Fanfiction: Throwback
THROWBACK: Chapter Ten
"I have an idea," Liam whispered, his brooding expression giving way to a cheerful smile.
Faith scooted her little body closer to his. "What?" she whispered back. Liam had good ideas. "Does it have something to do with ice cream?"
Both children were big fans of ice cream.
"Yummmm, ice cream," Liam said, temporarily distracted. Faith poked him in the side.
"What's your idea?" she asked, rolling her little eyes even though she was still grinning at him. As much as she sometimes pretended not to be, Faith was crazy about her Liam.
"Naptime," Liam said decisively.
Faith wrinkled her nose. That didn't sound like a good idea at all. Then she grinned wickedly. "Pretend naptime?" she asked.
Liam, grin still firmly in place, nodded. Without needing to be told the rest of the plan, Faith knew exactly what her friend was thinking about. "We pretend to be asleep," she said, "and then we play with the dead thing."
Liam beamed at her. "Yup yup," he replied joyously. "You're smart, Faith." From Liam, it was a rare compliment.
Faith didn't say anything. She knew she wasn't smart. She knew she wasn't pretty. She was nothing. Momma had said so.
Saying nothing, Faith gave a very fake yawn and lied down on the ground. Liam lied down beside her, careful not to touch her, because Liam wasn't all together sure he liked girls. He wasn't even that sure that Faith was a girl. She didn't act like other girls. Liam closed his eyes, and Faith did the same, and the two of them tried desperately not to burst into giggles.
"Plotting time has given way to sleepy time," Buffy commented, her face softening into an amused smile at the way Liam's body was curled up into a little ball.
Wes looked over at the kids. He wasn't fooled for a second. "They aren't asleep yet. I'd say plotting time has given way to course of action time."
Cordy grinned. "As far as plans go," she said, "it's not that bad. Remember their plan to get the weapons out of the weapons chest? I never want to see that much peanut butter again."
Giles raised an eyebrow speculatively.
"Peanut butter?" Buffy asked.
Cordy and Wes looked at each other.
"Never mind," Cordy said quickly.
Not able to resist, Buffy walked over to the children and squatted down to their level. She had an incredible urge to pick Liam up, but as she peered closely at him, she realized that he actually was asleep.
Opening one eye just a little, Faith looked at Liam and realized that he had fallen asleep.
'Some plan', she thought. They would have been better off using a plan about ice cream.
Faith shifted on the floor a little, and she found her one open eye looking directly at Buffy.
Buffy felt the child's gaze, and unwillingly, she ripped herself away from Liam and looked at the little girl with Faith's dark hair and Faith's haunted eyes.
"Aren't you sleepy too?" Buffy asked, trying to make her voice nice and settling for syrupy sweet. Her stomach clenched when she looked at the child and saw the woman, the same way it had when she'd seen Faith in her own body. Faith in any body was still Faith: the rogue slayer she'd failed to save, the woman bent on destruction.
Faith didn't move visibly, but her body stiffened at the tone in Buffy's voice. That wasn't a real happy tone. That was fake happy, and fake happy wasn't to be trusted. Fake happy was dangerous.
"Come here, Faithie," Momma said, her voice dangerously pleasant. "I have something for you."
Two year old Faith walked forward, talking happily to herself.
She had no way of knowing that the 'something' was a blow that was going to send her flying across the room.
"Useless little slut," Momma bit out, her voice still dangerously pleasant. "Stupid." She spit out the last word in a whisper, but Faith, knocked to the floor, her ears ringing and her eyes filling with tears, heard it loud and clear.
Faith glared at Buffy defiantly. "I'm not sleepy," she said, mistrusting the slayer's tone completely.
Buffy sensed the way the child's body stiffened, and she was reminded of the many times she'd tried to approach Faith, to be there for Faith, only for the girl to turn her away.
Some things never changed.
Recognizing the expression on the slayer's face and not knowing what exactly it was, Faith closed her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. She didn't have to look at that face if she didn't want to.
Unconsciously, Liam rolled over in his sleep and snuggled up to Faith. The little girl rested her head on his shoulders, and without the child even knowing that it was happening, three of the fingers on Faith's right hand had crept into her mouth.
Buffy stood there for a second, watching the two of them huddled together like puppies, perfectly comfortable and perfectly innocent. She felt a pull toward them both from somewhere deep in her gut.
A changed expression on her face, she watched a moment longer, as Faith's breathing became the regular breathing of a small child, fast asleep, and the rhythmic sound of Faith sucking on her fingers got a little louder.
Buffy stood up and walked back over to the other adults.
"They actually are making with the sleeping over there," Buffy said. "It's a regular Snooze Fest '99."
Cordy and Wes shared a quick and private grin. This wasn't the first time their charges had fallen asleep when they'd meant to do something far less innocent, usually something involving something that was pointy and/or sticky.
Giles sighed and cleaned his glasses. "And you believe that this law firm, this Wolfram and Hart, might have figured out what happened to Angel?"
Wes nodded, thinking of Lindsey.
"What's the worst they could do?" Buffy asked.
Wes opened his mouth to speak, but he was interrupted. "If someone doesn't come in here and give me my sodding blood and turn on Passions, I'll-"
Giles cut Spike's voice off dryly. "Complain in a very irritating and childlike fashion?" He said, clearly mocking the vampire, but also obviously weary from similar conversations.
"Spike's been neutered," Buffy said, just loudly enough that she knew the vampire would hear her. "He's like a fuzzy little puppy."
"In that case, might I suggest a rolled up newspaper?" Wes asked.
"An evil puppy is still evil," Cordelia said firmly. Then, looking pensive, she continued. "Or is it an evil puppy is still a puppy?" Cordelia trailed off for a moment.
Buffy looked at Cordelia, relieved that, despite all of the changes she'd seen in the woman, some things, at least, had remained the same.
Wesley's cell phone rang, and he excused himself from the room to answer it.
Cordelia, left alone with Giles and Buffy, without the two children for a buffer, tried her best to make conversation.
"So how's the slayer thing going for you?" she asked Buffy. "You haven't died in a while. That's always a good thing, right?"
When Faith heard Spike yelling, she opened her eyes. She hadn't meant to fall asleep. She'd just wanted to get away from the way the slayer was looking at her. She'd almost forgotten that that was the way that people were supposed to look at her.
Careful not to let the adults know she was awake, Faith whispered directly into Liam's ear. "Wake up, my Liam," she said, knowing that he'd never remember that she'd called him hers. "It's time to go play with the dead thing."
After a few more whispers, Liam opened his eyes, and the two children silently opened the door to the bathroom and crawled into the room.
"It's about time, you bloody wanker," Spike muttered when he heard the door open. He twisted in his chains, expecting to see Giles. Instead, he saw two four-year-old children, both of whom were looking at him with slightly sleepy, very interested eyes.
"Wanker," Liam echoed, testing out the sound. "Wanker-wanker-wanker."
Faith wrinkled her nose a little. "Is that like a wench?" she asked.
Spike narrowed his eyes. Something about these two was very, very familiar.
THROWBACK: CHAPTER ELEVEN
Spike stared at the two children in front of him.
The dark haired little girl had her left hand slung casually into the back pocket of her jeans, and he couldn't help but notice the bright pink flowers stitched on the pant leg. Her stance was confident, her eyes curious, and though she had a soft smile around the corner of her lips, her eyes were guarded and wary.
The little boy's forehead was knotted up in concentration as he stared at Spike, a dark look settling over his face.
"You're the dead thing, huh?" The girl said, her smile widening a little, as she leaned in to get a good look at him. Somehow, she'd thought he'd look at little more dead and a little less pretty.
"Dead and British," the little boy said, still deep in thought, his little forehead wrinkled.
"Who the bloody hell are you two ankle biters?" Spike asked. "And where's my blood?"
"He wants his sodding blood," Faith said, mischief sparkling in her eyes. She poked Liam in the side.
Liam was still staring at Spike. "He doesn't look dead," he said, his little boy eyes wide.
Faith arched an eyebrow. "I don't know," Faith said. "His hair is pretty damn white. He could be dead." Faith watched him out of the corner of her eye, to see if he would scold her for using a curse word. After all, he was British, and the only other British person Faith had ever met was Wes, and Wes scolded her all the time.
Faith wasn't sure, but she thought that maybe that was because she was Wesley's girl.
Spike, chained up in the bathtub, stared at the child, trying to keep the smile that kept wanting to creep up off of his face at her fierce little expression.
He rolled his eyes instead. "I made my hair this way on purpose," he said, "and yes, I do want my sodding blood."
The children stared up at him, saying nothing.
"Why do you want blood?" Liam asked, curiously. "Are you going to paint something with it?"
Spike stared at him incredulously. "No," he said dryly.
"Are you going to throw it at someone?" Faith asked. That sounded like fun.
"No," Spike said, amused and really not wanting to be. The hairs on the back of Faith's head stood up, and she narrowed her eyes at Spike. Something about him didn't feel right, but something about him felt nice, too.
"Are you going to wench someone with it?" Liam asked, his eyes wide.
"Wench someone?" Spike asked. "How exactly do you wench someone?"
Faith raised an eyebrow at him in a very adult way. "You know," she said. "You wench them. Or maybe you'd wanker them." Faith pondered that for a moment.
"Wanker," Liam said, remembering the new word and how much fun it was to say. "Ohhhhhhhhhhhh...."
Faith grinned, knowing exactly what was coming.
"This is the wanker song," Liam sang. "It's a song about wankers. And wenches. And sheep with crossbows. Wanker, wanker wanker. Wench, wench, wench."
When Liam started up the second verse, Faith joined in. "Ohhhhhhhhhh..." they both sang together, keeping their voices low enough that the adults outside in the living room didn't hear them.
It was then that Spike realized what it was exactly that had been bothering him about these children. They smelled familiar. The little boy smelled like family. He smelled like Angel.
As he stared at the children, trying to wrap his mind around the fact that there was a distinct chance that the little boy was his grandsire, Spike caught himself humming the tune under his breath.
Faith, bored with the song, ventured toward the end of the shower that had the faucet. Still singing under her breath, she leaned in and turned it on. Ice cold water streamed out of the shower head, hitting Spike in the face.
He sputtered through the water.
"Turn that off," he growled.
Faith stood, frozen to the ground.
"Mommy?" Faith whispered. She wasn't sure whether she wanted Mommy to wake up or not. Sometimes Mommy was angry when she woke up, but Faith was fast most of the time, and if she could just be good enough, Mommy wouldn't be angry any more.
"Mommy," she said again, tentatively.
Why was Mommy asleep in the bathtub? There was water. So much water. Red water.
"Mommy?"
"Faith, he looks awfully funny wet, huh?" Liam said. Spike was drenched and grimacing underneath all of the water that was hitting him.
"Hey Faith?" Liam said again, trying to get her attention.
The little girl didn't respond.
Liam came to stand beside her, and he leaned in and turned the water off. Spike opened his mouth to yell out the indignity of being chained up in a bathtub and teased by small children, but something in Faith's expression stopped him.
"You okay, Platelet?" he asked, sounding concerned despite himself and having no idea where the casual term of endearment came from.
Faith looked at him. "Why was Mommy sleeping in the bathtub?" she asked.
For a moment the room was silent, and in the silence, Spike panicked. "How 'bout we sing again?" he asked, not even realizing that he was giving in to the pull he felt toward the children.
Liam stood next to Faith and put his hand in hers. He didn't say anything, but silently, he told her that it would be all right.
"I'll start," Spike continued awkwardly. "Ohhhhhhhh..." He paused for a moment, wondering exactly what to sing. "Bloody helllllll..." he dragged the word out, and the two children looked at him. They seemed to have a thing for curse words. "This is a song about the Big Bad," Spike sang.
"Was he big and bad?" Liam asked, breaking into the song. "And were there sheep? With glaives?"
"Or pudding?" Faith whispered, her voice barely audible.
Spike shrugged, deciding that the children were at least as entertaining as Passions. He continued singing, and before he knew it, both children had climbed into the bathtub and up onto his lap.
"So," Cordelia said, still trying at conversation. "How's the new boyfriend?" She paused a moment, and Buffy and Giles said nothing, still staring at her. Cordelia persevered. "I hear he's not, you know..." Cordy trailed off, and she brought her index fingers up next to her mouth and made a face, using her fingers as two ridiculously large fangs.
"No," Buffy said, clearly wishing Cordy would stop trying to make conversation.
"Well that's good," Cordy said brightly. "You're alive, and he's alive, and you're both..."
She trailed off.
"Alive?" Giles supplied dryly.
Cordelia shrugged. "I was going to go with shockingly abnormal in a J. Crew kind of way, but..." she trailed off, ready to kill Wes for leaving her here alone. She wasn't the person they thought she was anymore, but somehow, every time she opened her mouth, Queen C took control of her tongue.
"It's like a vicious tongue demon," Cordy muttered under her breath.
Giles and Buffy looked at her, clearly clueless.
"Evil puppy," Cordy said suddenly, snapping her fingers. "Oh, not good, evil puppy." She looked around. "Where'd Liam and Faith go?"
"The consistent answer to that question is somewhere they're not supposed to," Wes said, entering the room and rubbing his temples slightly.
"Spike," everyone in the room said at once.
They raced for the bathroom. Buffy flung open the door, ready to tear Spike's arms off and beat him with them if he'd hurt Angel Version 4.0.
Buffy stopped in her tracks the moment her eyes saw the scene. It took a minute for it all to penetrate her brain.
Faith and Liam were sitting in Spike's lap, completely disregarding the chains with the innocent acceptance of small children, and Spike appeared to be telling them a story.
"And then," Spike said, his voice animated, "the prince and the princess ate the knight, and they all lived happily ever after. With blood."
"Yay!" Faith and Liam said together, clapping their hands and looking adoringly at the bleach blond vampire.
Cordelia groaned, as if Liam and Faith weren't violent enough already. They so didn't need stories about eating people. She could already see the frequency of their stabbing activity skyrocketing.
"Out," Wes told Faith and Liam sternly.
"But Mr. Spike was going to play Big Bad with us," Liam said, wheedling.
Buffy stared at Spike incredulously. Spike, still sopping wet, tried to look evil, but failed miserably.
"I want the two of you out of that tub and in the living room now," Wes said. The children didn't move, and Wes raised one eyebrow at them in warning. Quickly, the climbed off of Spike's lap and out of the tub.
Giles looked at Wes, impressed. He'd been under the impression that no one could control the Destructive Duo.
"Can we come back to visit Mr. Spike later?" Liam asked, having taking an incredible liking to the blond vampire.
Faith looked up at Buffy and grinned. "You're right," she told Spike. "She does look like a little blonde Happy Meal with legs."
Wes bent down and swooped Faith into his arms, ready to put his face next to hers and scold her in a way that made it quite clear that he wasn't pleased with her behavior.
Beneath his touch, she shivered, and as soon as he held her in his arms, she snuggled up against her body. Her little heart was still racing. Wes looked at Spike. He could sense that something had shaken Faith and shaken her badly. Almost unconsciously, he hugged the child. His girl.
"If you hurt her- hurt them," he said softly, his voice dangerous, "I will kill you."
"I didn't touch her," Spike said. "I'm not the one who hurt her, and unless your head is planted firmly up your ass, you damn well know it."
Cordelia cleared her throat and gave Spike a very pointed look. He rolled his eyes.
"Unless your head is planted firmly up your rear end, you darn well know it," he corrected himself.
Cordelia nodded, satisfied. No one used language like that around the kiddos on her watch.
Wes looked at Faith and then at Liam. Liam groaned. He knew that face. That was lecture face. Liam squirmed just looking at it, hoping that Wes didn't decide to make good on his perennial thrashing promise.
Faith placed her hand flat on Wesley's cheek, and her other hand crept into her mouth again.
"Mommy was asleep in the bathtub," she whispered.
"What?" Buffy asked, something like alarm entering her voice. Faith buried her head in Wesley's arm.
"Go away," she said, her words muffled through Wesley's sleeve. "Why don't you all just go away."
Wanting to fill the awkward silence that followed, Liam tugged on Buffy's shirt. "Do you know the Wanker Song?" he asked.
All of the adults in the room looked at the vampire chained up in the bathtub. Like many things in life, they were convinced that somehow, this was entirely Spike's fault.
Kate hung up her phone. The officers she'd sent by Angel Investigations had reported back that there was no one in residence, and that the investigations agency itself had been temporarily shut down.
"Angel," she murmured, under her breath, "what are you up to?" She knew he was connected with the murderer they were looking for: a woman from Sunnydale, who answered to the name of Faith.
"I think that you and I may be looking for the same thing," a voice said smoothly, causing her to look up.
She narrowed her eyes at the handsome man who stood before her. He was a lawyer. She didn't trust lawyers. He worked for Wolfram and Hart, and that made things that much worse.
More than anything else, he was a man, and Kate Lockley did not trust men.
As Lindsey prepared to pump the detective for information about Angel's whereabouts, and that of the assassin slayer he'd sent after Angel, he pushed back the words that were pumping through his head along with the beat of his heart.
Are you a good man?
By the time Wesley and Cordelia had gotten the kids settled in the living room, and Giles had gotten Spike settled in the bathtub with his blood, Buffy was starting to have second thoughts about what she'd just volunteered to do.
Baby-sitting couldn't be that hard, could it?
As the thought passed through her brain, a flesh colored streak ran by her.
"What was that?" Buffy asked.
Giles took off his glasses and began cleaning them. "I believe that was Liam," he said. Then he gestured to the chair Liam had previously been sitting in. "And I believe those are Liam's clothes."
Cordelia smiled brightly, trying to look for a way to make the situation less awkward as Wes chased after Liam.
"Did we mention he's a streaker?"
THROWBACK: CHAPTER TWELVE
Wes spread the information he had out on the table. He sighed and rubbed his temples.
"Working on the reversal spell?" Cordy asked, coming into the room, her voice low. In her arms, she carried a sleeping Liam, his body limp and a soft baby smile on his face. He looked so angelic that Wes practically snorted. Reaching up and pushing Liam's baby wisps of hair out of his face absentmindedly, Wes shook his head.
"No," he said, taking off his glasses and cleaning them. "Not exactly."
Cordelia looked at the papers on the table. "Okay," she said. "You know It?" Cordy asked. Wes was clueless as to what she was talking about. "I am officially not getting It," Cordy said.
Wes cleared his throat. "Faith's file," he said. "It's everything The Council knew about her. Shockingly little, actually." Wes looked down. "I was her Watcher."
"Don't go getting all guilt-like on me," Cordy said. "Kids can smell guilt, and the last thing we need is for Search and Destroy to figure out you feel all bad about the way things went with adult Faith."
Even as she said it, Cordelia heard her own voice saying one of the many insults she'd thrown in Faith's general direction. She adjusted Liam in her arms.
"But I want to wench the wanker, you bloody sodding fool," the little boy murmured.
Cordy sighed a very aggrieved sigh. "That reminds me. Someone really needs to stake Spike, even if he is still a puppy. An evil puppy is still..." Cordy trailed off for a moment.
'Not this again', she thought.
"Someone needs to stake Spike," she said more firmly, even though she had no intention of staking Spike. He irritated Buffy far too much to be dusted.
"Duly noted," Wes mumbled, looking down at the papers. According to the Council's records, Faith had been in various foster homes from the time she was four and a half until her calling at age fifteen. The records said nothing about her life before the age of four.
"Waaaaahhhhh-taaaaaaaa!" Cordy and Wes both jumped at the sound of the high pitched battle cry. Liam slept through it, having a little boy's capability of sleeping through anything and everything.
"Faith," Wes said, his eyes widening. "I thought you were watching her."
Cordy shook her head. "Giles said he'd look after her for a few minutes while I came up here to put Liam down."
Thinking about the fact that Giles had been left to the mercy of a four year old whirlwind with super strength, Wes raced down the stairs, and Cordy followed, Liam still snoozing blissfully unaware in her arms.
They arrived in the kitchen on Buffy's heels.
"What happened?" Buffy asked, looking around the room. The floor was covered with water, a bar of soap had been smooshed into the floor, and Giles was lying on the floor, looking quite dazed.
The Watcher shook his head for a moment and then shot a disgruntled look at Wes and Cordelia.
"You failed to mention that Faith had retained her slayer powers," he said, wincing a little as he stood up.
Wes, feeling an insane urge to laugh, knelt down to Faith's level. "Did you hurt Mr. Giles, Faith?" he asked sternly.
Faith batted her eyelashes innocently at Wesley and then turned to glare at Giles. "He tried to make me eat soap!" she said indignantly.
Wes, Buffy, and Cordelia turned their glances to Giles. Giles, looking a little flustered, explained. "She was using vulgar language, and I told her that if I had said something like that as a child, I would have had my mouth washed out with soap."
Picturing a little Giles cursing made Buffy bite down on her lips to keep from smiling.
"And?" Wes asked, having trouble picturing Giles actually trying to wash Faith's mouth out with soap. The older Watcher simply wasn't that aggressive.
"And," Giles said, glaring at Faith. "I believe her exact response was 'I'd like to see you try...'" Giles trailed off, feeling awkward repeating Faith's words out loud. "Pussy," he said, arching his eyebrows a bit.
"You know, Giles," Buffy said, "that's gotta be one of the top ten things I never thought I'd hear you say, right after 'I've always wanted to have a threesome' and right before 'that Britney Spears is extremely talented.'"
Faith tilted her head to the side and looked at Buffy. "What's a threesome?" she asked curiously.
"Nevermind," everyone in the room said at once.
"Threesome," the sleeping Liam murmured. "Waaaaaa-taaaaaaaah."
"Waaaaaa-taaaaaaah!" Faith echoed.
Wesley cleared his throat and gave Faith a stern look. "You don't hurt people," he said firmly. Faith shrugged, and he gripped her shoulders firmly. "I mean it, Faith-girl," he said, "when someone's weaker than you are..."
Giles harrumphed.
"... you don't hit them just because you're strong."
"But that sodding wanker was going to make me eat soap," Faith said fiercely, digging her toe into the kitchen floor.
Wes gave Faith an even look. "Do you want me to wash your mouth out, young lady?" he asked. He couldn't believe that he'd just used the phrase 'young lady.' Faith was turning him into a father.
Faith shook her head sullenly.
"Then apologize to Giles and watch your language," Wes said firmly.
Faith turned to Giles. "Sorry," she said, not sounding sorry at all. Cordy gave Faith a warning look over Liam's sleeping head. Faith sighed. "Sorry I called you a pussy and hurt you 'cause you're weaker than me," Faith amended.
Then she looked at Wes and Cordy. "Happy?" she asked them.
"Ecstatic," Wes said dryly. Stubbornly, Faith turned toward him and held her hands up silently. Without even thinking about it, Wes picked her up into his arms. She snuggled against his chest, and Wes turned his attention to Giles.
"Terribly sorry about that," he said.
Buffy cleared her throat. "I know I said I'd babysit for you guys while you went to do the researchy thing, but..."
She trailed off.
Wordlessly, Cordy transferred Liam to Buffy's arms. "It's break time for Cordy," she announced, leaning over to kiss the top of Liam's head. "I've got a manicure appointment."
Wes cleared his throat. "And I'm going on a little trip," he announced. He had every intention of looking into Faith's past himself. There was something about the woman they'd all missed, and having met the girl, he wanted to know what it was.
Faith looked at him, alarmed. "You're leaving?" she asked in a whisper.
Wes turned her around in his arms so that they were facing each other. "I'm coming back," he said. "Cordy, Buffy, and Giles will take good care of you."
Faith wasn't so sure about that.
Buffy shot a pleading look at Giles.
"I have some...er... some outside research to do," Giles said. "I'm sure you can handle the two of them far better than I can. After all, you have slayer strength as well."
A new though occurred to Buffy, and she looked at Angel. "Is he, you know...?" she trailed off.
"He's mine," Faith announced firmly. "My Liam."
"He's not all fangy, if that's what you mean," Cordy said.
"My Liam," Faith reiterated. She didn't want Buffy to get any ideas.
Buffy shot an annoyed look at the child.
"You know," Cordy said under her breath so that no one but Buffy could hear her, "she's just a little kid, Buffy, and there's stuff there you don't even want to know about. You might think about that. She's just a kid."
Buffy blanched for a moment, and shifting Liam in her arm, she smiled at Faith. "We're going to have lots of fun while Wes and Cordy are gone," she said brightly.
Faith smiled, her eyes sparkling in a way that made Wesley and Cordelia groan. "You know," the little girl said. "I think we are."
Right then, Buffy decided to call for reinforcements.
An hour later, Liam was awake, filled with energy after his nap, and insisting on going to see his Uncle Spike.
"Uncle Spike?" Buffy asked. Somehow, that just seemed wrong.
"Yes," Liam said. "He tells great stories about eating people and blonde haired bints who can't resist the Big Bad." Liam's eyes got wide just thinking about it. "And he says hell and ass a lot," Liam continued. Buffy gave him a warning look. "'He says 'hell' and 'ass,' a lot" Liam corrected himself, using air quotes. He'd seen Cordelia use them before.
Faith giggled. "I like Uncle Spike, too," Faith said. "He's not a 'bloody' 'sodding' 'pussy' 'ass.'" The little girl made liberal use of air quotes. She and Liam burst into giggles. They'd found a way around the no bad words rule.
"No more air quotiness," Buffy said firmly. "None."
Faith and Liam grinned at each other."
"'Okay,'" they both said at the same time, using air quotes.
The doorbell rang. Buffy breathed a sigh of relief. Her reinforcements were here. Xander, Willow, Anya, and Riley trooped into the room.
"Hello, small people with grubby fingers," Anya said cheerfully. She turned to Xander. "The little girl is cuter," she said loudly, turning to Xander, "although they're both relatively aesthetically pleasing for small humans."
Xander looked at the kids, feeling a little awkward. He'd never liked Angel, and he had a history he would have rather forgotten with Faith.
Liam grinned up at him. "Do you know any stories?" Liam asked cheerfully.
"Do you know any songs?" Faith asked.
"Do you know the wench song?" they both asked together.
Xander looked around the room for a second. Was he supposed to know a song about wenches?
"Sure," he said, thinking on his feet. "Ummmm... this is the wench song," he said, half-singing, half-speaking and sounding very awkward. "It's a...ummmmm... song about wenches and... umm... Cheetohs." Riley rolled his eyes at Xander. Who did he think he was kidding?
"Cheetohs?" Willow asked, giving Xander a strange look.
Little Liam and Faith beamed up at Xander. Finally. Here was an adult who knew how to sing properly.
For a moment, the room was silent, and then Faith spoke up. "What's a threesome?" she asked, still pondering Buffy's words from earlier.
Anya's eyes lit up. "Well, small inquisitive child," she said, "a threesome is when..."
"Anya!" Buffy and Xander said at once.
"We will talk later, little Faith-shaped one," Anya said.
In that moment, Buffy knew she was in way, way over her head.