Gunn: True. Who's got time for love when you're out there doin' it with the demons? Didn't that come out sad and wrong. I need to get out more.

Gunn: Angel groupie, I get that, he rescued her from Pylea.

Cordelia: I miss Pylea.

Wesley: I would think you might. You were there a week; they made you their Queen.

Cordelia: Don't say the "B" word.

Gunn: The "B" word was the love of his life -- and he's what, two hundred and fifty? - that ain't a short life. This grief-work's gonna take more than a vacation in Sri Lanka.

Wesley: It's not a vacation; it's a spiritual retreat, at a monastery.

Gunn: Angel and a buncha monks in the middle of nowhere: there's a party. He shoulda got hammered and gone to Vegas like I told him.

Wesley: He doesn't need a lap dance; he needs some peace and quiet so he can work through this.

Cordelia: You guys amaze me. You'll fight hell beasts but you're scared of rats.
Gunn: Hate rats. Their beady eyes -

Wesley: And their beady teeth --
Gunn:  -- and their tails all woosha-woosha-woosha -

Cordelia: Well the point is, you worked on things, it wasn't like a holiday where you'd come back home…to your friends…you know, with some small mementoes of your trip.

Angel: Are you fishing for gifts?

Cordelia: Yes.

Cordelia: It's gorgeous! Look how it brings out my breasts! Like you weren't all thinkin' it.

James: I say we stay and fight the bastard.

Angelus: Yes, but you're an idiot.

Wesley: As to James, Gunn and I'll hit the streets; see what our sources can tell us.

Cordelia: Uh-huh, see? We've got sources now.

Angel: Wow. You're almost like real detectives.

Angelus: Why are people always riding off and leaving me? Am I a bad bloke…?

Cordelia: I don't either! I go home, he'll come after me 'cause I live alone and that's what they do, they come after you when you're alone. Oh sure, "Cordy go home and be a hostage!" With the torture and the fear and the torture...

Cordelia: The ring of Amarra, when you had that, you were invincible. Does he have a ring? Hmmm. Did the Amarra people make cufflinks or belt buckles?

Angel: There was only one.

Cordelia: And you had to smash it.

Angel: Why don't we recriminate later, okay?

James: But if you've changed…if you're not the same man who screwed Darla and couldn't care less what happened to her…

Angel: Where'd you hear…? Oh, you mean back in the day, right.

Angel: The woman I love is dead.

James: Who are you talking about?

Cordelia: It happened three months ago, we try not to say her name too much.

Cordelia: How's Fred?

Angel: All right, considering. We talked over what happened and I think she'll be coming out of her room any decade now.

Angel: That I'm okay. That losing Buffy didn't kill me, that I could deal with it. In all those years no one ever mattered, not like she did. And now she's gone. Forever.

Angel: Yeah. And it feels like I'm betraying her somehow.

Cordelia: No. If you were a loser, if you were a sick obsessed vampire, you'd go to a snod demon or whatever and get your heart cut out. But you're not. You're a living, breathing -- well a living, anyway -- good guy who's still fighting and trying to help people. That's not betraying her, that's honoring her.

Angel: Ya' think?

Cordelia: I'm Cordelia, I don't think, I know. Okay?

Angel: Okay.

back to the top

2. That Vision Thing

Gunn: How was that?

Wesley: I felt quite genuine.

Fred: B plus. C minus.

Wesley: Well, now that we've had this lovely reintroduction, I suggest you piss off.

Fred:  I've been forking with Gunn!

Gunn: Five herb shops in Chinatown and we've been to four. How come whatever we're searching for is always in the last place we look?

Wesley: I supposed it is one of the unwritten laws of being a 'dick.' Ah, a sleuth, a gumshoe, Sherlock.

Gunn: All I know is you use the word 'dick' again and we're gonna have a problem.

Gunn: Alright, here we go. Next time we're hitting the last place first.

Cordelia:  Wow, you know, next to you, I am downright linear!

Fred: I know that you're probably disappointed that you couldn't go fight that thing with Angel.

Gunn: Right. Because why would I wanna walk with a cute, young woman on a beautiful night when I could be out hacking and slaying an ugly, boil-covered demon monster and getting myself killed.

Fred: I can't apologize enough.

Gunn:  All right, you got 30 seconds to show me your work order 'fore I start doin' some exterminatin' my damn self.

Cordelia: Did you just compare me to a car?

Angel: It was a very nice car.

Cordelia: I guess that's better than a dog.

Fred: The visions aren't from the Powers!

Lorne: Oh, sure, sweetheart. Steal my thunder. Next time *you* can be the one that gets thrown across the room.

Angel: Oh. So the Chinese guy and the boil guy...

Wesley: Were also aligned with the forces of good.

Angel: Damn! So hard to tell these days. You know, they should wear lapel pins or something.

Skip:  Yeah. I'm Skip.
Angel: Angel. So...ah... you live in here, Skip?
Skip: No, I commute. Not too bad. About 20 minutes.

Angel: How come he's not screaming in pain?
Skip: Oh, he is. My will prevents him from being heard. I mean, there's only so many “Oh my god, the pain! Please make it stops”... you can listen to before it starts to bug the crap outta ya.
Angel: I see your point.

Skip: But you're here to try to rescue this guy? We're on the same side. Shouldn't you be helping to keep him in here?
Angel:  I know, I know. Long story. Involves a girl. I don't like it any better than you do.

Lilah:  You're a remarkable man, Angel.
Angel:  And you're an evil bitch.

back to the top

3.That Old Gang of Mine

Angel: That night still haunts me. I'm ashamed of how I treated you. The way I used you. I took what I needed, then I cast you aside and that - that was wrong of me. Was very wrong.

Merl: He's reading!

Angel: I made some notes.

Angel: I don't know. Stopped by this morning. Thought I'd give 'sincere' one more shot. Even brought donuts. This is what I found. So far, we've ruled out suicide.

Cordelia: Sure I like her. What's not to like? She's sweet and adorable and…seems to be laughing at something that shrub just said.

Cordelia: Enemies of Merl list.

Angel: Hey. Why is my name at the top of this list?

Cordelia: Ah…'a'?

Angel: You know, ask yourself this: if I'd killed Merl would I've brought donuts?

Cordelia: I swear to god she picked out the song herself.

Angel: Here. I want you to go this address.

Cordelia: What is it?

Angel: Transuding furies.

Cordelia: Gesundheit.

Angel: Three sisters. Lorne hires them monthly to cast the sanctorium spell on Caritas. Tell them to lift the spell, then I'll be able to fight back.

Cordelia: They better! Angel…I told her she was safe with me.

Angel: I know.

Wesley: This is madness. Angel has a soul.

Geo: He's a vampire.

Wesley: With a soul!

Geo: Whatever. You think that makes him the same as us?

Wesley: No. Better. Better than you, anyway. When he did his pleasure killing he had no soul. You can make no such claim.

Furies: Only Angel is equipped to make good on this debt.

Cordelia: Angel pfttt. I don't know. For a guy, who's a couple of centuries old; not very big with the wise investing. And when you say 'equipped' that isn't what you mean, is it?

Furies: Mmm, Angel.

Cordelia: Got it. And 'eww!'

back to the top

4.Carpe Noctem

Fred: Nothing, just taking a little stroll and...why do girls want to look like that? I spent years in a cave, starving. What's their excuse?

Cordelia: Fashion.

Cordelia: Angel's upstairs.

Fred: Oh. Probably reading, too. He's deep, you know, thoughtful. I'm guessing Brothers Karamozav, Joyce, a little Goethe to round things out -- the classics.

Angel: Am I the only one who read this?!

Wesley: Read what?

Angel: Charlton Heston double feature at the Nu Art. Soylent Green and The Omega Man.

Angel: No. You may not know this, Fred, but certain friends and co-workers have been known to accuse me of being the quiet, stay-at-home, sulky one. I guess some people just don't know how to have fun anymore.

Cordelia: She's got the big puppy love! I mean, who wouldn't? You're handsome. And brave and heroic. Mysterious ...emotionally stunted, erratic, prone to turning evil, and let's face it, a eunuch.

Angel: Hey! What -- how can you -- I'm not a eunuch!

Cordelia: Angel, it's just a figure of speech.

Angel: Find a better one!

Cordelia: Yes. Just keep it simple: one, you're not like other men; two, there's no room in the workplace for romance.

Fake Angel: Romance with Fred. So I'm a ... oh yeah, obviously.

Cordelia: I'll interview the hookers. Are there any men who aren't just dogs?

Cordelia: Let me tell you, if Julia Roberts ever makes a realistic movie about being an escort, it should be called "Pretty Skanky Woman."

Cordelia: Fred? What's wrong? What happened?

Fred: I shoulda knocked. I always forget to knock 'cause, you know, I didn't have a door for so long.

Cordelia: What? It's totally like him! Doing the mystery dance with some cheap blonde.

Fred: Brunette. She was a cheap brunette.

Cordelia: You're right -- this isn't like him.

Fred: Cordelia explained it all to me. She said you'd probably just screw it up.

Angel: Oh she did, did she ... She's probably right.

Cordelia: Angel! Willow's on the phone. She's alive. Buffy's alive!

back to the top

5.Fredless

Fred: So, now that she's alive again are they gonna get back together? Angel and that girl with the goofy name?

Wesley: Well, Fred, that's a difficult question, really. I think it's fair to say... "no". Not a chance. Never, no way, not in a million years, and also, "nuh-uh".

Cordelia: Lemme break this down for you, Fred. Oh, Angel. I know that I am a Slayer, and you are a Vampire, and it is impossible for us to be together, but --

Wesley: But my gypsy curse, and our hot little loins, sometimes prevent us from seeing the truth.  Oh Buffy --

Cordelia: Yes, Angel?

Wesley: I love you so much I almost forgot to brood.

Cordelia: And just because I sent you to hell that one time doesn't mean we can't be friends.

Wesley: Or possibly more?

Cordelia: Gasp! No! We mustn't! You'll lose your soul!

Wesley: To hell with my soul! Again! Kiss me!

Cordelia: Bite me!

Angel: How 'bout you both bite me?

Fred: You're back!

Gunn: How'd it go?

Angel: I think those two pretty much summed it up.

Cordelia: But Angel, we're your friends. And it's not healthy to repress stuff like this. You have to share your pain, express those feelings of grief and longing, cause if you don't the curiosity's gonna kill me.

Angel: Oh no. Wouldn't want that.

Cordelia: Now we'll never, ever know.

Angel: That's right.

Fred: But shouldn't we call Wesley first? And maybe, you know, the army?

Gunn: And he tracked her down through an unaddressed envelope? We could do that.

Cordelia: Sneaking off? Right. Fred can barely tie her shoes without Mr. Oh-You're-My-Big-Fat-Hero around.

Angel: You think I'm fat?

Angel: So where do we start? Where would Fred go?

Gunn: We could hit all the local taco stands. Joke. Kinda.

Fred: Oh no. Was there another massacre?

Host: Just the one. But it turns out massacres are a lot like sitting through "Godfather III": once is enough.

Host: I know why you're running away, Fred. And you know what your problem is?

Fred: I'm not strong enough to stay and face my fear?

Host: No. You haven't run far enough.

Fred: I got lost, I got lost, they did terrible things to me but it was just a storybook, it was just a story with monsters, not real, not in the world, but if you're here and you see me then...then it's real, it did happen, if you see what they made of me... I didn't mean to get lost...

Gunn: Lady makes bug soup with a ten-ton bun, but show her a papier maché head and she gets the willies. Women.

Angel: Uh, Gunn? You do know it's not papier maché.

Gunn: We still got that bleach in the bathroom, right?

Cordelia: Next up -- multiple stab wounds. Angel!

Angel: Ooh! My turn!

Cordelia: What a dork.

Trish: You got everything packed, baby? What about that shirt with the -- bug guts -- on it? You threw that out, right? You're not takin' it home, right?

Fred: I don't know... I kinda thought I'd keep it, guts and all. As a souvenir.

Roger: That's my girl.

Cordelia: In a really weird way, you know who I miss?

Wesley: Fred.

Cordelia: Actually, I was gonna say her parents. Is that wrong?

Angel: I don't think so. They were very... nice.

Cordelia: Nice? They weren't just nice, Angel. They were...they were...

Gunn: Parents.

Angel: What I meant was ... I'm gonna miss her. She was just this nice, quiet kind of crazy. I found it soothing.

Cordelia: And what, I'm not soothing? I can be soothing. I could soothe your ass off, pal.

Cordelia: We are so immensely dead.

Fred: Mama, Daddy, it's just ... this is my life now.

Trish: Oh, Fred. I know it's selfish of us, but - we were just kinda hopin' you wouldn't figure that out.

back to the top

6.Billy

Angel: Go team.

Angel: I'm tired of being the dead one.

Wesley: I was thinking, perhaps I'd enter into a similar training arrangement with our Fred.

Cordelia: Oh, hey, if you think she can help you fight, why not? I'm kidding. Wesley, if you wanna get to know Fred better, maybe the next time you have her over for an intimate dinner for two, you won't ask the rest of us to come along.

Fred: Cordelia. I don't think you should do this.

Cordelia: How can I not?

Cordelia: Angel feels responsible for this guy because he brought him back from hell. I feel responsible because he did it to save me. You, who are actually responsible for the entire thing, feel nothing at all, because you are a vicious bitch.

Lilah: So? You know me.

Cordelia: Please, I was you - with better shoes.

Lilah: These are Boracchi.

Cordelia: Fall collection?

Lilah: Next spring.

Cordelia: He's widened the heel.

Lilah: And rounded the toe.

Cordelia: That won't work with pink.

Lilah: The pink is out this spring.

Lilah: I know. I've seen his dark side.

Cordelia: You really haven't

Angel: I'm looking for Billy Blim?

Dylan: Are you a friend of his or what?

Angel: Friend? To be honest I'm looking to kill the bastard.

Dylan: Oh. Come on in.

Dylan: No, no. There was a chick here. She was cute, brunette. Well, she said that a melodramatic guy named Angel would eventually show up.

Angel: Cordelia...thinks I'm melodramatic?

Cordelia: Not exactly. I thought we should meet. I'm the woman Wolfram and Hart tortured to get you out of your fire cell.

Billy: Oh, I see. And you're here to whine. Poor, helpless, battered woman who needs to vent her feelings about the injustice of it all.

Cordelia: No, ass-wipe. I'm here to send you back.

Cordelia: Actually, I'm feeling superior because I have an arrow pointed at your jugular. And the irony of using a phallic shaped weapon? Not lost on me.

Fred: Somehow he got infected. All I can figure it happened while he was working with Billy's blood from the handprint.

Gunn: You mean, that - that fingerprinty-looking handprint downstairs is Billy's blood? So you're saying that Wes turned into a psycho killer because of that bloody handprint that I picked up and looked at?

Fred: When you put it that way, it kinda worries me.

Angel: I never hated my victims, I never killed out of anger, it was always about the - pain and the pleasure.

Cordelia: Huh. So I guess you could say that your demoness makes less petty than humans. Almost noble - I mean, in a twisted, dark and really disturbing kind of way.

Angel: Thanks.

Cordelia: Hm-mm. It's weird!

Angel: What is?

Cordelia: I'm starting to get used to being creeped out and comforted at the same time.

Angel: I get that.

Wesley: Fred, I tried to kill you.

Fred: That wasn't you.

Wesley: How can you know that? Something inside me was forced to the surface. Something primal, something...

Fred: Do you wanna kill me?

Wesley: Oh, God, no.

Fred: It wasn't something in you, Wesley. It was something that was done to you.

Wesley: I don't know what kind of man I am anymore.

Fred: Well, I do. You're a good man.

back to the top

7.Offspring

Angelus: Darlin'?

Darla: What?

Angelus: Shouldn't we be killing Holtz?

Darla: I know, but it's just so much fun ruining his life. He's like family now.

Angel: What's this?

Cordelia: Oh, it's just so dark and lifeless down here; I thought I'd brighten it up a little for you. You can't exactly go out and enjoy the sunny fields of nature, but that doesn't mean we can't bring a little bloom into your darkness.

Angel: They're fake.

Cordelia: Yeah. You put something real in this hellhole and it die like that.

Angel: You know, I've been around a long time...

Cordelia: Which reminds me. Next birthday, you think we could skip the two hundred and fifty odd candles on the cake and the inevitable fire marshal and just go and just go with a little song?

Angel: And I've never known anyone like you.

Angel: The end is not coming. Someone is always uncovering some ancient scroll, and they're always saying the same thing: that something terrible is coming. Do you know how many of these things I've seen in my very long life?

Cordelia: Four?

Angel: Three. But there's nothing to worry about.

Cordelia: That the end is coming. Well, all we can do is live each moment to the fullest and be grateful that we didn't throw too much money at the NASDAQ.

Fred: Wow. What would we do if that happened?

Cordelia: I'd buy him some plaid shirts and take him to the beach. The boy needs some color.

Angel: I was just thinking about things. People. You know. How they relate. Take you and me for instance. We're very different. Very different. Obviously. Human… vampire. Woman… man...pire.

Cordelia: Has someone been putting vodka in your blood?

Angel: See? You're funny! And I, well I get off a good one every once in a while, but you...

Cordelia: Angel, are you trying to say you love me?

Angel: What?

Cordelia: I love you too.

Angel: You do? When did this..?

Cordelia: Angel loves me. I love him.

Angel: Oh, my god!

Cordelia: You guys love us and we love you.

Fred, Wes and Gunn chorus: We love you Angel.

Cordelia: They were all saying it earlier. Just in case this prophecy comes true and we all die. You're not gonna wanna hug, are you?

Angel: That's really all I was trying to say, that we've been through so much together, you and me, as friends. You've seen the good, and the not so good.

Cordelia: Just like you have in me. And for the record: the good I've seen far outweighs the bad.

Cordelia: Hey, what are friends for?

Darla: If you ask me, they're for knocking you up and leaving you high and dry.

Fred: Who's Darla?

Gunn: Angel's old flame from way back.

Fred: Not the one that died?

Gunn: Yeah. No, not that one. The other one that died and came back to life. She's a vampire.

Fred: Y'all have a chart or something?

Gunn: In the files. I'll get it for you later.

Angel: Cordy. I'm sorry I lied. It was just - it was a very dark time.

Cordelia: Oh! You used her to make you feel better during your dark time. Well, that makes it all heroic.

Angel: It wasn't like that. It just happened. It wasn't like I went evil or anything, I just...

Cordelia: You just went male.

Angel: Maybe it's a hysterical pregnancy.

Darla: You wanna feel it kick?

Cordelia: Does it kick a lot?

Darla: Like crazy.

Angel: well, now wouldn't that be the first sign of... hysteria?

Darla: Well, you can get you little gang of supernatural detectives to find out what the hell is happening to me and how to stop it.

Angel: I suggest you use your books and find out what's going on. What, do I have to think of everything?

Cordelia: And here we have three more of Angel's chippies. You girls are on the pill I hope.

Cordelia: Angel boned her.

Angel: Just once. Just the one night. Ah, just the two or three one times that one night...

The Host: This is way beyond my ken and my Barbie and all my action figures.

Angel: I don't see how anything spawned by Darla and me could be good.

Angel: No. Where is she?

Wesley: She got away.

Gunn: We tried to stop her by hitting her fists and feet with our faces, but...

Fred: I think he just can't bear to have us see him do it.

Wesley: Kill Darla? She did try to kill Cordy and she's a vampire.

Fred: Who is carrying his child. The one thing he can never have, even if he lives forever.

Fred: Angel's not answering his phone. Should I leave a message on his voice mail?

Cordelia: He doesn't know how to use his voice mail. Just try his pager.

Angel: The child. The child has a heartbeat. It has a soul.

Darla: No! Not my child! No!

Angel: You're not alone in this anymore. We'll deal with this together.

Darla: Gosh. I'm the luckiest vampire girl in the whole world.

back to the top

8.Quickening

Holtz: What of England? Has it survived the years and destruction?

Sahjhan: Yes. It went through a rough patch about sixty years ago, but it's mostly unchanged. Warm beer, boiled meat, bad teeth. That's why I moved to LA. Have you followed this part of the history? American Revolution, manifest destiny, westward expansion, the Beach Boys?

Darla: Hey, you're the one that came in here all 'the world is a cold and lonely place.'

Angel: I had a bad day.

Darla: So, you threw me through those glass doors, slammed me against the wall, pushed me onto the bed and took what you wanted.

Angel: It seemed like the thing to do - at the time.

Angel: Flamethrower? No, no. There'll be no throwing of flames. Nobody's gonna do anything until we know exactly what's going on. Now, if anybody has a problem with that they should leave - now.

(Darla starts to leave)

Angel: Not you.

Cordelia: You want me to protect the vampire bitch who bit me *and* her evil love child?

(Cordy clocks Darla)

Cordelia: Okay, I'm in.

Darla: Something's wrong. The pain...

Angel: You like pain.

Darla: This is different.

Angel: Guys, we got to figure out what's inside of her now, before it skitters out.

Gunn: We should get a demony doctor in here. You know, someone who understands how her vampire girl parts work. You know what I'm saying.

Sahjhan: I'm not a man. - What I mean is...

Holtz: You're not human.

Sahjhan: But clearly masculine. You get that, right?

Sahjhan: I'll take you to them. Two centuries into the future.

Holtz: Through black magic and sorcery.

Sahjhan: No. On a mule cart. Of course through black magic and sorcery. I'm a demon.

Darla: I haven't had blood in almost a day, and your devil spawn is trying to rip its way out of my body. How do you think I'm doing?

Angel: What is it?

Wesley: It's - it's human.

Gunn: Human as is in humanoid? As in cannibalistic humanoid underground dwellers?

Wesley: No - human as in - a boy.

Angel: Boy?

Wesley: A boy. A boy. You're carrying a boy.

Angel: Great.

Angel: Gonna have a son. I'm gonna have a son.

Fred: Guys. As fascinating as an ultra-sound image of an unborn child may appear...

Angel: Me. A father. To a son. You know what that means?

Fred: We're surrounded by vampires?

Angel: No, it's a human bo...

Sahjhan: Once again: gender - not species. I should have said 'minions.' Have you seen Grappler demons fight? Not the sharpest pencils in the box, but merciless in battle. Okay, guys! Over here! Time to meet the new Jefe. And Flarmar, leave the head in the ring, okay?

Angel: You hear that? Our kid. Special.

Vampire: Now let us kill the humans so we may use their blood to nourish the mother and her miracle child.

Darla: Guess I'm getting dinner after all.

Angel: Darla, you might wanna join the fight.

Darla: Sorry, darling. I'm gonna have to be Switzerland and sit this one out. Now, you did say you were just gonna kill the humans, right?

Vampire: Yes, just the humans. Then we will nourish you, slice you open, wear your entrails as a belt and consume your eyeballs before we worship the miracle child.

Darla: Okay. I'm in.

Darla: Oh, I'd rather stay and fight. Show these youngsters a thing or two about real carnage.

Angel: that’s thoughtful, but you know, you should go.

Fred: You freaks make one move and I'll slice the miracle kid into triplets.

Cordelia: It's always the quiet ones.

Darla: So, where 're we going? I'm famished and we all know how ugly that can get.

back to the top

9.Lullaby

Cordelia: Please! Women have been giving birth without ancient prophecies for years!

Gunn: What we could really use right about now is some Vaseline and a catcher's mitt.

Gavin: He's gonna crucify us.

Lilah: They don't crucify here. It's too Christian.

Darla: Doesn't anyone wanna sit back here with me?

Cordelia: We're good.

Gunn: Yeah, it's comfy.

Darla: I promise I won't throw anyone out of the car. Not while it's moving.

Holtz: Do you know what he is?

Lilah: Yeah, I know. Vampire, cursed by gypsies who restored his soul, destined to atone for centuries of evil, wacky sidekicks, yada, yada. I'd have him killed myself, except the people I work for have this 'policy.'

Fred: Maybe he's part of what's supposed to rain down ruination upon mankind. The Nyazian Prophecies did say that the Tro-clan was going to be a confluence of events.

Cordelia: And the sudden appearance of an eighteenth century vampire hunter in the twenty first century does seem pretty confluey.

Sahjhan: See? This is why I didn't mention it. So Angel has a soul. Big whoop! So did Attila the Hun! Not to mention a heart as big as all outdoors when it came to gift giving. He is still a vampire! Angel, not Attila.

Holtz: He's not the same vampire.

Sahjhan: Of course he is! His hair is a little shorter, a little spikier. He's using product. But it's the same guy.

Angel: You love it.

Darla: Completely. I love it completely. I-I-I don't think I've ever loved anything as much as this life that's inside of me.

Angel: Well, you've never loved anything, Darla.

Fred: You gave us quite a scare. But I guess you're used to that, what with being a scary thing and all.

Angel: Attacked? I thought you had double protection sanctorium spells?

The Host: I do. It's a thing with the door and the stairs and the world and the thing. Never mind!

Gunn: Apparently you can be outside and shove stuff in.

The Host: I just said that.

Darla: That's why this is happening. His family, his children... what that must have been like for him. Doesn't seem so funny now, does it?

Darla: No. No, I don't think so. Once he's gone, I won't be okay. I won't be okay at all. I don't know what I'll be. Angel... Our baby is gonna die right here in this alley. You died in an alley, remember?

Darla: This child Angel, it's the one good thing we ever did together. The only good thing. You make sure to tell him that.

back to the top

10.Dad

Wesley: Not to mention some bastard blown a gaping hole in the lift.

Angel: Sorry. My bastard.

Cordelia: You don't have a woman's touch - whatever your taste in clothing may indicate.

Wesley: Of course. And seeing as you once nearly had sex on my desk I shouldn't be surprised that now there is a baby on it.

Angel: Hey! First of all that wasn't me, that was some guy who switched bodies with me. And second of all can we keep the S E X talk away from the baby?

Fred: So, the baby's safe? We're all safe. Right, Lorne? I-I mean unless one of those killers decides to throw in a firebomb in at us like they did at your club, which had a similar safety spell around it as I recall. Sorry.

The Host: He doesn't like Smokey Robinson and the Miracles? I thought you said this kid had a soul.

The Host: I'm so glad somebody finally said that, because sitting here waiting to die never was much of a plan. Sorry.

Gunn: What are you doing?

Wesley: Trying to imagine myself as John Wayne in Rio Bravo. You?

Gunn: Austin Stoker, Assault on Precinct Thirteen.

Cordelia: If we live through this, trade in your DVD Players and get a life.

Angel: We'll get through this, I promise. The vampire/demon/biker posse, that's the easy part. The part that scares me is all the questions. Why is the sky blue? Why do people get sick? Why is there always pigs' blood in the fridge? I don't have all the answers. Well, I do to that last one.

back to the top

11.Birthday

Angel: Oh, whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! Dirty people! Not touching the baby!
Cordelia: But pig-drinking bloodsuckers are okay? I meant that in a nice way.

Fred: Didja make a wish?

Cordelia: Sure did. But I'm guessing John Cusack's a little busy.

Angel: I... got you a little something, too.

Cordelia: Angel. You didn't have to do that. You've got enought to take care of as it is.

Angel: I'm a champion. We do important stuff.

Angel: Don't say "last". She'll come out of this. She has to.

Cordelia: And she will! For the last time, I'm fine. I may be having a little separation anxiety what with the leaving-my-body and all, but I'm not dying.

Gunn: C'mon you telling me you never hid anything in your underwear drawer?
Fred: I don't know. I mean for five years I didn't even have... Can we not talk about my underwear please?

Cordelia: You're furious? I get bodyjacked on my birthday and you're the one that's furious?

Angel: I had this dream that, uh...that Cordy was here. She was trying to tell me something--something really important.
Cordelia: Yes! And, and...?
Angel: ...It's weird.
Cordelia: How are you a champion? In what way are you a champion?

Skip: Kidding, I'm Skip. Sorry it took me so long, I... This you? Most people go astral, their spiritual shapes tend to be an idealized version of themselves--you know, straighten the nose, lose the gray... It's sort of a self-esteem kind of thing. You're pretty confident, aren't ya?

Fred: Lorne, what happened?
Lorne: I can't really talk about it.
Gunn: Then how we supposed to find them so we can kick their asses?

Cordelia: You've seen The Matrix?
Skip: Loved that flick. When Trinity's all 'Dodge this!' and the agent goes and crumples to the...and I'm not really instilling any awe any more, am I?

Skip: Yep. That's where it happened: the big cosmic "whoops". Doyle was never meant to give you those visions.

Cordelia: Then why did The Powers let him?

Skip: Well, usually they're pretty good at catching that sorta thing, but... what They didn't count on were his feelings for you.

Angel: I'm more afraid of her dying than she is? What is that?

Voices: Love.

Cordelia: So you kill things now? 'Cause last time I saw you, you just sorta... fainted in front of 'em.

Cordelia: So, let me get this straight: Angel gets the visions of people who are gonna die, and he tells you and you go out and slay and...this is how you make your living? This has got to be the suckiest job in the world.

Skip: We've been over this. I respect what you're trying to do. It's noble and heroic and all that other Russell Crowe Gladiator crap.
Cordelia: You've seen...?
Skip: Didn't love it. The fact remains that humans are not strong enough to harbor the visions... Period! Even the Powers That Be can't change that.
Cordelia: Then find a loophole, Skip. I know my purpose in this world and it includes the visions. And if the Powers That Be aren't complete dumbasses they know it too.

Cordelia: So? Demonize me already.
Skip: It was an honor being your guide, Cordelia Chase.

back to the top

12.Provider

Fred: How is the Connor fund?

Angel: There was a dollar eighty-three in the cushions out there. That's perfectly good money just lying around.

Fred: Is this the right phone number?

Wesley: Adorable.

Gunn: So sweet.

Wesley: I meant the baby.

Gunn: I meant the hot mama.

Angel: Helping the helpless, finding Holtz, and making money are out *three* number one priorities.

Wesley: The Internet article I'm currently writing posits a formula for the genome mapping of creatures who don't have genes. It's an exciting arena.

Lorne: One I'm sure we can all download at 'I'll never know the love of a woman dot com.'

Cordelia: Out on a case.

Fred: There's a young woman whose dead boyfriend is stalking her.

Angel: That's terrible. Did you...

Cordelia: I ran her credit. She's solvent.

Angel: Nice. Hey, how's my little magnum cum laude, Notre Dame, class of two thousand twenty?

Lorne: They apologize for their paltry offering and hope you'll accept…Fifty thousand dollars!?!

Angel: Fifty...

Cordelia: ...thousand...

Fred: ...Dollars?

Angel: We accept.

Cordelia: Hey! I'd just like a word here.

Lorne: Oh-ho-ho, you guys are *so* gonna get your butts kicked!

Cordelia: Lorne.

Lorne: Sorry. I yield the floor to the person *not* tied up on it.

Cordelia: I'm just saying a boat.

Angel: No. College fund.

Cordelia: Yes. College fund - and pay our bills - and put a down payment on a boat.

Angel: We're not getting a boat.

Cordelia: Hmm, they're fun.

Angel: They're expensive. And when would I go on this boat, hmm?

Cordelia: Moonlight sails. Okay. College fund…pay our bills…and rent a ski condo in Aspen.

Angel: Ski condo?

Cordelia: There's got to be some fun in our lives.

Angel: Hmm - I like a ski condo.

Cordelia: Sure. Snow. Trees. Chipmunk robots on ice...

Angel: Chipmunk robots... on ice...

back to the top

13.Waiting in the Wings

Cordelia: At ease, soldier. Just like to hear it every now and then. Get a little of the love. Something, anyway. I was the ditsiest bitch in Sunnydale, coulda had any man I wanted; now I'm all superhero-y and the best action I can get is an invisible ghost who's good with a loofah.

Wesley: Sorry, I missed that last part.

Cordelia: You are a gentleman.

Cordelia: So! What's up with you? Hey, you went with the dark colors today! It's a look.

Angel: Ask me why I'm smiling.

Cordelia: I will because it's scaring me.

Angel: Oh yeah. I saw their production of Giselle in 1890 -- cried like a baby. And I was evil!

Gunn: This is not Mahta Hari. This is tutu's, and the guys with their big-ass packages jumping up and down...this is just...I will never trust you again. The trust is gone.

Angel: Seeing real ballet, live, it's...it's like another world. Gunn, these guys are tight, and you're gonna be tripping out.

Gunn: Don't be using my own phrases when we've lost the trust.

Fred:  And then we gotta find a dress for you. Something that'll make Angel crazy.

Cordelia: Fred, sweetie, Angel IS crazy.

Angel: Stop saying that! And stop calling me pastries.

Gunn: So this is what your promises are worth. I'm having a lot of trust issues at this time in my life.

Fred: I'm sorry, it's just... My God, you're so pretty!

Angel: Back in the day, I'd always get box seats... or eat the people who had 'em.

Cordelia: Don't let's reminisce. We're here. Enjoy.

Fred: That's impossible! We're watching the exact same troupe you say in 1990?

Gunn: Uh, I think he said 1890.

Fred: Oh. Okay, that's much more impossible.

Gunn: That would also explain the precision, and the athleticism. I mean, some of those jumps...You know, I was cool before I met y'all.

Cordelia: Dancing vampires. Who's not scared?

Angel: I think I'm gonna have to go with my patented Sudden Burst of Violence.

Cordelia: Open the damn door...

Angel: Kinda hard...

Cordelia: Kinda noticed...

Cordelia: It's a clue! Those spirits, or energy or whatever, are still in there so we can find out what happened! We have to go back in.

Angel: I'm marveling at the wrongness of that idea.

Cordelia: You wanna wander around backstage like Spinal Tap for the next... ever?

Angel: What if there is no more talking in that scene? Look, I've been possessed by the spirits of old lovers before, it never goes well.

Cordelia: Up to his ass in demon gore, fine, but ask him to mack on a hottie and he wigs. My champion, ladies and gentlemen.

Angel: You all right?

Cordelia: Yeah. We gotta move.

Angel: You think they're not dead?

Cordelia: You just looked really hot doing that.

Angel: Oh.

Cordelia: Yeah.

Angel: Run.

Angel: Yeah. You love her that much? Start a website.

Cordelia: You know, we should probably just not talk about our little adventure. Anything that might have been seen, anything that might have been, oh, perky --

back to the top

14.Couplet

Angel: He seem, I dunno, short?

Host: Oh, absolutely. Clearly the guy shrank. All over, probably. Why he's nothing but a muscle-y midget. I'm sure the moment Cordelia gets him home she'll just pop him in a small-ish drawer and that'll be that. You got nothing to worry about, tiger.

Angel: She took him home -- Well, that's... good. At least we won't have to put him up here. Place was starting to turn into a hotel.

Cordelia: But your heart wasn't really in it.

Groo: No. That left when you did.

Groo: Angel! Your weapons are most impressive!

Angel: Thanks. Thank you. Could you please ask him not to handle my weapons?

Wesley: You should have called one of us.

Cordelia: Oh, please. Like I'm gonna bother you guys in the middle of the night just because I want sex and can't have it.

Wesley: Actually, I meant the vision.

Wesley: Oh. Why can't you have sex?

Cordelia: I could lose my visionity.

Wesley: Allllright. If you want to play it that way...

Cordelia: Vision-ity.

Cordelia: I guess we could probably "Com" without actually "Shuking," right?

Groo: After we slay this beast, I shall present its head to my princess. As a token.

Angel: Right. 'Cos she'd love that.

Cordelia: Oh, wait -- it's not like your strength is in your hair or anything, right?

Groo: No. I believe it is in my muscles.

Angel: He's wearing my clothes.

Wesley: Good fit.

Cordelia: Oh, good. You're back.

Angel: He's wearing my clothes.

Cordelia: What? Oh, yeah. I didn't think you'd mind. Turns out you guys are about the same size. I think he's a little taller. Looks great, though, doesn't he?

Angel: So that you and Groo can...

Cordelia: Com-Shuk like bunnies. You betcha.

Groo: So I may Com-Shuk my Princess.

Gunn: Him and his date... Some kind of a root crazy, tree-like demon-y thing...

Fred: With what looks like a DSL connection...

Gunn: And it's been getting stronger since it tapped into Groo.

Angel: Really? Stronger? C'mon, he can't be that great.

Gunn: What are you, her brother?

Wesley: Apparently.

Angel: It's okay. It was already ruined.

Cordelia: If it's any consolation, I planned to rip it off him later, anyway.

back to the top

15.Loyalty

Angel: Mr. Dad! Check me out! I'm Mr. Dad.

Wesley: Angel? You can let go of the doctor now.

Gunn: I wanna know how he does it. No last name, no bank account. How are you ordering stuff off the web?

Fred: It's not that hard, really. All you have to do is hack into the shipping database, find someone who is ordering what you want, then substitute your information. Except that would just be high-tech robbery.

Angel: I memorized Cordelia's credit card numbers.

Fred: Oh. Low-tech robbery.

Gunn: Some kind of boomerang vamp stake?

Angel: No! They're itty-bitty hockey sticks!

Gunn: You realize this is the whitest sport known to man?

Angel: True. But the games are indoors, and they usually play at night.

Gunn: Got you.

Sahjhan: You know, my barber has the same problem with his scissors - hence the bad haircut. Love the whole chained, un-dead look you got going on. Really sets off your fern.

Sahjhan: That's it? No 'wow, how did he do that?' No screaming in terror? You twenty first century types are so jaded.

Lilah: You're Sahjhan, aren't you? I may be jaded, but I do my homework. And there's a girl downstairs, she's got records on everything that ever happened. My company rocks.

Wesley: You try chatting with a cranky hamburger.

Holtz: You don't believe me.

Wesley: Hmm. Not sure really. Could be the low scary voice that's giving me trouble.

back to the top

16.Sleep Tight

Angel: Yeah, and you look like hell. Not the fun one, where they burn you with hot pokers for all eternity, but the hardcore one, you know, Nixon and Brittany Spears?

Angel: Ha! Singing demons, flying nuns. Good one, G!

Angel: I like nuns. How did the flying nun fly anyway? Was it god or magic? What? You think about these things sometimes. Please continue!

Gunn: I wonder why they would wanna look like musicians?

Angel: For the chicks. Musicians get the chicks! What? They're gonna appear as dentists?

Wesley: Holtz? Great guy, not overly tall.

Lilah: Like a cat. Can't hear you. But I'm starting to feel you when you're near. Isn't that nice and creepy? How'd you find me?

Sahjhan: I have a lot of work to do. I can't be in every time/space at once, and here I find you drinking with my sworn enemy.

Angel: Sworn enemy? Really? Have we met? Because I don't remember swearing.

Angel: So you all are in cahoots. Ethereal time-traveling demon you're the screwball that brought Holtz back. How's that working out? He's not very fond of demons, is he?

Sahjhan: You will learn nothing from me.

Lilah: Other than that you're his sworn enemy, who brought Holtz back, and when that didn't work out, you came to me. Idiot.

Sahjhan: Hey! You think my life is easy? I'm jumping from one dimension to another. I don't always have sound. Sometimes it's just a visual. Saw you two sitting here all chummy.

Sahjhan: You will pay.

Angel: For what?

Angel: You ever hear of a time-traveling demon by the name of Sahjhan?

Wesley: No.

Angel: The guy that brought Holtz here. He thinks I'm his sworn enemy. I don't know him from Adam.

Sahjhan: Not all of us. You do not want the child alive. You want the child dead. That was our arrangement.

Lilah: Yeah. I'm a lawyer. Have you met me? We have a new arrangement. I'm keeping the baby.

Sahjahn: You can't do that!

Lilah: Ignore the loud mouth with the bad skin. He's impotent in this dimension.

Lilah: Hmph! Well, I'm looking at a mountain of paperwork.

back to the top

17.Forgiving

Angel: All I care about now is getting my son back. Then I'll deal with those responsible. They'll all pay. Including Wesley.

Linwood: Still, big win for Holtz.

Lilah: If you call jumping into a cesspool hell dimension a win.

Angel: What about the files?

Gunn: They're in English... Cordelia's filing system isn't.

Angel: I know she was keeping some kind of list of time/space shifting entities.

Gunn: Okay. So's that under "time" "space" "shifting" or "entities?"

Angel: Let's check all of it.

Lorne: Angel... who is that?

Linwood: Linwood Murrow. Division president of Special Projects for Wolfram and Hart. And you are?

Lorne: Deeply troubled.

Lorne: Angel, this isn't some slimy demon you've got trussed up here -- he's a human. Marginally, but still

Angel: A demon named SahJhan has taken my son.

Girl: Ahhhh, does he want his little baby back?

Lilah: There is no other way.

Lorne: I think not speaking would be a really good look for you.

Fred: Angel, the prophecy --

Angel: It's a lie. I'd never hurt Connor.

Fred: How can you know that for sure?

Angel: I'd never hurt someone I care about. Now move.

Angel: I'm not your boyfriend. Find somebody else to smack you around.

Gunn: Stay down.

Justine: Um, no.

Sahjhan: Really? You and me, buddy cop summer release? We iron out our wacky differences and bond? Don't think so.

Sahjhan: No, that, I'm telling the truth about. Whole universe could go kaplooie. Bad for me, bad for America

Gunn: You wrote the prophecies.

Sahjhan: More a re-write.

Fred: "The father will kill the son."

Sahjhan: Yeah. I flitted back and forth in time, changed the one that threatened me, polished some others. Flitted in a manly way. Just so we're clear.

Sahjhan: Boy, can't put one over on you, can you? Oh wait, already did. It's pretty freaky the first time you see your name in a true prophecy, all carved in blood on an official scroll. "The one sired by the vampire with a soul shall grow to manhood and kill SahJhan." Me.

Fred: So you planted false prophecies. That Angel would kill his son... and Wesley believed them.

Sahjhan: Thank God he had some spine. Holtz was useless.

Sahjhan: Do I look like I need more skin problems?

18.Double or Nothing

Groo: Ah, yes, movies -- talking pictures with no substance.

Lorne: Last couple of decades? You're not wrong.

Groo: Hello. We welcome your telephonic plea to Angel Investigations. In what way may I service you?

Lorne: You're a very pretty man.

Groo: He is very fortunate to have such a woman looking after his weapon.

Lorne: I'm not touchin' that one.

Groo: Hail to you, potential client. How may I be of service?

Fred: Gunn and I found your notes about...the baby. The prophecy. You took him away 'case you thought Angel was gonna kill him. You were trying to protect him. Both of them. I just wanted you to know I understand that. I also wanted to say -- what Angel tried to do to you was wrong, and I'm sorry. But he was right to blame you, Wesley. You should've come to us. You should've trusted us instead of going to Holtz behind our backs. You were supposed to be our friend and you didn't even -- If Angel sees you again, he'll kill you, Wesley. This time for real. Don't come back to the hotel. Ever. The prophecy was a fake. Angel was never gonna hurt Connor. It  was all for nothing.

Angel: You live as long as I do, eventually you lose everyone. It's what happens. I'm not sayin' you get used to it but you expect it, you deal. But he was just... he was just a little...

Fred: Charles, do you have leukemia? Don't laugh at me! I see it on the news all the time -- they're young and in love, their whole lives ahead of them when tragedy strikes --

Gunn: Her name is "I'm a real woman, not a stick figure." Get the picture?

Fred: What? No! This is worse! Much worse! I wish he had broken up with me!

Cordelia: Fred, I hate to say this, but... are you sure he didn't? I mean, those things you said he said to you...

Fred: I know I said he said those things to me, but he would never say those things to me!

Cordelia: Those things he said?

Fred: Exactly! That's how I know he's in trouble!

Angel: So let me get this straight: You and Gunn are dating?

Fred: NOT ANYMORE, I GUESS!

Groo: And perhaps as we search, we could leave these small rectangles behind us -- as did that creature who came by yesterday inquiring after Gunn.

Angel: Right. Good -- what?

Groo: Small rectangles with telephonic digits. As a way for people to get in touch with us should they learn anything.

Cordelia: Angel --

Angel: I know.

Groo: We are surrounded.

Angel: I know.

Fred: We have to save Charles!

Angel: I KNOW!

Fred: This is so wrong in so many ways. I mean, it isn't money or a stuffed bunny Angel's playing for. It's my boyfriend.

Angel: Fred, I understand you're nervous. Don't be. I've been around a long time. Played a lot of cards and won a lot of bets.

Fred: See, that's where we're different. I tend to get lost and lose things.

Gunn: Angel...

Angel: It's over. No need to say thanks.

Gunn: You're right. -- If killing him was that easy, I would've done it myself.

Gunn: I was seventeen years old and I sold my soul for a truck.

Fred: Not this truck?

Gunn: Don't go dissin' my girl.

Fred: Oh, Charles. Your soul wasn't worth air conditioning?

19.The Price

Groo: You and I have fought side by side on more than one occasion – Fellow warriors, shoulder to shoulder. By now, my counsel must assuredly hold weight, so I beseech you to heed my words...

Angel: Mmo-kay.

Groo: "Pomegranate Mist" is the wrong color for this room.

Angel: What?

Groo: "Sunburst splendor" is a hue more worthy of a champion. Or perhaps this unique one called... "Purr-Pleh."

Angel: Purple. And yet you had no problem pronouncing "Pomegranate."

Groo: It was my mother's name.

Angel: Don't know why I bought this for him. A whim, I guess... Thought he'd like to look at it. The snow. Doesn't ever snow in Southern California.

Cordelia: Did, once.

Cordelia: Tried soaking it out, tried scrubbing it out... No question, we got ring around the lobby. I say we toss in the towel and buy a big ass throw rug. Who's with me?

Groo: This "Ebola" is a weapon? Forged in magic?

Lorne: Forged in monkey poo.

Groo: It has vanished. Like the glass eels of the Krag Swamps in UxenBlarg. Just making an observation.

Groo: This weapon will serve me better.

Angel: Little big for our purposes, isn't it?

Groo: I have had no complaints.

Angel: But at least we have one advantage.

Cordelia: What, they glow in the dark? How's that supposed to help us, unless we shut off all the lights in the holy crap you're not serious.

Lorne: Y'know, this space is one part hum, two parts dinger. Ever think of turning it into a nightclub? Hey. Missing the life. Sue me.

Fred: Oh, it really doesn't like you.

Angel: Feeling's mutual.

Angel: Work with me, Fred. Make it answer me. What do you want here?

Fred: To live... To live... To drink...And be merry.

Wesley: I was dying. I knew it laying in that dirty field, life pouring out of my throat. Do you know why I fought to stay alive?

Gunn: Wes, I don't have time--!

Wesley: I needed to live to see my friends again. To explain to the people I trusted... and loved... my side of what happened.

Gunn: We know what--

Wesley: You don't know anything. I'll help because it's Fred. But just so we understand each other... Don't ever come here again. None of you are welcome here.

Lorne: Okay, unless anyone else has something, let me be the first to say WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?

Angel: Cordelia.

Cordelia: Well, demonness, anyway. Sure beats horns and a tail.

Lorne: Hey. I'm standing right here.

20.A New World

Gunn: Couple of weeks ago he was wearing diapers. Now he's a teenager?

Cordelia: Tell me we don't live in a soap opera.

Gunn: We got it, man.

Groo: We will not fail - man.

Fred: You went to Wesley for me. He's the one who told you how to save me.

Gunn: Yeah. He made it clear. That's a door none of us is ever going to be knocking on again.

Lilah: Wow. I guess when she slit your throat she nicked your sense of humor.

Wesley: Not at all. I find you being here extremely funny.

Lilah: And how is that?

Wesley: Because you're going to offer me a job.

Lilah: Right. The worst spot in hell is reserved for those who betray. So, don't pretend you're too good to work for us

Groo: Pylean warriors are trained for such endurance. I once happened upon a herd of Bur-beasts and as you know, engorged Bur-beasts will couple with anything that moves. I was forced to stand perfectly still for eleven days and nights.

Cordelia: So, you were never...

Groo: No. That honor was yours, princess.

Fred: Connor is new to this world, alone, probably scared.

Gunn: Yeah, he looked scared, kicking my ass.

Cordelia: You know someone else who can...Oh. I don't think Angel's gonna go for that.

Groo: Yes. We must always consider Angel. Angel is our leader. We must obey his wishes.

Lorne: There, you see what I mean? It's been like that all day! One of the nasty side effects of specializing in dimensional magic. What I wouldn't do for a lasso and some crazy glue.

Angel: We can make this right.

Tyke: You can give me a new ear?

Angel: Well - maybe you can wear a hat.

Meerna: I hope this pentagram wasn't some dark attempt to close the fissure.

Gunn: Ah, no, that was a dark attempt to open one.

Fred: I... If there aren't any portal's, what is it?

Meerna: A tear in reality. Big cosmic no-no.

21.Benediction

Fred: Okay, so he survived an unspeakable hell dimension -- I mean, who hasn't? But you can't just leave him all alone on the streets of Los Angeles!

Cordelia: So maybe, if we're very very lucky, later today we'll be able to kill something. You'd like that, wouldn't you?

Groo: When Connor was taken from him, he moved Heaven and Tarkna to try and win him back --

Lorne: Yes, he sure did. Hence our weekly scrubbing of the lobby floor.

Lorne: Just because somebody hops a dimension or two is no guarantee things'll work out.

Groo: Yes. I sense that is true.

Lorne: Well aren't you just sneaky with the sub-text.

Lorne: Should we be wearing lead? Because I actually have something.

Cordelia: Good point -- Fred, how worried should we be about contamination?

Angel: It's kinda my job. Look, this shouldn't take too long. But it could be pretty dangerous. There's usually violence and killing, so... Wanna come?

Lilah: I thought the "come alone" part was a particularly ironic touch. I mean -- how else would you come?

Lilah: Turns out she's been pissing off a lot of undead-Americans lately.

Lilah: Who's the Boy Wonder? Moves just like...

Wesley: His father...

Angel: Hey, you were great in there. I mean, normally I'd take you to a museum or a ballgame or something... but it's good to know you can handle yourself in a fight.

Fred: Looks like we've been following Angel's son's emissions the whole time!

Gunn: Now there's a sentence I don't ever need to hear again.

Fred: But this is good, right? It means there was no big scary that came out of the portal...

Gunn: How 'bout a short scary?

Lorne: Tell ya what, since you were raised in a hell dimension by a psychopath, and since that's a topic I happen to know a little something about -- we'll just let that slide. I'll fetch your pop for ya.

Lorne: Actually, that's Uncle Filthy Demon to you. Wasn't that long ago – like a week - that I was changing your diapers, you llittle --

Lorne: Well, you have got some serious mojo goin' on, girl. Whatever deal you struck with The Powers -- looks to me like they gave you the full package, all the extras. That boy was tox-ic when he walked in here tonight. Heavy on the "ick."

Connor: I think... maybe I tried to kill your friend.

Angel: Yeah, well... she's used to it.

Cordelia: The thing we do. You know, that thing where I say 'are you sure you know what you're doing' and 'Angel, please think about this' and then you ignore me and rush head-long into trouble?

Angel: Right. That thing. 'kay. We done?

22.Tomorrow

Angel: I don't even own a TV. He's gonna wanna watch TV. Not too much, I mean, after homework and chores. He's gonna need clothes, weekly allowance... What's good nowadays? Fifty cents, a dollar?
Cordelia: Yeah. If you're Tom Sawyer painting the fence.
Angel: See? I'm so out of touch.

Cordelia: Well, what about rebuilding your club here?
Lorne: That's a great idea, pixie-cat. Except every time I do, you all seem to destroy it.
Cordelia: It was only - three times.

Lilah: Mind if I join you?
Wes: On many levels and with great intensity.

Lilah: How's your throat? Need a lozenge?

Cordelia: I'm not telling your sixteen-year-old boy that.
Angel: Well, someone has to make sure he knows the facts of life. My track record with the whole man/woman thing isn't, you know... I don't wanna use the words 'tragic farce' but...

Angel: Vampire. You're not in 'Cats.'

Angel: Songs for the love - Lorne. Oh, I get it. Lovelorn, because your name is Lorne.

Linwood: Tie me up, threaten me with sharp objects, but don't let me go. Chowder head!

Linwood: What - you're gonna kill a human in front of your son, set an example?
Gunn: I vote yes!
Angel: You're not human.

Gunn: *Now* he's humming.
Fred: He's *really* happy. But not perfectly happy, I hope!
Angel: No! Ouch!
Fred: Just checking.

Wes: Hmm. You know that sinking feeling you sometimes get the morning after? It arrived early.

Lilah: Don't be thinking about me when I'm gone.
Wes: I wasn't thinking about you when you were here.

Lilah: So your former boss has a soul and you're losing yours. Why, you're just new all over aren't ya?

back to the top