1. The Bargaining (Part I)

Tara: I thought…the big ones tire more easily...

Spike: No, that's over-the-hill shopkeepers.

Giles: I'm fine. I just need to need to...die ... for a minute...

Tara: It's Sobri root! It's supposed to confuse him but it kinda just made him peppy. It's not supposed to mix with anything -- do you think he might be taking prescription medication?

Spike: Yeah. That must be it.

Giles: Good God. What if he attempts to operate heavy machinery?!

Xander: Great googely moogely Willow you've got to quit doing that!

Willow: (O.S.) I told you I was going to get the lay of the land-

Xander: But not the lay of my brain!

Xander: I know, I know. I don't have to talk when I answer you. But I saw The Fury and that way lies spooky carnival death-

Spike: Oooh. Poor watcher. Did your life pass before your eyes? "Cuppa tea, cuppa tea, almost got shagged, cuppa tea..."

Willow: I don't know. I was trying to program in some new puns and I kind of ended up with word salad.

Buffybot: I think it's funny.

Willow: Anya found that thing. For tonight.

Xander: She did? Great.

Willow: And you're her Sweet Cookie Face.

Xander: I go by many names...

Xander: Okay. When I'm marveling at the immaturity? Be scared.

Spike: I'm not going to leave you here by yourself. So forget it.

Dawn: I'm just saying-

Spike: No. I'm not leaving you to get hurt. Not again.

Anya: He's too busy not leaving to pay attention to me. Besides, I ended up getting it on E-Bay.

Tara: You found the last known Urn of Osiris on E-Bay?

Anya: Yeah. From this Desert Gnome in Cairo. He drove a hard bargain, but I finally got him to throw in a limited edition Backstreet Boys lunch box for --

Xander: Excuse me. Who made you the boss of the group?

Anya: You did.

Tara: You said 'Willow should be boss.'

Anya: And then you said 'Let's vote' and it was unanimous.

Tara: You made her that little plaque that said 'BOSS OF US,' you put on sparkles--

Buffybot: I'm sorry I questioned you, Spike. You know I admire your brain almost as much as your washboard abs.

Spike: I told you to make her stop doing that.

Buffybot: I think Spike stopped liking me.

Willow: That's not true. He thinks you're swell.

Buffybot: Then how come he never looks at me anymore? Even when he's talking to me?

Willow: He just gets cranky. Like vampires do.

Anya: I just think the concept of "chi" is a little tough for her to grasp. She's not the descendant of a long line of mystical warriors - she's the descendant of a toaster oven.

Willow: We just wanted you to know we'll be okay. We'll miss you - but we'll be okay.

Anya: And I'll take very good care of your money.

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2. The Bargaining (Part II)

Anya: Less talk, more running away.

Xander: Yep. We got trouble. Right here in Hellmouth City. And our very own Robo-Buffy led them right to us.

Xander: Okay, this is really starting to grate my cheese. These woods aren't that big. And I know we've been going in a straight line, 'cause I've been following the North Star.

Willow: Um, Xander, that's not the North Star. It's an airplane.

Xander: No, it's not an airplane. It's definitely--a blimp. But I can see how one could make that airplane mistake.

Xander: And how long have you known your girlfriend was Tinkerbell?

Dawn: It looks like they're just ... wrecking stuff. No thought other than just... destructorama.

Dawn: What?

Spike: Eh? Oh. Nothing. Just, um... Looks like fun…I'm just saying.

Xander: Maybe they're on their way here. I mean, this place is NORAD when we're at DefCon One…I so need male friends.

Xander: Tara. Nice axing.

Tara: My first.

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3. After Life

Anya: I was being sarcastic. I think we screwed it up and she's broken.

Willow: What if she never gets over it?

Anya: And you think of this now?

Spike: Thank God. You scared me half to death... or more to death. I could kill you!

Dawn: Spike.

Spike: I mean it. Could rip your head off one handed and drink from your brain stem.

Spike:  I do. Clawed her way out of a coffin, that's how. Isn't that right?

Buffy:  I ... Yes. I had to do that.

Spike:  Done it myself.

Buffy:  How long was I gone?

Spike:  Hundred forty-seven days yesterday... um, one-forty-eight today. 'Cept today doesn't count, does it?

Anya:  Well, yeah. The jet-lag from hell has gotta be, you know, the jet-lag from hell.

Spike:  The thing about magic? There's always consequences. Always.

Tara:  How'd he take it?

Willow:  Um. I'm not sure. Glad, but ... kinda weirded out, you know? Which I get. Lots of "dear lords… I think I actually heard him cleaning his glasses.

Tara:  Maybe we dreamed it.

Willow:  Right. Right. Wrong….Different brains.

Xander:  It was very bad. Very very very very very very bad. Bad.

Anya:  He's all traumatized.

Dawn:  If we get to pick, I say we go with the Small Bone-Eaters.

Anya:  That just means they prefer eating things with little bones. Like you.

Xander: So should we concentrate on how to kill those or should we try to find more?

Willow:  I'm not sure. I guess ... Maybe some of us could keep going finding more, and the others--

Buffy:  I miss Giles.

Anya:  I found a 24-hour place for coffee. Remember that bookstore? Well they became one of those books-and-coffee places and now they're just coffee. It's like evolution only without the getting-better part.

Anya:  Did I look like that? I hope I didn't look like that.

Willow:  No, I'm sure you looked really glamorous cutting up your face.

Spike:  You should be careful. Never know what kind of villain's got a knife at your back.

Spike: I do remember what I said. The promise. To protect her. If I'd done that ... even if I didn't make it, you wouldn't've had to jump. I want you to know I did save you. Not when it counted, of course. But after that. Every night after that. I'd see it all again, do something different. Faster or more clever, you know? Dozens of times, lots of different ways ...Every night I save you.

Willow:  Think of it like, the world doesn't like you getting something for free. We asked for this huge gift -Buffy - and the world said, fine. If you get that, you have to take this too ... and it made the demon.

Anya: Technically, that's not a price. That's a gift with purchase.

Xander:  I did not send the demon -- I was possessed! The demon used me to eavesdrop on our conversation-

Anya:  Great. So now what? We can only talk in anti-demon secret code?

Xander:  Good-gay idea-yay, An-ya-ay

Dawn:  Stop talking in wrong Pig Latin and drive! Buffy's in trouble!

Dawn: Huh. That's probably the sort of thing I'm not s'posed to see, right?

Dawn:  Are you okay?

Buffy: I'm going to start charging people money to ask me that.

Buffy: I wanted a little time alone.

Spike:  Oh. Right then...

Buffy: That's okay. I can be alone with you here.

Spike:  Well, I haven't been to a Helldimension just of late, but I know a thing or two about torment

Buffy:  I was happy.

Spike:  I don't ...

Buffy:  Wherever I ... was ... I was happy. At peace. I knew that everyone I cared about was all right. I knew it. Time didn't mean anything, nothing had form... but I was still me, you know? And I was warm and I was loved... and I was finished. Complete. I don't understand about dimensions or theology or any of ...but I think I was in heaven. And now I'm not.

Spike: Buffy--

Buffy: I was torn out of there. My friends pulled me out. And everything here is bright and hard and violent... Everything I feel, everything I touch...this is Hell. Just getting through the next moment, and the one after that...knowing what I've lost ...

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4. Flooded

Willow: Uh, Buffy, I know you're still getting back on your feet after...

Buffy: Lying flat on my back?

Buffy: But, I haven't spent any money. I was all dead and frugal.

Dawn: So, what do we do?

Buffy: Easy. We burn the house to the ground, collect the insurance. Plus, fire? Pretty.

Buffy: I'm kidding. Guys. It's bills. It's money. It's scraps of paper sent by bureaucrats we've never even met, okay? Not the end of the world. Which is too bad, cause that, I'm really good at.

Anya: If you want to pay every bill here, every bill that's coming, and have enough left over to start a nice college fund for Dawn? Start charging.

Buffy: For what?

Anya: Slaying vampires! You provide a valuable service to the whole community. I say, cash in.

Buffy: Well that’s an idea... you would have.

Dawn: Yes it is! You can't charge innocent people for saving their lives.

Anya:  Spider Man does.

Dawn:  He does not!

Anya:  Does too.

Dawn:  Does n ... Xander?

Xander:  Action is his reward.

Willow: Okay - let me make you mad again. Ready? Um, um... Last semester? I slept with Riley.

Buffy: And you know I really doubt it.

Willow: Caught me. Big fib…To cover up my sleazy affair with Angel.

Xander: Anya, if I tell them we're engaged right after you dared me to ... wouldn't you always wonder if that's the only reason I did it?

Anya: Oh.

Xander: Score one for Captain Logic.

Anya: No, no. Captain Logic is not steering this tugboat. I smell Captain Fear at the wheel! God, I hate this. This tone in my voice? I dislike it more than you do, and I'm closer to it!

Giles: My God, Buffy. You're alive. You're here. And you're still... Remarkably strong.

Buffy: Huh? Oh. Sorry.

Buffy: I take some getting used to. I'm still getting used to me.

Giles: It's ... you're a...

Buffy: A miracle?

Giles: Yes. But then, I've always thought so.

Anya: Giles! God, we are so glad to see you. We missed you. You can't have the store back.

Giles: I know.

Anya: You signed papers.

Giles: I did, and do we have information on this Demon I suddenly find so desperately interesting?

Warren: Between the three of us, we can do pretty much anything.

Jonathan: Like, you want a spell to make you look super-cool to the other demons? I'm all over that action, my friend.

Warren: Or? Just throwing it out there-robot girlfriend. Huh? For those long, lonely nights after a hard day's slaughter?

M'Fashnik Demon: You can do this?

Andrew: Don't trust him. Robo-pimp daddy's all mouth.

Warren: Or else what? You'll train another pack of devil-dogs to ruin my prom? Graduated.

Andrew: That wasn't me! How many times do I have to say it? The prom thing was my lame-o brother, Tucker.

Jonathan: Yeah, well tell him I was at that prom.

Andrew: But I don't want to kill Buffy, either!

Jonathan: Yeah, she saved my life a bunch of times. Plus - she's hot.

Willow: No! Giles, I did what I had to do. I did what nobody else could do.

Giles: Oh, there are others in the world who can do what you did. You just don't want to meet them.

Willow: Okay, probably not - but they're bad guys. I am not a bad guy. I brought Buffy back to the world and maybe the word you should be looking for is "congratulations."

Willow: You're right. The Magicks I used are incredibly powerful. I'm incredibly powerful. And maybe it's not such a good idea for you to piss me off.

Spike: Want me to take 'em out? Give me a hell of a headache, but I could probably thin the herd a little.

Buffy: Why are you always around when I'm miserable?

Spike: 'Cause that's when you're alone, I reckon. I'm not much for crowds myself these days.

Buffy: Me neither.

Spike: That works out nicely then.

Andrew: I still can't believe it. We did it! We can do anything. We, we can stay up all night if we wanna.

Warren: Whoa, whoa, don't get all crazy on us, Andrew.

Andrew: I'm only saying...

Giles: Well; now I know I'm back in America as I've been knocked unconscious.

Buffy: Aw. Poor lumpy Giles.

Dawn: No chance I'll have to quit school and work assembling cheap toys in a poorly ventilated sweatshop?

Giles: A poorly-ventilated ... What have you been reading?

Buffy: Angel.

Giles: Is he in trouble?

Buffy: He knows I'm ... He needs to see me. And I have to see him.

Buffy: Not L.A. And not here. We'll meet in the middle. There's a place...

Giles: I see. Well, we'd better get these bills and things out of the way before you...

Buffy: I gotta go now.

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5. Life Serial

Willow: I'm a breast girl myself. But, then again, you knew that.

Buffy: Um, so I-I was thinking about re-enrolling, but I missed the registration cutoff. Busy being dead and all.

Willow: You'll like Mike.
Buffy: You call your teacher Mike? Boy, school sure has changed since my day.

Buffy: Maybe I should ease back in with some non-taxing classes, like, introduction to pies, or maybe advanced walking.

Buffy: Well, I appreciate it. Muchly. You saved me from having to accept Giles' offer to work at the Magic Box. I mean, retail? Yeee. I'd rather be dead. Again.

Buffy: No. Oh, well, he implied that maybe it was stress-related. Like I was imagining it or something. I don't know. Maybe. I guess I, I ... could have been blacking out, but ... there was this thing on my sweater, you know? And then it just, blew away, or went poof. Maybe it was lint. Maybe it was evil lint.
Xander: Okay, first tip of the day. When I introduce you to Tony the foreman? You might wanna leave out stuff about blacking out and evil lint.

Andrew: Why is the Slayer here anyway? She's a student, she's a construction worker, and ... now she's some kind of ... selling stuff person?
Warren: It's like she's completely without focus. Should we check the other channels for free cable porn?

Jonathan: Stop touching my magic bone!

Warren: Wha, uh, what'd you do, enchant the hand thing?
Jonathan: Uh, well, not exactly. I made it so she had to satisfy a customer with a task that resists solving. Maybe I shoulda done more.
Andrew: Like what?
Jonathan: I don't know. Like make her kind of itchy?

Anya: Don't worry, don't be nervous. Do what I do, just picture yourself naked.

Andrew: I just hope she solves it faster than Data did on the ep of TNG where the Enterprise kept blowing up.
Warren: Or Mulder, in that X-Files where the bank kept exploding.
Andrew: Scully wants me so bad.

Buffy: Life is stupid.

Spike: You're a creature of the darkness. Like me. Try on my world. See how good it feels.
Buffy: Are there drinks in your world?

Spike: Come on, someone's gotta stake me.
Buffy: I'll do it! What, you thought I was just gonna let that lie there?

Andrew: We are really super-villains now, like ... like Dr. No.

Warren: Yeah, back when Bond was Connery, and movies were decent.
Jonathan: Who remembers Connery? I mean, Roger Moore was smooth.
Warren: You're insane. You're short, and you're insane.
Andrew: I like Timothy Dalton!

Spike: You wanna fight? You face the two of us.
Buffy: What? I'm not getting into a bar fight! I'll beat 'em up for information, great, but not to defend your right to gamble for kittens! Which, by the way, is stupid currency.

Buffy: Be free, kittens!

Buffy: Tonight sucks! And, and look at me! Look at, look at stupid Buffy! Too dumb for college, and, and, and freak Buffy, too strong for construction work. And, and my job at the magic shop? I was bored to tears even before the hour that wouldn't end! And the only person I can even stand to be around is a ... neutered vampire who cheats at kitten poker.

Andrew: The Slayer touched you.
Jonathan: Yeah, it was sexy the way she touched me real hard with her fists

Giles: In this scenario, I am your mother?
Buffy: Wanna be my shiftless absentee father?

Giles: Is there some sort of, um, rakish uncle?

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6. All the Way

Anya: Everything on this table’s half-off. Including the table.

Dawn: So, what are you supposed to be?

Anya: An angel.

Dawn: Oh. Shouldn’t you have wings?

Anya: On no. This is a special kind of angel called a Charlie. We don’t have wings. We just skate around with perfect hair fighting crime.

Anya: But you get to dress up and play games. Xander’s gonna teach me a new one after work called Shiver Me Timbers. Ever heard of it?

Anya: How about you? Ever played?

Tara: Not really one for the timber.

Anya: Buffy, we’re out of mandrake root. Check the basement.

Buffy: Don’t blame me if we have this conversation over and over and over and over and over.

Buffy: Oh! Bell. Neck. Look into it.

Spike: Come with a nice leather collar, does it?

Spike: What? I was gonna pay for it…I mean, no, I was gonna nic it cause that’s what I do.

Buffy: One time deal to help out. And I mean straight time. No loop-de-loop mummy hand repeato vision.

Spike: You like a bit of the rough and tumble?

Buffy: What?!

Spike: Me, you? Patrolling? Hello?

Spike: Not like I don’t already have plans. Great Pumpkin’s on in 20.

Buffy: So much easier to talk to when he wanted to kill me.

Buffy: What happened to Xander?

Giles: He kept poking me with is hook. I sent him over to Charmed objects. With any luck, he’ll poke the wrong one and end up in an alternate dimension inhabited by a 50-foot Giles that squishes annoying teeny pirates.

Buffy: Yeah? What about costumes that take over your personality? Or wee little Irish fear demony thingies?

Xander: Store go boom.

Anya: That was the most incredible thing I have ever experienced.

(Xander looks)

Anya: Except for that.

Willow: I could whip up a jaunty self-cleaning incantation. It’ll be like Fantasia.

Giles: And we all know how splendidly that turned out for Mickey.

Anya: The dance of capitalistic superiority.

Buffy: Did you know about this?

Giles: No. Unless I blocked it from my memory. Much as I will Xander’s vigorous use of his tongue.

Buffy: Is that why you’re always cleaning your glasses? So you don’t have to see what we’re doing?

Giles: Tell no one.

Buffy: Over my dead body. The kind that doesn’t come back.

Giles: Anya’s a wonderful former vengeance demon. I’m sure you’ll spend many years of non-hell dimension bliss.

Buffy: All that matters is that they’re happy. Everything else is thick-gravy goodness.

Willow: Hey, we were just getting our dance on.

Willow: It’s where I’d be if I were 15 and on the lam.

Tara: Really?

Willow: Well, not me at 15. Cause, hello? Spaz.

Giles: Mist. Cemetery. Halloween. This should end well.

Buffy: Were you parking? With a vamp?

Dawn: I didn’t know he was dead.

Vamp: Living dead.

Dawn: Shut up.

Anya: It gave me more time to plan the bridal shower. Where do we order obscenely muscular male strippers?

Buffy: How’s your face?

Giles: Oh, still ruggedly handsome.

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7. Once More with Feeling
(the lyrics can be found here)

Xander: Respect the cruller and tame the donut!

Anya: That's still funny, sweetie.

Buffy: So did anybody... last night, did anybody um... burst into song?

Xander: Merciful Zeus!

Willow: We thought it was just us!

Giles: Well, I sang but I had my guitar at the hotel...

Tara: It was bizarre. We were talking and then it was like-

Buffy: Like you were in a musical!

Giles: That would explain the huge backing orchestra I couldn't see and the synchronized dancing from the room service chaps.

Willow: We did a whole duet about dish washing.

Anya: And we were arguing and then everything rhymed and there were harmonies and the dance with coconuts.

Willow: There was an entire verse about the cous-cous.

Xander: It was very disturbing.

Giles: What did you sing about?

Buffy: I don't remember. But it seemed perfectly normal.

Xander: But disturbing and not the natural order of things. And do you think it'll happen again?

Xander: See, okay that was disturbing.

Willow: I thought it was neat.

Buffy: So what is it? What's causing it?

Giles: I thought it didn't matter.

Buffy: Well, I'm not exactly quaking in my stylish, yet affordable boots, but there's definitely something unnatural going on here and that doesn't usually lead to hugs and puppies.

Tara: Those boys really thought I was hot?

Willow: Entirely!

Tara: Oh, my god... I'm cured! I want the boys!

Anya: Will you still make me waffles when we're married?

Xander: No, I'll only make them for myself but by California law, you will own half of them.

Anya: Of course! Clearly our number is a retro pastiche that's never going to be a breakaway pop hit.

Xander: Work with me, British man. Give me an axe and show me where to point it.

Spike: The sun sets and she appears. Come to serenade me?

Buffy: So you know what's going on?

Spike: Well, I've seen some damn funny things the last two days. Six-hundred pound Chirago demon making like Yma Sumac. That one'll stay with you. I remain immune, happy to say.

Spike: Drink?

Buffy: A world of no.

Spike: Oh. So that's all. You just come to pump me for information.

Buffy: What else would I want to pump you for? I really just said that, didn't I?

 
Dawn: Math. It seemed cooler when we were singing about it.

Dawn: So you're like a good demon? Bringing the fun in?

Buffy: Yeah, I'm pretty spry for a corpse.

Spike: Strong. Someday he'll be a real boy.

Buffy: So... Dawn's in trouble. Must be Tuesday.

Xander: Spike sang a wittle song?

Anya: Would you say it was a breakaway pop hit or more of a book number?

Xander: Let it go, sweetie.

Sweet: What if I kill you?

Buffy: Trust me. Won't help.

Sweet: That's gloomy.

Buffy: That's life.

Spike: You should go back inside. Finish the big group-sing. Get your kum-bay-yayas out.

Buffy: I don't want to.

Spike: The day you suss out what you do want, there'll probably be a parade. Seventy-six bloody trombones.

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8. Tabula Rasa

Spike: Can we talk?
Buffy: Vocal-cord-wise, yes. With each other? No.

Spike: We ... we kissed, you and me. All Gone With The Wind, with the rising music, and the rising ... music, and what was that, Buffy?
Buffy: A spell?

Spike: I know what kind of girl you really are. Don't I.

Spike: Take it easy, you'll get your kittens.
Loan Shark: Oh, I trust you, Mister Spike.
Buffy: Oh god, what is it with you guys? Why kittens? Why can't you just use money like everybody else?
Loan Shark: She's funny. I like funny in a girl.

Buffy: If I were to stop saving his life, it would simple things up so much.

Anya: Do you think she ... walked around on clouds, wearing like ... Birkenstocks and played a harp? 'Cause those are just not flattering. You know, the clonky sandals, not a harp. I mean, who ... doesn't look good with a harp?

Anya: What? I'm just saying what everyone's thinking, right baby?
Xander: You are attractive and have many good qualities.

Willow: We didn't wanna know. We were so selfish. I was so selfish.
Xander: Maybe we were. I just feel weird feeling bad that my friend's not dead. It's ... too mind-boggling. So I've decided to simplify the whole thing. Me like Buffy. Buffy's alive, so, me glad.
Tara: Not to be Miss Psycho Pep Squad, but we have got to stop obsessing about what we did and start trying to make things better for Buffy.
Anya: I'm with Miss Psycho Pep Squad.
Xander: Ah, we need to spend more time with her, just hang out. Maybe have ... weekly dinners over here, or, uh ... a book club. Short books. Videos.

Willow: Thanks for the jacket. It's cold out there.
Xander: Not a problem, the cold only makes me stronger and more macho-like.

Giles: Spike?
Anya: Holy moly.
Spike: You need to give me asylum.
Xander: I'll say.

Anya: I-I don't see any booze. I don't feel any head bumps. I don't see Allen Funt.
Giles: Who?
Xander: Okay. I'm not panicking. I'm not. I'm not. Stop looking at me like I'm panicking!

Giles: Magic! Magic's all balderdash and chicanery. I'm afraid we don't know a bloody thing. Except I seem to be British, don't I? Uh, and a man. With ... glasses. Well, that narrows it down considerably.

Spike: Oh, listen to Mary Poppins. He's got his crust all stiff and upper with that nancy-boy accent. You Englishmen are always so... Bloody hell! Sodding, blimey, shagging, knickers, bollocks, oh God! I'm English!
Giles: Welcome to the nancy tribe.

Spike: You don't suppose you and I ... we're not related, are we?
Anya: There is a ruggedly handsome resemblance.

Giles: And you do inspire a, um ... particular feeling of ... familiarity and ... disappointment.

Giles: Older brother?
Spike: Father. Oh, god, how I must hate you.
Giles: What did I do?
Spike: There's always something.

Anya: It's a lovely ring.
Spike: Oh, great, a tarty stepmom who's half old Daddy's age.
Anya: Tarty?
Giles: Old? You little twerp, I'm young enough to still get carded.

Spike: 'Made with care for Randy.' Randy Giles? Why not just call me 'Horny Giles,' or 'Desperate for a Shag Giles'? I knew there was a reason I hated you!

Buffy: Oh, that's sweet, but I think I can name myself. I'll name me ... Joan.
Dawn: Ugh!
Buffy: What? Did you just 'ugh' my name?
Dawn: No! I just ... I mean, it's so blah. Joan?
Buffy: I like it. I feel like a Joan.

Spike: You never showed me affection like that!...I'd wager.
Buffy: Well, we need to figure out what's going on. We need to get help.
Spike: Looks like Joan fancies herself the boss.

Spike: Dad can drive. He's bound to have some classic midlife-crisis transport. Something red, shiny, shaped like a penis.

Spike: Vampires!
Tara: Maybe it's Halloween.
Dawn: It doesn't feel like Halloween.
Xander: Even if it is, those guys are definitely not kids, and those are definitely not costumes. Randy's right. Looks like we have vampires.

Buffy: To slay someone? A female someone! Who do those jerks think they are?
Anya: Bloodsuckers. They kill by sucking blood. Take it easy, Joan.

Willow: What did you just do?
Buffy: I don't know. But it was COOL!

Buffy: I think I know why Joan's the boss. I'm like a superhero or something!

Buffy: All right. You work on that then. We need to go. Ready, Randy?
Spike: Ready, Joan.

Buffy: You're a vampire!
Spike: How can you say - I, me, a vampire? No.
Buffy: Check the lumpies. And the teeth.

Buffy: I kill your kind.
Spike: And I bite yours. So how come I don't wanna bite you? And why am I fightin' other vampires? I must be a noble vampire. A good guy. On a mission of redemption. I help the hopeless. I'm a vampire with a soul.
Buffy: A vampire with a soul? Oh my god, how lame is that?

Spike: I'm a hero really. I mean, to be cast such an ugly lot in life and then to rise above it. To seek out better, nobler things. It's inspirational, isn't it? And the two of us...natural enemies, thrown together to stand against the forces of darkness. Utter trust. No thought of me biting you, no thought of you staking me.
Buffy: Depends on how long you keep on yapping.

Giles: Come down, and we will go about fixing this in a sensible fashion!
Anya: Sensible! You think it's sensible for me to go down into that pit of cotton-top hell, and let them hippity-hop all over my vulnerable flesh?
Giles: Fine, then just stay up there and keep making bunnies! That's a capital plan!
Anya: What capital? I never know what you're talking about. Loo, shag, brolly, what the hell is all that?
Giles: What? There's no way that you could remember me saying any of those words.
Anya: Oh, bugger off, you brolly.

Dawn: How are you?
Willow: A little confused. I mean, I'm ... all sweaty ... and trapped, no memory, hiding in a pipe from a vampire...And I think I'm kinda gay.

Anya: Don't blame me, you snobby, snotty, thinks he's so great kind of jerk ... and I feel compelled to take some vengeance on you.

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9. Smashed

Buffy: Wow. A mugging. Haven't gotten one of those in a while. Usually it's blood, and with the horror ... just a good old-fashioned mugging. Kinda sweet actually.

Buffy: Not too sweet for you either, huh? But come on, rush me. It'll be funny.

Buffy: Way to go with the keen observiness, Jessica Fletcher.
Spike: Remind me not to help you.
Buffy: More often?
Spike: Hey. Little sympathy for the man with the migraine here, can we?
Buffy: Well, that's what you get for attacking a human.
Spike: Yeah. You'd think if the government was gonna put a chip in my head, they'd at least make it so I could attack criminals and that sort.
Buffy: Yes, because muggers deserve to be eaten.

Buffy: Just have to get your rocks off fightin' demons.
Spike: There are other ways.
Buffy: And to that, an extreme 'see you later.'

Andrew: See, that's cool. How come he gets to play with all the cool stuff?
Jonathan: Because I'm allergic to methane and you're still afraid of hot things?
Andrew: I know.
Jonathan: Besides, the tank kept making both of us tip over, remember?

Willow: Uh, Amy ... three things we have to talk about. One, Larry's gay. Two, Larry's dead. And three, high school's ... kinda over.

Buffy: Hi. How've you been?
Amy: Rat. You?
Buffy: Dead.
Amy: Oh.

Buffy: Okay, well, at least, you know, let me make up the, the couch for you? It's late, you should stay here. Everybody does.

Amy: It's crazy, all the things that've happened since I went away.
Buffy: No kidding.
Amy: Snyder got eaten by a snake ... high school got destroyed...
Buffy: Oh, Gatorade has a new flavor. Blue.
Amy: See? Head spinning. People getting frozen ... Willow's dating girls ... and did you hear about Tom and Nicole?!

Buffy: Look. I'm sorry, okay? I'm-I'm sorry if you thought that it meant more.
Spike: But...
Buffy: But... when I kissed you...you know I was thinking about Giles, right?
Spike: You know, I always wondered about you two.
Buffy: What? Oh, gross, Spike!

Anya: Oh, for crying out loud. This is bizarre. You're all, 'la la la!' with, with the magic, and the not talking, like everything's normal, when we all know that Tara up and left you and now everyone's scared to say anything to you. Except me. Is this that thing I do that you were commenting-

Spike: Help me out here, Spock, I don't speak loser.

Spike: Nothing wrong with me. Something wrong with her.

Willow: I know. Xander engaged, I couldn't believe it either.
Amy: It's just so weird. So what's she like?
Willow: Thousand-year-old capitalist ex-demon with rabbit phobia.
Amy: Well, that's so his type.

Anya: Let's face it, we're not gonna find this thing because it doesn't exist. There's no such thing as a frost monster who eats diamonds.
Buffy: Well, maybe he doesn't eat them. You know, maybe he just ... thinks they're pretty.

Buffy: We suck.
Xander: We need new brains.

Spike: Slayer.
Buffy: Spike?
Spike: Meet me at the cemetery. Twenty minutes. Come alone.
Buffy: Spike?
Spike:  Bloody hell. Yes, it's me.
Buffy: You're ... calling me on the phone?
Spike: Just be there.
Buffy: Why? Are you ... helping again? You have a lead on this frost monster thingie?
Spike: Something like that, yeah. Thought you might be up for a little grunt work.
Buffy: What?! No, no-no grunting!
Spike: I was talking shop, luv, but if you got other ideas ... you, me, cozy little tomb with a view...

Xander: So, what did Captain Peroxide want?

Anya: Yeah, even the ones that weren't so boring you wanted to kill yourself.
Xander: We have those?

Buffy: I don't know. You know, I'll do a quick patrol tonight, and after a good night's sleep, we can solve this tomorrow.
Anya: Optimism. I remember optimism.
Xander: That's because you're like a thousand.

Spike: Guess what I just found out. Looks like I'm not as toothless as you thought, sweetheart.
Buffy: How?
Spike: Don't you get it? Don't you see? You came back wrong.

Buffy: Me? I'm lost? Look at you, you idiot! Poor Spikey. Can't be a human, can't be a vampire. Where the hell do you fit in?

Buffy: Your job is to kill the slayer. But all you can do is follow me around making moon eyes.
Spike: I'm in love with you.
Buffy: You're in love with pain. Admit it. You like me ... because you enjoy getting beat down. So really, who's screwed up?
Spike: Hello! Vampire! I'm supposed to be treading on the dark side. What's your excuse?

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10. Wrecked

Buffy: When ... When did the building fall down?
Spike: I don't know. Must have been sometime between the first time and the, uh...

Spike: I knew. I knew the only thing better than killing a slayer would be f-
Buffy: What?! Is that what this is about? Doing a slayer?
Spike: Well, I wouldn't throw stones, pet. You seem to be quite the groupie yourself.
Buffy: Shut up.
Spike: I'm just sayin' ... vampires get you hot.
Buffy: A vampire got me hot. One. But he's gone.

Dawn: It's okay. You should rest. You're beat from monster-wrestling all night.

Xander: Anya has a theory. She thinks that Martha Stewart froze that guy.
Anya: Don't be ridiculous. Martha Stewart isn't a demon. She's a witch.
Xander: Please, she- Really?
Anya: Of course. Nobody could do that much decoupage without calling on the powers of darkness.

Anya: I know I do! I can't decide whether to put my bridesmaids in cocktail dresses ... or the traditional burlap with blood larva.
Xander: The traditional what?
Anya: Well, I was a demon for a thousand years, you don't expect me to turn my back on all the ways of my people.
Buffy: Uh, can I weigh in on this whole me wearing larva-
ANYA/Xander: No.

Anya: At least I'm not asking you to perform the groom's rite of self-flagellation.

Dawn: Are you kidding? It was like a meat party in my mouth. Okay, now I'm just a kid, and even I know that came out wrong

Buffy: Get dressed. Dawn's missing.
Spike: Again? Ever think about a Lojack for the girl?

Willow: The magic wasn't all great. I won't miss the nosebleeds and the headaches and stuff.
Buffy: There you go.
Willow: Or...keeping stinky yak cheese in my bra. Don't ask.

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11. Gone

Dawn: Candles?! We can't have candles?
Buffy: Dawn, it's magic clearance. Everything must go.

Dawn: B-but they're just candles!
Buffy: Well, yeah, you know, to you and me they're just candles, but to ... witches they're ... like bongs.

Buffy: Dawn, do me a favor, can you grab the fertility god statue on the desk over there?
Dawn: Kokopelli?! No! I love him! And he was Mom's.

Andrew: I pictured something cooler. More ILM, less Ed Wood.

Spike: Morning.
Buffy: What are you doing? And, here?
Spike: Just, uh, took a stroll. Found myself in your neck of the woods.
Buffy: Couldn't find a less flammable time of day to take a stroll?
 

Xander: Still trying to mack on Buffy? Wake up already. Never gonna happen! Only a complete loser would ever hook up with you. Well, unless she's a simpleton like Harmony, or a, or a nut sack like Drusilla-
 

Buffy: Spike ... this nice woman is, uh, from Social Services?
Spike: Oh, right! Uh ... hey! Buffy's a great mom. She takes good care of her little sis.  Like, um, when Dawn was hanging out too much in my crypt, Buffy put a right stop to it.
Ms. Kroger: I'm sorry, did you say-
Buffy: Crib! He said crib. You know kids today and their buggin' street slang.

Anya: Table four. I put her with your family.
Xander: Great. Except, we don't hate Buffy.

Anya: Well, where do I put D'Hoffryn?
Xander: We're not inviting D'Hoffryn.
Anya: We have to, he's my ex-boss! You're inviting your work buddies.

Xander: Sorry! Her clothes are ... invisible ... too. Buffy, how did this hap ... wait a sec, have you been feeling ... ignored lately?
No-Show Buffy: Yeah, ignored. I wish. No, this isn't a Marcie deal. I don't know what happened. I left Main Street after getting my hair cut, and-
Anya: You cut your hair?
No-Show Buffy: Oh, yeah!
Anya: Really? How short?
No-Show Buffy: Um, about up to here ... well, if you could see my hand, it's kind of above my shoulders.
Anya: Ahh, that sounds so adorable! I was thinking about getting my hair cut before the wed-
Xander: Can we get back to freaking out about no-show Buffy? This is serious.

No-Show Buffy: Willow's still a wreck, Dawn's mad at both of us, and the social services lady put me through a wringer. Says she's gonna watch me. I'd like to see her try now.

No-Show Buffy: You know, there may be an upside to no-see-me. 

No-Show Buffy: Nope, didn't see nothin'. See what I did there, with the eyeballs?

Anya: Why would anyone make her invisible anyway? I mean, invisible Slayer's gotta be way more effective than the standard variety.

No-Show Buffy: 'Saright!
Xander: Buffy, could you focus please?
No-Show Buffy: I am! Just ... this is kind of fun.
 

Willow: We...are talking. Well, I'm talking and you're looking at me funny.

Xander: Fix Buffy.
Willow: Buffy's broken?
 

Xander: Rhymes with ... 'blinvisible'?
Willow: What?
Xander: Buffy was in town, leaving the haircutting place, when she suddenly just-
Willow: Buffy got her hair cut?
Xander: Yeah! Adorable, apparently. I personally couldn't tell, since she's all 'blinvisible.'
 

No-Show Buffy: I am the ghost of fashion victims past. Studded caps? Not a good idea.

Spike: Buffy?
No-Show Buffy: I told you ... stop trying to see me.

Anya: Oh, I got it!
Xander: Really?
Anya: Yeah, we'll put D'Hoffryn at your parents' table, and move your Uncle Rory to table five near the bar.

Jonathan: Wait a minute! We're not killing anybody. Especially not Buffy!
Warren: You guys are so immature! We're villains! When are you gonna get that through your thick skulls?
Jonathan: We're not killers, we're crime lords!
Andrew: Yeah! Like, like Lex Luthor. He's always trying to take over Metropolis, but he doesn't kill Superman!
Warren: Because it's Superman's book, you moron!
 

Spike: A man shouldn't use immortality as an excuse to let himself go. Gotta keep fit for the killing.
Xander: Yuh-huh. Looks like you had a little trouble upstairs. Mini-disaster area.

Spike: So what, you just come here to criticize my housekeeping?
 

No-Show Buffy: He threw *me* out? He threw *me*. Did I, like, fall into some ... backward dimension here? Is this Bizarro World? And after he's always going on and on about being the only one that understands me. 'We're alike, you and me. Birds of a bloody feather.' Uh! He's so ... Insensitive! That's what he is.

Invisible Warren: You haven't won yet, Slayer.
No-Show Buffy: No, that part comes after I beat the snot out of you.

Buffy: Jonathan?! You have chest hair?

Buffy: Who are you?
Andrew: Andrew. I summoned the flying monkeys that attacked the high school? During the school play, you know?
Warren: It's Tucker's brother.
Jonathan: Yeah, it's Tucker's brother.
Buffy/Willow: Ohh.

Willow: Oh my god, Buffy!
Buffy: I know, they're gone. I guess we should chase them.
Willow: No, your hair! It *is* adorable.

Buffy: Pretty neat, you finding the van. So ... how did you manage to ... do it exactly? I mean, to locate it?
Willow: The hard way. The spell-free way. The oh-my-god-my-head's-gonna-fall-off, my-feet-are-killing-me way.

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12. Doublemeat Palace

Willow: You shoulda seen their headquarters, it was like, the nerd natural habitat.

Willow: Hey, respect the narrative flow much?

Anya: Please, continue the story of failure.

Willow: Which is good -- never gonna need that. Plus there were, you know, razor scooters and pictures of the Vulcan woman on Enterprise.

Xander: Ooh. I mean, pff, nerds.

Anya: Okay, ya know what? This is why demons are better than people.

Willow: Interesting turn.

Anya: When I was a vengeance demon, I caused pain and Mayhem, certainly, but I put in a very full day's work doing it! And I got compensated appropriately!

Xander: Welcome to today's episode of "Go Money Go." I hear it every day.

Anya: But supervillains want reward without labor! To make things come easy. It's wrong! Without labor there can be no payment and vice versa! The country cannot progress! Workers are the tools that shape America!

Buffy: Good to know. I was kinda feeling like a tool and now I know why.

Buffy: Uh, yeah. The cow and chicken coming together even though they never met...It was like Sleepless in Seattle if Tom and Meg were, like, minced.

Buffy: So what's the deal with Manny the Manager? And if I ask him nice, can I write a children's book called that?

Buffy: I prefer the one that goes "Manny's a humorless dolt that picks the pocket of he should bite me."

Buffy: Theory number five: cat-burgers.

Xander: It's fast food. I have swum in these murky waters, my friend. There is assorted creepiness, there is staring, there is the enthusiastic not-showing-up-at-all I think you're seeing demons where there's just, life.

Anya:  Well, time is getting very short. After Willow did the, whoosh, instant engagement party, I got slack on the planning, cuz I figured she'd help. But now that's all blown to hell.

Willow: Standing right here. Standing right exactly here.

Buffy: Here you go. One Medley Meal. Plus I doublesized your fries... and cut way back on the cat.

Xander: Kmmmph?

Buffy: I'm probably kidding.

Spike: Yeah, and you chose to be in a consumer service profession. I'm a consumer. Service me.

Manny: You're working a double-shift.

Buffy: What? Another eight hours? Right after these eight hours? That's...so many hours.

Buffy: The beefy layer is definitely people! Probably not the chickeny part! But who knows! WHO KNOWS?!

Wig Lady: What about the cherry pie?

Xander: Anya's entertaining a vengeance demon named Hallie. Say, Buff, did you ever see what Anya looked like as a demon? Because, if it was that, wow.

Xander: Okay, but maybe you'll be a lawyer or doctor and you can use your money to support your deadbeat sister!

Dawn: Oh, that's terrifically better. Thanks.

Xander: Hey, Ahn? The way she looked... with the... face... that wasn't what you... used to look like, was it?

Anya: Is there something wrong with that? Did you think she was unattractive?

Xander: Okay, is there an answer to that that won't make you nuts?

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13. Dead Things

Buffy: We missed the bed again.

Spike: Lucky for the bed.

Buffy: This place is okay for a hole in the ground. You fixed it up.

Spike: I ate a decorator once. Maybe something stuck.

Buffy: Yeah. I think the New Kids on the Block posters are starting to date me.

Spike: Are we having a conversation?

Buffy: What? No. Sort of.

Spike: Hm.

Buffy: What?

Spike: Well isn't this usually the part where you kick me in the head and run out, virtue fluttering?

Buffy: That's the plan. Soon as my legs start working again.

Spike: Do you even like me?

Buffy: Sometimes.

Buffy: Is there singing?! Are we singing again?

Xander: Nope, just the dancing.

Xander: You've been going at it too hard, Buff. We hardly ever see you, what with slinging the doublemeat and pounding the big evil.

Anya: You are looking a little pounded.

Dawn: I'm sleeping over at Janice's

Buffy: And I'm falling for that again because of the surprise lobotomy?

Willow: We're not going to have to do that at the wedding, are we? 'Cause there's this last thread of dignity I've been desperately clinging to.

Xander: I see sitting where yet there should be dancing.

Anya: Come share in the joy of our groove thang.

Willow: And despite that, I succumb to the beat.

Xander: Ouh. I think I pulled a jive muscle last night.

Willow: The Funky Monkey claims another victim.

Buffy: I didn't come back wrong.

Tara: No. You're the same Buffy. With a deep tropical cellular tan.

Buffy: You must have missed something. Check again.

Tara: Buffy, I promise there's nothing wrong with you.

Buffy: There has to be!  

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14. Older & Faraway

Xander: Man, a nerd goes into hiding, he really goes into hiding.

Xander: We're feeding an army!
Buffy: No, they couldn't make it.

Buffy: What? Like I'm one of those losers who can't make friends outside her tight little circle? No. I'm friendly. We bonded instantly. Peas in a pod. Bonded peas.
Anya: Really? Um, what's Sophie's last name?

Buffy: Okay, shut up.

Buffy: I assume this was an act of kindness? That'll help with the not throttling.

Tara: I don't know. He seemed ... cute. W-was he cute? I mean, I'm not a very good judge, but... I think he seemed cute.
Clem: I think he seemed cute, yeah.

Spike: You wanna slip away for a minute, luv?
Buffy: What?
Spike: I'll let you blow out my candles.

Spike: I had ... a ... muscle cramp. Buffy was, uh, helping.
Tara: A muscle cramp? In your ... pants?
Spike: What, it's a thing.
Tara: Right.

Spike: Must be some late-night activities to keep us busy till morning.
Tara: How's that cramp, Spike? Still bothering you?
Spike: What? Oh. Yeah.
Tara: Maybe you, uh, wanna put some ice on it.

Buffy: I think it's time for you to go.
Spike: Yeah, well, can't. Daylight.
Buffy: Okay. I'll go.
Spike: I'll get the door.
Buffy: Fine!
Spike: Fine!
Buffy: I'm actually trying to move right now.
Spike: Me too.

Buffy: Well ... this can't be good.

Xander: No, it's just, you know, you're upset 'cause we all wanna leave. And now we can't leave. Only thing missing is a cornfield. There ... there isn't a cornfield, is there?

Xander: Well, 'cause you know, sometimes we do something that seems like a good idea at the time, like, say, invoke the power of a musical amulet? And it turns out, you know, not so much.

Buffy: Well, we don't have any in the house. We got rid of everything.
Willow: Actually ... not everything. I, uh... might have ... kept one or, or two things. Sort of...just in case.
Xander: That's great! ...in a very bad way.

Spike: So, you ever think about *not* celebrating a birthday? Just to try it, I mean.

Halfrek: I told you I was going to take care of some business while I was here in town.
Anya: Yeah, but cursing us? Some of them are in the wedding party.

Richard: You have some weird friends.
Xander: News from the file marked 'duh.' We're gonna get him to the E.R.
Anya: And then we're gonna talk about payment. And Dawnie, there are two words I want you to get used to... Punitive damages.

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15. As You Were

Todd: You see, Buffy, the thing you gotta learn about the Palace, and this takes awhile, is that job security all boils down to one simple thing:

Buffy: Controlling the gag reflex?

Skank-Vamp: Whew. What's that smell? Geez Slayer, is that you?

Buffy: I've been working!

Skank-Vamp: Where, in a slaughterhouse?

Buffy: D-Doublemeat Palace.

Skank-Vamp: Ooh. Know what? Let's just call it a night. If it's all the same to you, and you've been eating that stuff ... I'm not so sure I want to bite you.

Buffy: You're dead. You smell like it. How do you get to say I'm the one who's... stinky?

Dawn: Its looks kinda ... squished.

Buffy: Oh. Yeah. But you know, you know, give it a minute, 'cause these babies really bounce back. Literally.

Dawn: Some vamp get rough with you?

Buffy: He's not getting any gentler.

Buffy: Riley.

Riley: I'm sorry to just drop in on you like this, Buffy

Buffy: It's you.

Riley: It's me.

Buffy: You're here.

Riley: I know.

Buffy: And -- were you always this tall?

Buffy: My hat has a cow.

Riley: I hear you. Got big stories to tell you, too. We get half a sec, we can compare and contrast.

Buffy: Did you die?

Riley: No.

Buffy: I'm gonna win...

Anya: I think maybe we died in this car on the way to the airport. And now we're in hell.

Xander: I'm not. I hate my uncle. I hate my whole family. That's why I'm marrying you -- to start a new family, have children, make them hate us, then, when they get married -- sleep on their couch. It's the circle of life.

Xander: Why did we ever agree to let your friends -- who are demons -- and my family -- who are monsters -- stay at our place?

Anya: I can only do so much, Xander! Planning this Marriage is like staging the invasion of Normandy.

Xander: Without the laughs.

Buffy: I ... have a house. And I think it's safe. Sometimes, you can't even leave!

Willow: Just so you know: I am prepared to hate this woman any way you want.

Buffy: Will. Thanks, but no. I don't want to get all, you know -- petty.

Willow: That's the beauty. YOU can't, I can. Please. Let me carry the hate for both of us.

Buffy: Go nuts.

Buffy: Which means we find the nest -- as in now -- or Sunnydale turns into the TROUBLE Meat Palace. I wish I'd said something else.

Buffy: This isn't possible He's too ... Incompetent! Its just Spike, Riley.

Riley: Right. Deadly, amoral, opportunistic ... or have you forgotten?

Riley: Can you shut him up?

Buffy: Not so far.

Xander: Separate things. One fills me with a dread akin to public speaking engagements.

Anya: That would be the wedding.

Xander: Which will soon be over.

Anya: But the marriage...

Xander: That lasts forever.

Buffy: Yes! I think it was a rollicking adventure, fun for the whole family!

Riley: Hey. You want me to say I liked seeing you in bed with that idiot? Or that blinding orange is your very best color, or that the burger smell is --

Buffy: You smelled the smell?

Riley: Buffy, none of that means anything. It doesn't touch you. You're still the first woman I ever loved and the strongest woman I ever knew. And I'm not advertising this to the missus, but still quite the hottie.

Buffy: I'm using you. I can't love you. I'm just being weak, and selfish --

Spike: -- really not complaining here --

Buffy: -- and it's killing me. I have to be strong about this. I'm sorry, William.

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16. Hell's Bells

Buffy: I'm Buffy the bridesmaid.

Willow: Duty-schmooty. I'm s'posed to be the best man. Shouldn't I be all Marlene Dietrichy in a dashing tuxedo number?

Buffy: No, cuz that would be totally unfair. We all must participate equally in the cosmic joke of bridesmaids-dom.

Xander: Aw man. What if it doesn't? What if I can't wear my cummerbund and the whole world sees the place where my pants meet my shirt? That can't happen Buffy! I must wear das cummerbund!

Buffy: You look really great, Mr. About-to-get-married. You're glowing. Omigod, Xander Maybe you're pregnant!

Xander: Now, let's go over the checklist one more time. Number one?

Buffy: Don't let your dad near the bar.

Xander: Check. Number two?

Buffy: Don't let your mom near the bar.

Buffy: Haven't met. She seems like a very nice attempt at making me jealous.

Spike: Is it working?

Buffy: Yes. It doesn't change anything, but if you're wildly curious, yeah, it hurts.

Spike: I'm sorry. Or... Good!

Buffy: Go where? To your place?

Spike: Yeah I suppose... that was the idea.

Buffy: Yeah.

Spike: Evil.

Buffy: Of course.

Spike: It's nice, watching you be happy. For them, even. I don't see it a lot. You, um... you glow.

Buffy: That's because my dress is radioactive.

Willow: I'll say this for the Y chromosome: looks good in a tux.

Xander: Your double X's aren't doing so bad there, either.

Willow: It's a good thing I realized I was gay. 'Cause otherwise, hey, you, me and formal wear...

Tara: Sex poodle?

Anya: Yeah, why?

Tara: Uh, I'm not sure you should say 'sex poodle' in your vows.

Anya: Huh.

D’Hoffryn: Halfrek, you know I love all my demons equally.

Anya: I'm tired of crying. I'm just so tired, D'Hoffryn.

D’Hoffryn: Oh, Anyanka. I'm sorry. You let him domesticate you. When you were a vengeance demon you were powerful, at the top of your game. You crushed men like him. It's time you got back to what you do best, don't you think?

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17. Normal Again

Andrew: We're on the lam. We have to lay low. Underground.

Jonathan: That's figurative, doofus. Did you even read Legion of Doom?

Buffy: Um, you didn't by any chance just eat a bunch of nerds, did you?

Willow: Hi, um... Tara. How are you? I was wondering... do you want to go out sometime? For coffee? Or food? Or kisses and gay love?

Buffy: I could wrestle naked in grease for a living and still be cleaner than after a shift at the Doublemeat.

Willow: You mean between the sobs? There was mostly just wheezing.

Buffy: She was kinda…she got a little broken.

Willow: Okay, okay. Calm now. Let's turn around and release our very manly... thing... the other way.

Doctor: Buffy, do you know where you are?

Buffy: Sunnydale...

Doctor: No, Buffy. None of that is real. None of it. You're in a mental institution. You're ill. You've been with us six years now, do you remember?

Xander: Come on! That's ridiculous! What, you think this isn't real just 'cause of all the vampires and the demons and the ex-Vengeance demons and the sister that used to be a ball of universe-destroying energy?

Doctor: Buffy, we want to help you get better. And I think you want that too. Isn't that why your friends are doing these horrible things to each other? And your enemies -- look at them. You used to create grand villains to battle against. And now what is it? Just ordinary people you went to high school with. Not gods or monsters. Just three pathetic little men who like to play with toys.

Warren: Andrew's demon pet's done some number on the Slayer. She's tripping like a Ken Russell film festival.

Andrew: I still say we're gonna need eight other guys to pull this off.

Warren: Should never've let you see that movie.

Willow: No. Buffy look at me. You're not in an institution. You've never been in an institution.

Buffy: Yes I have.

Willow: What?

Buffy: I was only there a couple of weeks. I stopped talking about it so they let me go. And eventually, my parents just...forgot.

Willow: God. That's horrible.

Buffy: What if I never left? What if I'm still in that clinic?

Buffy: I should be taller than you.

Dawn: Maybe you're not done growing.

Doctor: That's right. Last summer, when you had a momentary awakening, it was them that pulled you back in.

Xander: Hello? I'm back. Clean and with the better smell now.

Buffy: Sure it is... 'Cause what's more real? A sick girl in an institution?

Dawn: Don't. Please, believe me!!

Buffy: Or some type of. . . supergirl. Chosen to fight demons and save the world? That's ridiculous.

Joyce: Buffy, fight it! You can beat this thing. You're too good to give up. Be strong, honey. I know you're afraid. I know the world feels like a hard place sometimes, but you've got people that love you. Your dad and I, we have all the faith in the world in you. We'll always be with you. There's a world of strength in your heart, honey. I know there is. You just have to find it again. Believe in yourself.

Buffy: You're right... Thank you. Goodbye.

Willow: Buffy, sit. You'll fall over.

Buffy: No... I can't. Not until I have the antidote.

Doctor: I'm so sorry. There's no reaction at all. I'm afraid we've lost her.

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18. Entropy

Buffy: You tell them if you want. Go ahead. Rock the boat. Rock and roll it the hell over. My friends and I'll still be groovin' with the movin'. Know why? I tried to kill my friends, my sister, last week and guess how much they hate me now? Zero. Zero much. So I'm thinking, sleeping with you... They'll deal.

Spike: In that case, why won't you sleep with me again?

Buffy: Because I don't love you.

Tara: Hey!

Willow: Look at you. All coming-out-of-class and everything.

Tara: I do that sometimes. Usually at the end part of the class.

Tara: How's your... you know, after the basement deal?

Willow: It's between a hitch and a kink. With a side of twinge. It's okay.

Tara: And Buffy's okay too? Enjoying the refreshing sanity and so forth?

Willow: Ha! Yes! Refreshing san-- that's funny!

Buffy: Okay... can we go in that one?

Dawn: Three pairs of earrings, a change purse and a toothbrush.

Buffy: You stole a toothbrush?

Dawn: Mother of pearl handle. Very fancy.

Buffy: Yeah, but you stole a toothbrush. As rebellious teenagers go, you're kinda square.

Dawn: Dental hygiene is important.

Buffy: Hey, you didn't steal anything from the pet store, did you?

Dawn: Pocketful of goldfish. Didn't work out. No.

Jonathan: I do this wrong, it's gonna surge and we'll be deader than an ex-girlfriend.

Warren:  He's almost done.

Andrew: I sorta feel kinda sorry for him.

Warren: That's a weakness.

Andrew: Um... okay.

Xander: I know that there's nothing I can do or say to make up for what I did. I can't -- sometimes I wake up in the morning, and I'm like, oh God, is this my life? Was that me?

Anya: Me too.

Xander: But you have to believe me, please, that I want to make up for it, I want to take away the hurt, I love you. So much.

Anya: Actually, it's really not. Kind of an either-or deal. Do you want to get married?

Xander: Someday, yes, very much. When we're ready. I don't want you to take that as a bad thing, it's good, I love you, I love you so much, I'm just trying to be honest with you --

Anya: Yes, honesty now. Congratulations, Xander, for being honest now, I wonder what the medal will say.

Anya: I haven't been scorned by a man in, like, a thousand years. I never had to make a wish for myself. Isn't there some way around that?

Halfrek: Well... You could try getting someone to make the wish for you. I suppose.

Dawn: Uh, gosh. Did we open a chain? Are we the International House of something?

Buffy: Got up early, seemed like a breakfast kind of morning, what kind of syrup you want on your pancakes?

Dawn: Syrup comes in kinds?

Dawn: You guys all went out patrolling every night when you were my age.

Buffy: Yes, well, technically, you're one-and-a-half. See, I thought a little levity might, okay, but also no.

Willow: It was this thing, and it came out from inside her head.

Tara: That's disgusting. What did it look like?

Willow: Well... let's put it this way. If I wasn't gay before...

Anya: Actually, there is an eensy something I could use a little help with. You're lesbians, so the hating of men will come in handy. Let's talk about Xander.

Buffy: I don't think he could feel any worse.

Anya: Let's test that theory.

Buffy: Anya, Xander's my friend. I know what he did was wrong and if it had happened to me I'd --

Anya: -- wish his penis would explode?

Tara: It's not really so much about hating the men.

Willow: We're more centered around the girl on girl action.

Anya: And men really like to watch that kind of stuff, don't they? Men like Xander.

Tara: Well, I --

Anya: Don't you wish his eyes would explode?

Dawn: I never use that word anymore.

Anya: Coagulate?

Dawn: W-i-s-h.

Anya: Oh, wish? As in I wish Xander --

Dawn: Right! That word. There's vengeance demons out there that are still active, remember. Any 'I wish' could totally end in horrible grossness.

Anya: Gimme a fer-instance.

Buffy: I don't really think I should --

Anya: Did I mention the whole "left at the altar" thing? Didn't leave that out, did I?

Buffy: No, I know what he did was wrong. God. I can't imagine -- It must have been torture.

Anya: Okay! Let's talk about torture!

Anya: Tell me more about wishing Xander's guts and brains would go blooey.

Dawn: I didn't say that.

Anya: Yes you did.

Dawn: No I didn't.

Anya: I heard you.

Dawn: I swear, I didn't say that.

Anya: Didn't say what?

Dawn: Um, I just saw you were back and wanted to talk about working off my debt. You know, my whole Sticky-Fingers-Grabby-Hands-thing?

Anya: Oh! Right, the mad thieving. Good, yes, there 's much to do. I'm gonna put you to work, missy! So, back to Xander's brain and guts...

Anya: God! What kind of lesbian are you?! If you love men so much, go love men!

Anya: Congratulations. They all still love you. Even after what you did to me.

Buffy: Or, in the Land of the Sane, you could give her some space and let her
cool down.

Xander: That's not Proactive Guy. That's Sit-Around-And-Wait-For-The-Rest-of-His-
Life-To-Turn-To-Crap Guy.

Buffy: True, but Crap Guy gets to keep all his appendages.

Buffy:  Okay, see, this is why a heart to heart isn't your best course of action here. You're both upset and angry and what the hell is that creepy little thing doing in my yard? Did Willow put that there when I was dead? 'Cause if I had known, I would have crawled out of the grave sooner to kick her –

Anya: It's just, he made a fool of me, and nobody seems to care enough to do anything.

Spike: I care. What he did to you, I've never stooped that low, and I'm an "evil, souless thing" according to some people-

Anya: But shouldn't he pay? Don't you wish he had to pay in some horrible way?

Spike: Absolutely.

Anya: Right. So - hypothetically - what do you wish you could do to him?

Spike: You name it, pet. You're the wronged party. Something gruesome, how 'bout?

Anya: I'm off my guard. Happy. I'm singing in the shower and doing my sexy dance-

Spike: Exact- I have no dance.

Spike: Never! I was always going above and beyond. I saved the Scoobies how many times? And I can't stand the lot of you.

Anya: Me either! I hate us! Everybody's So "nice." Nobody speaks their mind.

Spike: You do.. That's why you're the only one of them I wouldn't bite if I had the chance.

Spike: Absolutely. I have nothing but respect for a woman who is forthright. Drusilla was always straightforward. Didn't have a single buggering clue about what was going on right in front of her, but she was straight about it. That's a virtue.

Anya: Xander didn't think so. He thought I was rude.

Spike: That's because he's one of them. Uptight. Repressed.

Anya: When, really, I can't sleep at night, thinking - it has to be my fault, somehow-

Spike: Shhhhh-

Anya: I mean, what if he was just pretending? What if he never really wanted me, I mean the way I wanted...

Anya: I have one more question-

Spike: Hmmmmm.

Anya: Can I see your sexy dance?

Anya: You know I'm only doing this 'cause I'm lonely and I'm drunk and you smell good.

Spike: See? Forthright.

Warren: Is that the cam in the Magic Box?

Jonathan: Oh my God.

Andrew: What are they... oh.

Warren: Is that --

Jonathan: Spike.

Andrew: He is so cool... And, I mean, the girl is hot. Too.

Dawn: So... This is it. This is the stuff you've been protecting me from? You and Spike?

Buffy: And a lot of monsters.

Dawn: Uh huh.

Buffy: But it's over. Spike.

Dawn: I wish you'd told me.

Buffy: I kinda didn't admit it to myself.

Dawn: I get that.

Buffy: Didn't take long, did it?

Xander: O-oh! Okay... then you had to do it. Because he was there. Like Mt. Everest. Like I used to be.

Anya: And then you weren't. You left me, Xander. At the altar. I don't owe you anything.

Xander: So you bang the first body you can find? Dead or alive?

Anya: Where do you get off judging me-

Xander: When this is your solution to our problems? I hurt you so you get me back? Very mature.

Anya: No, the mature solution is to spend your whole life telling stupid, pointless jokes so no one will notice you're just a scared, insecure little boy!

Xander: I'm not joking now. You let that evil, soulless thing touch you. You wanted me to feel something, congratulations. It worked. I look at you - I feel sick - 'cause you had sex with that.

Spike: Good enough for Buffy.

Spike: Stupid tossbag. You know, I wish he would --

Anya: Don't.

Tara: There's so much to work through. Trust has to build again, on both sides...  you have to learn if you're even the same people you were, if you can fit in each other's lives, it's a long and important process and can we just skip it? Can you just be kissing me now?

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19. Seeing Red

Willow: She told you about Spike?

Dawn: It was kinda obvious last night.

Willow: Yeah, I totally knew.

Tara: Think that's my cue to put some clothes on.

Dawn: No! I'm totally not here. You guys do whatever you want. I'll watch TV. Really loud. In the basement. Where I can't hear. Anything. Oh my god! Oh my god! I love you guys!

Warren: Welcome to the show, boys.

Andrew: That was so hot!

Buffy: Being here. After I was brought back... You have no idea how hard it is just being here.

Xander: You could have told me.

Buffy: You didn't want to know.

Spike: Because I care about you.

Buffy: Then you might want to try the not sleeping with my friends.

Spike: That's not... I didn't go to Anya for that. I was looking for a spell.

Buffy: You were going to use a spell on me?

Spike: It wasn't for you. I wanted something -- anything to make this feeling stop. I just wanted it to stop.

Spike: I'll make you feel it...

Buffy: STOP!

Buffy: Ask me again why I could never love you.

Spike: Oh god. Buffy... I didn't –

Buffy: Because I stopped you. Something I should have done a long time ago.

Warren: Okay. But can I ask you something first? You think maybe you could put a word in for me with that Anya chick? 'Cause if she's taking it from a vamp, I think I might have a chance -- No wonder she's screwing a dead guy. You hit like a girl.

Xander: At least I know how to get one.

Tara: It's not written in any ancient language we could identify --

Xander: It's Klingon. They're love poems -- which have nothing to do with the insidious scheme you're about to describe.

Spike: We were never together. Not really. She wouldn't lower herself that far.

Clem:  She's a sweet girl, Spike, but hey. Issues. And no wonder, with the coming back from the grave and whatnot. I had this cousin, got resurrected by some kooky  shaman -- who-boy! Was that a mess!

Andrew: Man, I can't wait to get my hands on his orbs.

Warren: I was wondering when Super Bitch would show up.

Buffy: You really got a problem with strong women, don't you?

Warren: Say good night, bitch.

Buffy: Good night, bitch. You're nothing but a sad little boy, Warren. But it's time to grow up -- and pay for what you've done.

Jonathan: Jet packs. You jerks were setting me up to take the fall.

Andrew: He left me. He flew away and left me.

Andrew:  How could he do that to me? He promised we'd be together. He was just using me. He never really loved -- hanging out with us.

Xander: Time for the Spring Poking already?

Buffy: Just making sure there's no more Evil Trio cameras. Or Evil Uno.

Xander: The sinister yet addictive card game?

Buffy: Warren. Jonathan and Andrew got klinked, but Warren pulled a Rocket Man. It was a thing.

Buffy: I'm sorry. I should have told you.

Xander: Maybe you would have. If I hadn't given you so many reasons to think I'd be an ass about it.

Xander: I don't know what I'd do... without you and Will.

Buffy: Let's not find out. I love you. You know that. Right?

20. Villains

Willow: Please. Please... Bring her back-

Demon: You may not violate the laws of natural passing-

Willow: How? How is this natural?

Demon: It is a human death, by human means.

Willow: But I-

Demon: You raised one killed by mystical forces. This is not the same – she is taken by natural order. It is done.

Andrew: He will. He's just coming up with a plan. Like in "War Games", remember? That decoder Matthew Broderick used?

Jonathan: Oh, yeah. That was rad. The one he made from the scissors and tape recorder?

Andrew: I miss "Ferris" Matthew. "Broadway" Matthew - I find him cold.

Jonathan: What do you mean - what do I mean? You guys were totally going to fly off and leave me holding the bag-

Andrew: We were not! I was going to carry you.

Warren: Had my own guys, the Trio - you've heard of us-

Rack: Right. What were you, a band or something?

Warren: I thought word traveled in the underworld. We were evil? Robots were my thing. You didn't hear about the freeze ray?

Rack: I can't guarantee anything. Not this time. The girl is running on fury. Never felt anything like it.

Warren: Thanks for the tip. Nostradamus.

Xander: You've got to stop doing this. I mean the dying thing is funny once. Maybe twice-

Buffy: And we'll catch him - and he'll go to jail. Believe me, I'm finding the whole getting shot very motivating.

Xander: You made the decision to stop for a reason. You promised us. And can I just ask - what's with the make-over of the damned? I mean, the hair-

Willow: He hit Tara. When he shot you, he hit her too. Upstairs. In my room.

Buffy: Oh my God-

Willow: Guess the last shot was the charm.

Xander: She's dead?

Willow: She's dead. And now he's dead.

Dawn: I do. And you should too. He killed Tara - and he nearly killed you. He needs to pay.

Xander: Out of the mouths of babes.

Buffy: Sometimes they do. Sometimes they don't. We can't control the universe. If we were supposed to, the magic wouldn't change Willow the way it does. And we'd be able to bring Tara back...

Dawn: And mom.

Buffy: There are limits to what we can do. There should be. Willow doesn't want to believe it - and now she's messing with forces that want to hurt her. All of us.

Xander: I just - I've had blood on my hands all day. Blood from people I love.

Buffy: I know. And now it has to stop. Warren's going to get what he deserves. I promise you. But I won't let Willow destroy herself.

Clem: Or we could rent videos. I've been dying to see The Wedding Planner.

Anya: I don't need a spell. I can feel her.

Xander: You can...

Anya: Feel her. Her thirst for vengeance, it's overwhelming.

Xander: Is that like, left over, from your vengeance demon days? That you can sense her?

Anya: Not left over.

Xander: Not exactly. Seems Anya got her vengeance on again.

Buffy: Oh.

Xander: So Willow's all wrathy - why don't you go to her? Isn't that your gig?

Xander: If you know where she is - you can help us.

Anya: I'll help. But I'm helping Willow.

Willow: Oh. You mean, instead of killing my best friend you killed my girlfriend-

Warren: God - women. You're just like the rest of them. Mind games-

Willow: Now you get off on it. That's why you had such a mad-on for the slayer. She was the big O - wasn't she, Warren?

Warren: When you get caught - you'll lose them too. Your friends. You don't want that. I know... You're in pain but-

Willow: Bored now.

Xander: Oh my God.

Buffy: Willow - no... What did you do?

Willow: One down.

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21. Two to Go

Anya: No she couldn't. A witch at her level? She could only go airborne. It's a thing. Very flashy, impresses the locals, but it does take longer.

Xander: Longer than what?

Anya: Teleporting.

Andrew: I'm telling him you said that.

Jonathan: Why wait - I'll tell him myself. Come in, Warren, do you read me, your girlfriend's pathetic, over.

Anya: Warren shot Buffy. Warren shot Tara. Buffy's alive. Tara's dead. Willow found out and being the most powerful Wicca in the western hemisphere, she went for the payback. With interest.

Andrew: Wh-what about Warren?

Anya: She killed him. Ripped him apart and bloodied up the forest doing it. Now she's coming here and you two are next.

Andrew: Stop it! Just, stop! Why is she doing this? Tell her! We didn't do anything.

Jonathan: Yes we did. We signed on. We teamed up. We wanted to see where all our plans would take us, well take a look.

Andrew: Are you kidding? She's like Dark Phoenix up there! And you expect us to just outrun her?

Xander: Boys? If you don't knock it off, I will pull this car over and you can just walk to your painful deaths from here.

Clem: So gritty. Kinda hurts my tongue, so I'd give 'em... a seven. Seven-five  maybe and you think this is dumb, don't you?

Dawn: No! As taste tests go, this is definitely one of the better ones I've been to.

Clem: Still, I feel responsible. It's not fair - girl your age, cooped up in a crypt. Tell you what: let me get my hat and coat - I'll take you to a movie. We'll go nuts.  PG- thirteen.

Spike: Right. Here we are now. Entertain us.

Andrew: You know - I could summon a demon to kill her.

Xander: And I could smack you so hard your eyeballs switch sockets.

Dawn: You're back on the Magicks.

Willow: No, honey. I am the Magicks.

Willow: Did you cry? Of course you did. I get that, I understand the crying, you cry because you're human. But you weren't always.

Dawn: Yes I was...

Willow: No - please, you're telling me you don't remember? You used to be ...what, some mystic ball of energy. Maybe that's why you're crying all the time, "Dawny." You don't belong here.

Willow: Wanna go back? End the pain? You'll be happier. I'd be happier. We'll all be a lot happier without having to listen to all your constant whining.

Dawn: Willow... stop...

Willow: "Mom!" "Buffy!" "Tara!" Waah! Come on, someone's gotta stop the carnage. It's time you went back to being a little energy ball.

Andrew: Then what? You think your Li'l Witch buddy's gonna stop with us? You saw her! She's a truck driving Magic Mamma. We've got maybe seconds before Darth Rosenberg grinds everybody into Jawa-burgers, and not one of you bunch has the midiclorians to stop her.

Xander: You've never had any tiny bit of sex, have you?

Anya: The annoying virgin has a point.

Anya: She tried to use you for a hood ornament, Xander. She doesn't care if you live or die.

Xander: Guess you two finally have something in common

Anya: I care if you live or die, Xander. I'm just not sure which one I want.

Xander: Again with the comfort. Look, we both know things might get ugly at Wiccapalooza. If it gets really bad --

Anya: Let me guess. You'll propose.

Xander: Right, 'cause you varnishing the table with Spike -- how could that possibly have hurt? It may have chaffed...

Anya: That wasn't vengeance. It was solace.

Xander: You think I don't know that? You think I'm the hero of this piece? I saw the gun. Before Warren even raised it, I saw it, and... I couldn't move. He shot two of  my friends before I could even... You want me to know how useless I am? That it's my fault? Thanks. Already got the memo.

Anya: I was talking about us.

Willow: Let me tell you something about Willow: she's a loser. And she always has been. Everyone picked on Willow in junior high, high school, up until college with her stupid mousy ways and now - Willow's a junkie.

Buffy: I can help.

Willow: The only thing Willow was ever good for...- the only thing going for me - were those moments – just moments - when Tara would look at me and I was wonderful. And that will never happen again.

Buffy: Because you lose everything. Your friends, your self... you let this control you and the world goes away. That's not... Willow, there's so much to --

Willow: Ack! Please! This is your pitch? You hate it here as much as I do. I'm just more honest about it.

Buffy: That's not true...

Willow: You're trying to sell me on the world. The one where you lie to your friends when you're not trying to kill them and you screw a vampire just to feel and insane asylums are the comfy alternative. This world? Buffy, it's me! I know you were happier in the ground - hanging with the worms. The only time you were ever at peace in your whole life is when you were dead. Until Willow brought you back.

Buffy: I said I didn't want to. Didn't say I wouldn't.

Willow: Come on! This is a huge deal for me! Six years as a side man, and now I get to be the Slayer.

Buffy: A killer isn't a Slayer. Being a Slayer means something you can't conceive of.

Willow: Oh, Buffy. You really need to have every square inch of your ass kicked.

Buffy: Then show me what you got. And I'll show you what a Slayer is.

Willow: Buffy, I gotta tell you - I get it now. The Slayer thing really isn't about the violence. It's about the power. And there's no one in the world with the power to stop me now.

Giles: I'd like to test that theory.

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22. Grave

Willow: Uh oh. Daddy's home...I'm in wicked trouble now.

Giles: You've no idea.

Willow: New trick from the old dog. That's borrowed power. Now way it's strong enough to -

Giles: I'm here to help you.

Willow: Thanks, but I can kill a couple of geeks all by myself. But, hey, if you'd like to watch... I mean, that's what you Watchers are good at, right? Watching... Butting  in on things that don't concern you...

Willow: Remember we had that little spat before you left? When you were under the delusion you were still relevant here? You called me a rank arrogant amateur? Well, buckle up Rupert... 'Cause I've turned pro.

Buffy: What did you do?

Giles: Contained her and her powers within a binding field. It puts her in a kind of stasis for the time--You've cut your hair.

Anya: I'm blonde!  I colored my hair. Again. I'm blonde.

Giles: Yes. I noticed.

Giles: Buffy, what's happened here?

Buffy: God. I don't know where to start-

Giles: Well, Willow's clearly been abusing the majicks-

Buffy: She has. She was - and I barely even noticed. Everything's been so... Dawn's a total klepto, Xander left Anya at the altar and Anya became a demon again. And I - I'm so... I've been sleeping with Spike.

Anya: I know what you're trying to do. Hate to burst your bubble, but mind control mojo doesn't work on vengeance demons, so why don't you just--

Willow: Stop talking and listen.

Anya: Okay.

Giles: Duct tape?

Buffy: Over their mouths! Then I'm letting the demon eat them-

Giles: Because they're just figments?

Buffy: All of it! You, Sunnydale... And I'm a nutcase in L.A.!

Giles: Of course. Why didn't we see it before?

Giles: Can you forgive me?

Buffy: For what?

Giles: I should never have left.

Buffy: Oh, Giles... You were right to leave. We're just... stupid.

Xander: I don't know, okay? I can't even run away well. And that's something I'm usually good at.

Dawn: Well, feeling sorry for yourself isn't helping either, Xander. Y'know if Spike was here, he'd go back and fight.

Xander: Sure, if he wasn't too busy trying to rape your sister.

Giles: I see. You lose someone you love and the other people in your life... The ones who cares about you become meaningless.  I wonder... What would Tara say about that?

Willow: You can ask her yourself.

Giles: Silly girl. I'm dying.

Anya: No, you're not.

Giles: It was... It was the only way. I thought there'd be a chance now, but...I know where Willow's gone... She's going to finish it...

Anya: Finish what?

Giles: The world.

Buffy: So, seventy years later, Willow's going to make their dreams come true.

Anya: She's going to drain the planet's life force, funnel its energy through Proserpexa's effigy and burn the Earth to a cinder.

Anya: Something else Giles said. No magic or supernatural force can stop her.

Buffy: What does that mean?

Anya: I don't know. He said "the Slayer can't stop her." Then he said a bunch of other stuff... he wasn't too... clear. I should hurry and get back to him. He's... alone.

Buffy: What do you-- Is he okay?

Anya: I... I don't think he has a lot of time.

Xander: Hey, black-eyed girl...Whatcha doin'?

Xander: You're not the only one with powers, you know. You may be a hopped up uber-witch, but this carpenter can dry-wall you into the next century.  

Willow: I'm not joking, Xander. Get out of my way. Now.

Anya: Giles? Giles. Don't die. Not yet. I... There are... I need to tell you...Thanks a lot for coming. I mean, it was nice of you to teleport all this way-- Though, in retrospect, it might have been better if you hadn't come and given her all that magic that made her ten times more powerful... that would have been a plus.

Xander: Yeah, I get that. It's just – where else am I going to go? You've been my best friend my whole life. World gonna end - where else would I want to be?

Willow: Is this the master plan? You're going to stop me by telling me you love me?

Xander: Well, I was going to walk you off a cliff and hand you an anvil, but it seemed kinda cartoony.

Xander: I'm not joking. I know you're in pain. I can't imagine the pain you're in. I know you're about to do something apocalyptically evil and stupid and hey, still want to hang. You're Willow.

Willow: Don't call me th-

Xander: First day of kindergarten you cried 'cause you broke the yellow crayon and you were too afraid to tell anyone. You've come pretty far, ending the world, not a terrific notion but the thing is, yeah. I love you. I loved crayon-breaky Willow and I love scary veiny Willow. So if I'm going out, it's here. You wanna kill the world, you start with me. I've earned that.

Giles: W-well, I knew there was a possibility. The gift I was given by the coven was the true essence of Magic. Which comes, in all it's purity, from the Earth itself. Willow's magic came from a place of rage and power.

Anya: Oh, and vengeance. Don't forget vengeance.

Giles: How... could I? In any case, the magic she took from me tapped into the spark of humanity she had left. Allowed her to feel again... Giving Xander the opportunity to reach her.

Anya: Xander?

Giles: Yes. It was he that got to her in time. He saved us all.

Buffy: Things have sucked lately, but it's all gonna change - and I want to be there when it does. I want to see my friends happy again.

Spike: So, give me what I want. Make me what I was... so Buffy can get what she deserves.

Voice: Very well.  Your soul is returned to you.

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