood and hugged her. "Just a couple of days, sweetie. I promise. I should be home by Friday or Saturday at the absolute latest."

She nodded, trying to be strong in front of her parents. The last thing she wanted to do was upset them. "What kind of tests do you have to go through?"

"We don't know," her father answered. Truth was, they did know. But they didn't want to frighten their only child until they had proof.

"Can I come with you?"

Her parents shook their respective heads. "I'm afraid not. You have school, not to mention you'll be bored out of your mind. You can visit me tomorrow night, though. Your father will drive you there after dinner."

"Are you gonna be okay, Mom?"

"Yes. I promise I will be."

Buffy stayed in the room for another ten minutes while they finished packing Mrs. Summers' suitcase. Silently, she slipped out when her parents began arguing about what slippers to pack. Her feet led her to the back porch, the rest of her following on autopilot. Buffy couldn't think about anything else aside from her mother.

For as long as she could remember, her mother seemed to be invincible. Never in her fifteen years had she so much as seen Mrs. Summers sniffle or complain about not feeling well. Now, out of the blue, she needed to go to the hospital for tests. Nothing had ever scared Buffy more than the thought of her mother being seriously ill. Lowering herself to the stairs, she dropped her head to her knees and let the tears fall.

When Liam got home from his date with Cordelia at nine o'clock, he found Buffy in that very spot. Given their argument the day before, he had every intention of ignoring her, but stopped dead in his tracks when he heard her muffled sobs. Concerned, Liam walked to the Summers' back porch.

"Buffy? Are you okay?"

She looked up, her eyes bloodshot and her cheeks stained with tears. "I'm fine."

He sat down next to her. "If you're crying, you're not fine. Believe me, I know. What happened? Did you and Riley get into a fight?"

"I wish it were that."

"Then what is it?"

"My mom," she revealed, a fresh stream of tears burning her eyes and threatening to pour out. "She's going to the hospital tomorrow morning for tests. Something's wrong with her, Liam. And she and Dad know but they won't tell me everything."

Liam swallowed the lump in his throat. He'd always loved Mrs. Summers. "What's wrong with her? I mean, what is she going to the hospital for?"

"She's had headaches. Bad ones. And now her doctor wants to run all kinds of tests on her."

For a second, his heart stopped beating. 'Oh god, not again.' He wanted so badly to tell Buffy everything would work out for the best, but he couldn't bring himself to say the words. Not after what he went through with Paige. "Buffy–"

"Don't. I don't want to hear you say everything will be fine," she stated. "This is my mother it's happening to. I'm scared. So scared."

"I know you are. I want you to know I am here for you if you need me. For anything, and anytime."

She looked him in the eyes. "You mean that? Really?"

Liam lifted her chin with his pointer finger. "Really." Their lips were so close, he only needed to move an inch and then he'd be able to kiss her. But he couldn't bring himself to do it; Buffy didn't need that right now.

Comforted by his words, Buffy let her defenses down and let him hold her in his arms. She allowed her tears to fall again, this time they landed on Liam's white t-shirt. And he let her cry on his shoulder for twenty minutes, neither of them noticing Riley when he entered the backyard.

I've always been in love with you
Always with you
I guess you've always known it's true
You know it's true

"How are you feeling today?" Buffy questioned her mother following dinner the next evening. As promised, her father drove her to the hospital to visit her mom.

Mrs. Summers frowned, tugging at the hospital gown she wore. "I'm feeling okay. Although I'd give anything to be home; the food here stinks."

"Hospitals aren't known for their gourmet cuisine," her husband joked.

"Did they get the test results back?" the fifteen-year-old wanted to know.

"Not yet. They won't know anything for certain for a few more days," Mrs. Summers informed her. "As soon as they know something, they'll tell me. And then I'll tell you."

"What kinds of tests did you have to go through?"

"An MRI and a CAT scan. And a few other things I can't remember the names of."

A chill ran down Buffy's spine. "A-A CAT scan? And an MRI? Aren't those tests they perform on the brain?"

"Usually. Well, an MRI can be done on anything, but a CAT scan tends to be for the brain. Buffy, they are standard tests, people get them done every day."

"But not you," she whispered.

"Your mother is going to be fine," her father reassured her. "She is a tough cookie. Just like you are."

"It could be serious, though. Right?"

Mrs. Summers patted the empty space on the bed to her left. She could see how frightened her daughter was with her medical crisis. "Sit down, honey." She waited until the teenager sat down before speaking again. "I want you to know that I feel fine. Other than the headaches, there's nothing physically wrong with me. Also, the doctor is very optimistic that the test results will come back negative. But, Buffy, if they don't we'll just have to face that when the time comes."

She nodded solemnly. It wasn't what she wanted to hear, although she had to face the reality of what could happen. "Are you going to be ready if they come back positive?"

"We all have to take things one day at a time," Mr. Summers stated.

"Just think positively."

"I'm trying."

Mrs. Summers hugged her daughter, careful of the machines hooked up to her. "I know you are; we all are. Right now, the most we can do is wait."

You took my love for granted
Why, oh why?
The show is over, say goodbye
Say goodbye, say goodbye

"Are you having a good time?" Cordelia asked Liam while they danced together at the Bronze. She noticed he seemed far away ever since they met at the club a short while ago.

Liam broke himself out of his reverie. All day long all he could think about was Buffy. The previous night he'd stayed on her porch with her for an hour, just comforting her and being her crying shoulder. He understood what she was going through and how scared she was; he'd been through the same thing. As much as he wanted to be there for her – and with her – the last thing he wanted to do was crowd her. Buffy needed space, that Liam knew.

"Sorry, Cordelia," he apologized when she called out his name again, the slight aggravation evident in her voice. "I've just got stuff on my mind."

"Me?"

He shook his head. "Unfortunately not. It's personal stuff."

"The same personal stuff you mentioned the other day?" she wanted to know.

"Yeah. I guess I'm a really crappy date tonight."

Cordelia smirked. She didn't care if he was a crappy date or not; Liam was good-looking and danced well. And he looked perfect on her arm. She could see the looks of jealousy in several girls' eyes. "Maybe I can distract you."

"A distraction would be greatly appreciated."

The couple danced for another fifteen minutes without interruption. Liam found himself able to take his mind off his problems while he was dancing with the brunette. She proved to be a very good distraction.

That is, until Riley showed up.

Riley entered the Bronze looking for his girlfriend, thinking she might have come to hang out with her friends. She hadn't been home when he called. They hadn't said more than a few words to each other that day at school; Buffy had been quite distant. He figured it had something to do with her embrace with Liam the night before but he didn't call her on it.

Instead, he chose to confront the other man, whom Riley considered to be a threat to his and Buffy's relationship. And when he didn't see Buffy at the club, he went straight for Liam.

Walking directly toward the dancing couple without so much as saying hello to his friends, Riley tapped Liam on the shoulder. "I need to talk to you."

Cordelia and Liam broke apart, the female giving the intruder an icy glare. "Can't you see we're busy? Buzz off, Finn."

"What do you need?" Liam asked.

"I need to talk to you." He shot a look toward Cordelia. "Alone, if you don't mind."

"Fine." He turned his attention to his date. "I'll just be gone a few minutes."

"You'd better be."

Riley led the way to the alley next to the club where they could talk in private. The icy glare returned, only this time on Liam, when he reached his side.

"What's going on, Riley?"

"I think I should be asking you the same question, don't you think? Where's Buffy?"

Liam was totally baffled. "What on earth are you talking about?"

"Where's my girlfriend?"

"I don't know, she's *your* girlfriend. I haven't seen her since school this afternoon. Is that all you wanted to know?"

"Not quite. I also want to know what's going on between you and Buffy. And don't say nothing because I'll know you're lying."

"There is honestly nothing happening," Liam assured his childhood friend.

"Really? Could have fooled me. You two looked awfully cozy last night on her back porch. What was that all about?"

Disgusted, Liam shook his head. "Look, if you want answers, I suggest you get them from Buffy, not me. I'm not the right person to ask."

As Liam turned around to walk back into the club, Riley shouted, "You're in love with her!"

He stopped dead in his tracks and faced his old friend. "Aren't you?"

"Yes, I am. Buffy and I were happy until you came along. Everything was perfect. Then you moved back to Sunnydale, and all of a sudden the world as I know it is askew."

"I didn't come back to throw off your life," Liam shot at the sandy-haired man. "That was the last thing on my mind. I had no idea you were even seeing her."

"Well, you know now."

"What do you want?"

"I want my life back the way it was while you were in L.A.. When I had Buffy all to myself, before you consumed her every waking thought," Riley said. "Before you tried to take her away from me."

The dark-haired senior stared unblinking, unable to believe what Riley was accusing him of. "You think I'm trying to steal Buffy from you? Are you serious?"

"You didn't deny being in love with her."

"No, I didn't, because I'm not even going to dignify that with a response while you're in this…this mood of yours. I'm with Cordelia now, in case you couldn't see. I have no designs on Buffy. And even if I did, I would never steal her from someone she wants to be with. I'm not that kind of person."

"I don't believe you," Riley told him. "I'm sorry, Liam, but I don't."

He shrugged his shoulders. "I can't make you believe me, and I don't have the energy to convince you right now. Let's just say that if I wanted Buffy, she'd be mine already."

"What about last night?"

"I am not at liberty to say. If you want to know why I was over there with her, ask Buffy. Telling you is her decision, not mine."

By the look in his eyes, Riley could tell Liam wasn't lying. In all the years he'd known him, he never heard him lie. "Can I ask you something and get an honest answer?"

"Shoot."

"Are you in love with Buffy?" Riley needed to know.

"Yes," Liam answered without a moment's hesitation. "But I'm not about to turn her life upside down. She wants to be with you and that's something I'm accepting. Is there anything else?"

He shook his head. "No. I'm done." 'Yes, I'm done.'

Make them laugh, it comes so easy
When you get to the part where you're breaking my heart
Hide behind your smile
All the world loves a clown

With raised eyebrows, Buffy walked up the driveway following school Thursday afternoon. Riley had just dropped her off after classes let out for the day, and she was surprised to find her father's car parked in the driveway. He usually worked until five-thirty.

"Dad?" she called as she closed the front door behind her. The house was as quiet as a mouse.

Her father came into the living room, a somber expression on his face. "I'm right here, honey."

"How come you're home so early?" Buffy wanted to know. "Did Mom call? Is she coming home today?"

"I think you should sit down," Mr. Summers suggested.

Her heart pounded uncontrollably in her chest. Something wasn't right; Mr. Summers didn't need to say the words. "She's not coming home tonight, is she?"

"Sit down and I'll explain."

"It's bad. It is, isn't it?" A lump formed in the back of her throat. "Just tell me, Dad. I can handle it."

He didn't say anything for a moment, taking a deep breath in preparation. When he'd heard the diagnosis several hours earlier, it took some time for it all to sink in. "The doctor got the test results back late this morning. And it's not exactly the news we'd been hoping for. It's a tumor."

The devastated teenager slumped down to the couch, her legs unable to support her weight anymore. It took nearly a minute before she could speak again. "A-A tumor? Is he sure?"

"Yes, without a doubt. The doctor still wants to run a few more tests, of course. Your mother is going to be having surgery in two weeks."

"Two weeks? But that's Christmas!"

"I know. He doesn't want to wait for too long in case it progresses too far. The surgery is going to determine whether the tumor is benign or malignant, then we'll go from there."

Buffy bit her lip. "Which one do we want it to be?"

"Benign is the better of the two. Your mother will have to go through chemotherapy and possibly radiation, and she'll be staying in the hospital until Saturday afternoon. There's still a couple more tests left to run."

"You said that already," Buffy reminded him. She knew that it was killing her father inside and he was trying his best not to show it.

"Are we going to see her tonight after we eat dinner?"

"No. She requested that we stay home. Truthfully, I think she wanted to be alone to think about things," he informed his daughter.

"Is that such a good idea? I mean, leaving her alone tonight?"

Mr. Summers shrugged his shoulders. "It's what she wanted. I couldn't very well say no to her."

Feeling stable enough to stand on her own two feet, Buffy got up from the couch. "Do you mind if I go up to my room for a while? I have some homework to do."

"Sure, go ahead." It was a lie, that he knew. But he understood that Buffy needed to sort through things given the shock she'd just been given.

Slowly but surely she climbed the stairs to her bedroom. Once the door closed safely behind her for privacy, she threw herself face-down on the bed and sobbed.

Wish you well, I cannot stay
You deserve an award for the role that you played
No more masquerade, you're one lonely star

Mr. Summers knocked on Buffy's bedroom door at seven-thirty that evening, holding the cordless phone in his hand. When she responded, he opened the door and handed her the phone, smiling slightly at his daughter's visitor. "You have a phone call, honey."

"Thanks, Dad." She took the phone from her father and put it up to her ear. "Hello?"

"Hi, Buffy."

"Riley," she replied, surprised to hear his voice on the other end of the line. "What are you doing?"

"Just sitting at home. I was wondering if you wanted to go to the Bronze tonight. The whole gang is supposed to be there."

She frowned. Going out and having fun with her boyfriend was the last thing she felt like doing. "Thanks for the invite, but I'm going to have to take a raincheck. I don't feel much like going out."

"Do you want me to come over instead?" he asked. "It's been so long since we really spent some quality time together."

"I'm sorry, Ri. I'd rather be alone tonight. Spend a quiet night at home with my parents. You understand, don't you?"

"Yeah, I guess so. Is something wrong? Are you mad at me or something?"

"Not at all. Look, I'll see you tomorrow morning," she said, trying to rush him off the phone.

Riley switched the receiver from one ear to the other. "Buffy, if something was wrong, you'd tell me, right?"

"You know I would. 'Night, Riley."

"Good night."

She turned off the phone and placed it on the desk. "Sorry about that."

"Don't worry about it," Liam told her. "I'm gonna go out on a limb and say Riley doesn't know about your mother."

"You got that right."

He eyed her suspiciously. "Do you mind if I ask why not? He's your boyfriend, doesn't he have a right to know? Why keep it from him?"

"Because I don't want everyone to pity me. You are the only person I've told about my mother's condition and I want to keep it that way for a while. I just won't want everyone to look at me and think 'Hey, that's the girl whose mother is sick in the hospital with a brain tumor.' I'm trusting you to keep this between us. Not even Willow needs to know. Not yet, anyway."

"You'll have to tell them eventually."

"I know. I'm waiting."

He nodded in understanding, having been where Buffy was earlier that year. "All right. Then can I at least ask why you told me instead of someone closer to you?"

Buffy looked at Liam, his question catching her off-guard. "You know, I don't know for sure. I guess I felt like I could talk to you, like maybe you'd understand for some reason."

"I do." He took a deep breath. "I understand because I've been where you are, Buffy. I lost someone very close to me to a brain tumor. She died a couple months ago."

"Are you saying this in hopes of making me feel better? 'Cause it's not working."

"I'm saying it because you need to know. Last winter my friend was diagnosed with a malignant tumor. Her name was Paige. We'd been friends since my first day at Hemery High; we even dated a few times but we decided to just stay friends. Anyway, she'd been suffering from severe headaches and dizziness and blurry eyesight. They found out it was a tumor a couple weeks later."

"What happened?" she wanted to know.

Liam turned his gaze downward; talking about Paige's death still proved to be difficult for him. "When she went in for surgery, it was already too late. The tumor was too large to remove without causing serious damage to her brain. And it had been growing for so long that it spread. Very quickly. Paige was given six months to live."

"How long did she…did she live?"

"Seven-and-a-half months. A week before school started she passed away. That's why I came back to Sunnydale; I couldn't stand being there without her. It got too hard," Liam explained.

"She's why you didn't come home this summer to visit," deduced Buffy.

"Yes. I didn't tell you this to scare you, that's the furthest thing from my mind. I wanted you to know I feel for you and I sympathize with what you're going through, even though the relationships are different. And if you ever need anything – whether it be someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on – I'll be here for you. I mean that."

"Thank you. I have a feeling I'll be taking you up on that."

"I hope you do."

I've always been in love with you
Always with you
I guess you've always known it's true
You know it's true

Christmas was upon the gang before any of them realized it. The two weeks prior to the holiday had flown by so quickly, everyone having different things going on to occupy their thoughts. Willow and Oz were busy debating what to buy for their friends and for each other, Liam was worried about Buffy, Riley was concerned that his girlfriend had been having second thoughts about their relationship, and Buffy was busy with her mother's medical crisis.

"How are things in Sunnydale?" Mr. O'Neal asked his son during the two hour drive to L.A.. Liam had chosen to spend Christmas with his father seeing as his mother, stepfather and half-sister celebrated Hanukkah. He shrugged his broad shoulders, staring out the window. "It's okay, I guess. Not too much to complain about."

"Your mother tells me you've been seeing someone."

"Yeah. Cordelia Chase."

Mr. O'Neal was impressed with his son's choice of female companionship. "Cordelia Chase? As in Howard Chase's daughter? I hear she's a real beauty."

"She's very pretty. Brown hair and big brown eyes. And a lot of fun to go out with."

"Why do I get the feeling you're not exactly brimming with joy?"

Liam turned and looked at his father. They'd always shared a special connection; Mr. O'Neal could practically read his mind. Sometimes knowing that scared the hell out of the teenager. His father never let him get away with anything. "Cordy's great…for someone else maybe, but not for me. I like her and we always have a great time together. I guess my heart's not in it."

"Is there another girl?"

"What makes you think that?"

Mr. O'Neal smiled knowingly. Oh how he missed having a teenager around all the time; his son kept him young. "Call it intuition. You've got that look, Liam."

He snorted, hating that his feelings were so obvious. "That 'look', as you call it, used to get me teased all the time. Paige liked to tell me I wear my heart on my sleeve. And here I thought I was being secretive. To answer your question, yes, there's another girl."

"Then why aren't you with her instead of Cordelia Chase?" the older man wanted to know.

"She has a boyfriend. He's an old friend of mine from years back, I can't steal her from him, not that she'd choose me over him anyway," Liam admitted.

"Anyone I'd know?" Though he doubted it. It had been years since he lived in Sunnydale.

Liam nodded. "I'd say so. It's Buffy."

"Buffy Summers? *Little* Buffy Summers?"

"She's not so little anymore, Dad. She's fifteen, the same age as Willow. And she's beautiful and sweet and dating Riley Finn."

"How long has this been going on?"

"They've been together for six months, although I think it's seven months now."

"I meant how long have you had these feelings for her? I don't recall you mentioning her while you were living with me for all those years." Staring out the window once again, Liam had to think before answering honestly. "For a long time, I think. Longer than I ever really imagined. But it didn't hit me until I saw her again at school. Buffy blew me away."

"Have you told her?"

He nearly laughed out loud at his father's question. "Tell her? No way. I don't have a death wish. Riley'd kill me, and Buffy and I didn't exactly hit it off when we saw each other again. Now that we're finally starting something, she has more important things on her mind."

"Like her boyfriend?"

"If only it were that simple. No, Mrs. Summers has a brain tumor. She goes in for surgery Christmas Day. I've been helping Buffy through it because she doesn't want anyone else knowing, not even Riley. And I've been where she is, I can sympathize."

Mr. O'Neal switched lanes to pass a truck. "That's horrible. Have you told her about what happened to Paige?"

"Yes."

A minute of silence followed, neither of them saying anything. They just looked out the window. Liam wanted to spend the next four days forgetting about the woes of his love life. His father sensed this and broached a change of subject.

"I saw Patti Burkhardt at the grocery store the other day with Ashley. They wanted to know how you were doing since you left."

"What did you tell them?" Patti Burkhardt was Paige's mother and Ashley was Paige's sixteen-year-old sister.

"That you are doing okay and miss everyone around here. When I told them you're spending the holidays in Los Angeles they wanted me to have you come over one evening. Apparently they have some things of Paige's to give you."

Liam closed his eyes, recalling the last time he'd seen Paige's family.

It was the day after her funeral. It had been hard for him to face them after that, and he left for Sunnydale nearly two months later. "I'll give them a call when we get home."

"Good. They miss you, I can tell."

"I miss them, too. Look, do you mind if we talk about something else?" He saw how uncomfortable his son was becoming. "Sure. You know, now might be a good time to mention the good news. Amelia's going to have a baby."

"What? She's pregnant?" Liam asked incredulously. Amelia was his father's new wife.

"Three-and-a-half months along. She's due in late May or early June. You're going to have another brother or sister."

"Great." 'Just great.'

You took my love for granted
Why, oh why?
The show is over, say goodbye

"Come on, Buffster," Xander began. The gang – minus Liam – were sitting around a table at the Expresso Pump discussing their Christmas plans.

"You haven't told us what you're doing for Christmas yet."

She took a sip of her decaffeinated tea. "The usual. Tree, nog, roast beast. Nothing out of the ordinary," she lied. She wasn't about to tell them she'd be spending Christmas Day at Sunnydale Memorial Hospital.

"You?"

"Well, I'll be doing my annual camp out," Xander stated. "Sleeping out in the backyard and gazing at the stars. And avoiding my family at all costs."

"Sounds like fun," Buffy commented. 'Way more fun than my day.' "What about you, Willow?"

"I'm Jewish, people!" she exclaimed. "Not everybody worships Santa."

"Sorry, Wills," apologized Xander. "I guess we kinda forgot. If you want, you can camp out with me, I've got an extra sleeping bag. Bring Liam along with you."

The redhead shook her head at her friend's offer. "That's okay, Xand. Oz is coming over and we're gonna watch some movies. Besides, Liam's staying with his dad until Thursday."

"He is?" questioned Buffy. It was disappointing to hear; she'd been hoping he would keep her company at the hospital. "He never said anything about it."

"I guess it was a last-minute thing. Since my parents don't celebrate Christmas, he decided to go to L.A.."

"Go where the presents are. Smart idea," Xander said.

Riley, who sat next to Buffy, put his hand on her knee. "If you're not doing anything special on Christmas Day, you can come over to my house and have dinner with me and my family. They'd love to have you over, Buffy."

His girlfriend flashed him a small smile. "Thanks, Ri, but I think I'm just going to have a quiet Christmas with my family."

"What's going on with you lately? You've been giving me the brush-off for weeks now," he accused.

Willow and Xander watched with interest Buffy's reaction, their eyebrows raised and waiting for her to blow. They, too, had noticed Buffy's distance lately but hadn't called her on it the way her boyfriend had just done.

"Nothing's going on. I've got some things I'm dealing with that have been taking up some of my time. I'm sorry if I haven't been able to devote twenty-four/seven to you, Riley," she snapped.

"I didn't mean it like that."

"Sure you didn't."

Willow decided to jump to Riley's defense. "It's not just Riley, Buffy. I've noticed it, too. And so has Xander. We're worried about you."

"Don't be. I'm fine."

"No you're not."

"Just leave me alone!" Buffy shouted. "It's getting late, I'm gonna head home."

"You just got here half an hour ago," Xander reminded her. "It's still early, only eight o'clock."

Buffy grabbed her purse. "I'm tired. See you all later. And Merry Christmas."

Not even bothering to give her boyfriend a goodbye kiss, she headed in the direction of Revello Drive, wishing Liam were there. At least he would understand.

I've always been in love with you
Always with you
I guess you've always known it's true
You know it's true

Four days after he arrived in Los Angeles, Liam returned to Sunnydale. The trip to spend Christmas with his father and stepmother had been rather uneventful, though proved to be enlightening at the same time. He used the time away to sort through his feelings for Buffy, and what to do about them. By the time he left, Liam decided the best course of action was to ignore them in hopes that they'd go away. Buffy was with Riley and he needed go move on, giving Cordelia a fair chance.

He and his father pulled into the Rosenberg's driveway at four o'clock in the afternoon two days after Christmas. "Home sweet home," Liam muttered.

"Are you okay?" Mr. O'Neal asked, having heard his son's comment.

"Fine."

"You know, it's okay if you want to stay with me and Amelia for a couple more days. And you can move back to L.A. anytime you want. Just say the word and I'll be back to pick you up in a heartbeat; we'd love to have you back."

Liam smiled at the promises his father made. "I appreciate it, really I do. But you've got a lot on your plate, what with the new baby coming. Don't worry about me. I guess being back made me a little homesick."

"I don't doubt it. Especially after seeing Paige's family. No wonder you were so quiet last night and this morning. What did they give you?"

"Give me?"

"I saw you come home with a bag of stuff. What was in it?"

He shrugged. "I'm not exactly sure what it was; just some things of Paige's they wanted to give me. Truthfully, I have not found the courage to open it yet. Maybe a part of me is afraid of what I'll find."

"You won't know until you open it," his father stated.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," Liam responded sarcastically. "I'll take a look tonight when I'm alone. I can't do it right now."

You took my love for granted
Why, oh why?
The show is over, say goodbye
Say goodbye, say goodbye

"We all missed you while you were gone, Liam," Willow told her older brother following dinner that evening. The two of them sat in his bedroom talking about their respective holidays.

"I'm sure everyone got along fine without me around."

"Yeah, we did. But it wasn't the same. Well, it was but it wasn't, you know? Does that even make sense?" she asked him.

He laughed, nodding his head. "Believe it or not, it does. Did you and Oz do anything fun?"

"We watched It's A Wonderful Life and I cried. As usual. That movie is so sad; when George gets the book with the inscription that says 'No man is a failure who has friends'…"

Looking at his sister, he could see her begin to tear up. He rolled his eyes at her oversensitivity. "I've seen it, Wills. Besides, you always cry like a baby at the end of it. That's nothing new and exciting."

"I can't help it."

"So I gathered. Did the gang do anything interesting while I was gone?" She shook her head. "Nope. Like I already told you, Oz and I watched a movie. Xander had his annual Christmas camp out, which you and I were invited to, by the way." Willow stopped to think for a moment, trying to remember what else happened that might be of interest to him. "Oh, oh! Buffy and Riley got into a fight."

"They did? Over what?" Liam wanted to know.

"I don't know exactly. She just kinda snapped on him the day you left. We were all at the Expresso Pump and Buffy was really quiet. Riley asked her if something was wrong and she practically bit his head off. I felt so bad for him."

"Maybe Buffy has some things on her mind," he suggested.

"Could be. I tried calling her all day on Christmas but she didn't pick up the phone. She and her parents were probably out. Same thing yesterday and today; I wouldn't be surprised if she's avoiding everyone," Willow surmised. "I'm her best friend, I wish she'd talk to me and tell me what's going on."

As much as he wanted to, he couldn't tell her where Buffy had been on Christmas Day; she made him promise not to tell anyone. But he knew she'd been at the hospital for her mother's surgery. "Just give her some time to get through whatever she's going through."

"I'm going to. Riley was really hurt, though."

'Can't say I'm really sorry about that,' he thought. "He'll get over it."

"Well, enough about Sunnydale. How was Christmas in L.A.?"

"Warm, just like every other year. Amelia cranked up the air conditioning and Dad built a roaring fire. Other than that, it was typical. Except for the announcement that she's pregnant."

Willow raised her eyebrows. "Wow. Amelia is having a baby? That's great! That *is* great, isn't it?"

"I suppose. I'm happy for them. I'll get to be a big brother again."

"Yea! Or not yea?"

"I'm cool with it, Will. The idea of it took a little getting used to."

She nodded, getting off the bed and heading for the door. "Good to know." The redhead picked up a bag from the floor and handed it to her brother. "What's in here?"

"It's from Mr. and Mrs. Burkhardt. They were going through Paige's things and wanted me to have some of her belongings. I haven't felt much like opening it yet," he admitted. "It's still really hard for me."

"It might be therapeutic if you did."

"You're probably right."

"And, if you need someone to talk to after you open it, you know, in case it brings back too many painful memories, I'll be right down the hall," Willow said.

"Thanks."

Once his sister left the room, Liam slowly opened the bag. He'd been dreading it; it meant he'd have to finally accept that Paige wasn't coming back. She'd been his best friend for close to three years, it was hard to let go of that.

Inside, he found a framed picture of them, taken two summers ago at the Santa Monica Pier. Their arms were wrapped around each other and they smiled brightly into the camera, not a care in the world. Her cerulean blue eyes twinkled, her red hair fell down her back. He ran his finger along the length of it, recalling how she cried for days when the radiation treatments caused her beautiful hair to fall out.

Placing it gently on the mattress next to him, he reached back in the bag to see what else her parents had given him. Liam pulled out an envelope with his name written on it. He bit his lip, recognizing the handwriting as Paige's. Taking a deep breath, he began to open it.

All the world is a stage
And everyone has their part
But how was I to know which way the story'd go?
How was I to know you'd break my heart?

Riley sat on Buffy's bed, listening as she told him everything that had been going on for the past three weeks. He was shocked and saddened that she hadn't told him before now. The thought of his girlfriend going through the ordeal alone unnerved him. Little did he know Liam had been there for her during the trying times.

"Buffy, I wish you would have told me sooner," he said. "I could have done something."

She shook her head in disagreement; there was nothing he could've done for her. "I couldn't tell you, I'm sorry. It was something I needed to face on my own."

"I don't understand. I'm your boyfriend, you should know you can tell me anything. And especially if it's a family crisis like this, you don't have to face it by yourself."

Buffy cast her eyes to the ground. "I wasn't exactly by myself." She knew it would kill him to know Liam helped her through it. But she had to tell him. It wouldn't be right to keep the truth from him any longer; he'd find out eventually.

"Well, obviously you had your father. God, I would have been at the hospital with you every day if I'd known. You must have needed someone to talk to."

"I did have someone to talk to. Liam knew."

Riley felt the anger boil up inside of him upon hearing of Liam's involvement. Liam was his biggest competition for his girlfriend's attention. Knowing she chose her neighbor over him as her confidante was almost more than he could take. "So he knew. Good for him. Why would you tell him and not tell me?"

Buffy could see him holding in his feelings. "I didn't want to burden you with my problems. Lame excuse, I know."

"I am your boyfriend!" Riley exclaimed. "You'd never burden me."

"You're blowing this all out of proportion. You make it sound as if I've been hiding this from you for months. Look, I know you and everyone else – had I told you – would've looked at me with pity in your eyes. That's the last thing I wanted to do. I told almost nobody. Not even Willow knew. And I made Liam promise to keep it to himself as well." She glanced out the window and saw Liam sitting in his room. Sighing, she bit her lip. 'I need him here to talk to.'

He followed her gaze and discovered his former friend's bedroom light on. "Why wouldn't you tell me, but you saw fit to tell him?"

"You are making more out of this than there is. The day I found out my mom was sick he saw me crying on the back porch. I could not very well lie to him. It turns out Liam understood."

Thinking back, Riley remembered that day. He'd seen their embrace and thought it was Liam's attempt to steal his girlfriend. "And I wouldn't? I'm your boyfriend!"

She closed her eyes as if in pain. What she had to do in the next few minutes would be extremely painful. For both of them. "He's been there. And he has been a tremendous comfort to me these past few weeks. I'm sorry, Riley, but you never would have understood the way he does."

"You could have tried to find out," he pointed out.

"I know. I wasn't planning on telling anyone until I knew for sure what was going on. But I told you for a very specific reason," she said.

"What would that reason be?"

Buffy stood up and paced her room. "We've been together for a long time; you were my first boyfriend and I'll never forget that. Which is exactly why I don't want to hurt you. But I can't be the girlfriend you need or want or even deserve. It isn't fair to you. I can't give you the things you need, like attention and an ear to listen. Not when I have this on my mind. You should find someone else who can do those things for you."

"You're breaking up with me?" he asked after a lengthy pause. It had taken him a good thirty seconds for her words to fully sink in.

"It's not because I don't care. I do. A great deal. My life is way too complicated to involve you in it. I guess at this point, with everything that's going on, I would be a sucky girlfriend," Buffy explained.

Riley couldn't believe what she was saying. Then, suddenly, it all made perfect sense. "No, no. That's a cop-out and you know it. You're not breaking up with me because of your mother's health, you're doing it so you can be with him." He pointed to Liam's bedroom window.

"Liam had nothing to do with my decision! It's all me. Why are you blaming him?" she demanded.

"You actually have to ask? Things haven't been the same between us ever since he returned to Sunnydale. He follows you around like a puppy dog, he beats Parker Abrams up to impress you and then situates himself right between us, driving a wedge securely between you and I. And I see the way you look at him, Buffy! You look at Liam in a way you never look at me!" Riley shouted.

"Lower your voice!" she hissed. "My parents are downstairs and I don't want to bother my mother. You want the truth? I don't see us together six months from now, much less six years. Right now I just need to be by myself to sort things out. Even if Liam had not come back to town, I'd have felt this way. You were meant for someone great, Riley, but not me."

He took a deep breath, determined not to lose his cool. "He'll break your heart."

"I don't want to date him. Maybe, someday in the future, I might. And as for him breaking my heart, he'd already done that once. I won't let him do it again."

I've always been in love with you
Always with you
I guess you've always known it's true
You know it's true

I'VE HAD SEVEN MONTHS TO GET USED TO THE IDEA AND I'VE ACCEPTED IT. IF I COULD HAVE ONE LAST WISH BEFORE I GO, IT WOULD BE TO SEE YOU JUST ONE MORE TIME AND TELL YOU EVERYTHING I DIDN'T SAY TODAY. OR, MORE TO THE POINT, TELL YOU WHAT I DIDN'T HAVE THE COURAGE TO TELL YOU BEFORE YOU LEFT. SO I'M WRITING IT DOWN IN HOPES OF YOU READING IT AFTER I'M GONE. I LOVE YOU. THIS REVELATION MAY OR MAY NOT COME AS A SHOCK TO YOU, BUT I FELT YOU HAD A RIGHT TO KNOW HOW I FEEL. THE FIRST TIME WE WENT OUT (OUR FIRST DATE IF YOU WILL) I FELL HARD AND FAST. THERE WAS NEVER ANYBODY ELSE AFTER THAT. THAT NIGHT I WENT UP TO MY ROOM AND WROTE OUR NAMES TOGETHER IN GIANT HEARTS ON THE INSIDE COVER OF MY ENGLISH NOTEBOOK. I ALWAYS THOUGHT PAIGE ELIZABETH O'NEAL HAD A NICE RING TO IT. PATHETIC, I KNOW.

IT BROKE MY HEART WHEN YOU SAID WE COULD ONLY BE FRIENDS. I HONESTLY BELIEVED (AND STILL DO) YOU WERE MEANT FOR ME. IF ONLY. I TRIED MY BEST NOT TO BE DISAPPOINTED OR HEARTBROKEN WHEN YOU SAID THAT, BUT IT DIDN'T WORK. MY CHANCES OF BEING THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE WERE DASHED, BUT YOU'D ALWAYS BE MINE. NOTHING, NOT EVEN DEATH, CAN CHANGE THAT.

BUT NO MATTER HOW MUCH IT HURT, I ACCEPTED YOUR DECISION. WHAT WOULD BE THE POINT OF ARGUING? NOTHING WOULD HAVE CHANGED YOUR MIND. YOU WERE ALREADY IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE. SHE HAD YOUR HEART LONG BEFORE I COULD STAKE CLAIM TO IT. WHICH IS WHY I AGREED TO BE YOUR FRIEND. BECAUSE I'D RATHER HAVE YOU AS A FRIEND THAN AS NOTHING AT ALL.

IN THE ENVELOPE I HAVE ENCLOSED THE LOCKET YOU GAVE ME FOR MY SIXTEENTH BIRTHDAY. I WANT YOU TO HAVE IT BACK; I WANT YOU TO GIVE IT TO HER. JUST REMEMBER THAT I WILL BE WATCHING FROM HEAVEN WHEN YOU DO. AND I'LL TRY NOT TO CRY WHEN I LOSE YOU TO HER FOREVER.