Fanfiction: Scream
I use to lie in bed at night and scream into my pillow. Scream so loud that I believe my ears have begun to bleed and I ignore the loud banging on my door, my mom telling me to shut up because when I scream I’m in a whole different world where there is no me or her, or the pillow I’m screaming into. It’s just my screams and that’s all I really need. Screams to keep me awake at night, screams to put me to rest. Screams to make me satisfied.
I can scream and make her go away. Make that filthy, rotten bitch disappear. No, no. The loud thuds from the door or the clank of her trying to break the door off of its hinges like she’s done millions of times before to make me notice her. My screams are louder than hers and it makes me better than she’ll ever be and as long as I’m better than she is everything is okay. It’s okay.
The door comes flying open and I don’t stop screaming. I bury my face into the pillow, hiding my pain, tears, and fears, letting the screams take over me. And as she screams at me, jerking on my hair, trying to get me to look at her, I dig my nails into my skin.
My screams mix in with the blood and tears and she’s not a mom anymore, she’s a monster like she always has been and I don’t have to respect her or fear her. She can beat me, fuckin’ break my neck and all I’ll do is stare at her, screaming and crying and bleeding, and smiling. She hates it when I smile at her while she’s burning me with cigarettes or beating me with a leather belt. It makes her hit me harder and all I do is scream, smile, cry, bleed, make her satisfied, smile again and scream at her. Call her all kinds of nasty things.
So I scream and I scream, on the inside on the outside. Kind of like gold fish, except they’re black, swimming through my veins.
Now she uses her nails, jerking at my ear and threatening to cut it off with some old random rusty pair of scissors she keeps and uses to cut herself like some fucking teenager whining over how bad their lives are while sitting there and playing a fucking play station and being fed cookies by their oh-so-loving-mothers and what am I stuck with? A fucking whore who does too much cocaine, pops too many pills and downs too much vodka to even know that I’m her daughter.
I reach up and slap her, almost afraid to do so but when I’m screaming I don’t have to worry about being afraid. The louder I scream the more brave I become. She grabs my hand and jerks me off of the bed and I hit my head on the floor and feel the warm blood trickle down my face.
So I scream louder. My voice is hoarse by now but I manage to keep screaming like some fucking banshee.
She slams my head down again, calls me a bitch, I return the favor, and she drags me across the floor.
Screaming, I open my eyes, staring at the trail of blood I leave behind me as she drags me out the door. I don’t bother kicking my legs and trying to get loose. I know that when I scream and remain motionless, it gets to her.
So I continue to scream, and smile.
End.