"The One I Waited For"

Author: Michelle
Email: michellabella52478@yahoo.com

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

Buffy, Willow and Cordelia were sitting in the Student Center eating their lunches during their hour break before Psychology class.

"Did you check out our T.A. for Psych the other day? My god, he's so gorgeous," Cordelia said. "I mean, have you ever seen bigger muscles on a man before?"

"No," Willow answered.

"I have," Buffy replied.

Cordelia looked at Buffy. "Excluding Angel. We already know he's built like a god."

Buffy raised her eyebrows in amusement. "And how do you know that, Cordelia? I'm the one who's seen him naked, not you."

"Have you forgotten the day after Prom? He came into the kitchen while I was eating. And he was wearing Xander's shorts and nothing else. Buffy, he's got the perfect body," commentd the brunette. "And our T.A. comes in a pretty close second."

"What's his name?" Willow asked.

"I don't know. I wasn't exactly paying attention when he was talking," Cordelia admitted. "Staring was more what I was doing."

"His name is Riley Finn," Buffy told them.

Willow was astonished. "Buffy, you were actually paying attention?"

"Hey! It happens once in a while. But not in this case. I was at the bookstore the day before yesterday and dropped a pile of books on his head."

Cordelia laughed. "Real smooth."

"Yeah, I know. He introduced himself after I almost comatized him. He seems like a nice guy."

"And he's on his way over," said Willow.

"Oh my god. How do I look?" Cordelia wanted to know.

"Fine. Perfect as usual."

A tall blonde-haired man stopped at their table. He rested his eyes on Buffy and smiled. "Hi. Buffy, right?"

"Yep. How's your head, Riley?"

"Suddenly painless."

'He's blatantly flirting with her! Why do all the hot guys always fall for Buffy? When did I become chopped liver?' Cordelia thought. She cleared her throat in an effort to gain Buffy's attention.

It worked. "Riley, these are my two best friends. Willow Rosenburg and Cordelia Chase. We're all in your Psychology class."

Riley smiled. "How are you liking it so far?"

"Can't complain yet," flirted Cordelia.

"Well, I hope you continue to feel that way. It won't be an easy class."

"I like a good challenge."

"Great. Willow, Cordelia, it was a pleasure meeting you. Buffy, maybe I'll see you around campus. We can get a coffee or something," said Riley.

Buffy nodded and smiled. "Sure."

When Riley was out of earshot, Cordelia turned to Buffy. "'We can get a coffee or something,'" she mocked. "He was totally flirting with you, Buffy."

"No, he wasn't. Riley was just being friendly."

"How many older, gorgeous guys ask you out for coffee?" Seeing the look on Buffy's face and remembering Angel, Cordelia took back her question. "Never mind, don't answer that."

"He *was* flirting, Buffy. And you were flirting back," Willow said to her best friend.

Buffy shook her head. "No."

Cordelia nodded. "Yes. You agreed to have coffee with him sometime. Buffy, you made a date with the guy." She laughed. "I know it's been a few weeks since you had sex, but you do have a boyfriend."

"How can you even say that, Cordy? I love Angel and I would never in a million years cheat on him."

"You had better tell that to Riley before he thinks he's got a chance with you," Willow suggested.

Buffy took a sip of her Dr. Pepper. "I will. God, I wish Angel would come home soon. Everything would be better if he were here."


After leaving the Sunnydale airport, Angel's first stop was the high school library. He was positive that Giles would be there preparing for school to begin the following week. Angel pushed the double doors open, finding the older Watcher standing at the table with his back to him.

"Hello, Giles," Angel said.

He turned around to see a red-faced, angry Angel standing five feet away.

"Angel. What are you doing here?" Giles was shocked to see him.

"Surprised to see me?"

"A little. I thought you were still in England. When did you return?"

"About twenty minutes ago. I thought I'd come and see you first."

Giles raised his eyebrows. "Really? What for?"

"I brought you back a souvenir from my trip." Angel balled his right hand into a fist and punched the Watcher in the jaw.

Giles stumbled backward. Rubbing his jaw, he asked angrily, "What the hell was that for?"

"You deserved it after everything you've done to keep me away from Buffy. I came by to give you that and to say your plan didn't work. You honestly believed that one month away from Buffy would make me forget about her? It didn't. Oh, don't me wrong, it was a good plan, and the Council tried real hard. Gave it the old college try, but they failed.

"George Smythe and his daughter Daniella explained everything. How you explained to him my relationship with Buffy; that you wanted me out of Sunnydale and her life. You came up with the idea that there should be no contact between us whatsoever. I couldn't even pick up a phone to call her and let her know that I was alright. My letters to her were stolen by Mr. Smythe. God only knows what Buffy must think right now. It's been a month since I left and no word from me. She probably thinks I found someone else, that I moved on. And I'm sure you did nothing to dissuade her thinking.

"You want to know what the best part of this plot of yours was? When Daniella Smythe tried to get me to have sex with her." He noted the look of surprise on Giles' face. "Yeah, that's right. She was offered up as a sacrifice for the good of the cause. Invited me over to her apartment and attempted to seduce me. When it didn't work, she filled me in on everything. And two days ago, George Smythe did the same. Then I gave him an ultimatum -- either leave me and Buffy alone or I leave the Council. So he agree, and here I am. Back in Sunnydale permanently."

Giles' eyes widened. "You quit the Council?"

Angel shook his head. "No he said that he would let me live on the Hellmouth and study it and the Council would no longer interfere in my relationship with Buffy."

"George Smythe agreed to this?"

"Yes. See, unlike you, he believes in me. He didn't want me to quit the Council. He wants me to be happy. With Buffy. And there is nothing you can do about it, Giles. I'm a Watcher now; you're no longer my boss and I don't take orders from you. So stay out of my personal business."

"No, not as long as your personal business includes having sex with my Slayer."

"Then why don't you take that up with George Smythe? What you want is no longer my concern, Ripper."

Giles visibly paled upon hearing his former nickname. "Where did you hear that from?" he asked.

"I did a little research while in England, including learning about the past histories of current Watchers. You may act all high and mighty now, but you certainly weren't when you were summoning up demons in college, were you, Giles?"

Giles gritted his teeth. "Angel, you are never to bring up that name again. Is that understood?"

"I'll make a deal with you. I won't mention Ripper if you leave me and Buffy alone. No more calls to the Watcher's Council and I don't want to hear how dangerous it is. Are we agreed?"

"We are agreed."

"Good. Now, I'm off to unpack and see my girlfriend. Always a pleasure to see you, Giles." Without another word, Angel left the library.


Buffy had finished her patrol early and sat at a table in the Expresso Pump, lost in her thoughts. She conjured up an image of herself and Angel standing at a church altar saying their vows in front of friends and family. Her dress was of the purest white satin and lace while Angel wore a black tux. They needed no words to state the depth of their love, their eyes said it all. Buffy smiled at the image. 'I want that to be reality; I want to marry Angel. He's changed my life so much, showing me what true love is, and giving me a reason to believe in a future. He's the only person I want to grow old with. And without him, I don't want to be alive.'

She was so deep in thought that she didn't see Riley approach her table, carrying a cup of coffee. "Buffy, hi. I thought it was you."

"Riley, what are you doing out?"

"It's only nine o'clock. I came out to get a cup of coffee and saw you sitting her by yourself. Would you mind if I join you?" he asked.

"Go right ahead."

Riley took a seat. "How are you doing?"

"Alright I guess. You?"

"Good. Enjoying the beginning of the semester relaxation period. No tests or papers to grade."

Buffy smiled. "It only goes downhill from here, huh?"

"Oh yeah."

Angel walked in the coffee shop. He'd been unpacking and cleaning his apartment for three hours and was now about to begin grocery shopping before calling Buffy. First, though, he needed some caffeine in his system. He had been awake for almost twenty-four hours straight.

It wasn't very crowded for a Friday night, only half the tables were occupied. Angel wanted to sit and relax for a couple minutes, and knew he could find a seat without difficulty. As he neared the counter to place his order, he heard a familiar laugh. Glancing back, Angel caught sight of a girl with blonde hair sitting with another blonde-haired man. He'd know that laugh anywhere. It was Buffy, having coffee with an attractive older man.

He was crushed. Gone a month and the woman he loved found someone else to love. Looking in the other man's eyes, Angel could see the love that shone from them. 'Has Buffy fallen in love with that guy? Did she forget about me?' Angel decided to find out. Placing his order for coffee, he paid for it, then sat down at a nearby table where Buffy wouldn't see him.

"Have you picked a major yet?" Riley wanted to know.

"I haven't decided. I'm not what you would call the scholastic type."

"I'd like to help you in any way I can."

'I'll bet,' thought Angel.

"Thanks, Riley. We'll see how it goes," Buffy answered.

"Look, Buffy, I'm not going to beat around the bush here. I find you very attractive and I'd like to see more of you outside the classroom," Riley said to her.

Buffy didn't reply right away, which made Angel a bit nervous. "I wish I could say the same, but I can't. Riley, I have a boyfriend. He's out of the country right now, he has been for a month. And I love him very much, I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I'm sorry if I've led you on in any way, but I'm with Angel. I could never betray him."

Angel didn't stick around to hear what Riley had to say about it. He didn't need to, he knew that Buffy still loved and wanted to be with him. Tomorrow he would let her know he was back. For good.


It was another sleepless night for Buffy; her dream keeping her from sleeping peacefully. She tossed and turned, kicking her blankets off the bed because of said dream. It wasn't one that any sane person would want to remember when they woke up. Unfortunately for her, she did. She and Angel were on their nightly patrol through one of Sunnydale's cemeteries when out of nowhere a gang of vampires attacked. Three surrounded Angel and five surrounded her. Buffy easily dusted her five while Angel fought off his attackers. She turned around to help him, but a taller, blonde woman blocked her way. Even in her dream, the female vampire looked vaguely familiar to Buffy, though she couldn't quite place how.

"Stay away from my boy," she threatened before shoving Buffy against a mausoleum, the Slayer crumpling to the ground. "He's mine."

Buffy awoke completely out of breath. The vampire had killed her, she knew that for a fact. Had killed her because of Angel. 'We couldn't protect each other…I couldn't save him and he couldn't save me. Was Giles right? Would we be better off if Angel didn't come back?'

She shook her head. "My God, what am I thinking? Of course I want him to come back. I just hope he does soon. There's so much I want to tell him."

Buffy definitely wished that he had been there for her that first week of school. His shoulder would have been the one she'd leaned on when her creative writing professor kicked her out of class. And when she dropped three pounds of books on Riley Finn's head at the bookstore. Having Angel gone was like having her best friend gone. Only she didn't know when, or if, he'd be back.


Angel stood on the Summers' front porch, poised to ring the doorbell. He hesitated for a minute, wondering if maybe he should have called first. 'What if Buffy doesn't want to see me? Maybe she only said those things to that guy to keep him from asking her out. Will she slam the door in my face?' He sighed. 'Only one way to find out.' Pressing the doorbell, Angel waited.

The chime of the bell made Buffy lose her focus on the pages she was studying. She wasn't expecting anyone. Willow and Oz were in L.A. for a Dingoes gig and Xander and Cordelia had a family picnic to go to. The possibilities ran through her mind on the way downstairs, only to see it was Angel who stood on the other side. At first, she wasn't sure it was really him; it had been so long. "Angel? Is it really you?"

He gave her a nervous grin. "Yeah, it is."

She didn't waste any time, throwing her arms around his neck in what was practically a chokehold. "I can't believe it."

Angel smiled his first real smile in weeks. "You better believe it."

"Come on inside, we're letting all the bugs in." Buffy let go of him, stepping back to give him room.

"I'm not interrupting you, am I?"

"I was studying, believe me, you're not interrupting anything. When did you get back?"

"Last night."

She led him to the couch, sitting down close to him. "Why didn't you come by?"

"I had a lot to do."

"A lot to do? You didn't call or write to me for a month, and the day you come back from England you had too much to do?" The harshness was evident in her voice.

He looked both ashamed and angry. "I wanted to call, I tried to. The council said I couldn't call anyone in Sunnydale. Don't even get me started on the letters…they intercepted those, too."

"They know about us, don't they?" He laughed bitterly.

"I was sent there to get over you."

"Giles told them, didn't he?" She didn't really need his answer to confirm her suspicions.

"He told George Smythe to get me out of Sunnydale."

"Did they let you come back? Or…" She let the question trail off, unable to even contemplate that he could have come back only to leave her again.

"I passed all the required tests to become a watcher. All Watchers pick an area of study; I chose the Hellmouth. They were going to send me somewhere else, but I convinced them to let me come here. Managed to get George Smythe to explain the whole arrangement between him and Giles. I convinced him it would be in their best interests to let us see each other, unless they wanted me to quit."

Buffy swallowed and took a deep breath. Her next question was one that she wasn't sure she wanted an answer to.

"So you didn't forget about me? You still want to be with me?"

Angel took her into his arms. "Yes, Buffy. There's nothing standing in our way now. Not the Council, not Giles, no one. And I could never forget about you. I love you, remember?"

"When you didn't call, I thought you didn't want to see me anymore. Thought you'd found someone else."

"Buffy, you're the one I love, the only one I want to love. There could never be anyone else."

She lifted her head. "I wasn't sure I'd ever see you again. Giles told me to move on, that you probably wouldn't be coming back to Sunnydale."

"I'm here now."

"Why didn't you come by when you got back? Why did you wait until today?"

"I took the first flight out on Thursday night. When I got back yesterday, I went to talk to Giles, told him to leave us alone. Then I wanted to get everything situated before I saw you. I knew it would never get done if I came here first. But I did see you yesterday."

"When? Where? I didn't see you."

"At the coffee shop with that guy."

Buffy looked down. "Riley…he's my T.A. for Psychology."

"I heard some of your conversation. I'm sorry for eavesdropping, but I had to know if you'd found someone else; if maybe you were seeing him." He smiled reassuringly at her. "I heard you tell him about me…about how you feel about me. I left."

"You should have said something."

"I didn't want to shock you, wanted it to be private, just you and me. Not in front of half of Sunnydale."

"Here we are."

Angel nodded. "Yep, here we are. I'm not leaving you, Buffy. I'm back for good."

Buffy put her arms around him, resting her cheek on his shoulder, reassured by the warmth she felt through his shirt. 'Kevin was wrong…Angel still wants to be with me,'. She kissed him softly on his neck, trailing a line of kisses all the way to his mouth.

Their first kiss since being reunited was full of love and passion, need and want. Angel placed his hands on either side of her face. It felt wonderful to be able to hold her, to kiss her, just to touch her again. Four weeks had been too long to go without. "I missed you so much," he said between kisses.

"It was torture," Buffy agreed. "Promise you'll never leave again."

"I promise."

She brought her lips to his again. Her hands made their way along Angel's sides, stopping when they reached the waistband of his jeans. She untucked his shirt, bringing her fingers into contact with his heated skin. They brushed across his abs, around his sides to his back. She loved touching him.

He broke the kiss when he felt her go for his belt. "We have to stop."

"Huh?"

"We can't do this here." He was out of breath. "We just can't."

She returned her attention to his belt. "Yes, we can. My mom won't be home for hours. She's at the gallery doing inventory."

"That's not what I mean. I wasn't expecting to be doing this tonight, I didn't bring anything."

Buffy just shook her head. "I don't care, Angel. I want you to touch me…to feel you inside me. I don't care about protection, I just want to be with you."

"No."

"We've gone without it before and everything turned out fine," she tried to reason.

Angel gazed into her eyes. "We were lucky. I'm not going to put you through that."

"It's my decision. And I want to make love to you, I don't want to have to wait. Please, Angel. Please."

He saw the desperation in her eyes. Despite his reservations, he couldn't deny her anything. He wanted to be with her just as badly. "Not here, though. Not on a couch."

Buffy stood up, taking his hands in hers. "We can go to my room…"


Angel followed Buffy to her bedroom, still holding her hand. It would be another first time for them; never before had they made love in her house, it was always in his apartment. Buffy didn't let go of him until she closed her bedroom door behind them. Bypassing her bed, she walked to the window and closed the shades.

"I don't want the neighbors to see us. The kid next door is kind of a Peeping Tom," she explained with a smile.

He returned it. "I guess we'd be giving him an eyeful."

She made her way back to his side. Instead of kissing him, she hugged him close to her. "Thank you for being here; for coming back. I started to think you wouldn't."

"I love you too much to ever leave you, Buffy. You're everything to me."

Buffy looked him in the eye. "Then show me."

He brought his right hand to her cheek, caressing it with the backs of two fingers. Angel's lips met hers, bringing forth a passionate kiss he'd been holding in for a month. No longer did he care that he didn't bring the necessary protection they needed. He only cared about showing Buffy how much he missed and loved her.

Buffy grabbed hold of the bottom of his shirt, pulling it over his chest, neck, head and raised arms. She pressed her lips over his heart, which pounded rapidly. Remembering what Angel had told her, Buffy smiled. "Does your heart still beat for me?"

Angel stroked her hair. "Yes. It always will."

"So does mine."

His heart soared. "I love you so much."

"Me too. We've lost so much time, Angel."

"I know. And I promise you, I'll make up for it."

Angel moved his hand down her bare back, finding the thin strap to her halter top. He untied it, then went to the back of her neck to do the same to the other strap. Holding the loose garment, Angel slid it from her body, brushing his fingers along the naked skin of her chest.

"I want you to touch me," Buffy said to him. "I want to feel your hands on me."

He kissed her. "I will. But first let me finish this."

She nodded, feeling his lips on her cheek, then on her neck. When he bypassed her breasts in favor of kneeling down, she let out a soft whimper. He was eye-level with the buttons on her shorts, and slowly released them. Buffy stepped out of them once he pushed them to the ground.

He let his hands roam across her legs, feeling her calf muscles. They continued upward to stroke her kneecaps and her thighs. His thumbs brushed against her inner thighs, centimeters from where Buffy wanted him to touch her. Once again, he ignored her desires, found her panties and tugged them down. Angel stood up.

Buffy stood before him, naked and open to him, while he still wore his jeans and socks. She didn't question it when he moved behind her. It seemed like an eternity before he touched her again, his mouth finding the sensitive skin under her left earlobe. She leaned her head back, sighing. He knew just what she liked.

She reached behind her, grabbing his wrists, forcing his arms around her waist. She held them there, wanting more contact with him. Letting him finish his work on her neck, Buffy turned her head and looked at him. She closed her eyes when their lips met. "Touch me now," she said between kisses.

She released her hold on his wrists when they moved toward her breasts. Angel cupped them in his hands, gently kneading them with his fingers. Each of his pointer fingers traced light circles around her nipples until they became hard from the attention. Bringing in his thumbs, the four fingers rolled around the nipples. Buffy pressed her breasts harder against his hands from the pleasure of his ministrations.

Angel knew Buffy wanted him to touch her, but he didn't know if she would want him to touch her where he desperately wanted to. He decided to take his chances; if she said no, he'd find another way, another place. His right hand abandoned her breast, which Buffy hardly noticed. It trailed across her ribcage, over her navel, stopping at the juncture between her legs. One of his fingers rubbed her outer lips, finding its way to her clit.

Buffy tensed up, her muscles tightening when he touched her there. He was finally touching her where she wanted him to. Almost instantaneously, she relaxed, moaning into his mouth. Angel took it as a sign that she liked it. He rubbed her again, then traced it lightly with his fingertip, flicking it at regular intervals.

She had to break their kiss when her breathing became erratic. Her climax was about to come, one more touch of his hand and she would be there. She didn't have to wait long, and Angel held her about the waist as she came. Her legs buckled beneath her, forcing all her weight onto her unprepared lover. They toppled to the floor, Angel cushioning her fall.

Buffy turned herself over so she lay on top, facing him. She was still panting for air. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"Just need to catch my breath."

He gazed deep in to her eyes. "I didn't hurt you or scare you, did I?"

"No. I wanted you to touch me like that."

"I wasn't sure…"

Placing a kiss on his cheek, Buffy smiled shyly at him. "You don't every have to be afraid to touch me anywhere, Angel. I trust you more than anyone else."

"That means more than you'll ever know." He rolled them over so that he was on top. With his arms on either side of her, Angel kissed her.

While he did that, Buffy got to finish what she began in the living room, ripping the belt from the loops. Her hands worked feverishly to get the remainder of his clothing off. He helped her by kicking off the jeans and boxer shorts, then pulling off his socks.

Angel knelt above her, taking her hands in his, pulling her to her feet as he did the same. Backwards, he led her to the bed, where they laid down next to each other, staring. He was mere inches from her breasts, and he rubbed her hand over her left side, then brought her to him.

"I missed this; laying in bed with you," Angel admitted.

"So did I." She threw her leg over his hip, leaving herself open to him.

Angel accepted the invitation, situating himself above her and pushing himself inside inch by inch. Buffy ran her foot over the back of his leg in time with his gentle thrusts. Her hands caressed his muscled arms, then along his sides to his back and then to the nape of his neck, tangling her fingers in his hair. It felt perfect, holding him in her arms again.

They made love like it was their first time all over again. It wasn't fast and furious, but gentle and loving. It was about experiencing each other, showing the other how much they missed being together and how deep their love ran. But as their orgasms approached, Angel could no longer be gentle. He pounded into her so hard that her headboard knocked against the wall with each thrust. Neither stopped when it detached and fell to the floor.

After they calmed down, Buffy said to him, "I think we broke my bed."

Angel laughed. "Sorry. I'll buy you a new one."

"Not that I'm complaining, because it was definitely worth it."

No words were said for several minutes. Both were reveling in being there with the one they loved. Buffy thought about how only four hours earlier, she wondered if it would be better if Angel never came back. 'It's almost like he never left. Except that he did.' Then she recalled the previous Saturday at the Bronze with Kevin.

"Angel, there's something I need to tell you."

"What is it?"

She bit her lip before starting. "Something happened while you were away."

"Did something happen to you? Are you okay?" Angel was suddenly concerned.

Buffy nodded. She rested her head on his chest. "I'm fine. It wasn't a vampire or anything demon-like. It happened last week at the Bronze. I was out with the gang and I was feeling really lonely." She took a deep breath. "Angel, I never meant to hurt you."

"Buffy, tell me what happened."

"Kevin asked me to dance, and I said yes. And he kissed me. You have to know that I never wanted him to and I pushed him away. He told me you were probably sick of me; that—that—that making love to me wasn't exciting enough for you and you found someone in England who was more fun." Tears fell down her face.

"You know that's not true."

"But I believed him. I hadn't heard from you in weeks and what he said made sense. You have to understand that I never meant to betray you by kissing Kevin."

Angel forced her to look at him. "You didn't betray me any more than I betrayed you."

Buffy felt relieved that he forgave her, that he didn't blame her. But his words held some other meaning she wanted an explanation for. "What do you mean by that?"

"You remember how I told you that the Council wanted me to forget about you?" Buffy nodded. "Part of their plan was to have me fall in love with someone else. Her name was Daniella Smythe, and she's the daughter of the Head of the Council. Wednesday night, the Council held a congratulatory party in honor of my becoming a Watcher. I didn't know anyone, so Daniella and I left early. To make a long story short, she tried to seduce me into bed, but I said no. Buffy, all I could think of was you, I wasn't even remotely interested in her. We never even kissed."

"But I kissed Kevin. I cheated on you."

"No, you didn't. He kissed you and you pushed him away. You're not to blame. And believe me, when I get my hands on him, he'll wish he never laid a hand on you."

Buffy snuggled closer to him. "I love it when you're protective."

Angel glanced at her alarm clock. "What time is your mom coming home?"

"Two o'clock, I think. Why?"

"Because it's one-thirty now. Maybe we better get up before she gets home," he suggested.

"Good idea. She doesn't need to know that we couldn't wait."


"When did you get back, Angel?" Mrs. Summers asked.

The three of them sat around the kitchen table. "Yesterday. Between having to unpack, shop for food and jet lag, I didn't have the energy to come see Buffy until today," he answered.

"Buffy says you had to take your final Watcher's tests. I take it you passed, then?"

He nodded. "Yes. I'm officially a Watcher. I'll be staying here in Sunnydale to study."

"So you won't be leaving my daughter anytime soon?"

"I'm here for good."

"Good. Buffy's been miserable this past month without you," she informed him. "Why didn't you call her?"

"I wasn't allowed to make any outside phone calls during my testing. Council's orders."

Mrs. Summers smiled. "Prevents cheating, I suppose. Well, I'm going to lay down for a little while. Angel, welcome back."

"Thanks, I'm glad to be back."

"Buffy, may I talk to you for a minute?"

Angel pulled out his car keys from his pocket. "I'll wait outside."

Buffy's mother waited until he was outside before she spoke. "Should I expect you home tonight?"

"No. I'm going to stay at the apartment with Angel."

"Don't think I don't know what you two will be doing. I don't mean to sound like a broken record, Buffy, but please, please be careful," reminded Mrs. Summers.

"We always are." 'Almost always.'


A resonant crash of thunder awoke Buffy in the middle of the night. She'd never been a fan of thunderstorms, and she wanted to lay in the protection of Angel's arms. But a bolt of lightning showed that she was alone in the bed. Casting her eyes around the room, she found no sign of him.

She sat up. "Angel?" she called.

No answer. Climbing out of bed, Buffy wrapped the red comforter around her shoulders, shielding her from the coolness of the air conditioned apartment. She walked out of his bedroom, seeing a single light shining in the living room. Buffy found Angel sitting on the floor.

"What are you doing up?" she asked.

Angel raised his head. "The light didn't wake you, did it?"

Buffy shook her head. "No, the thunder did. How come you're not in bed?"

"I'm just thinking."

"About what?" Buffy sat on the floor next to him, still wrapped in the comforter.

He shrugged. "Everything. You and me especially."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Nodding, Angel ran a hand through his tossled brown hair, still somewhat messy from sleeping. "I woke up a little while ago and saw you sleeping. You had this amazing smile on your face, and some part of me knew I was the one who put it there. Then I got to thinking that I'm so lucky to have you, but I don't feel like I deserve you," he explained.

"Why would you think that, Angel?"

"Buffy, you've given me so much; much more than I should have been given."

"Like what?"

"Letting me be a part of your life, giving me your love…your virginity…"

"And you gave me all those things, too," she reminded him.

Angel inhaled and exhaled deeply. "I just don't feel worthy of anything you've given me."

"Hey," Buffy said, making him look her in the eye. "If I didn't think you were worthy, I wouldn't have let any of it happen."

"That's what makes me so lucky. When I was in high school, I never thought I'd meet someone who'd love me; who I could love without reservation. Girls didn't look twice at me, I was just some geek they passed in the hall."

"I can't picture you as a geek."

"I wasn't exactly the star quarterback of the football team. At best, I weighed one hundred pounds soaking wet, had really bad hair and acne. My nose was always buried in a book, I was a teacher's pet and the butt of everyone's jokes. I'd been very shy; I didn't even go out on my first date until college, and you were the first – the only – girl I've ever kissed. My self-esteem was never very high, and I still wonder why you fell in love with me."

Buffy saw him shivering in the cold. She put part of the comforter around his shoulders to warm him. "I can't explain why I love you; there's not one single reason I can pinpoint and say that's why. It's a combination of everything. The way you know what I'm thinking, what I'm feeling and how you comfort me when I feel down. The way you smile when I come into the room, the way you touch me…the way you love me."

"Would you have loved the loser I was ten years ago?" Angel wanted to know. "The walking bag of bones with hardly a friend who cared? The eighteen year old with a horrible complexion and really bad hair?"

"I don't know that version of you. I do know the smart, loving, handsome Angel sitting next to me. And I love him more than life itself. Could you have loved the girl I was before I moved to Sunnydale? A self- centered snob who cared more about looks than what was on the inside?"

"You changed into a kind and caring young woman."

"And you changed, too, Angel. Maybe we had to be those people so we could fall in love with each other."

Angel pulled her into his arms. "If all those people who knew us then could see us now. I can't wait for my high school reunion."

"Do I get to come?"

"Are you free October 17th?" he asked with a smile.

"I'll check my calendar."

He laughed at her joke. "Thank you, Buffy. For believing in me."

"I always will."

She kissed him, pushing him onto the floor with her. It grew to be more passionate, more intimate with each passing second. Angel stopped them. "Why did you stop?" Buffy asked.

"Because you deserve to be made love to in a bed, now on a living room floor."

"It doesn't matter where, as long as it's with you. We could do it in the back seat of your car and it would be perfect because I was with you," she said to him.

Filled with a renewed sense of self-esteem and love for the young woman beneath him, Angel gave in and made love to her on the carpet of his living room.


Late Monday morning, Angel walked through the front door of the art gallery. Even though it was closed for inventory, the door was unlocked. Shoving his hands in the pockets of his black trousers, Angel made his way down the hall to Joyce Summers' office.

"Excuse me, sir, but we're closed," a man told Angel as he passed.

"I'm here to see Joyce Summers. Is she in?" he asked.

"Are you the representative from the San Diego art museum?"

Angel shook his head. "No, I'm here on personal business."

"Oh, okay. Her office is the last one on the right," the man directed before walking away.

The door to her office was shut, so Angel knocked. "Come in," called Mrs. Summers. She smiled when her daughter's boyfriend entered. "Angel, this is a pleasant surprise. To what do I owe the honor?"

"Hi, Joyce. I actually stopped by to ask you a question."

She pointed to the chair next to hers. "Please, sit down."

Angel did so. In taking a seat, he noticed that Mrs. Summers kept a framed photo of himself and Buffy, taken at the Prom, sitting on her desk. It brought a smile to his face. "How are you doing?" he asked, trying to make small talk.

"I'm doing well. This inventory is making my life a nightmare, but otherwise, everything's fine. And yourself?"

"Truthfully, I feel nervous."

Mrs. Summers narrowed her eyes slightly. "Why is that?"

"Because I'm about to do something I've never done before." Angel took a deep breath. "Joyce, I love Buffy. No, more than that – I'm in love with her. Nobody's ever made me feel the way she does. Important, special, and most of all, loved. It's an honor that she feels as deeply for me as I do her. She's given me so much that I never thought I'd experience.

"When I was in England for those four weeks, Buffy was all I could think of. Being apart from her was more than I could bear sometimes. There would be days when I'd want to say to hell with it all and get back to Sunnydale as fast as I could. But then I'd think about how disappointed she'd be in me, and I'd go on. That thought got me through that entire month. I didn't want to disappoint her; I want to be the man she believes I am, a man who deserves her love." He pulled a small velvet box from his pocket. "I found this in London; it called out to me. I'd like to give it to Buffy at Christmas."

Mrs. Summers opened the box, staring in awe at the contents. "Is this what I think it is?"

"Before I give Buffy this ring, I'd like your permission…your blessing."

"I wouldn't be completely honest if I told you I wasn't concerned at how quickly this has come about."

"Joyce," Angel started, "I realize we've only known each other for four months, but I feel like I've known Buffy forever. She's everything I have ever wanted, ever dreamed about. We love each other, and I don't want to be separated from her again. This ring means that nobody can keep us apart."

"Still…"

"It's not as if we'd be getting married the next day. I'm talking maybe two years from now. There's still so much we have to learn about each other. This engagement ring is more of a promise that whenever Buffy is ready, I'll marry her. And I want you to know that your daughter will not lack for anything in life. She'll be given everything, a house with a white picket fence, a family, and financial security for the rest of her life."

Mrs. Summers sighed heavily. "Christmas, you said?"

"Yes. Do you think it's too much? Something smaller?" he asked.

"She'll love it, I'm positive."

Angel's eyes glinted excitedly. "Does that mean I have your blessing?"

She nodded. "You never needed my blessing, Angel, you had it from the moment I saw how much you love my daughter. I just wanted to hear what you had to say now. I'd be proud to have you as a son-in-law."

"Thank you so much. It means a lot."

"Promise you'll take care of her."

Angel smiled. "I won't let anything happen to her. You have my word."


"Sire, when are we going to attack?" the vampire asked as they watched Buffy and Angel from the wooded thatch at the edge of the cemetery. "The Slayer is weak and vulnerable now, it's not like she'd be prepared."

His sire looked at the couple, engaged in a kiss. She couldn't make out the young man, but recognized the little blonde Slayer. "How many times do I have to tell you never to question me?"

"I apologize, ma'am. I thought –"

"That was your first mistake, Nathan, you had a thought. I need to study her; find a pattern. If I am to successfully eliminate her, I must get to know her. Where's the fun in killing the Slayer if she isn't expecting it? I want to see the fear in her eyes before I snap her neck."

She heard the conversation between the Slayer and her boyfriend. "We shouldn't do it here. Someone might see us," Angel said.

"It makes it kinky. The danger…"

"If you want danger, Buffy, we'll do something dangerous at my apartment."

Buffy playfully shoved him. "You are such a spoilsport, Angel Reilly."

The female vampire took an unnecessary breath. "Nathan, head back to the factory right away."

"But, sire—"

"Now!" she hissed. "Leave the Slayer and the young man to me."

He nodded his head once. "Yes, ma'am."

"It's been a long time, Angel. Too long," she said to herself as she watched the two lovers.


Angel pulled alongside the curb in time to see Mrs. Summers step out the front door. He walked quickly over to her car, opening the door for her. "Good morning, Joyce."

"You're here awfully early today, Angel."

"I thought I'd stop by and surprise Buffy. She has later classes on Tuesdays, so I'm going to take her out for breakfast," Angel informed Buffy's mother.

"That's very nice of you."

He looked toward the house. "Is she awake yet?"

"I heard movement coming from her room a few minutes ago. Go on in, I have to get to work but I'll see you later." Mrs. Summers climbed into the driver's seat and backed the Jeep out of the driveway.

Angel walked in the house and up the stairs. He heard the shower start running when he reached the top step. It gave him an idea.

Buffy rubbed the shampoo in her hair, then washed her face with strawberry scented body wash. Her head was totally under the water, her eyes closed, never noticing the shower door open or Angel stepping in. She nearly screamed when she turned around, seeing him standing there completely naked with only a smile on his face.

"Oh my god, Angel. You nearly gave me a heart attack," she admonished.

"I thought I'd surprise you."

Buffy shook her head, laughing. "Why on earth are you here in the shower?"

"You said last night that you wanted us to try something dangerous…kinky. Well, I thought the shower might be a good place to start."

She giggled. "I guess it's a lot safer than the cemetery."

He ducked under the shower, capturing her lips in a heated kiss. The hot water splashed over him, turning his skin red, but increased his arousal. He wasn't sure how long he could last before he had to be inside her. Not long, Angel bet. A line of kisses trailed from Buffy's lips down to her neck, and she pressed her back against the wall when his lips found her breasts.

She held his head in place as he sucked greedily, licking and lightly nibbling on her nipple. He gave the same attention to her other breast before moving downward toward her navel. His tongue darted in and out of her belly button and feather-light kisses across her stomach made Buffy giggle. When he reached a finger between her legs, running along her slit, her legs trembled and she needed to clutch his shoulders to remain standing. She moaned with pleasure.

Angel attended to pleasuring her for another minute, then he stood up. The look of raw lust and passion in her eyes told him how much she wanted him right then. "Do you want me -- "

She refused to let him continue. "Now. I want you inside me *now*." ,p. He had to make sure before he did anything without her permission. He lifted her hips so they were level with his, and Buffy wrapped her legs around his waist. She could feel him at her opening, but he made no attempt to enter. Her entire body on fire, Buffy held him tightly with one arm while the other moved downward, finding his erection. She squeezed it and ran her nails along the length, making her lover growl. If that wouldn't get him to enter her, nothing would.

It worked. Using his entire body, Angel pushed her hard against the shower wall and thrust himself home. Buffy shrieked at the invasion, but held on tightly as he pounded away. It wasn't exactly gentle and she didn't care. She wanted him any way he would give himself to her. With her forehead resting on his shoulder, Buffy screamed as her orgasm hit.

"Don't stop. It feels so good…faster…harder…yes!" she screamed.

Angel lived to please her. He pulled himself all the way out, then slammed himself back in, guiding her hips down as he thrust upward. A feeling of abandonment came over him when he realized that he didn't always need to treat Buffy as if she were fragile. She was the Slayer and could handle it if he acted like less than a considerate lover sometimes. With one last thrust, he came, filling her with him.

It took them nearly a minute to return to reality. Buffy's legs wobbled when Angel placed her on her feet. "Are you okay?" he asked.

She nodded. "A little weak in the knees. Literally, but in a good way."

"We should get out of here and dry off. I was going to take you out for breakfast."

They stepped out of the shower, then dried each other off. Angel wrapped a towel around his waist and Buffy wore a robe when the returned to her bedroom to get dressed. Instead of reaching for her clothes, Buffy pushed Angel to the bed.

"Buffy, we're supposed to be getting dressed," he reminded her.

"In a little while. But first, it's my turn."

"Your turn to what?"

Buffy grinned evilly. "To do something different; something we haven't tried before."

"When did we turn into nymphomaniacs?" Angel joked.

"We're just making up for lost time. You said you'd make it up to me, and you are now. After being without you for a month, I can't help it if I want to be with you every chance I get. Now, lay down on the bed and don't argue with me," Buffy ordered.


"You look awfully happy," observed Cordelia when Buffy joined her and Willow for lunch that afternoon.

Buffy grinned. "That's because I am."

Willow widened her eyes. "Did you finally hear from Angel?"

"Better than that. He's back."

"When?" Cordelia asked.

"Friday night. But I didn't see him until Saturday afternoon. It was so great, seeing him again, you have no idea. And we spent the whole weekend together," Buffy said to them.

"In bed, no doubt," remarked the brunette.

She glared at her friend. "Cordy, my relationship with Angel is about more than just sex. We spent time together, we talked, we caught up."

"How long before you two ended up in bed together? Five minutes? Ten at most?"

Buffy couldn't take Cordelia's rude comments any longer. "We're not you and Xander, so stop it right now." She stood up and walked away.

Willow shot a dark glance at Cordelia before following her best friend to the quad. "Buffy? Do you want to talk about it? I won't be as crass as she was. I'll listen, I want you to tell me."

The two took a seat under a tree. "Saturday afternoon, I was at home studying and the doorbell rang. It was Angel. He'd gotten back on Friday afternoon, but he never told me. Let me tell you, I was pissed at him. I demanded to know why I hadn't heard from him in a month. Willow, I thought he moved on, that he found someone else in England."

"No way, Buffy, you're the only think that's important to him. You know that. Didn't you say that he waited for you? That alone should tell you something," Willow comforted.

"I couldn't help it. But Angel told me what happened. The Council found out from Giles about us and sent Angel to England to keep him away from me."

Willow stared in shock. "So it was Giles after all?"

Buffy nodded her head. "Yep. Angel wasn't allowed to call or even write to me. Then they came up with the ingenious idea to have him fall for this girl in England. Although I get the impression that she was more of a woman than a girl. So when Angel passed his Watcher's tests, she seduced him. He told her no, told the Council to leave us alone or he'd quit. They said they'd leave us alone and he came back."

"Did you talk to Giles about what he did?" Willow wanted to know.

"I was going to, but Angel said he took care of it. Ever since Saturday, I've been avoiding Giles. Yesterday I was supposed to train with him, but I skipped it and trained with Angel instead."

"Are you going to talk to him?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. He purposely separated me from the person I care about the most because he didn't approve. Forgiving him for that isn't something I think I can do. At least not right away."

"Let's get back to a happier topic. Did you and Angel…?" Willow let the question linger.

"Oh yeah. A lot. Once at my house on Saturday afternoon, twice at his apartment that night, on the floor Sunday morning, in the shower this morning and in my bed. We had to be careful the last time, though, because we broke my bed Saturday afternoon," Buffy admitted with a devilish grin.

"God, you two are turning into rabbits. You broke the bed?" she asked incredulously.

"On accident. Will, you wouldn't believe the things he does to me. I don't mean sex, I mean the way he makes me feel. Just when I think I can't – ugh, this is so embarrassing."

"What?"

The blonde blushed. "It is really embarrassing to admit, and I'd never tell anyone this but you. Not even my mother or Cordy. Every time he…gives me…an orgasm…I feel like I'm going to die. My entire body feels like it's going to explode. And then I'll be okay, but the next one is always so much better. Saturday at my house, he –"

Willow put up a hand to quiet her best friend. "I'm not ready for that frank of a talk yet. Because if you tell me what he did, I'm going to see him and all I'll be able to think about when I look at him is what he did to you. No thanks, I don't need those mental images."

Buffy laughed. "Fair enough."

"What are you two doing tonight?"

"Patrol. As usual."


"Are we attacking tonight, Sire?" questioned Nathan.

"Yes. But not to kill. When you hear my signal, you, Marcus, William and Kathryn keep the Slayer occupied. You are not to kill her, just keep her busy. And leave the young man with her alone."

Nathan raised his eyebrows. "But he is her weakness."

"I know. But I want to say hi first. Is any of this unclear to you?" He shook his head. "Go round up the others. We leave at nine."

Precisely at nine o'clock, the five vampires left the factory in search of Buffy and Angel. After searching through four cemeteries, they found the couple. Hidden in the woods, the five vampires waited for the signal.

"Giles called today," Buffy said. "He wanted to know why I didn't show up for training yesterday. I told him that I found a partner who can keep up with me."

"Don't you think that's a little harsh?"

Buffy shook her head. "It was my way of saying that I'm not letting him run my life. Giles can't control who I see, who I love. Maybe I should ask the Council if you can be my Watcher instead of Giles."

'Watcher? Angel is a Watcher?' the female vampire thought.

"I doubt they'd agree to that. Giles is your Watcher, nothing can change that unless the Council thinks it's in your best interests for him not to be. It wouldn't be fair to him to ask for a transfer," Angel reasoned.

"Who cares? Is what he did to us fair?"

"I didn't say it was. Buffy, he promised not to interfere and I believe him. Now let it go."

"But –"

Angel silenced her by pushing his lips against hers, plunging his tongue into her mouth. Unbeknownst to them, the leader gave her signal, and four vampires moved toward them. They growled, making their presence known.

"We've got company," Angel told her.

"They have the worst timing."

The four vampires descended upon Buffy, ignoring Angel. When he tried to help her fight them, Nathan pushed him away, forcing Angel on the ground ten feet away with the inertia of the push. Standing up again, he found his path blocked by the female vampire.

"Hello, my Angel," she greeted.

He stared in shock at the woman in front of him. "What the hell?"

She smiled. "Aren't you going to say hello to your mother?"


Angel shook his head in disbelief. None of it could possibly be true. His mother, a vampire? "Who the hell are you?" he demanded.

"Don't you recognize your own mother?"

"No, my mother died when I was six years old."

She tilted her head to one side. "True, I did die. But I rose again into eternity. I've spent more than twenty years looking for you, my Angel."

"Don't call me that."

"You are my Angel, from the moment I chose that as your name. Have you forgotten all the times I'd tuck you into bed and say, 'Good night, my little Angel'? And every time I asked you who you were, you'd say, 'I'm your Angel, Mommy.' I never forgot all those little moments. You were my precious little boy."

"I'm not your little boy." The vampire standing in front of him looked and sounded like the mother he remembered, but Angel still didn't believe it. Carolyn Reilly died when he was six. Or so Geoffrey told him.

She stepped closer to him, and Angel didn't back away. Reaching her hand up, she stroked his cheek. He was surprised by how cold the long-forgotten touch of his mother's hand was. "No, you aren't my little boy anymore. My baby boy's grown into a handsome man. The spitting image of your father, too. Well, before I killed him. You seem to take after him in more than just your good looks. Both of you have a penchant for under aged Slayers."

"Leave Buffy alone," he warned.

"She's taken my boy away from me. I don't like it when people steal what's mine."

"She never did anything to you."

Carolyn grinned. "But she did. Your girlfriend has been killing my minions. Not to mention, she stole you. That's not something I can just forgive."

"If you claim to be my mother, you'd let me be happy. She makes me happy."

Growling, she grabbed her son by the throat. "I *am* your mother, Angel. But I refuse to let my son take after his father. I'll see your Slayer dead before that happens."

He knocked her hand away. "She's never done anything to hurt you. If you remotely care about me, you'll leave this town and forget you ever found me."

"I'm your mother."

Angel disagreed. "No, my real mother died a long time ago. You're not her."

"Is that what Geoffrey told you? That I died?"

"He said you were killed by a demon."

"But he neglected to tell you that I came back. When I rose two days later, I looked for you. He'd taken you away already. I couldn't find you. For twenty-two years I searched for you. Then last night I found you, in a compromising position with the current Slayer, no less. My son the Watcher is sleeping with the Slayer. You've shamed me twice. I can't allow that."

"Go away."

She laughed as if he'd told the funniest joke she'd ever heard. "No. I came to Sunnydale to kill your Slayer and I'm not leaving until I do."

"Then you'll do it over my dead body," Angel said through gritted teeth.

Carolyn shrugged. "Not a problem. Now that I've found you, Angel, I'm not letting you go. When I kill your girlfriend, you'll join me in eternity. We'll rule together, mother and son, powerful and invincible. Or maybe I'll turn you first, then you can kill her. But she will pay dearly for taking you." With a pinch of his cheek, she left him. Clapping her hands, the two surviving vampires who had been fighting Buffy followed her.

Panting for air, Buffy ran over to a horrified Angel, who hadn't moved since Carolyn left his side. "Angel, are you okay? Did any of them hurt you?"

He shook his head. "Fine," he replied.

Buffy didn't believe him. "No, something's wrong. I can tell. Who was that?"

"You need to stay away from me, Buffy."

"Why?" she asked, bewildered. "What did I do?"

Angel pushed her out of his way. "Just go away. It's not safe for you to be around me." He started to leave.

Buffy chased after him. "Stop acting all cryptic-y. If I have to stay away from you, I want to know why. I at least deserve that much."

"You're not safe with me."

"Yes, I am. I only feel safe when I'm with you."

"No, I mean it. Go home."

She ran ahead of him, forcing him to stop. "You aren't going to pull that crap on me, Angel. Tell me the real reason."

"She'll kill you."

"Who's she?"

"My mother."

Buffy stared at him questioningly. "What are you talking about? She's dead."

He cast his eyes to the ground. "No she's not."

"That vampire talking to you was your mother? You told me she was dead."

"I thought she was. Geoffrey lied to me."

"Oh god, Angel. I'm so sorry. What can I do?"

"Leave me alone to deal with her."

"I'm not going to do that. I'm in this for the long haul, you're not getting rid of me that easily. I don't quit when things get rough. I fight back. We need to talk about this before you come up with more stupid ideas like me leaving you. Which isn't going to happen."

She clutched his hand as they walked back to his apartment. They constantly kept an eye out for Carolyn Reilly and her gang. The two didn't speak during the ten minute walk to his place. Every once in a while, Angel would glance over at her, amazed that she was there. 'I can't let anything happen to her. She's my life, and nobody's going to take that away from me.'

He embraced Buffy tightly when they closed the door behind them. "Do you really want me to stay away from you?" Buffy asked.

"I don't want to, but I have to. It's what's best for both of us."

"I can't stay away from you."

Angel looked her in the eye. "She's targeting you. My mother will kill you, then me. I can't put you in that kind of danger. I love you too much for that. This is what's best."

"Well, I'm not going anywhere; you're stuck with me. I'm in danger every day, I am used to it. But there_s no way I will let anything happen to you. That's why I don't want you to patrol with me anymore, Angel."

"Buffy, you need someone out there with you. You can't do it alone. If you won't stay away from me, then I'm not letting you get hurt because of it."

"Giles can go, but not you. She's going to come after you first, I just know she will. My weakness, remember? If you stay in after dark, she can't get you. Then she won't go after me."

"She can still get you, Buffy."

"Stop it right now. Don't argue with me. I'm not leaving you, and I'm not letting you get hurt because you're too stubborn to let me protect you."

"I don't want your protection, Buffy."

She smiled at him. "Too bad, you've got it."

They sat down on the couch. "I don't get it," Angel said.

"What?"

"Why they lied to me. My entire life, okay, most of it, I was told that my mother died at the hands of a demon. Now I come to find out that everyone I trust lied to me. Geoffrey, Giles, the Council, everyone. The only person who's ever been truthful with me is you."

"I wouldn't lie to you. But I think they did it to protect you. What would you have done if you'd known your mother was a vampire all that time?" she wanted to know.

He shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. I guess I'll never know." Angel yawned.

"Tired?"

"A little. So much has happened, and my mind hasn't processed all of it yet. It's making me sleepy."

"Go to sleep, then," Buffy advised.

He looked at her with tear-filled brown eyes. "I didn't mean it. I want you to stay. Don't leave me, Buffy."

"Just rest your eyes for a bit. I'll be here when you wake up, I promise."

Angel nodded, then proceeded to rest his head on the armrest. Within minutes, he was sleeping like a baby. Buffy smiled down at him with sympathy. He'd had a hard life, growing up without a mother. Now finding out that she was a vampire might have broken him. After planting a soft kiss on his cheek, she reached for the phone.

"Hello?" Giles answered.

"It's me," Buffy told him.

"Buffy, where are you? At home?"

"No, Angel's. We got back from patrol a couple minutes ago. Guess who we ran into?"

He didn't have a clue. "Who?"

"Angel's mother, Carolyn Reilly. Care to explain why she's not dead like we thought she was?" she demanded to know.

"Good god. Is everything okay? Are you or Angel hurt?"

"No, we're fine. Why is she alive, Giles? Or better yet, why is she a vampire?"

"That's not a question you should be asking me, Buffy. Call Geoffrey Kensington, he can give you the answers."

"Is she the reason that it was dangerous for me and Angel to be together?"

Giles sighed. "Yes. We were only trying to protect the both of you."

"Do you have any idea how much Angel's hurting right now?"

"I'm sorry."

"You certainly have a lot to be sorry about lately, Giles. Lies hurt, and sometimes they hurt the ones you care about the most. Thanks for your help." Without saying goodbye, Buffy hung up.

She searched Angel's apartment for his address book. When she found it in one of his drawers, she dialed the number for Geoffrey Kensington in Los Angeles. He answered on the third ring.

"Is this Geoffrey?" Buffy asked.

"Yes. Who is this?"

"Buffy Summers. I'm Angel's girlfriend."

"Buffy, how nice to hear your voice. It has been a long time. What can I do for you?"

She glanced at Angel, who slept soundly on the couch. "There's a big problem here in Sunnydale that only you can help us with. Her name is Carolyn Reilly and she's a vampire."

"Carolyn is in Sunnydale? Does Angel know?" Buffy could tell that he was frantic.

"Yeah, she stopped him while we were on patrol to say hi. I think you need to come and talk to Angel, he's really upset."

"I can be there in two hours."

"The door will be open, in case it's really late. See you then."


It was twelve-thirty when Geoffrey arrived at Angel's apartment. He'd gotten a speeding ticket on the way there, but he still managed to make the trip in less than two hours. Buffy had told him that the door would be unlocked for him, although with the lateness of the hour, Geoffrey knocked lightly. When there was no answer after a minute, he let himself inside, hoping he wouldn't be interrupting anything important.

He found Buffy and Angel asleep on the couch. Smiling to himself, he thought about how striking a couple they made. Angel sat in an upright position with his head draped over the back of the couch while Buffy lay with her head on his lap. Deciding not to wake them, Geoffrey took a seat in the reclining chair nearby.

Five minutes after he'd arrived, Angel stirred. He was shocked to find Geoffrey in the living room watching them. "What are you doing here?" he asked.

"Buffy called me," Geoffrey answered. "She asked me to come and explain things to you. She said Carolyn's found you."

"Yeah, you could say that I'm more than a little confused and shocked about what happened tonight." "It's understandable. Seeing your mother after so long must have been quite a shock."

Angel narrowed his eyes. "Especially when I thought she died twenty-two years ago."

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry won't cut it, Geoffrey. I want, no I deserve an explanation."

"You certainly do."

"Then explain. Why did you lie to me for so long?"

Geoffrey walked through the park silently. He was worried, Carolyn should have returned hours ago from her patrol. She had promised Angel she'd be back before ten so she could tuck him into bed, but she never came home. It wasn't like her to break a promise to her son.

A vampire stepped directly into his path. Geoffrey clutched his stake, prepared to fight. "Hope you weren't looking for the Slayer," he said to the Watcher. "You won't find her here."

"What have you done with her?" Geoffrey asked.

"Nothing big. I just took a bite. Don't worry, you'll see her again in a few days. Then we'll come after you and that little boy of hers. I bet you two will be the first people she'll want to see," the vampire taunted.

Geoffrey's heart pounded in fear. "You turned her."

"Very good, Watcher. Now, I have a question for you. Should I kill you now or let the Slayer do it?"

"How about I kill you?" Geoffrey swung his leg out, catching the vampire off-guard and knocking him to the ground. Without a seconds hesitation, he plunged the stake into his unbeating heart.

"She'll kill you all," the vampire said as his last words.

He ran the rest of the way home. All the while, he could only think about what had happened to Carolyn. She'd been turned into something she despised: a vampire. 'Angel. I must get him out of San Francisco. She will come after him, I know it. Carolyn would want me to protect her son.'

At the house, Geoffrey barged into Angel's bedroom, waking up the sleeping six year old with the brightness of his bedroom light. He sat up in his bed, rubbing his fists against his eyes. "Jeffy? Why's the light on?"

"Get up, Angel. Get dressed," he ordered.

Angel only stared at him. "Where's Mommy?"

"She's not here, sport. Please hurry."

"I want my Mom! She didn't give me my goodnight kiss."

Geoffrey pulled a suitcase out of the closet and threw it on the bed. He haphazardly began putting clothes inside. Angel still hadn't moved. Not wanting to wait for the boy to climb out of bed, Geoffrey picked him up and placed him on the floor. "Can you put on some socks for me?"

Angel nodded. His mom had left him a pair sitting on his rocking chair for the next day. He put them on his bare feet. "Are we going to visit Mommy? Is she waiting for us?"

It almost brought tears to the Watcher's eyes. "No, Angel. Your Mommy isn't coming back."

"Why?"

He had to think of the right way to say it. "One of the bad guys took her away from us."

Angel's lower lip quivered. "She's gone?"

"I'm sorry, Angel."

"Oh." He didn't quite know what to make of all of it.

Geoffrey finished packing. "Do you want to take some of your animals?"

He nodded, picking up a stuffed turtle he'd gotten earlier that day as a birthday present. "Can I bring Bubba and Blinky, too?"

"Of course you can."

Angel grabbed the stuffed turtle, the teddy bear and his blue blanket. "I'm ready, Jeffy. Where are we going?"

"Away. Far away."

After packing some of his own belongings, Geoffrey grabbed Angel's hand and led him to the car. When he buckled the tired birthday boy into his seat, he took off to Los Angeles, never looking back.

"I did it to protect you. When your mother was turned, I became frightened. Not for me, but for you. Angel, you were the most important person in her life. And I knew that finding you would be her obsession. She'd find you and do Lord knows what to you when she did. I couldn't let that happen, you were like a son to me; you still are. So I took you to L.A.."

"That doesn't explain why you kept it from me," Angel stated.

"What would you have done? Looked for her? Tried to help her? Your mother became a demon. A killer. She may look and act like the mother you knew, but she isn't her. A vampire is a creature of pure evil. She must be stopped before she hurts someone close to you."

Angel took a tendril of Buffy's hair between his fingers and played with it. "I don't think I can do that."

"Do what?"

He looked Geoffrey dead in the eye. "Stop her."

"You must. Who knows what she'll do to you."

"I know. But I looked at her and all I saw was my mother. She said things that made me remember how much I loved her. That'll always be in the back of my mind. That at some point, she was my mother. The woman that gave birth to me. The one that tucked me in at night, the one I ran to when I had a bad dream, the one that sang me to sleep every night. And I don't think I'd be able to kill her knowing all that."

"Would you do it for Buffy?" Geoffrey asked. "If it came down to choosing between your mother the vampire and the young woman you love, would you be able to kill Carolyn?"

Angel shook his head. "Don't, Geoffrey."

"You may have to choose, Angel. It comes down to who you love more."

He gazed down at Buffy, still asleep in his lap. "I love her more than anything. I'd die for her. But I don't know if I could kill my own mother for her. Even if she is a vampire."

"You must remember that it isn't your mother."

"I know. She said she'd come after us, try to kill Buffy. I'll never let that happen."

Buffy groaned in her sleep. Angel gently lifted her into his arms and carried her to his bedroom to let her sleep peacefully. He returned to the living room shortly thereafter. "I didn't want us to wake her up," he explained.

"Angel, may I ask you a question?"

"Yeah."

"It's more of an observation, really. You and Buffy, you've become intimate, haven't you?"

Angel was taken aback. "How...?

"A young woman her age wouldn't be that comfortable falling asleep in the lap of a man she hasn't known physically."

"Is that some kind of problem for you?" he shot. "That Buffy and I have made love? Because there is nothing you can do about it. Giles and the Council have tried"

"Stop it. As long as you love her, I'm happy for you."

Angel raised an eyebrow. "You've changed your tune slightly since May."

"I feared that your relationship with Buffy would catch Carolyn's attention. That she would find out and try to hurt you."

"I understand that now. My mom being a vampire was the reason everybody wanted to keep us apart. While I appreciate your concern, just please stay out of my relationship with Buffy. I'm happier than I've ever been, and if you care about me, you'll let me stay that way."

Geoffrey nodded. "I don't want to break you two up. But I want you to be careful. Carolyn will use this to hurt you. Angel, you must not let her get the better of you," he advised.

"I won't. My one concern is keeping Buffy safe."

"You do that. If you love her as much as you say you do, I know you'll keep her safe."


Buffy woke up to the sensation of being shaken. She didn't open her eyes, she was still so tired. "Five more minutes, Mom. I promise not to oversleep."

Angel smiled, then bent down to kiss her cheek. "Wake up, Buffy. I have to take you home now."

"I'm sleeping."

He pulled the blankets off her body. "Come on, lazy bones. You can't be late for class."

"Hey!" she screeched. "It's cold in here. Come warm me up."

"Nuh-uh. No distractions. You have to go to school and I have research to do. Besides, Geoffrey's asleep in the spare room."

Buffy rubbed the sleep from her eyes. "What time is it? Is the sun even up yet?"

"Yes, the sun is up. It's six-thirty and I'm bringing you home."

She pouted. "Can I stay here? Pretty please? Your bed is so comfy."

As much as he wanted to give in to her, Angel had to say no. "Sorry, too much to do. Get a move on."

He left the room and went into the bathroom. Picking up a comb, he ran it through his hair. He and Geoffrey had stayed up the entire night talking. Angel understood why his mother's vampirism was kept a secret from him; he admitted that if he'd known, he probably would have searched for her. He also admitted that he couldn't hold what Geoffrey did against him.

"It's turned me into the person I am today. I'm happy, I'm in love, I have everything I've ever wanted. I might not be where I am if I'd known the truth about my mom," Angel had said.

While he still hated that the people closest to him didn't believe in him enough to tell him the truth, he knew why they did it. Geoffrey wanted him to have as normal a life as he could. A life separated from demons and darkness. Angel remembered Geoffrey's reaction ten years earlier when he told him that he wanted to be a Watcher.

"No, Angel. You can't be a Watcher," Geoffrey said. "It's not right."

"It's all I've ever known. From as far back as I can recall, I'd watch you go out almost every night and keep people safe. I want to do the same thing, follow in your footsteps, so to speak."

Geoffrey shook his head. "You don't want this kind of life. It is dangerous."

"I don't care. It's a good fight and I want to be a part of it."

"This isn't what your mother would want."

"My mother's dead," Angel stated bluntly. "And even if she were alive, she'd want me to do what I feel is right. This is it."

"Being a Watcher is more dangerous than you think, Angel. You won't always be the hunter, you'll be the hunted. There are things out there you can't possibly comprehend. But, fine, if you want to do this, I can't stop you. Although I beg of you to look into alternatives."

Angel laughed shortly. "Like what? Stock trading on Wall Street? Being a corporate magnate? I'm not cut out for that."

"But you believe you're cut out for this? For my life? When you are assigned a Slayer, not only are you in charge of your own life, but a young girl's as well. Can you handle that kind of responsibility?"

"Yes, I can. I'm only seventeen, Geoffrey. This isn't going to be happening tomorrow. If it'll make you happy, I'll go to UCLA like you planned for me to do and I'll study History."

"I hope you'll change your mind," Geoffrey said to him.

"We'll see."

He was so lost in reminiscing that Angel didn't notice Buffy enter the bathroom until he felt her arms moving around his waist. "Morning," she greeted, kissing his upper arm.

"Morning to you, too."

"What were you thinking about?" Buffy wanted to know.

"Nothing important."

Buffy rubbed her cheek against the cotton material of Angel's t-shirt. "I'm so glad you're back where you belong. Here with me."

"Where else would I be?"

She brought her hand to the back of his neck, pushing him downward for a kiss. Their arms wound around each other, and Angel became so caught up in the feeling of her lips on his that he picked her up and placed her on the counter of the bathroom. His fingers became tangled in her hair and Buffy wrapped her legs around his waist, drawing him even closer. After another minute, Angel broke away.

"Why'd you stop?" Buffy asked.

He closed his eyes. "Because I can't right now."

"Is it because Geoffrey's in the other room? We can be quiet."

"No, it's not that."

"If you don't have any condoms, I don't care about that, Angel. I did some research while you were gone. Typically, Slayers can't have children. In all the thousands of years that there have been Slayers, only one managed to have a child. Your mom. So the chances of me getting pregnant are nil."

Angel shook his head. "It's not you, Buffy, it's me. With all that's happened in the past twelve hours, sex is the last thing on my mind."

"Okay," she replied in a small voice.

"You don't believe me. If I could, I'd make love to you right here and right now. But I can't."

"I understand. The stuff with your mom is stressing you out. I thought maybe I could take your mind off of it for a little while."

He planted a soft kiss on her lips. "Thanks for caring, for being here for me through all this."

"I'll always be here for you."


Angel and Geoffrey entered the library of Sunnydale High at quarter after nine. They hadn't bothered to call Giles before stopping by, he might have tried to stop them. Just as they entered, Giles exited his office.

"Geoffrey, Angel, what are you doing here?" he asked.

"We're here for information," Angel told him. "On my mother. And don't try to play dumb, I know the truth."

Giles nodded solemnly. He'd been expecting Angel's visit since Buffy's call the previous night. "I know you know. Buffy phoned me last night. I'm sorry that you had to find out like this. The Council never wanted you to know."

"Geoffrey explained it all. How he found out, why he packed our belongings in the middle of the night and got us the hell out of San Francisco. How the Council agreed to go along with the story about a demon killing my mother."

"You want to read about her, don't you?"

Angel looked at him. "Yes. Everything. And don't hide anything because you don't think I can handle it. After last night, nothing would shock me."

"Alright. I figured you would be coming by, so I took the liberty of indexing all the Diaries that mention Carolyn. They're on the table."

Angel walked over to the table and took a seat. He picked up the first book, found the labeled part and began reading.

"How bad is it?" Geoffrey wanted to know after hand and Giles walked into his office.

"Bad. Very bad. More along the lines of horrifying, actually. Based on my research, three Slayers have been turned. Two were killed by their sires shortly after rising. Carolyn is the only one to thrive, probably because you killed her sire. She's extremely powerful, having killed two Slayers in the past twenty years. With her Slayer and vampiric strength, she's unstoppable."

"Does she have any patterns we should know about?" Geoffrey asked.

Giles grimaced. "Carolyn's committed some heinous crimes. Most of them around the beginning of August, mostly to children. Young children."

Geoffrey closed his eyes as if in pain. "The anniversary and Angel's birthday. She became obsessed with finding her son, didn't she?"

"Yes. One thing mentioned in the Diaries is that she always asked where Angel was, to every Slayer she encountered. There's no telling what she will do to him. Or to Buffy for that matter. I assume she knows about them?"

"As far as I know. Angel told me Carolyn has made threats on Buffy's life because of her closeness to him."

Giles took a sip of his tea, and offered some to the other Watcher. "We can't protect them from this any longer. Buffy must find a way to defeat Carolyn. Without hurting Angel in the process."

Outside the office, Angel read about his mother's vampiric activities. He discovered that she had killed two Slayers, three Watchers and showed obsessive behavior in regards to school-aged children. He nearly became sick when he read that on August 7, 1994, Carolyn took the lives of a busload of second graders while calling out his name.

'She's been trying to find me. Every year around my birthday she kills poor defenseless children because she wants me.' Angel got up and stalked into the office. "It's because of me that she always targets children, isn't it?" he demanded.

"I believe so," answered Giles. "Don't think this is your fault. It's not."

"How can it not be? Hundreds of children have died because of me. Maybe things would have been better if I'd never been born. At least then those children would be alive."

Geoffrey walked over to the man he raised as his son. "Don't you ever think that. You were your mother's only concern when she was alive."

"Think of all the people you've saved, Angel. Think about Buffy. She'd be dead if it weren't for you saving her from that vampire in May," Giles pointed out.

Angel shook his head. "I can't stop feeling like I'm the cause of all this. And now I'm putting Buffy's life in jeopardy because my mother knows I'm in love with her."

"We'll find a way to stop Carolyn," Geoffrey promised. "And when we do, you and that beautiful girl of yours can live happily ever after. You'll give her that ring, you'll get married and have a big family. And since I want to be a grandfather to your kids someday, I'm going to make certain that it happens."

Giles looked at them curiously, but said nothing. He assumed that Angel was planning to propose to Buffy. And it didn't bother him at all. He'd only been trying to keep Angel's existence in Sunnydale low-key, but with Carolyn already knowing everything, Giles no longer had a reason to keep Buffy and Angel apart.


"Are you sure you can handle it, Giles?" Buffy asked. "Because I'll stay here this weekend if you think something'll happen."

Giles nodded. "Everything will be fine while you are gone. I want you and Angel to have a good time. You two deserve this time away. Have fun at the reunion and don't worry about Sunnydale."

"I'm just afraid that Angel's mom will do something horrible while we're gone. What if she goes after you or the gang?"

"She won't. Carolyn doesn't know who we are. Not to mention that you haven't seen her since that first night."

"Doesn't matter, she's still out there. Every night, she sends her gang to fight me. Like a warning or something. I want you guys safe and sound. I've already called Willow, Cordy, Xander and Oz and told them to stay in at night. I want you to do the same."

"Someone has to patrol."

"That's why I said I'll stay here instead of going to L.A."

Giles put a hand on her shoulder. "You need a break, Buffy. For the past month, your life has consisted of school and patrol. You're worn out; I can tell. You won't even let Angel and I help you, you keep us locked up at night. It's been a month since Carolyn made her presence known and we haven't seen her since. The chances of her showing up this weekend are slim to none. Now, I'm ordering you to go out. Enjoy yourself at this reunion."

"Giles –"

"No 'buts.' Go," Giles ordered.


Buffy and Angel arrived at their hotel room early Saturday afternoon. Once again, he spared no expense for their accommodations. And expensive room at the Beverly Hills Hotel where the reunion was being held. "Do you like it?" Angel wanted to know.

"It's even bigger than the room we stayed at in San Francisco. You don't need to spend so much money. I'd be happy staying at the Econo Lodge."

"Nothing but the best for you, Buffy."

She blushed. "You spoil me too much, Angel. A girl could get used to this."

"You'd better get used to it. Never again will you have to stay at some cheap motel. Not as long as I'm around," he told her.

Buffy wrapped her arms around him. "Guess I better keep you around then."

"Good idea." He kissed her passionately.

She moaned. "How much time do we have?"

"It starts at seven."

"That leaves four hours. Whatever will we do to pass the time?"

"I can think of a few things."


At seven-fifteen, Buffy stepped out of the bathroom, dressed and ready to go to the reunion. They'd wanted to be downstairs at seven, but they get held up, having spent an extra twenty minutes in bed.

"What do you think?" Buffy asked Angel's opinion.

Angel grinned at his love, standing before him in a dark red dress with black sequins over the chest in the design of a heart. It fell halfway to her knees, held up by thin straps. Her hair flowed to her shoulder blades and she wore a pair of black sandals. "As usual, you are breathtaking. I will be the envy of every guy down there."

"Yeah, well, once the girls get a load of you, there's going to be a lynch mob out to kill me."

"I won't let it happen. Ready to go?"

Buffy nodded. "Yep."

Stuffing the key into his pocket, Angel held the door open for Buffy. They walked hand-in-hand to the elevator. His hand trembled slightly when he pushed the button for the lobby. Buffy saw this and squeezed his other one.

"Nervous?" she asked.

"Is it that obvious?" he replied with a soft laugh.

"Don't worry, it'll be fine. And if you're having a crappy time, we can go right back upstairs and continue where we left off forty-five minutes ago."

The elevator doors opened and they stepped out. The lobby had a sign that read: WELCOME PORTER ACADEMY CLASS OF 1989. A chubby brunette sat at a table outside the ballroom. She smiled when Buffy and Angel approached.

"Hi! Welcome to the Porter Academy reunion. And you are?" the woman asked cheerfully.

Buffy stifled a giggle. 'This is like that scene from Grosse Pointe Blank,' she thought.

"Angel Reilly."

The woman searched through the name tags. She picked one up and looked at it, then at Angel. "Good thing we put everyone's senior picture on here, nobody would recognize you."

"What a shame," he commented sarcastically.

"Well, here you go." She handed him the name tag and moved on to the person standing behind him.

"Let me see that." Buffy looked at the picture on the tag. This time she laughed out loud. "You weren't kidding when you said you were a geek."

He mock punched her. "Shut up, Buffy."

The two walked around for a minute, Angel looking for someone he recognized. They didn't have to wait very long before a tall, blonde-haired man came over to them.

"Is that you, Reilly?" he asked.

"Paul Szranski. How are you doing?" The two men hugged.

"Pretty damn good. Yourself?"

Angel shrugged. "Can't complain. You haven't changed a bit."

"Wish I could say the same about you. I wouldn't have even recognized you if I didn't see your picture on that thing. What did you do, hire a personal trainer with your millions?" Paul joked.

"Funny, Paul. I decided to go the physical fitness route in college. Spent a lot of time working out. What are you doing now?"

"I'm an investment banker in Austin, Texas."

"Married?"

Paul shook his head. "Nah. Haven't found the right girl yet. How 'bout you?"

"I work for a London-based corporation in its Sunnydale branch." It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't exactly the truth either.

"Got yourself a pretty lady, I see."

"Paul, this is my girlfriend Buffy Summers. Buffy, this is Paul Szranski. We were best friends in high school."

Buffy extended her hand. "Nice to meet you."

"Likewise. So, how'd you two meet?" Paul wanted to know.

"Angel tutored me in History."

He raised his eyebrows. "You must have a lot of free time on your hands, Reilly."

"I do."

"What do you do, Buffy?"

"I'm a student."

"Working on your Masters?"

She shook her head. "No, I'm a freshman at UC Sunnydale."

"How old are you?"

"Eighteen," answered Buffy.

Paul whistled. "Shit, man, you like 'em young, don't you?"

"She's mature for her age," Angel informed him.

"I'll bet," he said. "It was nice seeing you. I'm gonna say hi to some people." Paul walked past them.

"That was interesting," Buffy commented.

They socialized for another hour with Angel's former friends. Everyone they spoke to made some comment about Buffy's age. It didn't bother Buffy, she didn't know these people. But it grated on Angel's nerves. Who were they to make remarks about them? He hadn't seen them in ten years, and Buffy's age was none of their concern.

"I told you they'd all be looking at you," Buffy said later. "You're a total hottie now."

"Wonderful."

"See? You finally showed them that you've changed."

A woman tapped on the microphone. "I'd like to introduce the first song of the night. Most of you may remember that it was our Prom theme. I want to see every couple out there dancing to it like we did at Prom."

Buffy grabbed Angel's hand. "Come on, let's dance."

"I don't know…"

"Please? It's your chance to dance at the Prom you never went to."

He relented. They walked to the dance floor, and he scooped Buffy into his embrace.

I'm not that kind of guy
who can take a broken heart
So don't ever leave
I don't want to see us part.
The very thought of losing you means
That everything would go down under.
I'll be loving you forever
Just as long as you want me to be
I'll be loving you forever
All this love's for you and me.

Two of Angel's former classmates watched the couple on the dance floor.

"Do you think she even knows who New Kids on the Block are?" Sharon asked.

"She probably thinks they're the Backstreet Boys of the eighties," the other woman, Melanie, replied.

"He was such a loser in high school, and now look at him. Angel's dating a child. Isn't it a felony to date someone that young? I bet she's only after his money."

Melanie shook her head. "Sex. I'm betting that he's great in bed. Look at that body. Almost makes me wish I hadn't been so mean to him back then."

I count the blessings that make our love new
There's one for me and a million for you
There's just so much that I wanna say
But when I look at you, all my thoughts get in the way.
I'll be loving you forever
Just as long as you want me to be
I'll be loving you forever
All this love's for you and me.

Angel saw Sharon and Melanie laughing at him and Buffy. 'Bitches. They were snobs ten years ago and they haven't changed.' He refused to be their joke like he had been in high school.

"Let's go," he told Buffy.

"Why? It's only ten o'clock."

"I can't take it anymore."

Without a goodbye to anyone, Buffy and Angel went back up to their room. In all the months she'd known him, she'd never seen him so angry. "It's okay. Don't let them get to you," she reassured him.

Angel sat down on the couch and Buffy sat next to him, placing her hand on his leg. He looked at her with passion in his eyes, then forced her back to the cushions.

"Angel, what…?"

He didn't let her finish the sentence. He climbed on top of her and forced his lips on hers. It took her by surprise, but she didn't try to stop him. When Buffy moved to put her arms around his neck, Angel's right hand captured her wrists and held them on the couch above her head. Even with her Slayer strength, she couldn't break his vise-like grip.

His left hand pushed her dress to her waist. Buffy couldn't believe it. The hands that usually touched her with such love and gentleness were savagely tearing her panties from her body. She knew what was coming next, and she couldn't stop it. Angel was like a man possessed. Tears came to her eyes as she called his name to stop.


"Stop!" Buffy shouted. "Angel, please!"

Her pleas didn't register in Angel's mind; he heard nothing except the taunting of his fellow classmates.

"Isn't she a little young for you?"

"Where'd you meet her, at a McDonald's Playroom?"

"She's cute, Angel. Has she finished junior high yet?"

He'd show them that he wasn't the same kid he was in high school. He was a successful man, richer than any of them could ever hope to be, and he could have any woman he wanted. Including the girl of his dreams.

Buffy turned her head to the left, forcing his lips from hers. She wanted him to stop so badly, he was scaring her. It was a new side to him, a violent, inconsiderate side that she didn't like. She wanted her Angel back, the tender, mild-mannered man she fell in love with.

When she turned her head, Angel was outraged. Who was she to turn away from him when he wanted her? With his free hand, he grabbed her chin and held her head so she couldn't move. He glared into her eyes, not seeing Buffy. No, he saw all the girls in high school who'd laughed at him and called him names. He'd show them. Angel pressed his lips hard against hers, forcing her mouth open with his tongue. He thrust it inside, then released his hold on her head, moving his hand to unzip his pants. She didn't want him, not like this. Buffy didn't know what was possessing Angel to force himself upon her. She couldn't think of anything that she'd done to upset him. Making love to him was something she never needed to be forced to do. She wanted to find a way to stop him before he went too far. His tongue was still inside her mouth. Buffy bit down. Hard. Angel removed his lips from her. It brought him back to reality. For the first time since he'd entered the room, he saw Buffy.

Instead of the bright, smiling face he'd grown to love, he found her crying, her lips bruised and swollen. Then he saw his right hand holding her wrists to the couch. Immediately, he let go, and Buffy hugged her arms to her chest, tears falling from the corners of her eyes. It wasn't until he noticed that her dress had been pushed up to her waist and her underwear pushed down to her ankles that he realized what he'd almost done. He'd nearly raped the woman he loved.

"Oh god," he said, standing up.

Buffy sat up, trembling because of her sobs. She glanced up at him, black streaks of mascara running down her cheeks. "Why?" she choked out.

Angel shook his head. He hated knowing that he made her cry. "I don't know what came over me. Buffy, I'm so sorry," he apologized.

She cried even harder. Through her tears, she fixed her clothes. Being so exposed to him made her feel even worse. "You hurt me."

"I know. But I never meant to. Hurting you is the last thing I ever wanted to do. That wasn't me. I would never force you like that." He sighed. "There's nothing I can do to make it up to you. Nothing I can say or do can change what I did."

Buffy watched as he walked to the door. "Where are you going?"

"I need to clear my head. I shouldn't be around you after what I just did."

"You don't have to go."

"Yes, I do. We both need to be by ourselves for a little while." When he left the room, he left Buffy alone, crying on the couch.


In the lobby, he ran into one of his former classmates, Patrick Watson, the captain of the Porter Academy basketball team ten years ago. Through all four years of high school, he'd made Angel the butt of all his practical jokes.

"Hey, Angel," he said.

"Hi," Angel replied with little enthusiasm.

"I thought you'd left the party. Where's your girlfriend?"

"Upstairs."

Patrick laughed. "Past her bedtime?"

Angel narrowed his eyes. "Go to hell."

"Ooh, such harsh words. Looks like someone didn't get any tonight."

That did it. Angel balled his fist and socked Patrick on the left cheek. He stumbled back, holding his hand to his bruised cheek. "Don't ever talk about my girlfriend like that again," Angel told him. "And for the record, you've had that coming for fourteen years."

Angel walked out to the street, finding a café several blocks down. He sat there for three hours, thinking about the events of that night. After what he'd done, he doubted if things between him and Buffy could go back to the way they were.

'I've royally screwed up. How can I even face her after that? What if she hates me? What if she breaks up with me? I don't think I could take that. Buffy's my life, what'll I do without her?'

At one in the morning, Angel returned to the hotel room, half-expecting to find Buffy still on the couch crying. But she wasn't there. He opened the door to the bedroom and she lay under the covers on the left-hand side of the bed. Her side. His side remained empty and untouched. It was almost as if it were Buffy's way of inviting him into bed with her.

He stood next to the bed, facing her. She lay sound asleep, her face free of makeup, her blonde hair rested on the pillow, her body showing no signs of his attack on her. Angel brushed a few stray hairs from her cheek, then bent down to kiss her gently.

"I love you," he whispered in her ear before retiring to the couch.


She was still alone when she woke up the next morning. Looking nervously around, she didn't find Angel anywhere in the bedroom. 'Maybe he didn't come back. What if he's too ashamed to come near me again?' Leaving the bedroom, Buffy found him sitting on the couch, still wearing the suit from last night. He stared at the wall, not even turning when Buffy entered the room. "Angel?" she asked anxiously. He didn't answer her, so she continued on. "You never came to bed last night."

"I couldn't."

"Where'd you go?"

"Out. For a walk, I needed to think. When I came back, you were already asleep, so I slept out here," he answered.

She took a seat next to him. "Why?"

"How can you even ask that?" Angel shouted. She flinched at the harshness of his words. "I'm sorry, but you know why. Because of what I did to you. I've never felt so ashamed in my life. I couldn't share a bed with you, knowing what I did. I didn't deserve to."

"Shouldn't that be up to me?" Buffy questioned softly.

"Buffy, I'll understand if you never want to see me again when we get back to Sunnydale."

She touched his cheek. "Don't think that. Of course I want to see you. We all do things we regret, we all make mistakes."

"I forced myself on you."

"That wasn't you, I know. Angel, you'd never do something like that purposely. Something took over you."

"I can't put the blame on someone or something else. You have to know that it wasn't you I saw when I did that. It was everyone who made my life hell in high school. I thought I was getting back at them, but I ended up taking it out on you instead." He closed his eyes, fighting back tears. "You hate me, don't you?"

"No, I don't. I could never hate you. But if you ever try that again, I'll make Lorena Bobbitt look like an amateur," she threatened with a small smile. Angel wiped away the tears that were stinging his eyes. "I don't deserve your forgiveness. Nothing I can do will make it up to you."

"Why don't you kiss me and we'll work from there."


"Geoffrey, I never thought I was capable of that," Angel said that evening. "We all have a dark side. Some of us hide it better than others." Angel took a sip of his decaf. "I don't know what came over me, though. I'd never consciously do that to Buffy. Or to any woman for that matter. I never thought of myself as a rapist."

"You're not."

"I feel like it. How can she forgive me for that?"

"Because she loves you and she knows it wasn't you doing that to her. Angel, you were under a great deal of stress Saturday night. If the reunion went as badly as you said, I can somewhat understand why it happened. Your world was spinning out of control and you gained control through force. I may not condone it, but that's what seems to have happened."

Angel snorted, disgusted. "Yeah, forcing the woman I love to have sex with me. What a way to gain control. It's a cop-out. There's no explanation for what I did."

"Buffy understands, doesn't she?" Geoffrey asked.

He shook his head. "She says she does. But I don't know why she let me touch her, make love to her after that."

"The girl trusts you."

"Why? Rapists are the lowest form of human life."

"That they are. But, Angel, you're not one. You'll never be like your father."

Angel looked at Geoffrey with shock and dismay. "What?"

Geoffrey took a deep breath. "There's something else I've kept from you. Something I never wanted you to know."

"What?"

"Carolyn didn't have a one-night stand with your father. He raped her."

More

<< back