destructo-girl.com

Author: Pamela
Contact: destructo-girl@cox.net
Notes: This part has the smut... which may be good or bad, depending on your viewpoint.

Giles was awakened from his deep, dreamless, desperately needed sleep by a pounding on his front door. He was about to wonder who would be visiting so late when he saw that his bedside clock only said it was half past eleven. He'd come home and gone straight to bed, so he must have slept for over two hours.

Wearily, he climbed out of bed and slipped on a robe before climbing down his stairs and rushing to answer the door before one of his neighbors called the police. As soon as he had all the locks undone, he opened the door and was surprised to find Angel and Wesley standing there.

"Angel? What's going on?" he asked, figuring for Angel to be in Sunnydale, either something *had* happened, or was *about* to happen. Even with all he was doing for the store, Giles had made a point to keep an eye out for any prophecies or other signs of evil, but there had been nothing besides the run-of-the-mill vampires as of late.

"It's okay," the vampire assured him, "Can we come in?"

Giles nodded and stepped aside so that the both of them could enter his apartment. Angel led them to the living room and rubbed his hands together, trying to think of a way to do this that would ensure Giles' cooperation.

"Angel, does he know?"

"Know what?"

"That-" Wesley began, then stopped himself, realizing that he'd already broken his promise of secrecy to Angel, "Uh.. nothing."

"He knows," Angel told the man, then turned to Giles, "I had to tell him that Buffy's pregnant and it's my baby."

"Yes, but he didn't tell me how this could be possible or anything else," Wesley added.

"I'll tell you on the way home," the vampire reminded him.

"Which brings us to you being *here*," Giles said, "And why is that?"

"I have a car for Buffy."

Floored, Giles sat down in a chair, "A car? Where on Earth did you get the money for that?"

"It doesn't matter-" Angel started to say, but was interrupted by Wesley.

"It's rather sordid, most intriguing," the younger watcher announced, taking a seat on the couch and crossing his legs, "Angel made some sort of deal with a *demon*, but not a bad demon, it appears. He didn't try to kill me."

Giles looked from Wesley to Angel and back again, hoping one would answer his question, "A deal with a demon? What sort of deal?"

"From what I gathered, Angel managed to find someone who owed *another* demon money. Angel got his money and that demon got Angel a car, which he needed to give to Buffy."

Angel sighed, "Look, I know you probably hate how I got it… I'm not too proud of it myself. But it's not like I have that kind of money just sitting around, and if it takes a little lascivious work to get something for Buffy that she needs… I'm willing to do it. Besides, even though my methods of getting it were unorthodox, it *is* completely legal. I have the pink slip and all that."

Giles nodded, "I suppose I understand that. I have seen a few of those disgusting talk shows and I have heard how some fathers come up with all sorts of excuses not to help out, so this is rather… refreshing. Now, how are you going to give this to Buffy?"

"Well, whatever I do, I am going to need your help," Angel answered.

"Of course, because I'm not already stuck in the middle of this mess between you and Buffy enough," Giles remarked sarcastically.

"Come on, Giles… you yourself said she needs a car, so this is good for her. You also know all too well that if I go to her house right now and try to hand her the keys, she'll throw them in my face. Hell, you haven't even worked up the nerve to tell her about the checking account yet."

"What checking account?" Wesley broke in.

"Later," Angel reminded him, "Look, Giles, how about you just pretend it's a gift from you. Let it be her gift for getting a license."

"And where did I get the money for this new vehicle? Since there won't be any payments for her or I to make, she's going to have to believe I just paid thousands of dollars for a brand new car that I am not even using?"

Angel shrugged, "Would she believe you inherited money?"

Giles sighed, "What choice do I have?"

"Er, Buffy, do you know if we have any Amoura stones?" Giles asked as he wandered around the store with a giggling fifteen-year-old girl. On one hand, he thought it would probably be a bad idea to sell someone a stone that could make someone fall in love with her if used properly… on the other, he doubted she would be able to actually accomplish that much. Besides, she was driving him insane and she insisted she wanted something to make this boy realize he couldn't live without her, so he had to do *something*.

"Yeah, they should be over on the shelf next to the crystals," Buffy replied as she rang up someone's purchase.

Giles managed to find the girl a stone and send her off to the cash register in time to deal with some hippie-type complaining about the cruelty of having animal eyes for sale. Lucky for him, he managed to convince her after ten minutes that all the animal products were from animals that had cancer so they were dying anyway. Pacified, she left him alone so that he could go rest on the stool behind the counter.

"Good Lord, it's Thursday afternoon, how can things be this busy?"

Buffy shrugged and smiled at him as she restocked the tissue paper she used to wrap merchandise, "School just let out… besides, this is just a mini-rush. Things will calm back down in less than half an hour, I bet."

Giles, for one, hoped she was right. At least they'd already had several people fill out applications for the new opening and he'd only put the help wanted sign out that morning. He'd have to see if he could line up their interviews Monday afternoon when things would be slow.

Buffy leaned against the cash register and tugged at the waistband of her pants, frowning, "God, I barely managed to squeeze into these this morning."

"Perhaps you need to go buy some new clothes… what do they call them?"

"Maternity clothing," Buffy sighed, "I can't believe I need maternity clothing."

"Well, that is what happens when one gets pregnant," Giles reminded her pointedly as he stood up and started walking towards someone who looked like they needed help.

Buffy rolled her eyes, "Thanks, *Dad*."

With his back turned, Giles allowed himself to smile. He was far too shy to tell her so, but he loved the idea of Buffy acting like he was her father. The thought brought him back to the car. He really needed to give it to her soon. It was bad enough that he hadn't told her about the checking account, but Angel had even come up with a good lie for him to tell her about the car… so he had no excuse not to do it. Maybe he could give her a ride home that night, but instead take her to his apartment to show her the car.

Just as Buffy said, twenty minutes later, there were only a few customers milling about, giving Buffy and Giles the chance to take a break. Buffy started sipping water as Giles recounted his amusing tale of a most clueless customer he'd had that morning when Anya marched in and slammed her hand down on the counter.

"I'll take it," she announced, grinning at them.

"Excuse me?" Giles asked, wondering what she was talking about.

"The job," she replied, "You have a job opening…I will take it."

"Er, I.. well, I don't think that," Giles stammered, trying to think of a good excuse not to hire her.

Buffy turned and looked up at him before saying quietly, so nobody besides him would hear, "She's actually pretty good. She's helped me out a few times and she can ring very well, wrap stuff… and she could easily learn where everything goes."

"You really think we should hire *her*?"

Buffy shrugged, "I don't think it would be as bad as it sounds."

Giles nodded, then looked at Anya, "All right, you're hired."

"On one condition," Buffy added, then whispered something in Giles ear that made him blush. Upon his insistence that *she* say it, she continued, "You can't talk about sex at all. No mentions of your sex life with Xander, no questions about my sex life with anyone… no mentions of sex at all."

Anya bit her bottom lip, trying to decide if she could handle that. After a moment, she nodded, "It's a deal."

Giles quickly found that Buffy was right. Anya began working at the cash register so that Buffy could put away all of their new shipment and Giles could attend to his ownerly duties. When they didn't have customers, Buffy would show their new employee how the merchandise was arranged, as well as everything she could possibly need in the back of the store.

She did so well, that after a few hours, Giles decided it would be okay if Anya was left to man the store alone for a little while, so that he could give Buffy her surprise. After he'd finished putting in their order for the next week, Giles walked back out into the store and approached the counter where Buffy and Anya were talking.

"You really recommend them? I always thought those books were kind of... Cheesy," Buffy commented.

Anya shook her head, "They aren't 'Moby Dick' by any means, but they are *so* entertaining. I'll bring you one tomorrow."

"Thanks, I could use something fun to do on Friday and Saturday nights, since I'm getting too fat for all my clothes and I can't go hang out at the Bronze or anything," Buffy replied.

Anya looked down at Buffy's stomach, "Yeah, you are getting kind of chubby, but on the bright side, you have a good excuse."

"Anya, would you mind if I stole Buffy for a while? There's something I needed to show her that's… away. Things should stay pretty slow for a while and I think you can handle it," Giles said.

"He trusts me," Anya grinned at Buffy, then said to Giles, "You can count on me!"

"Good," Giles said, grabbing his and Buffy's coats, "We'll be back in a bit."

Buffy took her proffered coat and followed him out the door, "What did you want to show me?"

"It's a surprise."

"Ooh, I like surprises," she smiled, rubbing her hands together, then wrinkled her nose, "As long as they aren't the evil, gross, deadly kinds."

"I think you will find this surprise is very not evil, gross or deadly," Giles replied, opening the passenger door of his car for her.

"Can I have a hint?"

"No, it's not that far from here so you won't have too wait too long."

"Oh good, I don't know if you can tell, but patience really isn't one of my virtues."

"I suspected as much," Giles joked.

For the rest of the ride, there was a comfortable silence. Buffy was content to observe the passing scenery while she wondered what exactly her surprise was. Giles mentally practiced what he was going to tell her when he gave her the car, hoping she would believe him… and that she'd like the car.

At last, Giles pulled into his parking spot at his apartment and got out of the car. Buffy quickly followed, eager to see what the big deal was. When her watcher only walked a few feet and stopped in front of the car parked next to his, Buffy frowned.

"What are you doing?"

Giles pointed at the car and smiled, "Showing you your surprise."

Buffy's jaw dropped as she actually looked at the car and saw a brand new Civic. It was absolutely perfect; a cute car that had four doors and would work well when she had the baby. Looking back at Giles, she said, "I don't understand… you got me a car?"

"Yes… you needed one, and now I don't have to worry about you being able to afford a *good* one, along with everything else for the baby."

"It's too much!"

"Don't worry, I inherited a large sum of money. The car is all paid for."

"I can't let you spend that on me!"

"Why not?" Giles argued, "Buffy, you are like a daughter to me, you know that. Would it be so hard to believe if a father inherited some money and spent some of it on a nice car for his daughter, who really needed it?"

Buffy shrugged, "I'm not really your daughter, you aren't obligated."

"No, I'm not *obligated*, but I wanted to."

Buffy was quiet for a moment before giving her watcher a big grin and enveloping him a big hug, "Thank you *so* much!"

"You're very welcome," Giles smiled, hugging her back until he realized she was crying. He pulled back and gave her a concerned look, "Are you okay?"

Buffy wiped at her tears and nodded, "Yeah… I'm just so happy."

"So happy that you're crying?"

"Hey, I'm a pregnant woman, I have hormones!"

Giles pulled the keys Angel had given him out of his pocket and handed them to Buffy. "Here are your keys… the little black… thing… is your remote. When you want to get in, you just push 'unlock' once and it opens the driver's door. If you push it twice, it will lock all the doors. When you get out of the car, push 'lock' once to lock all the doors, and twice to activate all the alarms. You can also push that one that looks like a horn to sound the alarm. I believe it's called the panic button… it's for if you were being robbed or something. The one that looks like the trunk opens the trunk," he instructed, repeating everything Angel had told him the night before when he'd shown him the car after Giles had agreed to give it to Buffy.

Buffy grinned and hit 'unlock' twice, "Shall we take this baby for a spin?"

Giles was pleasantly surprised to see that Riley hadn't been fudging the truth to make Buffy happy when he'd said she was a good driver. She hardly scared him at all as she took the long way back to the store. He insisted that it would be fine if she took the night off, since they'd be closing up in a couple of hours and he had Anya there to assist.

Buffy was caught up in the excitement of her new car, and had a strong desire to show it off, so she was all too happy to goof around for a few hours before picking Giles up after he was done for the night and give him a ride back to his place.

As he walked back in and found everything under control, Giles contemplated calling Angel to let him know. He just wasn't sure exactly how the vampire fit into Buffy's life presently. Was he just doing things to help her, or was he a secret observer?

Either way, Giles hoped their clandestine dealings wouldn't come back to haunt him… he just might lose Buffy forever.

Riley looked through the mail as he walked from the mailbox, back to the apartment. There was nothing of interest, which was kind of a bummer. He'd just gotten off work and was pretty wired. Of course, he was managing to pull a few nine-to-six shifts a week now that he had a family… one of the benefits of being a married man, even though it meant doing a lot of paperwork instead of patrolling. Unfortunately, all of his friends still had to work that night and Buffy wouldn't be home for hours.

He was nearly to the apartment when a car pulled up next to the sidewalk and began beeping. Riley frowned as he racked his brain, trying to remember if any of his friends drove a blue Civic. A few seconds later, the driver's window slid down and he saw Buffy smiling up at him.

"Giles got me a present," she announced gleefully.

Riley's eyes widened, "He got you a new car?"

Buffy nodded, "Yup."

"Totally new? This isn't even a year old or anything?"

"It still has the new car smell and everything," she said.

"Wow, this is great," he replied sincerely, "This takes care of one huge problem for you."

"You're not kidding. Giles says he got an inheritance so he just paid for it all at once… I don't have to worry about car payments at all."

Riley leaned down to peer in the windows, "Very very nice car, Buffy. My father is an avid believer in buying American, but I've always liked this car. It's perfect for you… four doors and a good backseat for the baby."

"It is," she agreed, "So, you hungry? I could take you out to dinner."

"Wow, I get to ride in a new car *and* eat with a gorgeous female," Riley teased, "Must be my lucky day. Just give me a minute to drop this stuff off in there and lock the door, okay?"

"Sure, I'll make a u-turn," Buffy answered, full of excitement.

Riley grinned as he watched her pull away from the curb to make her oh-so-thrilling u-turn before continuing on his way to the apartment. After dropping the mail on the dining room table, he grabbed his leather coat from his room and headed back to the door. As he walked back by the kitchen, Riley got an idea and went and pulled something out of one of the doors before walking out and locking the door.

"What's that?" Buffy asked, seeing a small black object in Riley's hand as he climbed into the passenger seat.

Smiling, Riley handed it to her, "It's your very own garage door opener. You know how they gave us two, since it's a two-car garage and I had the extra in the kitchen drawer."

"Oh yeah," she replied, "Thank you. Wow.. I now own a car… doors... windows… an engine… and a garage door opener!"

Riley just grinned as he watched how ecstatic Buffy was about everything. After she'd hooked the opener on her visor, Buffy began driving slowly through the apartment complex.

"So, what do you feel like?"

"How about Armando's?"

"That cute place we went with all the guys the night before we went to Vegas?" she asked.

Riley nodded, "That's the one… in Oxnard… half an hour from here."

Buffy took the hint and nodded fervently, "Sounds fabulous!

"Man, I need a shower," Nathaniel complained as he walked with several other soldiers towards the elevator after a long, tiring patrol.

Riley grinned, "I could use one too. Maybe I'll just borrow your bathroom here."

"Good idea," Joseph laughed, "You go home smelling like you are and Buffy will kick your sorry ass right out of bed."

While the rest of the guys laughed, Riley rolled his eyes and secretly wished that were the case. Unfortunately, Buffy wouldn't care *what* he smelled like because she was most likely sound asleep and wouldn't even be in the same room as him.

As they all got in the elevator, Chris asked, "You working tomorrow night, Ri?"

"Nope, I'm coming to the party, though," he replied.

"Cool, I was just making sure that Buffy would be there. Even if you had to work… we wanted Buffy," Chris informed him.

Mike nodded in agreement, "We try not to go to your place too much, so she won't feel obligated to wait on us and do all the hosting duties, but we definitely miss her."

"You know, I'm not too sure she'll be in the mood to come," Riley said regretfully, "She hasn't said she won't, but I haven't mentioned it for a week or so… and she's been kind of weird lately."

"Weird? Weird how?" Nathaniel asked.

"Yeah, I thought you said she was great," Joseph said, "You told me she was so happy about her old man… or sort of her old man, getting her that car."

"She was… is… she loves the car. Buffy's fine, she is just pregnant and part of getting pregnant is getting bigger and she's used to being tiny so that's upsetting her. She can't fit in a lot of her clothes, so unless you want her coming in sweat pants…"

"Oh, we don't care what she wears, we just want her here!" Nathaniel assured him, "You *have* to bring her. We'll make her feel better. I'm sure she's still quite tiny."

"You didn't call her fat, did you, Dude?" Chris asked, "Because if you did, I have to kick your ass."

"Of course I didn't call her fat! She's not fat. She's pregnant and is still nowhere near fat," Riley replied exasperated. As amusing as he sometimes found the guys' adoration of Buffy, they got to be on the annoying side at times.

Riley sighed and rubbed his temples; his worst nightmare was coming true.

Okay, that was an exaggeration, but ever since his discussion with the guys, he'd worried Buffy would declare she was not going to the party. As predicted, she'd already been in bed when he had gotten home at two that morning, so he couldn't ask her then. By the time he had woken up, she'd was at work already. As soon as she'd gotten home, he'd cheerfully reminded her that they were supposed to leave at a quarter to seven for the party and Buffy had pouted and told him to go without her before heating up a TV dinner and taking it to her room so she could eat it in bed while reading some book Anya had given her.

Riley had tried giving her some time to change her mind, but gave up after twenty minutes. Then he'd gone in to her room and repeatedly assured her that she wasn't fat and the guys *really* wanted her to come. When that hadn't worked, he began going through her closet.

"How about this?" he asked, holding up a flowered skirt, "It's stretchy, I bet you can still fit in it."

Buffy glanced up and shook her head, "I tried it on Thursday. When are you going to give up? I told you I have tried *all* my clothes on and the only things that fit *and* I can breathe in are my overalls and sweats. I have some clothes at my mom's that are loose-fitting, but I'm *so* not going to get them."

"Wear your overalls! You look fine as it is," he assured her. Okay, the black turtleneck with the denim overalls really wasn't the type of thing anyone else at the party would probably be wearing, but he still thought she looked gorgeous.

"Well, I would, but I'm afraid *every* other girl there will have the same outfit on," she replied sarcastically, wishing he'd just give up and let her get back to her book.

"Buffy, please," Riley said quietly, giving her his most pitiful look.

Not expecting him to go so low, Buffy looked up again and felt a pang of guilt, "Why do you want me to go so badly? It's perfectly fine for you to go and me to stay home and veg."

"No… it's not," he replied, "The guys want *you* there. It's more like you are invited and I am your guest. If you don't go, I might as well not go, because they'll be on my case all night."

Buffy's resolve started to waver, "You're just saying that…"

"No, I'm not," he insisted, "Please? I really want to go, Buffy."

Buffy sighed and nodded, marking her spot in the novel with a bookmark before climbing out of bed, "I'm still not changing."

"That's fine," Riley said, a triumphant grin on his face.

"Want something to eat?" Riley asked, then cringed at the glare Buffy shot his way, "Well, they have carrots and stuff… not all fattening foods."

"It doesn't matter… I'm not eating any different foods or more food than normal… I just magically gained a ton of weight."

Riley smiled, "It's not magic… you're pregnant."

Buffy rolled her eyes good-naturedly and patted him on the thigh, "Go have fun. You were looking forward to this… don't let me spoil the evening for you."

"You just want to sit on this couch all by yourself tonight?"

Shrugging, Buffy asked, "Is there something wrong with that?"

"Tell you what, you give me *one* dance and then I will let you sit here all alone… if that's what you really want."

"It *is* what I want, except for the dancing part," she replied, "Besides, I thought you hated dancing."

"Who told you that?"

"Joseph."

"Well, I can slow dance," he informed her.

Buffy gave him an incredulous look, "We've been here an hour and all I hear is fast-paced stuff."

Riley stood up and held out his hand, "Trust me… we can have a slow song."

Sighing, Buffy took his hand and let him pull her up and lead her out to the dance floor. She saw him signal to the DJ and the next thing she knew, Faith Hill's voice floated out of the speaker as 'Breathe' began playing and Riley pulled her closer.

Buffy tried to ignore the words of the song, ignore the way she felt being pressed up against Riley. She tried to ignore how *right* it felt. Giving up, she closed her eyes and rested her head against his chest, letting herself pretend, just for a few moments, that her faux life was real.

Riley tightened his arms around Buffy's slight form as he felt her lie her head on his chest. It felt wonderful, being like this with her. He knew, without a doubt, that this was the way he wanted to spend the rest of his life. It didn't matter if his career was a success, if her baby wasn't his, nothing mattered as long as he got to hold her in his arms.

The song ended all too soon and another fast one was soon playing. Reluctantly, the two of them pulled apart and shared shy smiles. As much as Riley had wanted to come and hang out with all his friends, he knew that if she asked him in that moment to go home, there was no way he could say no. She had him wrapped around her little finger, and lucky for him, she didn't even know it.

"Let's go get something to drink," he suggested, forgetting all about his promise to let her plant herself on the couch.

Buffy smiled and began to nod, also forgetting that she was supposed to be having a miserable time, despite the fact that she'd had a dozen gorgeous guys fawning over her upon her arrival. All she knew was Riley was there… and being with Riley sounded great.

"Riley!"

The both of them were startled out of their reverie by the presence of a tall brunette at Riley's side.

Caught off guard, Riley slowly smiled and said, "Tiffani., hi."

Buffy stood by awkwardly as she watched the brunette reach over and hug Riley. Immediately, she felt completely inadequate. This other girl had long, shiny hair that was all in place. She had a tight black dress, that she filled out quite effectively, something Buffy couldn't have done even before she'd had a baby-belly.

In short, she was absolutely gorgeous. The kind of girl that most guys would kill to get with. And she was all over Buffy's husband that had been told numerous times that he was free to do whatever he liked with other women.

"I was talking to Joey, and he told me you moved out! You got your own place, huh?" Tiffani asked, and Buffy could tell by her grin that she had some wonderful ideas on how to take advantage of the fact that Riley had a private residence.

Feeling like an idiot, Buffy slid away, heading anywhere that would be out of their sight. She shouldn't let it bother her, since Riley *was* just a friend, upon her insistence, but it still felt like her heart was being ripped from her chest. Love certainly sucked.

Riley saw Buffy walking away as he pried Tiffani off of him and tried to think of a cool way to stop her. It wasn't that he didn't like Tiffani; she seemed pretty nice and she was very beautiful. The thing was, she was far from his type. He liked girls with a little bit of… resistance against casual sex on a regular basis. He enjoyed being in a monogamous relationship and making love. Even though every time she saw him, Tiffani was on him, Riley knew if he ever did sleep with her, it would be over. Her attraction was simply because he didn't drool over her like every other guy.

"Who was *that*?" Tiffani asked, "I mean, a *overalls*? She looked like a ragamuffin farmer."

Riley turned and have her a dangerous look, "That was my wife, and she looks absolutely beautiful."

From ten feet away, Forrest rolled his eyes, having witnessed the entire exchange as soon as Tiffani had gone up to Riley. As soon as he'd heard that girl was there, he knew the night would be interesting. Tiffani was like a dog in heat when it came to Riley and things couldn't have gone better if he'd planned it. Well, maybe Riley wouldn't have said that last part if Forrest had his way, but the damage done on Buffy's end was great.

And if he could add a little to that damage, all the better.

Casually, Forrest followed the way Buffy had gone, into the kitchen. He found the blonde sitting at the table, staring at her hands.

"Came to escape the 'Riley and Tiffani Sexcapades,' huh?" he asked, sitting down across from her and smiling.

Buffy looked up, surprised to see Forrest being friendly with her, "What?"

"Oh, Riley and Tiffani. You should have seen him the first time he laid eyes on her... took months but they were very close to starting something, until… well, you know," Forrest lied, "Tiffani hasn't given up on it, though, it appears, so maybe something will happen after all. I mean, Riley *is* free to do whatever he wants with anybody else, right?"

"Yeah, right," Buffy answered quietly, trying not to cry, "It's none of my business."

"There you are," Riley said, relieved, "I've been looking all over for you. Aren't you cold out here?"

Buffy looked up at him from her spot on the back porch floor, "Nope, it feels good."

She was kind of surprised to see him, since it had only been twenty minutes or so since she'd left him with Tiffani. A few minutes after Forrest had joined her in the kitchen, she'd told him she needed fresh air and had gone out on the porch alone. Buffy had been sitting there, getting her head together with the intent to find a ride home since Riley was sure to be... occupied… for a long time.

"It *is* getting warmer," Riley commented, leading against the railing, "Looks like we're getting into spring weather at last."

"Yeah, and then summer," Buffy frowned, "I remember my aunt telling me how horrible it is to be pregnant in the summertime. It's already hot and it makes you way more uncomfortable. I'm due August 19^th, so I'll be pregnant most of the summer."

"Well, we have air conditioning in the apartment and I'll be willing to fan you if you want," Riley said, smiling when he achieved a small smile from her. Clearing his throat, Riley added, "Look, I wanted you to know… Tiffani and I… we're not…"

"Hey, you don't owe me any explanations. I already told you that you can do what you want with whomever you want."

"But Buffy, I don't want to do *anything* with her!" he protested.

"Then why did Forrest… oh," Buffy said quietly, realizing what had happened.

"What did Forrest do?" Riley sighed, preparing himself to want to kill his friend.

"He tried to be a good friend to you," Buffy said, giving him a sad smile as she stood up, "Are you going to go back to the party?"

Riley shook his head, "I don't feel like it anymore. Want to go home?"

Buffy looked up at him closely, trying to gauge whether or not he was lying to make her happy, "Are you sure?"

"I can honestly say that there's no place I'd rather be right now."

Buffy was quiet most of the way home, until the silence got to Riley and he made her tell him what she was thinking. He regretted it, though, when she informed him that she'd been considering naming her baby Rohan if it was a boy, after a character in one of her stories. The name made Riley cringe, and he vowed to make her change her mind if she stuck with it, for the sake of her poor unborn child.

When they walked into the apartment, Riley couldn't help but notice how downhearted Buffy appeared and it broke his heart. Over the past month, he'd seen her go through many mood swings and cry a whole lot… either from a long distance commercial, a movie on TV, or just the fact that they were out of orange juice. However, this was different. It wasn't just hormones.

Buffy was planning on heading to her room and burying herself under the covers until she had to go to work the next morning when Riley grabbed her shoulders and made her stiffen in surprise.

Turning her around, Riley gave her a serious look, "What's wrong?"

Buffy knew that a simple 'nothing' wouldn't work; Riley would know she was lying and she could tell he was in the kind of mood where he'd pester her into talking. Sighing, she looked down and blurted out the part of the reason for her foul mood that wouldn't be completely embarrassing, "I feel awful. I know that I haven't really gained all that much weight and I'm not even showing, it's just all my clothes are too tight, but, I still feel gross. And then tonight at that party… all those girls.. they used to be me. A few months ago, I was one of the people who had a great time dancing and talking to people, wearing cute clothes, and not having to worry about… all the stuff I have to worry about. But now I'm not those girls… I'm disgusting."

"Buffy, you are *so* far from disgusting," Riley replied vehemently, "You're… you're beautiful. I know that you feel pretty bad right now, but it's going to pass, I know it. If you want, I'll call my sister and she'll tell you."

Buffy shook her head, "God, I feel like such a… whiner. It's like one moment I'm all upset because I'm gaining weight… another moment I almost feel happy because I'm starting to have physical evidence of the baby… and then I hate myself because I'm sitting around moping that I put on a few pounds since I am *pregnant* and I'm not even appreciating how wonderful you are. But I always feel disgusting, so I'm sticking by that."

Riley stroked his hand down the side of her face as she looked up at him. Quietly, he repeat, "You are *beautiful*. I want you to believe me. Do I have to prove it to you?"

Buffy smiled sadly, "I'm stubborn as hell, you couldn't prove it to me if you tried."

He thought it over for a moment before taking a chance and saying, "Let me try, then."

"What?" Buffy asked, giving him a strange look.

Riley's response was to dip his head down and kiss her lovingly, caressing her lips with his own until she parted them and admitted his tongue entrance to explore her mouth. After a moment, when the need for oxygen became too great, he pulled back and looked down at her bewildered face.

"I love your lips. They're so soft and full and wonderful... definitely the best lips I have ever laid eyes on. Your eyes are amazing. I love how they change color when you wear certain things. No matter what, they are always beautiful eyes, and so expressive. You make me believe that your eyes are the window to your soul because I can look in yours and want to hold you while you cry, hug you and be as happy as you are… all of it. Your whole face… I've never seen a better face. If that face could be the last thing I see before I fall asleep, and the first thing I see when I wake up for the rest of my life, I'd die a happy man. You're absolutely perfect, I swear. Yet there are times when you're even more beautiful… like when you're happy or right now… your cheeks are flushed and you're looking at me with such wonder... I don't know how you do it, but you go from perfect to even better."

Buffy smiled shyly, not sure whether to be embarrassed by his attention or to be flattered to hear such compliments coming from *him*.

Riley took an even bigger chance and slowly ran his hands down her arms until her small hands were clasped in his much larger ones. Languidly, he turned them around and took a few steps backwards towards his bedroom, hoping she would get the idea, "Do you suppose I could try to convince you even more?"

Buffy's eyes darted to his bedroom door as she realized what he was asking. Seeing the vulnerable look on his face, she wondered how she could say no to the man who not only had said some of the sweetest things to her since Angel, but the man she already had wanted to be with, both sexually and emotionally.

So she didn't.

Nodding her head slightly, she whispered, "Okay."

Riley released one of her hands and turned to walk calmly towards his bedroom, pulling Buffy with him. Once in the room he turned on only the dimmest light so that he could still see her, yet have a romantic atmosphere. He lead her to the bed where they sat side by side with their faces towards each other. Riley took the opportunity to kiss her again, a little more passionately, deeper than before. His hand moved to the side of the neck, gently stroking her sensitive skin as their mouths mated.

Slowly, they parted and looked one another in the eyes. Smiling adoringly, Riley continued by running his fingers through her hair, "Your hair is like spun silk, and just as perfect as your face. It's like you reinvented blonde to me."

Buffy smiled self-consciously as he lifted her hand and kissed her fingers while he carried on with his purpose, "Even your hands are beautiful. They're so small, and I can't imagine these hands belonging to someone who uses them to kill demons, but they do. I love it when you paint your nails too. It makes them look so soft, so feminine… so you."

Knowing what he had planned next, Riley moved his hands to the latches on her overalls and looked Buffy in the eye before asking, "Are you sure? You can change your mind… I'll understand."

Buffy smiled wider before lifting her hands and brushing his away so that she could undo the latches. The front of the overalls fell down to her waist and Buffy started tugging at the bottom of her turtleneck to pull it over her head, but found Riley's hands covering hers.

"Can I?"

At Buffy's nod, Riley gingerly pulled the garment over her head, revealing her lacy black bra that was filled quite sufficiently with her creamy breasts. Sensing she was a bit uncomfortable being in this state of undress, he asked, "Would you like me to take off my shirt?"

"Yeah," she said softly, almost as if she'd lost her voice.

Riley pulled his sweater over his head and tossed it to the ground beside Buffy's turtleneck before standing up and kicking off his shoes and socks and pulling off his pants, leaving him in a pair of boxers. When he was done, Buffy timidly stood as well, removing her sneakers and socks and letting the overalls fall to the ground. With both of them only wearing underwear, Riley got back on the bed, but this time laid down and patted the spot next to him. Buffy obeyed, lying down with her head on the pillows and Riley on his side next to her.

He began placing hot kisses on her shoulders and collarbone, telling her how beautiful her lean, warrior body was before he reached under her and managed to undo the clasp of her bra. Making a point to look her in the eye as he pulled the material away.

"Your breasts are… perfect," he told her, gently massaging her flesh, "They're soft… full… flawless."

Buffy blushed, "You don't have to keep going."

"Yes I do," he insisted, "There's still more beautiful parts to you that I haven't mentioned and I can't rest until I know that you know you're beautiful."

Buffy laughed, "I believe you."

"Yeah?"

She nodded, running her hands through his hair, "You've made me feel very beautiful."

"I don't know, I like to be thorough," he teased.

Buffy gave him a serious look, "Nothing would make me feel more beautiful right now than for you to make love to me."

He swallowed and replied hoarsely, "Are you sure?"

"I already told you yes," she grinned, pulling his head down so that she could kiss him and let him know exactly how much she wanted him.

The next few moments were filled with ardent kissing, yanking off underwear, and tender touches until the both of them were nude and frantic to be as close as possible to each other. Settling between her thighs, Riley's fingers found her sex damp with her excitement and need for him. Just to be sure, he slid one finger inside her, gently massaging making Buffy moan and close her eyes. A few seconds later he added a second digit and was rewarded by Buffy arching her back up and groaning loudly. After just a moment, she cried out as her body shook with tremors from her orgasm.

As soon as she came down, Riley slowly slid his length inside her, using all his willpower not to immediately begin thrusting rapidly inside her incredibly tight heat. He couldn't believe anything could feel so heavenly, but then again, Buffy had a way of changing everything as he knew it.

Buffy was overcome with desire as Riley slowly plunged in and out of her in a steady pattern. She soon began thrusting her hips up to meet his, kissing his shoulder and gently scratching her nails down his back as the waves of pleasure continually crashed through her. As she once again reached her release, one thought echoed in her mind.

Buffy felt complete.

When she awoke the next morning, Buffy was unaware of where exactly she was, or what the strange weight across her stomach was. Looking around, she saw Riley sound asleep next to her in *his* bed, with his arm over her belly. The events from the night before came back to her, making her body flush as the images of the two of them making love flashed though her mind.

However, as content and sated she'd felt in Riley's arms as they'd gone to sleep the night before, with the morning came so many doubts and regrets. Riley had truly made her feel beautiful, wanted… and not entirely inadequate when compared to girls like Tiffani. She'd allowed herself to get caught up in that, as well as her own secret desire to have more than a platonic relationship with him.

It had been foolish, of course, she decided, as she tried to figure out what she was going to do. She'd been weak, and now things were messed up forever. The night before, Buffy wasn't sure whether she'd disillusioned herself into thinking Riley would play husband and wife with her and they'd have a tidy little life together, or if she just hadn't cared, but now she had a whole new problem.

She wasn't sure how Riley would act when he woke up, but Buffy doubted he'd act like it was nothing and tell her he wanted to go back to the way things were like she was sure he honestly felt. Riley was too much of a gentleman to do that, but she wasn't going to let him suffer just because he'd gotten a little too caught up in the moment while trying to make *her* feel better. It was no wonder he'd slept with her. After months of being celibate *because* of her… he was probably pretty… in need of release.

Sighing, Buffy carefully extracted herself from under Riley's arm and grabbed her shoes and clothes off the floor before creeping out of the room. Pretending it never happened may not be the most mature or effective solution, but it was the only one Buffy could come up with. Perhaps it would work and neither of them would ever speak of it again.

Riley awoke alone in bed and was disconcerted for a few seconds before hearing the shower running. Glancing at the clock, he saw it was half past eight and knew Buffy was just getting ready for work. As much as he wanted to keep her in bed with him all day, he doubted Giles would find their excuse acceptable. Getting out of bed, Riley grew more awake and realized that Buffy was not in his shower that was attached to the bedroom, but the other one that she'd been using as her bathroom since they had moved in, probably since all her stuff was in there.

Smiling wickedly, Riley decided to give her a little surprise. After all, she had over half an hour before she had to be at work...

While Buffy rinsed the conditioner from her hair, she kept repeating to herself to just pretend it never happened. Even if it *was* wonderful, she'd never make it through this if she let her mind go where it wanted, to thinking about what they'd done over and over. The only way they could possibly go back to the way they were before would be if Buffy didn't dwell on it, but instead tried to forget it ever happened.

With a new resolve to not allow herself to think about it, Buffy finished rinsing her hair. She was so caught up in her own thoughts, that she didn't hear the door beside her slide open. Riley grinned as he stepping into the tub that doubled as a shower behind Buffy. Slowly, he stepped forward and placed his hands on her upper arms before dipping his head down to kiss her neck.

He froze, however, when Buffy jerked around and backed away from him, modestly covering her breasts with her arms, "Riley, get out!"

Taken aback, Riley stared at her, "What?"

Instead of trying to reason with him while they were both in the shower, completely naked, Buffy opened the sliding door from her end and rushed out, leaving Riley in the shower alone. He quickly turned off the water and stepped out of the tub, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around his waist before chasing after Buffy's retreating form as she raced to her bedroom.

He got close enough to hold her bedroom door open when she tried to slam it, and watched as she hurriedly pulled clothes out of her dresser. Riley stood and watched her for a moment before realizing Buffy wasn't going to start explaining her reaction to him in the shower.

"Buffy, what's going on?"

"I'm going to work, and I'm probably going to be totally late," she replied digging through her shirts, trying to find her loose green one. At least it *used* to be loose.

Riley was dumbfounded; she was acting like something *huge* hadn't happened the night before and he didn't understand it, "Buffy we made love last night-"

"Had sex," she corrected both him and herself. She had to remember that just because of what they'd done, they couldn't now make the life they'd been pretending to have for everyone else a reality. It would never work in the long run… and she'd only end up hurt all over again. Buffy vowed to never let a man make her feel so broken again.

"I *made love* to you, Buffy," he insisted, "but now you're acting… well, not at all like I would have expected. And I'm not going to let you just run out on me, I want answers."

"Can't we talk about this *later*?" she asked, pulling the shirt on over her towel. Even though he'd seen all of her the night before, she had no desire to be nude in front of him again.

"No, I don't think that's a good idea," Riley replied, "I have a feeling that 'later' will always be a better time to discuss this. Why are you avoiding me? Why are you doing this, Buffy?"

Buffy sighed and averted her eyes, "We made a huge mistake, Riley. We're not… together… like that. We made a promise to have an arrangement, don't you remember?"

"But that doesn't matter now! Last night, things changed!"

"No, they didn't! Nothing changed!"

"Yes it did," he replied firmly, "You were sending me signals last night. I thought you wanted..."

As Riley trailed off, Buffy quietly answered, "I don't… I can't. I can't be what you think you want or need me to be."

"Buffy, last night was the best night of my life!"

Buffy cocked her head to the side, amazed by his words. She'd expected some persuading that they could be more than just a one night thing, but this was going beyond Riley's sense of what was the right thing to do. She realized that he honestly believed what he was saying… and it made everything that much more pathetic. Shaking her head, she said, "That just proves that you're desperate. Thanks to me, you aren't dating and sleeping with regular girls… you're getting all screwed up because, again thanks to me, you can't have a normal life."

"I can't think of anything more normal or natural than last night… I made love to my wife."

"I'm not your wife!"

"Yes, you are. After last night, you *are*," Riley replied, then added when she began shaking her head again, "Give me one good reason why we shouldn't go along with this… take our relationship to the next level."

Buffy was silent for a few moments, and Riley began to wonder if she was going to answer when she looked him straight in the eyes and said, "Angel. I… I love him, even after what happened."

"You love Angel," Riley repeated, turning around and running his fingers through his hair as he tried sorting it all out.

"Yes, I do… I'm so angry at him, but I love him… I can't be in a relationship with anyone else when I feel how I do about him, carrying his child," she lied, not about loving Angel- she knew she'd always love Angel, even more now that he'd given her a son or daughter. However, she also knew that even with a part of her heart belonging to Angel… she could love Riley as well. If only loving him didn't mean risking it all over again… and *that* was something she was not willing to do.

Riley turned back around and faced her, letting her see his eyes were full of hurt, "I see… if that's the way you feel, I guess I can't change your mind."

Buffy swallowed heavily and tried not to cry as she watched him walk dejectedly from her room, "Riley?"

He paused and looked back her, "Yeah?"

"I'm really sorry."

"I'm not," he told her before leaving her alone.

Still wearing a towel and a t-shirt, Buffy sat down on the edge of her bed, willing herself to calm down and believe that this was for the best. Still, she felt awful… she'd managed to make Riley hurt… the same way she was terrified she would end up if she let herself start something with him.

"Is everything all right?" Giles asked, looking at Buffy with concern. He'd come in mid-afternoon to get some paperwork done, since Sunday's tended to be slow and he didn't have anything better to do. Buffy had been rather quiet the entire time. Not in a bad mood, or sad… just quiet.

And since Buffy was *never* quiet, Giles noticed.

Buffy smiled, "I'm fine, just tired. I went to a party last night and I didn't get to bed until late. As it is, I overslept and had to race around in order to get here in time, hence my fabulous hair," she joked, gesturing to her ponytail.

"Do you still feel up to our dinner tonight?"

"Dinner tonight," Buffy replied slowly, trying to remember what he meant.

"Yes, I asked you last Thursday if you'd like to go out to dinner with me tonight after we closed up and you said yes," he reminded her.

"Oh yeah, I'm totally up for it," Buffy quickly nodded; anything that kept her away from home and Riley sounded good to her. She knew she couldn't avoid him forever, but 'for as long as humanly possible' sounded like a great idea.

Riley drowsily looked around the living room upon waking up in the recliner after a particularly loud noise on the television. A few seconds later, he remembered the events of the past twenty four hours and rubbed his face tiredly. Oh, how he wished it was just a dream, or more accurately, a nightmare. He wished that when he'd awakened that morning, Buffy would have been in bed next to him… and he could have loved her over and over until they both were too exhausted to move. Hell, even if they had just come home and gone to their respective rooms the night before, it would better than this.

At least he wouldn't feel so stupid, so used. He loved Buffy beyond reason and she loved her precious Angel who would only hurt her. She loved a *vampire* who wasn't even man enough to be there for the woman he'd impregnated and their child. Riley wanted to give her the world, but all she wanted to do was sit around and wait for some loser who would never come.

He wanted to hate her more than anything, but all he could muster was a whole lot of anger towards her and a hatred of *himself* for letting her make him feel this way. Even after the way she'd ripped his heart to shreds that morning, there was no guarantee that if she walked in that door at that moment and told him she changed her mind… that he wouldn't be ecstatic and take her back immediately.

That thought got him alert as he noticed the sun was setting. Buffy should be closing the magic store right about then, and she'd be home soon. Riley didn't think he wanted to face her. It wasn't until he'd cleaned up all the trash from the junk food and sodas he'd consumed that he remembered getting home from work the previous Thursday and Buffy telling him of her plans to go out with Giles that night. He wondered for a moment if she'd keep those plans before deciding that she most likely would. To Buffy, what happened meant nothing. Why should she go so far as to cancel her dinner out?

Sighing, Riley opened the refrigerator and tried to look for something appetizing. He knew he really ought to run to the store, because he'd eaten the entire bag of Cheetos that Buffy had bought herself while watching Terminator. She'd probably be pretty annoyed when she got the munchies and couldn't find it.

Then again… she deserved it.

Smirking, Riley opened the freezer and pulled out her pint of Phish Food. It was only half full, but Buffy had just gone shopping Friday evening so there ought to be all sorts of goodies in the kitchen… and he had a couple hours to stuff his face before she got home.

"Buffy, I have something very important to tell you," Giles said quietly after they had placed their orders, "I fear you won't be very happy with me. I just ask that you stay calm.. try not to be rash or let your anger get the best of you."

Buffy had to suppress the urge to lean forward and slam her head repeatedly on the table top. The last thing she needed after the day she'd has was something that might make her rash and angry. Sighing, she replied, "Go ahead, tell me."

"Well, to begin with, Angel's been calling me."

Stunned, she asked, "He has? What for?"

"About you… I know you are angry with him, and rightfully so, but I think you are also aware that Angel still loves you very much. I can tell that he feels a lot of guilt for not being here with you… and I think he even regrets his decision in a way. I get the feeling that a part of Angel wishes he hadn't done what he felt was best and instead had gone ahead and built a life with you."

Buffy looked down, trying not to cry, "What did he say?"

"Oh, he just wants to make sure you're okay… both your health and emotionally," Giles answered, "I didn't tell him that your mother… he believes you still live with Joyce. I felt that if I did tell him the truth, he might end up coming here to… I don't know… but he might come down there and I feared that he would just cause you pain. If you want, I can tell him the truth."

Buffy shook her head, "No… you're absolutely right. Angel would probably blow into town, 'fix' my life… and just as I am getting a grasp on things again, blow on out."

"All right," Giles replied, "anyway, Angel believes you are still living with your mother, so he doesn't know about your arrangement with Riley. He doesn't know that you have insurance that will cover your pregnancy… he thinks that you and your mother are going to end up paying thousands of dollars out of pocket for medical bills. There is also the problem of all the furniture and clothing and everything else you will have to buy for this baby. Angel feels bad enough that he's not here… he really wants to help out with the money."

"I already told him I don't want his money, tell him I haven't changed my mind," Buffy snapped.

Giles took a deep breath and withdrew a white envelope from the inside of his jacket, "It's not that simple, Buffy. Angel's opened a checking account in your name."

"What?" she exclaimed, "I can't believe he did that! I don't know why, considering he *always* decides what is best for me and acts on it… even when *I* don't agree."

Giles reached across the table and gently took her hand in his, "I know that you hate it and I don't like that he did this either. But it *is* a good thing, so I agreed to talk to you about it."

"I don't want his money, Giles. It's like telling him that he *is* the wise one, and I am just this immature, stupid girl."

"Or it's like making him face up to his responsibilities. Angel got you pregnant, if he were to do the right thing, he'd stand by you and be there for you and your child. He'd be here, taking care of you when you aren't feeling well, going to the doctor with you, be there when you go into labor… and help you raise this child. He'd help you physically, emotionally and financially. He *owes* that to you and this baby. If you allow him to give you money, you're letting him do part of his job, but he's still not doing the other parts. And those parts are arguably more important."

Buffy looked at him sadly, "I know it's *incredibly* immature, but I want him to suffer. I don't want to give him a chance to not feel bad about this. What if he says 'Hey, thanks to me, the baby has a crib and toys and Buffy isn't in debt with the hospital. I'm so great and Buffy's so lucky I did this for her.'?"

Giles smiled at her horrible impression of Angel, "Trust me when I tell you it's not possible. With certain men, yes, they would think themselves honorable for helping out with the finances. However, you and I both know even with his faults, Angel is not one of those men. He's going to know that you are missing out on certain things, as is your child, because he's not there. If it helps, he's also going to miss out on a lot of good things too. He won't know his own child, Buffy. When your son or daughter says their first word, takes their first step… he'll miss it. You're going to get to be there for all those wonderful events."

Buffy allowed herself a smile as she imagined her baby doing all those things that she already looked forward to, "That is pretty special."

"Yes… it is," Giles agreed, "Now, I hate to sound like I am lecturing you, so consider this just me reminding you… that you know you could use money for this baby. The more money you have, the better the things you will have for this child. You won't have to work as much… and when you have your baby, won't you want to be able to spend a lot of time with them?"

After a moment, Buffy nodded reluctantly, "I know that logically, there is no reason for me not to be happy to take his money. I guess I'm just really angry."

"It's very understandable," Giles assured her, then set the envelope down in front of her. "In here is an ATM card and checkbook… along with some booklets and other things you can read about the account."

"Why do I feel like I am being bought off?"

Giles thought for a moment about what he could say to convince her. He was already very close, he could tell. He was rather surprised she was taking it as well as she was. Then again, Buffy had been in that strange mood all day. Slowly, he used one more line of reasoning on her, "Why don't you just take this envelope? It doesn't mean you have to use the card or the checkbook. All that money can sit in the account. But then, if you have an emergency, you will have it there. This way *you* have money… you won't have to ask Riley or I or anyone else for it. It's *your* money."

The mention of Riley's name brought tears to Buffy's eyes suddenly. She was so caught up with her anger at Angel that she'd forgotten about their current situation for a few moments. Poor Riley, who probably hated her… was just as mad at her as she was at Angel… and rightfully so. Poor Riley who had done so much for her… and if she had an emergency, he'd probably give her money despite it. But this way she'd never have to ask.

After a moment, Buffy picked the envelope up and nodded, "Okay, I'll take it… but that doesn't mean I will use them."

Giles smiled and patted her hand, "That sounds wonderful to me."

As Buffy put the envelope in her purse, she had to disagree. Nothing sounded wonderful anymore. Wonderful was about a million miles away from her. Right then, everything in Buffyland pretty much sucked.

When she finally walked in the apartment, after taking the long way home from the restaurant and sitting her parked car in the garage for ten minutes, trying to get her courage up, Buffy wanted to do nothing but get to bed. Even despite their activities, she *had* slept fairly well the night before, and the store really hadn't been busy that day. She supposed guilt wore her out.

As she walked in, she was relieved to find the living room empty. One glance at Riley's closed bedroom door showed her he was in there, watching television from the loud machine gun noises. For a few seconds, she pondered knocking on his door. She certainly didn't want to give him the impression that she wasn't speaking to him. As it was, she wondered if he'd ever not despise her. Fear won out, though, and she decided to leave him be like he probably wanted.

Quietly, she went to her own room and stuffed the envelope Giles had given her in the back of her underwear drawer, wondering how long she could go on this way. She understood that Riley was angry, she even welcomed his anger. She felt guilty enough as it is, so she was willing to take his punishment. However, they were supposed to stay married for just under ten more months. If she had to spend ten months living with someone who couldn't bear the sight of her because of all the pain she'd caused him… she didn't know if she could bear it.

Things were different for her than before she'd married Riley. She knew she had Giles' support. She had a job… and as much as she didn't want to have to use it, she had the money from Angel. She'd give Riley some time. A few days, maybe a week to calm down, then maybe they could discuss things. If he wanted, they could end this now… go with the story that she confessed he wasn't the father of her baby so he wouldn't get in trouble. Then he could be rid of her. Actually, she was kind of surprised he hadn't left… but there was always the next day.

Riley wasn't sure how he felt when he came out of his bedroom to get a glass of water and realized Buffy had come home and gone straight to bed without saying a word. He only knew she'd done that because he recalled leaving the light in the living room on, and it was now off as well as any lights in Buffy's bedroom.

At first he felt a pang, missing how open and friendly they'd been before, but then he felt anger that she was avoiding him… treating him like a burden… a hassle. Was he just something that would ruin her day because he was in pain over how she'd used him?

Did he even really know Buffy?

Riley shook his head, feeling like he was going mad. It was just that he'd never felt for anyone the way he did for Buffy. And in turn, he'd never been hurt by anyone the way he had by Buffy. He'd completely opened up to her… risked it all… and she'd used his vulnerability against him.

He tried to rationalize, say that Buffy wasn't like that, she wouldn't use him. After all, she'd been so reluctant, felt so bad about him giving up his freedom to marry her. She was unselfish and kind, she'd never *use* him.

But then again, Riley never would have imagined that Buffy would have sex with someone while she was in love with someone else, carrying their child. He hated saying it, but perhaps Forrest was right about her all along. Perhaps she had just lucked out when he found her and decided to go so far to help her, she'd gotten herself into a mess and he'd gotten her out of it.

Another realization hit him- Buffy didn't need him as much now. When he'd found her, she had no home, nowhere to go. Her parents both rejected her, and she thought her friends felt the same way. She hadn't a job, a car, money… just the clothes on her back. Now she knew that Willow and Xander would give her much needed emotional support, as would Giles… who had almost completely become a father to Buffy. Riley didn't doubt for a minute that if Buffy wanted to, she could move in with Giles. Even without Riley, she had support, a home and money… everything she really needed.

What if she leaves? He thought, his heart filled with fear. As angry, humiliated and used as he felt, the idea of her leaving him was horrifying. He *loved* her. Even if he could never have her… just knowing she was close and he could see her… it kept him going.

Riley sighed and got his glass of water, hoping sleep would come soon. Maybe in the morning he could figure out what the hell he wanted... or at least how he felt.

Buffy sighed as she looked at her overalls. There was no way she could wear them again. Even though she'd washed them frequently, since she'd been wearing them so much, she couldn't very well wear the same thing every day before it would become noticeable. After tossing them in the hamper, Buffy grabbed a pair of sweats out of her dresser. As sloppy as she'd look, at least she'd look different.

After tugging them on and putting a baggy white shirt on to go for the complete frump look, Buffy sighed and flopped down on her bed before dialing the number to the dorm she'd previously shared with Willow. It was early enough that her friend probably hadn't left for breakfast yet, she hoped.

"Hello?"

"Hey Will," Buffy replied.

"Hi Buffy… how are you doing?"

"I'm okay… except I have hardly a thing to wear. And I mean it this time. This is not anything like pre-date jitters when I have nothing to wear. Most of my clothes won't button or zip… and of those that will, only a few are actually breathable."

"Well, maybe it's time for you to get some maternity clothes," Willow suggested.

Buffy nodded, "I know… that's why I was calling you. I'd been hoping I could last a little longer, build up my savings a little more… but it's inevitable that I will need new clothes, so I might as well buy them now. I just need to be careful not to go too crazy before I get a chance to figure out how much money I need for the baby."

"I'm sure if you buy a few outfits, you will be fine," Willow assured her, "Do you work today?"

"Nope," Buffy answered, "So I was thinking we could go on a little trip to the mall after classes today, if you don't mind."

"I'm up for it!"

"Great," Buffy said, trying to be excited about it. Yeah, maternity clothes sucked, but there was the whole excitement factor since it was because she was *pregnant* that she needed them. Unfortunately, she was incapable of feeling anything that could possibly be related to happy. She didn't deserve happy… she deserved guilt and pain and punishment after what she'd done.

After she and Willow hung up, Buffy pulled her hair into a ponytail and put on her make-up before bracing herself and leaving the privacy of her room, knowing she would most likely encounter Riley. After all, he had to get up and go to school Monday through Thursday too. Besides, they *had* to face each other sooner or later… might as well get it over with.

Taking a deep breath, she opened her bedroom door and walked out, immediately finding Riley at the dining room table, eating a bowl of cereal. She greeted in a cheerful, but not too cheerful voice, "Morning."

Riley glanced up at her, his eyes unreadable, and said in a monotone voice, "Morning."

Buffy quickly walked to the kitchen to make herself some breakfast. That hadn't gone too bad. At least he was speaking to her. Of course, compared to the way Riley usually greeted her in the mornings, he could very possibly be hating her. Still, she was determined to make things work, and even if they could never go back to the way things were before, she was willing to settle for close.

However, by the time her waffles popped out of the toaster and she'd soaked them in syrup, Riley was coming in to the kitchen to dump his dirty dishes in the sink before going to his bedroom. Buffy tried not to look disappointed that they couldn't eat together and continued carrying her food out to the table to have her meal alone.

A few minutes after she'd started eating, Riley reemerged with his duffel bag for school. She called after him as he rushed by her to the door, "I won't be coming home after school."

Riley froze, afraid she was telling him she was leaving.

Hesitantly, she continued, "Willow and I are going to the mall. I'm getting new clothes."

Relieved, but still angry with her, Riley simply grunted in acknowledgement before leaving the apartment.

Alone, Buffy buried her face in her hands. She'd really screwed things up this time.

"God, I have loved these things since I was a kid… I swear it tastes better now, though," Buffy raved as she swallowed a spoonful of the Butterfinger Blizzard.

Willow smiled from across the table, "It seems you think a lot of foods taste better to you now."

Buffy narrowed her eyes playfully, "I'm *pregnant*."

"I know.. and let me tell you how grateful I am that you aren't making me watch you eat really strange foods. Like… raisins and… anything."

Buffy shrugged, "The only 'unusual' thing is that I have a major hankering for sweets. You should have seen all the junk food I bought last time I went grocery shopping."

"I'm sure any weight you may gain, you probably need," Willow reminded her, since Buffy looked healthier now than she had before she'd gotten pregnant.

"Yeah, my doctor actually told me I was ten pounds underweight to begin with, and I ought to gain five to ten pounds just for the baby in between my last visit and the next one, so he wanted me to gain at least ten or fifteen pounds," Buffy replied.

"Good, there you go!"

"Yeah, but what if I get *too* good at gaining weight? He's going to want me to gain five extra pounds again for the next month, and then I will be caught up. I'm only about four months pregnant now, if I gain ten pounds a month for the rest of my pregnancy, I'll gain, like, fifty pounds!"

"I'm sure it will slow down as you gain more weight, plus you're still jogging, right?"

Buffy nodded, "It's like the only way I am staying *sane*."

Willow smiled, then summoned up the courage to tell Buffy what she'd been wanting to say to her for quite a while. Buffy was her best friend… as she wanted her to know… about Tara, "Buffy, there's someone I want to tell you about."

"Ooh, a guy?" Buffy asked, happy to hear Willow was moving on after Oz.

"No," Willow answered quietly, "It's actually a girl I met through that wicca group I was in a few months ago. She was actually the only other real witch."

"Oh, well, that's cool. Now you have a little spell buddy."

"Yeah… and more than that."

Buffy raised her eyebrows questioningly, wondering what Willow was talking about.

"Tara and I- that's her name, Tara- we're very close. Like, you know how I felt about Oz?"

"Yeah," Buffy replied, nodding until she realized what Willow was saying, "Oh…"

"Yeah, um.. well, what Tara and I have is different than what Oz and I had… but it's also very similar. Do you see what I'm saying?"

Buffy nodded slowly, "You and Tara are a lot more than just friends."

Willow smiled, "Exactly! Um… how do you feel about this?"

Buffy was silent for a moment, still processing what Willow had said to her. After all, it was quite a shocker. However, as soon as she was able to fathom the fact that her best friend had a girlfriend, she looked up at her and gave her a small smile, "Don't take this the wrong way… but I don't care. I mean, I care that you have someone you love… I'm very happy to hear that. But you're my best friend… I don't care if you like boys or girls or both."

Willow sighed in relief and got out of her seat to hug Buffy, "Thank you."

"Will, you have nothing to thank me for. It's not like you have some horrible *fault* now. Hell, I think the fact that you're sticking by *me* when I am having a baby is a way cooler thing."

"Buffy, so many people aren't going to be cool with this. I was so worried that you might be one of them and I would lose you," Willow told her, "You have no idea how much better I feel knowing I have your support."

Buffy gave her a knowing smile, "Oh I don't know… lately I have learned a lot about the importance of a friend's support. However… when do I get to meet this Tara? Just because I accept the fact that you have a relationship with another girl doesn't mean I don't want the chance to check her out and make sure she's up to par."

Nervously, Buffy raised her hand and knocked loudly on Riley's bedroom door. It was Tuesday, and things hadn't changed in the three days since they had made love. She didn't want to push things, but had decided that if she tried something at this point, it probably wouldn't hurt.

She hoped.

"What?" Riley's gruff voice asked through the door.

"Uh… I'm home from work," Buffy called.

"Okay."

Seeing that he wasn't going to open the door, she asked, "Can I come in?"

"Whatever," he answered after a moment.

Buffy opened the door and took a step inside the room, looking at Riley on the bed, who hadn't taken his eyes off the television.

The bed they had made love in.

"I… I was wondering if maybe you'd like to go out to dinner?"

"Not especially, no," Riley replied, still not looking at her.

Buffy fidgeted nervously, "How long are you going to be mad at me?"

"I'm not mad," he said coolly, still engrossed in whatever was on the screen.

"But you don't talk to me anymore."

"Got nothing to say."

"You could say how you feel," she told him, growing frustrated by the way he was acting... or lack thereof. Even if he was angry and screaming at her… it would be better than this… indifference.

"I already told you how I feel," he replied, finally looking at her, "Two days ago in your bedroom. I laid it all on the line for you and apparently you didn't care."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't say it when you don't mean it," Riley told her, "You obviously don't feel sorry for anything other than the fact that *I* was foolish enough to think you weren't still hung up on Angel."

Buffy shook her head and turned around, knowing it was too soon. At that moment she doubted there would come a time when they would ever be ready to go back to being friends. Quietly, she said, "Just forget it."

After she'd closed the door, Riley quietly said, "I wish I could. More than anything, I wish I could."

Buffy lugged the two bags of groceries into the apartment and rushed to dump them on the kitchen counter before they fell all over the floor. Riley looked up from his seat on the couch and considered getting up to help, but by then she was already in the kitchen. Instead, he decided it wasn't too forgiving of him if he went and shut the door.

He went back to the newspaper and tried to ignore the fact that She was on the next room until she emerged a moment later holding another pint of Phish Food and smiled, "I bought you your own."

"No thanks, I don't like it," he replied.

Buffy gave him a strange look, since she'd noticed the carton from her other pint in the trash Monday evening and said, "Then why did you finish my other one?"

"Jeez, I'm sorry it was that important to you. I'll pay you back right now," he answered angrily, setting down the paper and pulling out his wallet.

"No, I don't want you to pay me back," Buffy said, not caring that she sounded annoyed, "I just think it's silly for you to tell me you don't like it when I know you obviously did on Sunday."

"Hey, you can change your mind about who or what you like from one day to the next, why can't I?"

"Yes, fine, you're right! What I did to you was really screwed up and I *do* regret it, but I can't take it back no matter how much I want to. I'm sorry, Riley, I really am, but I don't want to lose our friendship," she told him, then sighed sadly, "But I don't know how long I am going to be able to handle living with someone who despises me. I'm positive I can't do it until next January."

She walked away and left Riley to think about what she'd said. He knew exactly what she'd meant by January. That was when they were supposed to get divorced. She was telling him that if things didn't change… she would leave… just as he feared.

As Buffy sliced the french bread, she tried to decide whether or not to allow herself to get hopeful after Riley had actually said goodbye to her before leaving for work. Even if it was a simple, quiet 'goodbye', it was better than his way of just leaving without a word that had been what he'd done ever since... the incident.

Yes, it was definitely improvement. Far from the way they'd been before, but it was a baby step closer.

She arranged the slices of bread in the basket she'd bought at the mall with Willow earlier that week and set it on the dining room table. Going through her mental checklist, Buffy decided she was all ready. Now all she needed were her dinner guests… Willow and Tara, who were due at any moment.

Buffy still had moments when she couldn't believe that Willow had a girlfriend. She hadn't lied when she'd told Willow she didn't care if she was gay, but it still didn't make any of it less of a shocker. Mostly Buffy hoped she liked Tara… then again, she handled Xander being with Anya and Buffy doubted Willow would pick anyone freakier than her.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. Feeling a rush of excitement, Buffy went over and opened the door to greet her guests.

"Hey," Willow grinned, hugging her friend. "You look great. I'm glad you got that dress."

Buffy smiled and looked down at the denim jumper dress she was wearing over a long sleeve blue shirt and replied, "I admit I look better in this than in sweats, and it's actually comfortable, but the problem with maternity clothes is that as soon as you start wearing them, you start looking pregnant."

Willow grinned and gestured to the dirty blonde next to her, "This is Tara."

"Hi, nice to meet you Tara," Buffy smiled warmly, "Oh jeez, do you guys want to come in? I can't believe I have you two just standing around outside."

"This is the first time Buffy's ever had anyone over for a formal dinner, so she's a little nervous," Willow explained to Tara as the two of them walked in.

"Your h-home is very n-n-nice," Tara stuttered nervously.

Buffy immediately felt bad for her, as she always did when she'd heard people stutter, "Thank you very much."

"Mmm… something smells good," Willow said.

"That would be dinner… which is all ready. Do you two want to eat now?"

"God, Buffy, you have this serious cooking talent," Willow exclaimed after taking her first bite of the chocolate mousse Buffy had made for dessert, "I suspected before, but now I *know*."

Tara nodded in agreement, "This is very good."

"Thanks guys," Buffy grinned, "We were accidentally sent a cookbook at the shop and Giles let me take it. I have decided sooner or later my baby will eat solid foods and it would be nice if I can give it real meals."

"I can tell, you'll be a great mother," Tara told her.

Buffy blushed, "I hope you're right."

"Tara's very intuitive," Willow informed her, then bounced in her seat, "I just remembered something! Buffy, you have your doctor's appointment tomorrow and they're going to tell you the sex of the baby, right?"

"Well, they're going to try. It depends on the baby's position, but I'm hoping they can tell me."

Willow grinned, "Will you let Tara tell you what she thinks it is? She's got a gift for being able to tell, just by touching your belly."

Buffy shrugged, "Sure, why not? If it's the same as what the doctor says, then I can believe the doctor more… if it's different, then I have to worry."

She slid her chair back a bit and Tara reached over and gently placed her palm on Buffy's hardly protruding abdomen. After a moment, she looked up at her and said, "It's a girl."

"A girl?" Buffy replied.

Tara nodded, becoming shy again, now that she didn't have the confidence of her powers to hide behind, "I-I think s-s-so. But, y-y-our doctor is m-more, reliable."

"I believe in you," Buffy smiled, rubbing her hand over her stomach, "A little girl!"

The next day, Buffy walked out the door of the doctor's office, Tara's guess on the baby's sex confirmed by the scientific community. Finding out it was a girl… it helped make the baby feel all the more real to her. It was no longer a sexless, faceless child she thought of as her baby. Now she knew it was a girl, and she could imagine it with blonde hair like hers or dark hair like Angel's, and she could tie little bows in it and put her in pretty little dresses. She was so excited.

Okay, so when the nurse had said something about how she was surprised Buffy's husband hadn't come for such an important appointment and reminded her as she'd done the other two times that she'd been there that her husband was not only allowed, but encouraged to attend her appointments, she'd been a little bummed. Buffy wasn't sure how long they would believe he was just 'very busy' and she didn't want him to have to take time off to be there. It was the one instance when telling people that she wasn't married to the father and the father wasn't involved with the child would have been helpful.

Still, she was in a great mood and had a strong desire to go buy a bunch of little dresses. Unfortunately, she had to be at work in half an hour, so there was no time. Besides, she had to figure out her budget and the baby wouldn't need clothes for a good five months.

That didn't mean she didn't have the time and money for Burger King, though, she thought as she got into her car. After all, her doctor had told her to try to gain a lot more weight by her next appointment in a month and one of those yummy little Hershey pies sounded delicious.

Buffy cursed as she saw the sun slipping past the horizon. There was no way she'd be home before dark. It was all Giles' fault anyway. If he hadn't stared at her scarfing down her high fat, high grease, high everything else bad for her lunch, she wouldn't have felt all self conscious and decided to take an extra long jog after work that evening, therefore keeping her out after dark.

She shook her head and smiled, brushing off any worries she had about it. Sure, she was four months pregnant, but she was still the slayer. Odds were nothing would happen this close to sunset anyway. Giles and Riley had just managed to get her all caught up in their neurotic apprehension.

As she neared their apartment complex, Buffy grinned more broadly once again thinking about the fact that she now knew she had a daughter. A daughter of her own. Someday, she'd be able to say "my daughter."

At least with her exercise she'd been able to work off some of her excited energy. Riley was working that night and she was still way too hyped to just sit home alone all night… not that if he was there they'd be big buddies, since he was still a lot quieter than normal around her.

Maybe she'd call Willow when she got home, see if she wanted to go to a movie.

"I don't believe it!"

"What?" Court asked the vampire walking next to him. They'd both awakened an hour early and had spent the time pacing until the sun set so they could grab a meal.

"It's the slayer," Simon replied, "Nobody has seen her around for a while… but there she is."

Court looked at where he was pointing and, sure enough, there was the slayer, jogging through the open gates of an apartment complex. Unlike Simon, he was smart enough to not be excited by the sight of her. "It doesn't look like she's hunting… but we'd better get out of here."

"What, are you crazy? Can you imagine what kind of reputation I could get for slaying the *slayer*?"

"Are *you* crazy? There's no way you can take her down. You're just going to end up getting killed yourself," Court said, shaking his head.

Simon rolled his eyes, "Whatever, Man… are you wimping out, or are you coming with me?"

"I'm going to go eat, not get my ass kicked or worse," Court answered, not caring about sounding like a wuss. The slayer wouldn't be killed as easily as any other teenage girl and he was smart enough to know he wasn't *that* special that he'd be 'the one.'

Alone, Simon took off in the direction of the apartment complex, hoping he didn't lose her. Luckily he managed to run fast enough to get a glimpse of her walking up the path to one of the apartments about a hundred meters away. Unfortunately, a few seconds later she had the door open and was gone from his sight. Sighing, he walked up to the door.

There had to be a way to get her out there to face him… or be invited in.

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