destructo-girl.com

"One Moment"

Author: Pamela
Contact: destructo-girl@cox.net
Notes: Thanks to Chelle and Mary Ann for being such great helps with this story.

August 2004

Riley slowly eased himself into the bubbling waters of the jacuzzi. This was pure heaven, and definitely his favorite feature of the apartment complex he and his wife had moved into fourteen months before, just after they'd gotten back from their honeymoon.

His body quickly adjusted to the heated waters as he let himself relax while waiting rather impatiently for his wife. She'd sent him down ahead of her, insisting that she couldn't get changed into her swimsuit until he had gone... so Riley was sure that he would be getting a surprise shortly. It probably had something to do with the fact that he'd been out of town for the past four days for training in Annapolis and Buffy had been on her own.

A few moments later, he saw her open the gate and walk into the pool area in an oversize black t-shirt. *His* t-shirt, to be exact. Frowning, Riley wondered what the big deal was.

"Been waiting long?" Buffy teased her husband, knowing full well that he had probably been chomping at the bit the whole time.

"What are you up to?" he asked, suspicious.

Buffy gave him her most innocent look as she tossed her towel on top of his on a deck chair and kicked off her sandals. "Riley, I'm not up to anything."

"Uh huh, sure." Riley replied warily. He knew better than to trust the sweet and innocent look currently on his wife's face. Ever since their wedding night, that look usually preceded Buffy wearing some very naughty lingerie or telling him she wrecked her car… or something equally not sweet and innocent.

"I'm not!" Buffy insisted as she pulled the shirt over her head and revealed the tiny black metallic bikini she wore beneath it.

Riley's jaw dropped and he was pretty sure that if he was a cartoon character, his eyes would have bugged out a few feet in front of his face. After being with Buffy for over four years, he still couldn't get over how beautiful and perfect she was.

"Like it? I just bought it the other day. Don't ask how much is cost." She told him as she stepped into the jacuzzi.

"I don't care how much it cost… it was worth it." Riley murmured as he slid his hands around her waist under the surface of the water and looked appreciatively at her chest.

"Ooh, you must like it if you don't care about the money!" Buffy chuckled, wrapping her arms around his neck and dipping her head down to kiss him passionately.

Riley kissed her back with equal force, his strong fingers massaging the soft skin of her back. Buffy arched her chest against him, letting her hardened nipples rub against his bare chest with only the thin layer of her bikini top separating them.

Feeling himself hardening to the point where he knew he needed to take her right away, Riley pulled back. "Wanna go upstairs?"

Buffy smiled demurely at him. "But I like it here… and I've hardly worn my new swimsuit all that long."

"Well, I think that swimsuit would be very fun to take *off* and I can't do what I want to do to you right here."

Buffy's eyebrow quirked playfully. "Oh, and what is that?"

Riley stood in the jacuzzi and carried her out onto the patio, flush against him. Setting her on her feet, he replied matter-of-factly, "I'm gonna make you scream."

As soon as the couple made it in the door of their apartment, Riley slammed Buffy against the wall, kissing her desperately as his hands stroked up and down her sides. Her body overcome by desire, Buffy dropped their towels and the t-shirt on the floor before moving her hands up to run her fingers through Riley's hair.

He quickly kicked the door shut so that the neighbors wouldn't get an eyeful of him and his wife making love. Gripping her hips, Riley lifted her and she immediately wrapped her legs around his waist.

He pushed his pelvis into her, letting Buffy feel how hard he was. When she let out a whine, Riley moved his hand under her, between her legs, to stroke her swollen nubbin through the bikini bottoms.

Buffy pulled her head back, breaking their kiss. Gasping for much needed breath as Riley's mouth moved to nip gently at her earlobe, she tried to form a cognitive thought, but only one word would reveal itself in her mind. "Bedroom!"

Chuckling, Riley gathered all his control and managed to push away from the wall, gingerly carrying his wife as he turned and walked a few feet to their bedroom door. Buffy gave him an alluring smile and reached her arm behind her back to turn the knob and open the door.

Riley grew more aroused as her heat rubbed against his erection through their swimming suits. His steps became quicker, less stable as he tumbled the both of them towards the bed. As soon as Riley's knees hit the side of the bed, they tumbled down in a tangle of limbs.

Buffy burst into a fit of giggles, but Riley was a far more focused individual. His mouth made it's way to her neck, kissing only the left side so that he could avoid the disturbing images that forced their way into his brain whenever he saw her scar. Buffy slowly dragged her nails over Riley's back as she moved her hips upward to rub herself against him.

Their lips met in a haze of passion once again as Riley's hands snaked underneath Buffy to tug at the strings at the back of her neck, holding the top up. The ties quickly came undone, and then he moved his hand down to the other loose knot at her back. Once the bikini top was untied, Riley pulled the two triangles away, pulling his mouth from hers so he could watch with appreciation as her breasts were revealed, as though she were a gift under the tree on Christmas morning.

Buffy gazed up at him, her eyes dark with passion. "I love you."

Riley felt his heart skip a beat; no matter how many times she spoke those three words to him, it would always affect him. Overcome with emotion, his mouth melded to hers once again. Buffy kissed him back with equal hunger, her small hands holding him tightly to her.

As they kissed, Buffy began to untie the strings at her hips holding the swimsuit bottoms on. After they were undone, she pulled the piece of fabric off of her and flung it away from the bed, leaving her nude beneath her husband.

Riley's hands began to explore Buffy, stroking up and down her sides, through her hair, pausing to gently squeeze her breast and tease her sensitized nipple with the pad of his thumb. Buffy moaned and gasped with every touch of her skin, feeling like at any moment she would melt into a puddle.

With an intense need to be inside her, Riley yanked his swimming trunks down his legs, cautious of his straining erection. When the material was bunched around his ankles, Riley kicked the trunks off and settled himself over his wife, tenderly stroking the side of her face with the tips of his fingers. Oh, how he loved her. He'd never dreamed he could feel so much for one person. But Buffy *was* special, after all.

They joined together slowly, taking their time to enjoy being one with each other. It had been four long days without one another, and they needed to make up for lost time. Now that they were together, they relaxed into each other, sharing soft, lazy kisses, making each touch leisurely and pleasurable.

As their desire for one another grew closer to a zenith, their movements quickened and grew more forceful. Riley entwined his fingers with Buffy's and lifted her hand over her head on the pillow as his other hand moved to where their bodies pounded against one another.

His nimble fingers found her clit, distended and begging for attention. Riley appeased it, lightly rubbing it and sending Buffy into spasms of orgasm almost immediately. Riley groaned as her walls clamped tightly down on him, slamming into her harder and harder as he joined her in release.

Spent, the couple lounged on the bed, Riley on his back after collapsing on top of Buffy and rolling them both so that her head rested on his bare chest. They lay quietly on the bed, content to just be in each other's arms.

"I love you." Riley told her softly.

Buffy lifted her head to smile down at him. "Love you too... Hope you don't think this means we're done for the night."

Riley chuckled. "Oh, no way... We have a lot of making up for lost time to do."

"Definitely... I mean, neither of us have to report to the Initiative until the day after tomorrow... I think it will take the whole time… we ought to just get a pizza delivered and avoid leaving this bed." Buffy replied, nodding her head thoughtfully.

"Mmmm... That sounds like your best plan ever." Riley smiled, pulling her head down for a kiss.

Buffy kissed him back, until her stomach growled loudly and they both laughed. "I guess I should order that pizza now."

As Buffy reached across him to grab the phone from the nightstand, they shrill sound of a beeper pierced the air. Both groaned and looked disappointed. It looked like their plans for love making were going to be postponed.

"Yours or mine?" Riley asked, followed by another shrill beeping sound.

"Sounds like both." Buffy sighed. "I'll find them and shut them off, you call in and see what's up."

Buffy managed to find both of the annoying beepers quickly and turned them off as Riley quickly dialed the phone to call Walsh. Knowing that the odds of this just being a mistake were practically nonexistent, Buffy went ahead and turned the water on in the shower before standing in the doorway to the bathroom to see what was going on while the water heated.

As she leaned against the doorframe with her arms crossed over her chest, Riley hung up the phone and looked at Buffy, a disappointed look on his face. "Walsh says one of their informants came through and we have a location on where Trent and his minions are gathered."

Buffy leaned her head against the doorframe. "We've been after him for *weeks*, why did this have to happen tonight?"

Riley took a deep breath. "If we have to wait… it will make our celebration all the better."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "I prefer our celebration now... it seemed pretty damn good to me."

"Me too Baby." Riley agreed getting up and standing in front of her. He moved his hands to the sides of her face and made her look at him. "I want nothing more than to be alone with you for a long long time… but if we aren't at the base in half an hour, Walsh will kill us... Let's hop in the shower."

Buffy sighed loudly and let him tug her into the bathroom. "We can't even have a *fun* shower!"

"Hey man, don't think I didn't notice both you and Buffy have wet hair… did we interrupt a little bath fun?" Forrest teased as he and Riley pulled on their uniforms.

Riley rolled his eyes as he fastened his vest. "I wish… you did interrupt 'fun', but not 'bath fun'."

Forrest shook his head. "Damn… I truly am sorry."

Riley rolled his eyes again, in the four years that he and Buffy had been together, Forrest had always found their sex lives so interesting. Riley really didn't give him any details... but Forrest still always seemed to want to know.

The two commandos walked over to a large area where several dozen chairs were arranged, facing a large screen to be used for presentations. Forrest took a seat next to Graham and Riley walked over to Buffy, who was going through some papers, getting ready to give the soldiers the info on their latest mission.

Ever since Buffy had graduated college, the year before, she had been working for the initiative, but she wasn't part of the military. She'd had a short stint working alongside all the other soldiers, but Buffy just wasn't the type to battle under strict orders.

Instead, she used her skills to help plan attacks, she was great at coming up with plans, interrogating demons, and helping train new guys. As she finished college, she worked with Walsh and performed small tasks, and once she had graduated, she was hired as a consultant.

She enjoyed her job, she got to use all her skills at fighting the baddies, as well as work with her husband when planning attacks or when she did some occasional field work with the guys.

"You ready?" Riley asked her as she set the papers down on a small table next to the screen.

"As I'll ever be." she replied, smiling up at him. "I'm not so sure about Sherwood, though."

"Sherwood?" Riley questioned, not knowing what one of Walsh's assistants had to do with anything. He was still rather new to the program and rarely appeared at any briefings, and even then, all he did was hand Walsh or Buffy notes.

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Since he was the one who talked to our source and first heard all the info, he's insisting he be the one to tell the guys what we found out."

Riley shook his head and chuckled. "If the guys have to seriously listen to him, they aren't going to be happy."

"Yeah, I figure they'll be very difficult for him." Buffy replied seriously before a wicked grin spread on her face.

"Okay, let's get started." Maggie Walsh announced as she stood in front of all the now seated soldiers.

Buffy and Riley sat down in some chairs in the front of the room, to the side of the table. They both slipped into battle mode as they listened to Walsh explain that a breakthrough had been made in a case and they were acting on it before Trent and his gang had a chance to run.

Sherwood got up and Buffy couldn't help but be amused as he stuttered over every sentence, trying to make himself sound important. Most of the soldiers sat silently, smirking up at him, but a few, including Forrest, were pretending to be truly engrossed and asking him questions to throw him even more off. After several moments, Walsh stood up and told them that was enough and it was Buffy's turn to speak.

Buffy moved to where Sherwood had been and began explaining their plan of attack and certain things they had to look out for. All the guys sat up a bit straighter and listened up. They respected Buffy and knew that she had a clue what she was talking about.

After they all had heard how they were going to take Trent's gang down, Riley stood next to Buffy and assigned groups. With that, they were all dismissed to get their weapons and finish getting ready. Buffy and Riley followed so that they could help distribute Comcam's to all the guys.

Once everyone, including Riley, was all ready to go, they began heading out. Buffy stood by the door they were exiting and smiled when she saw her husband approach.

"Stay safe for me?"

"You got it." Riley replied, as he always did. It had become a tradition for her to ask that every time he left for a mission. He always answered the same way with a wry grin before giving her a kiss.

Buffy played with his short brown hair before pulling away, looking up at Riley with complete love and adoration. "Love you."

"Love you too, Baby... We'll make up for the past few days when I get home, okay?"

Buffy nodded and smiled up at him, and Riley could see a little bit of worry in her eyes. That was a bit unusual, but he just brushed it off as her knowing all too well how dangerous it got out there.

"Ooh, do I get a kiss too?" Forrest leered at Buffy.

Buffy rolled her eyes as she tried to squelch the anxiety she felt. This mission wasn't any harder than any other ones. Riley was rarely ever injured, and never seriously.

Riley smacked his friend in the back of the head. "Would you stop hitting on my wife and get to work?"

Forrest chuckled and shook his head. "Bye Buffy."

"Bye Buff." Riley told her as the two guys walked through the door.

"Bye!" Buffy called after them, then took a deep breath. She was just being… weird.

Buffy bit her lower lip as she watched the monitors before her as she sat in the room they used to sit in and watch the video from the Comcams while keeping in communication with the guys. They could randomly switch to any of the guys cameras, and usually watched from the ones who were the key figures. Riley and all the other leaders were always on.

It was because of that that Buffy knew something was wrong. The video kept cutting out and the sound wasn't always working. She'd called one of the tech guys over and he was working to find out what was going on.

Otherwise, things were going well. The orders were to kill, not capture, and they had taken out well over half the vampires gathered in the large abandoned house about ten miles out of town. They had yet to find their leader, but Trent didn't appear to be a superior vampire by any means, so they weren't too worried.

Still, Buffy felt uneasy. Something was wrong, but she just couldn't put her finger on it. She looked over at Greg, the tech, and saw him shaking his head.

"What's going on with Riley's cam?"

"Well, I can't tell for sure without studying the actual cam, but I think the entire output system is malfunctioning. If I'm right, as time goes by, we'll lose all audio and video."

Buffy sighed. "How long do we have?"

Greg shrugged. "The odds of it lasting until he gets back here are very slim."

"Damn." Buffy muttered under her breath, then flipped a few switches and began speaking into a microphone. "Agent Finn."

"What is it Summers?" Riley replied over the Comcam.

"Your Comcam is malfunctioning and we most likely will lose all contact with you in…" Buffy paused and looked at Greg.

Greg shrugged. "Five minutes, probably."

Buffy sighed and continued. "Five minutes."

Riley cursed on his end. "Okay, well… we've got this pretty well under control… I'll just try to stay close to Agent Reeves."

Buffy felt her skin grow cold and she felt like her heart was pounding so loudly that everyone in the room must have been able to hear it. Even as she watched from Riley's camera as he dusted vamp after vamp with little difficulty, Buffy couldn't stop feeling a horrible sense of fear and dread.

And then the communication died.

Nothing unnerved Buffy like hearing the dull tone replace the beeps of the heart monitor on Riley's cam. At the same time, the video and sound were completely gone, so she knew the camera had just died. But still… until she had the monitor switch to Reeves' cam and saw Riley as healthy as can be, leading the way as they moved through the house to find Trent, Buffy held her breath.

Walsh noticed Buffy's behavior, but chose not to bring attention to it. While that the normally calm Buffy was so fidgety left her unsettled, she decided that asking Buffy about it might only upset the woman even more.

Flipping a switch, Walsh spoke into her own microphone. "Agent Reeves, this is Professor Walsh, just letting you know that Agent Finn's Comcam is dead and we will be using you to communicate with him. Do you understand?"

"Affirmative." Reeves replied.

They watched in silence for a few moments before Forrest's alerted shouts came loudly through the speakers as he sent a message to all the other commandos. "Abort mission! Abort!"

Walsh switched one of the monitors to his view and found out why he had aborted the mission.

There was a bomb.

It was attached to a door, covering the whole inside of it. When he and Agent Wilkes had come through the door, the device had been activated.

"Shit! How did we not know about this?!" Terry, another of Walsh's assistants screamed as he stood from his chair as he ran a hand through his hair.

"Has anyone seen Riley?" Agent Reeves asked through the Comcam. "His cam is broken and I was supposed to stay with him, but we got separated. He won't know!"

"Oh God… Riley!" Buffy cried out from her chair.

Walsh looked around as all hell broke loose. From the monitors, she could tell that all her boys were running from the building. Terry was panicked and Buffy.... Buffy was terrified.

"All right, he has to be near someone!" Walsh shouted into the microphone so that everyone with a cam would hear. "If you see Agent Finn, make sure he knows that this mission is aborted!"

Greg had begun to switch the monitors around, trying to find him on someone's camera as all the views switched to the dark night outside the house as everyone fled the building. "I'm not seeing him *anywhere*!"

"Where could he be?! He *had* to run into someone!" Buffy said, her voice wavering in fear.

Walsh switched her controls so that she could speak privately with Forrest. "Agent Gates, do you have any idea how much longer until the bomb goes off?"

But before he could reply, there was a loud noise and all the monitors were scrambled for a moment. Then, slowly, the monitors came back on as their connection was restored. Walsh ordered Forrest in charge and had him tell her who was out in the field while they waited for the emergency personnel to arrive.

Buffy sat silently with tears streaming down her face while waiting with great hope for Riley to appear. It was fifteen minutes later, after the ambulances and helicopters had arrived, that Forrest despairingly told Walsh he had counted everyone. Four soldiers were unaccounted for.

One of which was Riley.

"Maybe they got out a different way! There's a lot of land there and it's pretty dark." Greg suggested, seeing how upset Buffy was.

Terry shook his head and closed his eyes. "Face it, they're dead."

Buffy felt her world crumbling. She had reached her breaking point. After all she had been through with Angel... she had thought she would have all her dreams come true with Riley. And now he was leaving her too. She couldn't deal with it.

This couldn't be happening.

"Well, I should probably be heading home."

Giles nodded and set the tome Angel had given him down on his desk. "Yes, it is getting rather late."

Angel smirked at the man and Giles chuckled at himself.

"Well, for most people, that is."

Angel agreed with that and started heading towards the door of the apartment that Giles had been living in for over ten years. He paused, knowing he wouldn't be able to leave without asking.

"How's Buffy?"

There, that wasn't so bad. Very calm and casual. It wasn't at all obvious that he had wanted to ask a million times that night, had wanted to pick up the phone and give her a call countless times over the years.

But he didn't.

They'd seen each other quite a few times since he had moved to LA eight years earlier. It had always been because of some demon or other threat to humanity, and not because of their feelings for each other. However, that didn't mean they didn't still have those feelings. Angel knew he loved Buffy just as much as he always had, and he was pretty sure that a part of Buffy's heart would always belong to him. But things were different now. He'd realized that a year earlier.

It had been in the evening on an average Thursday when Angel had seen them. He was at the airport to meet Whistler, who was supposed to deliver a powerful medallion to him when he noticed something out of the corner of his eye. Buffy and Riley, coming out of their gate after getting off the plane, all smiles and holding hands.

His dead heart ached, yet Angel couldn't bear to look away. The girl he loved more than anything was looking at another man the way she used to look at only him, but Angel still stood there, staring.

Not wanting them to know they were being watched, Angel ducked into a darkened hallway that led to a utility closet, letting the shadows hide him. A glance at the board behind the desk showed him that they were coming back from Hawaii. He quickly deduced that they had been on their honeymoon. Their wedding had been the Saturday before. Angel had known because Cordelia had gone. She'd even told him that Buffy wanted him to know that he was more than welcome to come as well, she just worried that sending him an invitation would hurt him.

Angel smiled at that; Buffy was always so kindhearted. She hated having to hurt anyone's feelings, and when she was left with no choice but to do so to the people she cared about broke her heart. Angel so loved that heart of hers.

He saw Buffy and Riley kiss and was glad that he didn't go to the wedding. He was honestly happy that Buffy had found a man who loved her and treated her as she deserved… a man she loved as well. But that didn't mean that watching his one true love vowing to spend the rest of her life with another man, kissing that other man, looking at him with love... didn't hurt.

Slowly, they walked away, presumably towards the baggage claim and Angel felt an immediate sense of sadness. Sure, it was painful seeing Buffy with someone else, but he missed her so much. He always felt an ache when he saw her, it *always* hurt... But he loved her too much not to relish the sight of her. It had been that way since she was fifteen years old an he'd seen her in front of her school. She'd attracted him like a moth to a fire. And he'd always loved to play with fire.

Some things never changed.

When they were about ten yards away, Buffy stopped and turned her head to look behind them. Angel realized that she sensed him. *Him* and not just a vampire. He could tell by the look on her face. She wasn't in 'predator mode'.

Riley bent his head down and whispered in her ear. Buffy looked up at him and smiled, shaking her head. They began walking again, and less than a minute later, she was gone. Gone from his sight and gone from his life... but never his heart.

"Angel, are you alright?"

Angel was quickly jerked back to the present as Giles questioned him, a concerned look on his face.

"Um… oh… sorry… What did you say?" Angel asked, flustered.

Giles smiled. "Just that Buffy's doing very well, and enjoying her job."

"Good." Angel replied with a firm nod. "She deserves every bot of happiness she can get."

"Yes, she does." Giles agreed.

The two of them stood silently, not knowing just what to say, when the phone began to ring. Giles frowned, looking at the clock.

"Who would be calling this late?" he muttered as he walked to the phone, his heart pounding fiercely. Late phone calls tended to lead to someone either being in grave danger or hurt. Picking up the receiver, he took a deep breath. "Hello?"

Angel waited in the hallway, watching Giles on the phone. He could tell that whatever the news was, it wasn't good. Giles looked upset and he was saying things like "oh dear" and "is she alright?", which never lead to happy news.

Giles hung up the phone and sighed, pulling off his glasses to clean them. "Apparently there's been an accident… an accident in one of Riley's mission… he's presumed dead. Buffy was at the headquarters and saw it happen on camera… and she is a wreck. They need me to go pick her up and they think it's best that she leave before the commandos get back. It will just upset her more."

Angel felt a pain. The woman he loved was in pain. Even if it was over another man, it was still pain and when Buffy hurt, he hurt.

"I'll come with you."

Angel waited nervously in the car for Giles to bring Buffy out of the building. Giles had thought it would be best, due to his vampire status, that Angel not enter a place that captured and tested his species.

After almost ten minutes, he saw Giles emerge with an arm around an obviously distraught Buffy. The two slowly made it to the car and Giles helped the girl he loved like a daughter into the backseat.

Angel looked back at the sobbing Buffy and was stunned. She rarely ever let herself fall apart like this, so he knew it was bad. As Giles shut the backseat door and let himself into the driver's seat, Angel realized how truly devastating this was for Buffy. She had just lost her husband, a man she loved so much. A man that she had thought would be able to be everything to her that Angel couldn't. And now... after fighting demons for years... after *dying* herself... after all the pain she'd gone through with Angel... she was losing that man. It was too much.

As they drove through the darkened town with the car silent, save for Buffy's cries, Angel wondered if she had finally reached her breaking point.

Once they made it to Giles', the watcher lead her out of the car and into his apartment, with Angel following close behind. He wanted to help Buffy any way that he could, but he feared that was impossible. Giles unlocked the apartment door and got Buffy settled on the couch, then told her he was going to make some tea and headed to the kitchen, gesturing for Angel to follow.

"Giles… I've never seen her like this." Angel said in a low voice.

Giles sighed as he filled the kettle with water. "One person can only take so much, Angel... perhaps this is the straw that is breaking the camel's back."

"Well, we have to do *something*."

"Right now, all I can think of is just being here for her. Supporting her and being a shoulder to cry on."

Angel looked sadly at the girl on the couch, then back at the man beside him. "That's just not enough."

"Giles?"

Both men looked at Buffy on the couch, looking around as though she had just realized where she was.

Giles quickly headed out of the kitchen. "What do you need, Buffy?"

"I want to go home. Please? I just really need to be there."

"Okay… I can take you there… just let me grab a few things… I will stay with you."

"I could stay with her." Angel piped in from the hallway leading towards the bathroom and kitchen.

Buffy looked over at him like she hadn't even noticed he was there before then. Giles looked up at him with a great deal of reluctance on his face.

"I don't know if that's such a good idea."

"No… I want him to." Buffy replied, looking at Giles with pleading eyes. Angel was the only man, other than Riley, that made her feel truly safe.

"Okay… just call me if you need anything, okay?" Giles yielded.

Buffy nodded as fresh tears came to her eyes. Giles ran his fingers through his gray hair, wishing he could take this pain from her.

Standing up, he walked over to Angel and handed him a small plastic bag with a large pill in it. "This is a sedative. They gave it to me to give to her… given her hysterical state… she will probably need it."

Angel nodded and slipped the bag into his pocket before going over to the couch and helping Buffy up. After she gave Giles a hug, the two of them left. In the car, Buffy didn't say anything, and Angel didn't try to start a conversation. There were certain times that people needed silence, and this was one of those times.

Buffy was composed enough to lead him up to her apartment and let them in. However, as soon as she looked around and saw all the reminders of her life with Riley, Buffy fell apart once again.

Angel was at a loss as to how to help Buffy. Her tiny body was shaking so much as tears streamed down her face and sobs erupted from her throat. So, he did the only thing he could thing of.... he held her.

Gingerly, at first, he wrapped his arms around Buffy, careful not to push her too much in case she didn't want him touching her. Instead, Buffy wrapped her arms around him as well, holding herself tightly against him as she cried against his chest. Angel closed his arms and squeezed her slightly as he bend his head down. She smelled so sweet. Like flowers in the springtime with a hint of vanilla.... it was purely Buffy.

He had no idea how long they stood there, but it was long enough for her tears to soak through his jacket and shirt so that he felt it on his skin. Buffy was still slightly trembling and her sobs were not letting up. Angel began to worry that maybe bringing her home was not the best idea, even if that was what she wanted.

He lead her towards the couch, trying to think of a way to calm her down, when he remembered the pill in his pocket. He got her to sit down and knelt before her. "Buffy, I have a pill for you to take. It's a sedative… it'll help you calm down."

Buffy nodded as she tried to wipe the tears from her face. "Okay, I'll take it."

"I'm just going to go get you some water." He replied, standing back up and walking into the small kitchen. Once he found the glasses, he filled one halfway with some water from the faucet, and carried it back to Buffy while pulling the pull from his pocket.

Buffy took the water from him and popped the pill in her mouth, quickly using the beverage to swallow it. Her sobs had once again slowed to a few quiet whimpers and less tears streaming down her face.

"Angel, what am I going to do?" she cried.

Angel tenderly stroked the side of her face. "You'll be okay. You've got Giles, your mother, Xander, Willow… and me. We're here for you.... we'll help you."

Buffy nodded and looked down. "I just don't know if I can make it this time... every time I try to pick up the pieces, it gets a little bit harder."

Angel nodded, not knowing what words to say. "Maybe you should go change? You look tired."

Buffy stood and started walking towards her bedroom door. When she was almost there, she stopped and turned to give Angel a small smile. "Thank you so much… for this."

"I'll do anything for you, Buffy." he replied honestly.

Buffy changed into some pajamas and came back out with a blanket and some pillows for Angel. After Angel had reassured her that she shouldn't feel guilty that he had to sleep on the couch, she headed to bed… and, Angel hoped, to a restful sleep.

Riley sighed as the answering machine picked up yet again and gave up, hanging up the phone. When he had gotten home earlier that day he had laughed and turned the ringers off all the phones so that they would have 'no interruptions'. Buffy had probably forgotten to turn them back on.

He had found the rest of the guys half an hour after the explosion, but until he got back to the base and found out they had gotten Giles to pick Buffy up because she was so upset, he hadn't realized the magnitude of what had happened that night.

Poor Buffy thought he was *dead*. Even Walsh had seen that as a sufficient reason to let him call it a night, saying he could come in the next morning to do paperwork. Riley had rushed to the nearest phone he could find, but he was still unable to reach Buffy.

Hoping that seeing someone she thought was dead wouldn't scare her too much, Riley headed home.

Angel awoke with a start on the couch. Wondering how long he had been asleep, he glanced at the clock. It was only midnight. He couldn't have been out that long. A few seconds later, he heard what had awakened him.

Buffy was crying out in her sleep.

Angel sighed sadly as he realized she was having nightmares. He contemplated going to her or just leaving her be. After a few moments of having visions of her crying and being scared, the decision was made for him.

He quickly headed into the dark bedroom and to the bed. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, Angel carefully pulled Buffy into his arms. "Shhh... It'll be okay. Don't cry."

Buffy felt very disconnected. She was having a hard time remembering things. All she knew was that she was very sad about Riley. But now there were two strong arms around her, hugging her, comforting her, loving her. Oh, her Riley loved her. And she loved him. She had to show him that she loved him and missed him and never wanted him to leave.

"I love you." she cried.

Angel lost himself in those three words. "I love you too."

In the back of her mind, Buffy knew something was wrong… she just couldn't put her finger on it. It didn't really matter, anyhow. Her need for him was much more important.

"Make love to me?"

Never had anyone requested anything from Angel that he was more eager to provide. He wanted to tell her that she need not worry about his soul, he knew it was permanent… but it wasn't necessary at the moment. Buffy *wanted* him… *needed* him... *that* was what mattered.

Buffy's mouth met his and Angel felt like a shock of electricity went through him as their tongues danced with one another. She wrapped her arms around him and leaned back, so Angel let her pull them down to the bed. His hands moved tentatively over her willing body, as though afraid she would change her mind at any moment. However, Buffy had no plans other than to make love to him. To become one and be as close as two people can possibly be.

Angel tugged his black crew neck shirt over his head and let it fall to the ground as Buffy's hands worked on unbuttoning his pants. He joined in the effort until they were around his ankle, tangled with his shoes. Sighing impatiently, Angel sat up and managed to pull off his shoes and socks, followed quickly by the pants.

Wearing only his boxers, Angel moved back over Buffy and into her waiting arms. He wanted her so much, yet he felt an overwhelming calmness and an even stronger need to take his time. For so many years, he had dreamed of this. Long, long ago when he had first seen Buffy and changed his whole life just to be a part of hers. He had imagined how beautiful she would be in the throes of passion. And then after that one night when he got to the live the dream... His dreams were even more vivid after that. Once he had seen how perfect her body was, heard her voice as she cried out in climax, felt her heated bare skin... It made the dreams all the better.

They'd never ended, never even grown less frequent. They'd changed a bit, over the years, as Buffy grew older. When he had found out that making love to her without losing his soul was possible, he had imagined a whole fantasy of surprising her with the news and the two of them celebrating. Even when he had found out about Riley… he'd had a fantasy of stealing her away from the man.

But this was reality. It was really Buffy's warm, lithe body wriggling beneath him. Buffy's silky smooth lips against his. Her velvet tongue in his mouth. Buffy's hot center rubbing against his nearing painful erection. He was really going to make love to her once again. The mere thought of it brought tears of joy to Angel's eyes. He loved her so much.

Angel's hands found the buttons along the front of Buffy's lilac colored nightshirt and began undoing them. Buffy smiled serenely and began helping with the effort. When the shirt was completely unbuttoned, Angel took a deep unneeded breath and pulled the two halves apart.

It wasn't the first time he had seen her that way, but Angel was still amazed by her beauty. Her breasts were more than a handful and suited her small body perfectly. Even with the only light in the room coming from the moon through the window, Angel could see two rosy nipples standing hard and begging for attention.

With a hunger he had never felt before in his many years, Angel dipped his head down and began suckling one nipple, teasing it with his tongue and giving it the occasional nip with his teeth. His hand moved to her other breast, not wanting to neglect it.

Buffy gasped and arched of the bed as waves of pleasure crashed through her. It felt so good. So perfectly wonderful. Buffy felt so beautiful and so loved at that moment, and she never wanted it to end. Smiling to herself, she disagreed. There were other things that were even better than this. She hoped they would be doing those things soon.

Angel felt himself grow harder still as he heard the small gasps and groans coming from deep in Buffy's throat. They were like sweet music to him. Wanting to increase her pleasure, he pulled back. Ignoring her whimpers of protest, Angel moved down her body to tug her panties down her legs. Tossing the small scrap of silk away, he settled himself between her thighs and positioned her legs over his shoulders.

Buffy smiled and moaned in anticipation. Riley only did this on rare occasions, since his old fashioned nature made him feel guilty. It drove Buffy nuts that he would let the two of them do this once in a while, but it did make it all the better when he allowed it.

Pulling her lips apart with his fingers, Angel's tongue darted out to taste Buffy's sweet juices. Oh, how he loved everything about her. It still amazed him, after all these years.

He was ruthless, though, lapping steadily at her center, dancing around her clit, and driving Buffy wild with desire. She was very close to the edge, but Angel wouldn't let her come. She moaned and cried, but he did not give her the one little push she needed. At last, she begged, and with a smirk, Angel pulled her swollen nubbin into his mouth, licking it with his tongue, and giving Buffy enough pleasure to make her body shake violently as she moaned loudly and reached orgasm.

"Please… please… be inside me." Buffy pleaded as she held her arms out for him.

Angel noticed that her eyes were mostly closed and found that strange, but chalked it up to the sedative he had given her. Seeing how much she must need him to be wanting this while her mind was heavy with drugs, Angel felt a strong urge again to give her what she wanted.

Crawling back up her body, Angel held himself over Buffy, positioning the head of his penis at Buffy's entrance. Whispering that he loved her in her ear, he slipped inside her, taking a few easy strokes to allow her tight walls to loosen and allow him in. Soon, he was buried completely inside the woman he loved.

Even as Buffy felt so many wonderful sensations with him filling her.... there was something wrong. She knew in the back of her mind that something was very different this time. It made her feel uneasy. However, as their desire for one another grew, Buffy's confusion fell to the wayside.

Angel dipped his head down and kissed Buffy deeply as he thrust faster and harder inside her. She was so hot and tight and fit him like a glove. Angel felt as though he was made to fit inside her. As he grew closer to coming, his mouth moved to her neck and he licked her skin, slick with salty sweat. His eyes rolled back in his head as he felt the raised skin there from the scar he had given her. As he felt his mark on her, his libido grew. Angel began pounding inside Buffy, racing towards his orgasm.

Buffy frowned as she felt him licking the side of her neck where she had been bitten. Riley had always studiously avoided it. Once again, she realized something was wrong. And once again, she couldn't control her body. Still trying to figure out what she was missing, her body shook as she had her second orgasm.

As Buffy squeezed him tightly with her vaginal walls, Angel felt his release. His face changed as ridges appeared on his forehead and his fangs elongated and, without thinking, he buried his teeth in Buffy's neck.

As she felt the sharp pain in her neck, Buffy gasped. Her eyes opened wide as the pain brought her more awake. With no small amount of trepidation, Buffy realized that this was *not* her husband making love to her.

With a small sob, she realized it was Angel.

Riley quietly let himself into the darkened apartment, wondering what to do. Walsh had told him she'd given Giles a sedative for Buffy, so odds are she was out like a light. As he locked the door behind him, he realized that Buffy probably wasn't even there, Giles very possibly took her to his place.

He was considering calling Giles to see what was going on when he heard a noise from the bedroom. He frowned, thinking it sounded like Buffy, in pain. Probably from a nightmare. Riley knew the misunderstanding wasn't his fault, but he still felt bad. Poor Buffy thought he was dead!

Quickly, he rushed into the bedroom and flipped on the light. He gasped as he saw Buffy on her back on the bed, her eyes open wide and a surprised look on her face as a vampire was on top of her, his fangs in her neck.

Riley quickly moved to the bed and pulled the vampire off of her, shoving him against a wall. Buffy gasped and looked up at him in shock. That's when Riley noticed the vampire was Angel, and he was naked. His poor, grieving wife's top was unbuttoned, and that was all she was wearing.

Riley felt his blood begin to boil as he figured out that his own wife was fucking another man less than twelve hours after she thought he had died.

Buffy looked up and saw Riley standing beside the bed, looking furious, and Angel leaning against the wall, looking stunned... and naked… after having sex with her.

Angel struggled to grasp what was going on. Riley wasn't dead... and he had just found him making love to his wife. On the bed, Buffy looked extremely confused.

This was *so* not good.

Buffy was still having a hard time understanding what was going on. Her head was so muddled. Looking down, she realized her nightshirt was completely open. Shyly, she pulled it closed before looking back up at her husband.

Riley was glaring at Angel, who still leaned against the wall, unsure of what to do. Obviously, he wasn't as dead as they thought. Buffy looked like she was near tears and Angel felt horribly guilty. He had just made a huge mistake.

"You fucked my wife!" Riley shouted, pointing an accusing finger at Angel. "You came in *my* house and had sex with *my* wife in *my* bed!"

"It wasn't… it's not.. I... she…" Angel shook his head, not sure of what to say. Riley was obviously furious, and rightfully so.

"Riley, what's going on?" Buffy asked, from the bed.

"Oh, like you don't know you just had sex with another man?!" Riley shouted at her, turning to glare at her as well. As a wave of anger hit him, he rushed at Angel, punching him square in the face.

Angel had known Riley was strong, but he hadn't expected him to have such a good right hook. It also didn't help that he had caught him off guard. He managed to knock him off his feet.

As Angel struggled to get back up, he heard Buffy pleading with Riley to stop. Looking over at her, he saw her getting off of the bed and grabbing Riley's arm, trying to keep him away from Angel. The pill was mostly out of her system, but still affecting her enough that her balance wasn't the best and she wasn't as strong as usual, but she was managed to keep Riley from hitting Angel for the moment.

"Angel, just get dressed and go." She ordered, her voice wavering.

Angel felt a little reluctance, but one look at her eyes, begging him to comply, and he gave her a quick nod, pulling on his boxers and pants before searching for his shirt.

Riley was trying to shrug Buffy off of him so that he could beat the shit out of Angel as he screamed threats at the vampire, letting him know he would be *very* sorry.

"Riley, please stop this, you don't understand what happened, please just talk to me!" Buffy begged, yanking harder and harder on his arm.

Angel pulled his shirt on and grabbed his jacket and shoes. Deciding he could put them on outside a lot better than in Buffy and Riley's bedroom, he quickly exited.

Watching Angel leave, Riley felt relief; he didn't want the vampire anywhere near his wife. But he also felt a little more angry. He deserved to be able to confront Angel after what he had done.

However, there was someone left to confront. With a burst of anger, Riley was able to yank his arm away from Buffy as he turned on his wife. His hand made a fist as fury burned inside him.

"How could you do this to me, Buffy? I *thought* you loved me!"

"I do, Riley, I do… you don't understand!"

"Make me understand, then. Make me understand why I come home to find you in bed with your ex."

Buffy began to cry, shaking her head, not knowing how to explain. "I didn't want to sleep with Angel."

"You're saying he raped you?" Riley asked, almost preferring to believe that, but quickly admitting he would prefer her cheating on him than Angel taking advantage of her condition to violate her.

"No… it's so confusing… I'm not sure what happened… but I thought he was you, Riley!"

"You expect me to believe that?! I'm not an idiot, Buffy!" Riley screamed, pulling his fist back, as if to hit her, but stopping himself when he saw her flinch.

Turning away so he wouldn't have to see her cry anymore, Riley ran his hands through his hair. "I can't believe this is happening."

"I love you, Riley."

Riley put his hand up, as if to say 'stop'. "Don't... not right now."

He tried to think straight, try to figure out what he was going to do, but all he could think about was the sight of the two of them in bed. He had no idea how long he stood there, but the whole time, Buffy stood a few feet behind him, sniffling.

"I need to sleep." He finally spoke, turning back around and finding Buffy standing still next to the bed. Walking around her, he went to his side of the bed, the side the two of them hadn't been on, and grabbed his pillows. Going into the walk-in closet, Riley pulled a blanket off the shelf and came back into the room.

"What are you doing?" Buffy asked him.

"Sleeping on the couch." He replied, walking out of the bedroom and into the living room.

Buffy followed. "That's not fair. If you don't want to sleep with me, *I* should be the one who has to sleep on the couch."

"You think I want to sleep in *that* bed? After what you two did? That bed should be burned." He spat, then gestured at the pillow and blanket already on the couch. "What's this?"

"It was Angel's… he was sleeping out here before..." Buffy explained.

Riley shook his head, trying not to think too much about it. It would probably lead to him finding a way not to fault Buffy for this and he didn't want to do that. He wanted to be furious with her. Grabbing the pillow and blanket Angel had used, he handed them to Buffy, then started making his own bed. "Make sure those are cleaned thoroughly."

"He doesn't have horrible germs, you know… or some disease!" Buffy told him, tears streaming down her face.

"He's a vampire... A disgusting vampire. He is dirty, and since you fucked him, you are dirty too."

A sob erupted from her throat, and Buffy turned and rushed back into the bedroom. Once inside with the door shut, Buffy tossed the pillow and blanket on the floor and leaned against the door, sliding down until she was huddled on the ground.

Back in the living room, Riley made his bed on the couch, trying to ignore the sound of Buffy crying. He had never been able to handle that. But this was time was different. It was her own fault. What right did she have to cry, anyway? *She* was the one who just had to screw Angel... was it his fault he had come home and caught her? Of course not!

But when the crying ceased and he heard the shower running soon after, Riley felt a little relief.

Buffy wrapped a towel around herself, having decided she'd better get out of the shower when she had noticed her skin was pruned. As she combed through her wet hair, Buffy was grateful that the mirror was too steamed for her to see herself. She'd made a lot of mistakes in her life, but nothing had ever made her hate herself as much as this. She had made a great man like Riley despise her. That took a *low* human being.

Heading back into the bedroom, she choked back a sob at the bed, with the sheets half hanging off of it. If she could just go back a few hours.... but that was impossible, and she had to accept that. If only she could figure out how this had happened.

Sighing tiredly, Buffy stripped the bed and remade it with fresh sheets. Deciding that she couldn't face Riley again that night, she dropped the pile on the hamper and crawled into bed.

Buffy cried herself to sleep.

Riley awoke early the next morning, and was happy, for once, that Buffy was a late sleeper. Hopefully, he could shower, change, and be out of there before she woke up.

As quiet as possible, Riley opened the bedroom door and crept across the room towards the bathroom, trying not to look at Buffy's small body, curled up in the bed. He noted that she'd changed the sheets. Probably because she and her boyfriend had gotten them all sweaty or something.

He showered quickly, and as he shaved, he listened for any sounds that Buffy was awake. So far, not a peep. When he was all done in the bathroom, he slowly opened the door and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Buffy lying in the same position she had been in before.

Riley walked all the way back across the room to the dresser and quietly pulled out a pair of boxers and socks, a shirt and a pair of jeans. He decided to just take them to the living room to dress so he wouldn't wake Buffy when he heard a small groan. Looking over at the bed again, he saw Buffy pushing herself into a sitting position.

"Riley, where are you going?" she asked, still half asleep.

"Out." He replied.

"Where, though?" she persisted.

"I'm not going to go sleep with any of my ex-girlfriends if that's what you're worried about." Riley sniped at her.

Buffy looked down and sighed. "I'm sorry… I didn't mean to make it sound like that… I just worry."

"I have to go fill out paperwork at the base and after that I will probably go hang out with Forrest and the guys." Riley replied evenly before leaving her alone in the bedroom.

Buffy laid back and stared blankly at the ceiling. She had hoped when she woke up she would realize it wasn't as bad as she felt it was the night before. But in the harsh light of day, it was much worse.

Glancing at the clock, Buffy saw it was only eight in the morning. The paperwork would take Riley two hours at the most. She wondered how long he and the guys would hang out. Odds were that he would be gone all day. He didn't want to be around her, and did she really blame him?

Buffy was awakened by the sound of someone knocking at the door. She realized that she must have drifted back off to sleep. It was almost eleven in the morning.

She got up and hurried to the door. Whoever was there was knocking even more frequently, so she knew it was important. Opening the door, she found her mother standing there.

"Buffy, did you *just* wake up?" Joyce asked as she brushed past her with a bag of groceries.

"Um… yeah, I was up late last night." Buffy replied, following her mother into the kitchen.

"They called you guys in to work after Riley had been gone for four days? That was rude!" Joyce replied, shaking her head as she started pulling out lunchmeat and rolls.

"Mom, it was kind of an emergency." Buffy chuckled, then noticed Riley had left his 'bed' on the couch. She *had* to get rid of that before her mother saw. There was no way she was going to tell her mom what had happened. She adored Riley and hated Angel... which meant she would read Buffy the riot act for very possibly ruining her marriage.

"Oh, I know... You always have your big emergencies." Joyce smiled, kissing Buffy on the forehead. "Are you feeling okay? You look a little... tired… and are you losing more weight? Honey, you are too thin. You better eat two sandwiches for lunch!"

"Actually, I'm not really hungry." Buffy replied. She had absolutely no appetite.

"See! That's why you are so skinny, you don't eat. I better talk to Riley about making you eat more. Is he home?"

"Uh, no… he's spending some time with his friends." Buffy replied from the living room as she grabbed the pillow and blanket and shoved them under the coffee table.

"Well, then it's just us girls for lunch. Why don't you go shower while I make our sandwiches?" Joyce suggested.

Buffy knew better than to argue.

"Oh, I'm going to explode." Buffy complained as she leaned back in her chair.

Joyce smiled at her daughter. "But it was good, yes?"

"Delicious. Nobody makes a sandwich like my mom."

"I have an idea!" Joyce announced excitedly.

Buffy raised an eyebrow. Ever since she and Riley had gotten married, her mother seemed to adore spending time with her. She figured it had something to do with the way her mom felt when she was married to Buffy's dad… like she wanted Buffy to have a confidante. Not that she thought Riley would make Buffy unhappy... Mom just had a complex.

"I will help you make a big nice dinner for you and Riley."

"Oh, I don't know, Mom. I don't even know when he'll be home. He might even have dinner with his friends." Buffy replied, silently adding that he would probably think she poisoned him.

Joyce waved a hand at her. "I know how Riley adores you. If you go to the trouble to make a nice dinner and call him on his cell, he will be *happy* to be here."

"I know, but he hasn't been able to spend a lot of time with his friends lately, and I wouldn't want to… interrupt."

"Buffy, please… you're his wife, way more important than his friends. I'm sure he would love to have dinner with you. Let's go get a roast at the store! Then you will have leftovers and you can freeze them for another dinner. Oh, and it makes great sandwiches!"

Knowing resistance was futile, Buffy got up and cleaned up the few dishes they had dirtied before putting on some shoes and grabbing her purse before following her mom out to the car. She wondered if Joyce would ever know the truth about the night before. Probably... Riley would probably drag her to a lawyer the next day so that they could file for divorce. When he looked at her, she felt as though he hated her.

Joyce talked about her gallery the whole time she drove to the grocery store. Buffy stared out the window at the passing houses and buildings and gave the occasional "uh huh" and "yeah" and it kept Joyce happy.

Once inside, Buffy pushed the cart as Joyce went ahead and did shopping for herself as she told Buffy about some man she had met and how she still couldn't believe Hank had married some girl five years older than Buffy and how it served him right that they were getting divorced less than two years later.

"You know, Buffy, just because you're married doesn't mean you should let yourself go. You're a beautiful girl, but with make-up and *some* hair styling... Riley *does* deserve that."

Buffy rolled her eyes as several other shoppers chuckled. "Mom, I normally do, you just rushed me out of the house."

"Well, you should try to put a little lipstick on by the time he gets home. Curl your hair… it's so long and pretty… *do* something with it! Maybe we should pick up some candles and wine too… you guys could have a romantic dinner."

Buffy sighed, really tempted to tell her mom she would be lucky if Riley ever spoke to her again, but she knew she'd better hold her tongue. "Mom, what's the deal? I've never seen you so obsessed with Riley and I having dinner."

"You seem a little upset, Buffy. And I know that Riley was gone for several days… I was quite surprised that he wasn't at home today. I don't know if you two had a fight or something, but I respect your privacy. But as your mother… I feel the urge to give you some motherly guidance and help you plan an evening to seduce your husband."

"Mom!" Buffy gasped, feeling herself blush.

Joyce chuckled. "I was young once too, Buffy."

Buffy let herself get caught up in her mother's plans, knowing all too well that there would be no seduction that evening. She was more ready to beg for forgiveness all night. But hey, maybe candles, wine and a nice home-cooked meal would help.

"Mom, you know you really don't have to help me. I'm not the best cook, but I can manage."

"I know that, but I would much rather spend the afternoon cooking with my daughter than sitting home alone, doing crossword puzzles." Joyce replied as she put the roast in the oven and shut the door.

"I know, but I feel bad that you aren't even cooking for you… unless… do you want to stay for dinner?" Buffy asked. Sure, having to pretend everything was okay with Riley there would be twice as hard, but she also felt like she could use her mom as a sort of safety shield. Joyce being there would prevent Riley from demanding a divorce or saying other things that would rip Buffy's still-beating heart from her chest.

"Actually… you know what man I told you about?" Joyce replied.

"Yeah..."

"Well, he and I are going out to dinner. He's picking me up at seven."

Buffy raised her eyebrows. Over the years she had matured and grown used to the idea that her parents were never getting back together. Mom-dating didn't freak her out. "Well, it's already almost five, shouldn't you go home and get ready?"

"Oh… jeez… yeah. Just let me wash these potatoes for you. Before you forget, call Riley and tell him to be home by six."

"I will." Buffy nodded, lying through her teeth.

"Now, Buffy! If you don't do it now, you *will* forget. You'll get too busy making dinner… I know you."

Sighing, Buffy picked up the phone and dialed Riley's cell, praying that he had it turned off. No such luck, of course. He picked it up on the second ring.

"Finn."

"Um… hi Riley." Buffy replied tentatively. She could hear the TV blaring in the background and guys talking loudly. They must have been watching baseball.

"Buffy... what did you want?" he replied coolly.

Buffy swallowed heavily. "Um… well, I just wanted to tell you dinner would be ready at six, so could you please try to be home by then?"

Riley frowned, she had made him dinner? He would have thought she wouldn't bother. Then he heard Joyce in the background, telling him that she and Buffy had made him a nice homemade meal. So that was it. Buffy was calling him with this ridiculous dinner thing because her mother expected her to. Well, at least he knew that Buffy knew he was seriously angry here.

"You're mom planned a nice dinner for us, didn't she?"

"Oh yeah, very romantic." Buffy replied.

"I'll be there."

"Okay, thanks." Buffy told him, hearing a click as he hung up. For her mother's benefit, she added "I love you too."

Joyce left soon after, making Buffy promise to change into something less... casual. Buffy quickly got the potatoes boiling and made a salad. Glancing at the clock, she saw that she still had twenty minutes before Riley was due back. She wondered if he would really show. If her mother hadn't been listening, she probably would have told him that he didn't have to come really.

Buffy then set the table, unsure of whether or not to use the candles. She decided to set them out, but not light them. That way she could let Riley decide if he wanted to light them, and if he didn't, she could say her mother did it.

With ten minutes left, Buffy decided looking a little bit nice wouldn't hurt. She quickly changed into a cotton sundress she knew Riley liked her in and piled her waist-length hair on top of her head. Speedily, Buffy added some make-up to her face.

Standing back and looking at her reflection, Buffy almost didn't feel nauseated with disgust.

The timer went off, indicating the meat was done. She quickly pulled it out of the oven and set it on the counter. Once all the food was on the table and everything was ready, Buffy debated about what to do. It was only a few minutes after six, so it was possible that Riley was just late. But it was also possible that he wasn't going to show up.

Right then, Riley walked in. The aroma of delicious smelling food hit him as soon as he was through the door. He'd been standing outside for nearly ten minutes, trying to prepare himself to be cold and uncaring towards the woman he loved more than anything, despite her indiscretions from the night before. It was a true test of his resolve not to pull her into his arms and kiss her when he saw her standing in the kitchen.

"Sorry… lost track of time." He muttered.

"That's fine… you're just in time. Everything's ready." She replied, walking into the dining room.

Riley followed, sitting down in his seat across from hers. The two of them began their meal in silence.

After several moments of that silence, Buffy felt like she was about to jump out of her skin. It was all too tense. So she began trying to start a conversation. However, Riley wasn't cooperating. He would only respond with simple nods of grunts. If she was lucky, she could get a 'yeah'.

Growing tired of it, Riley sighed. "Buffy, can you just deal with the fact that you really screwed up this time and I am not going to just forgive you? Can you stop trying to make small talk with me so we can pretend everything is okay? I'm not saying we can't talk, but after last night, I really don't care to hear about a sale on towels at Macys."

Buffy swallowed and looked down. "Okay… well if you want a serious, deep talk... Are we going to get divorced?"

Riley shook his head right away. "You know I don't believe in divorce."

"Well, you don't believe in adultery either..."

"No, I don't, but obviously *you* don't feel the same way."

Buffy shook her head fervently. "No, I don't, Riley! It was a mistake! I didn't know I was having sex with Angel! I thought it was you, I swear. I took a sedative and my head… I was all foggy and out of it!"

Riley sighed. "I don't want to hear this right now."

Buffy nodded slowly and studied her lap.

"Look, Buffy… I think that most marriages *can* be saved if the couple is willing to work at it. Our marriage can and will be one of those."

Buffy didn't really see how that could happen with him sleeping on the couch and not speaking to her, but she understood that he might need time. She had to believe it... the alternative was giving up.

September 2004

Buffy sat on the balcony alone, watching the sun set and enjoying one of the last few evenings of summer. Well, enjoying it as much as she enjoyed anything these days. It had been a long month since the night with Angel. Unfortunately, things had not gotten better.

Every night, Riley slept on the couch. Buffy wanted to make a plea to get him to come to bed with her, but she held her tongue. No need to start a fight that she would most likely lose.

They hardly spoke, unless they were working and had to discuss an attack strategy. Even there, it was pretty obvious that all was not well in their world. Their friends and co-workers were sure to have noticed, but they didn't say anything. Buffy appreciated that. She really didn't need to be answering questions about why her once doting husband despised her.

Buffy hadn't contacted Angel and he hadn't called. She was happy for that. Nothing would have freaked Riley out more than a call from the guy she had slept with in their bed.

"Buffy!"

Surprised that Riley was acknowledging her existence, Buffy got out of her chair and opened the sliding glass door to let herself back into the apartment. Inside, she found Riley standing in the living room with Willow.

Buffy bit her lip; she'd been studiously avoiding her best friend since the incident. She knew Willow would not be happy with either herself or Riley… or maybe both… when she heard. And one thing that Buffy did not need was Willow's well intentioned lectures.

Putting on a happy face, she greeted her friend. "Hey Will."

"Hey yourself… I was beginning to wonder if you'd fallen off the face of the earth!"

"I'm sorry… I've just been so busy lately."

"That's what Riley was telling me." Willow replied, making it obvious to Buffy that she didn't buy it and she *would* get the truth. "But since you have the night off, why don't we go get some dinner?"

Buffy gave Riley a questioning look, almost begging him to give her an out. As much as she hated sitting around awkwardly with him, she *really* didn't want to be interrogated by Willow.

Riley shrugged. "I didn't make any plans for the two of us."

Figured. Buffy faked a smile. "Great! Just let me grab my purse."

Buffy sat in uncomfortable silence as Willow drove towards some hip new café. She knew that Willow knew that something was up... but she still couldn't bring herself to approach the subject until she was forced.

"I had to go in for a meeting last week, and there is a new programmer working for the company… his name is Brody." Willow told her nervous friend.

Buffy immediately began to relax. "Oh really? Cute?"

Willow smiled and nodded. "Oh, and he is so smart, yet still creative! Most of these computer guys are all code and numbers… but Brody is so artistic and he seems to love color."

"So… did you get his number?"

"I don't date co-workers, you know that!" Willow reminded the blonde.

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Will, you only go into the office a few times a month, the rest of the time you are home... if you date a guy from work and it doesn't work out, it's not like you have to face him *every* day."

Willow felt it was time for a subject change. "You mean, like you and Riley? Like how you guys work closely together every day? I mean, what if for some reason you guys broke up or had a fight… that would be pretty tense, don't you think?"

"I guess." Buffy answered quietly.

"Or do you *know*?" Willow asked pointedly as she parked the car outside the café.

"I don't know what you mean." Buffy replied before getting out of the car, praying Willow would drop her line of questioning.

Willow laid off long enough for them to get a table and order some drinks, then she picked up right where she left off.

"So what *is* going on with you and Riley?"

"What makes you think something is going on?"

Willow cocked her head to the side and gave Buffy her 'don't lie to me' look. "Buffy, you haven't called me in a *month*. I'd say all together, before tonight, I've talked to you for five minutes, because every time I manage to get you on the phone, you and Riley are on your way out the door or you're about to shower or go to the gym. Tonight, you two could barely look at each other. Now tell me, *what* is going on?!"

Before Buffy was forced to reply, their waiter arrived. After they placed their orders, the he took the menus and left them alone once again.

"So… it should be getting kind of cold soon." Buffy commented.

"Buffy, I want to know what is going on with you and Riley. Tell me." Willow ordered sternly.

Buffy sighed. "Fine… our marriage is falling apart. We don't really talk, we don't do things together… and Riley has spent the last month on the couch."

Willow look at her, stunned. "Wow… why? What happened?"

"It all started about a month ago. Um, you were out of town… at that convention. Riley was on a mission and I was back at the base, as usual. Basically, there was a problem with the device that Riley was wearing. We lost all contact with him. Then things started falling apart. Um.. there was an explosion… and nobody could find Riley… we thought he was dead and I just lost it. I mean, after that whole thing with Angel… I finally managed to let myself relax and totally trust that we would spend our lives together… I guess I snapped."

Willow could see the tears welling in Buffy's eyes and already felt incredibly sympathetic to her pain. Buffy had far more than her fair share in her life. Reaching across the table, she gently squeezed Buffy's hand. "Take your time."

Buffy took a deep breath and continued. "I don't remember exactly how it happened. I was crying a lot. I guess Walsh called Giles, because he came and got me and took me to his place with Angel."

"Angel?"

"Yeah… Giles said he was bringing him a book and Giles got the call while Angel was at his place, so he insisted on coming with him." Buffy explained. "We were over at Giles' and all of a sudden, I just really wanted to be home… like it would make me closer to Riley, you know?"

Willow nodded, wide-eyed in anticipation to hear what had happened.

"Well, Angel took me home and he gave me this pill. Giles told me later that Walsh gave him this sedative and he had Angel give it to me. I was out like a light. The details after that are kind of sketchy... I had a nightmare… I think… and then I thought Riley was there… hugging me… comforting me… and I asked him to make love to me and he did and I *knew* something wasn't right, but I ignored it. I was such an idiot! And the longer it went on, the more I knew… and then… I felt this pain… he bit my neck..."

Willow gasped as she tried to grasp what Buffy was telling her.

Buffy nodded and confirmed it. "It was Angel. I slept with Angel. And then Riley came in… the whole dead thing was a misunderstanding. But… he found me in bed with Angel while he was still biting me."

"Oh my God!" Willow replied in shock.

"I know... and, needless to say, Riley flipped out. He was about ready to kill Angel, but I managed to hold him back long enough for Angel to get out of there… and the rest… well, I think you can see why we are acting the way we are. Riley acts like I am diseased, and if he touches me, talks to me, or spends too long within ten feet of me he will catch it."

"Oh my God..." Willow repeated, still stunned. "Are you guys gonna get divorced?"

Buffy shook her head. "Riley doesn't believe in divorce. He says we will make our marriage work, but I am pretty sure involves doing... *something* together, other than awkward silence."

"What about Angel… what the Hell was he thinking?"

"I don't know." Buffy answered honestly. "I was mad at him… but just for, like, a minute. Angel would never… purposely take advantage of me. I was doped to the gills… but he must not have realized it."

Willow had to agree, although she did have a small twinge of doubt inside her. But she supposed that was irrelevant now. "Have you talked to him?"

Buffy shook her head. "No… I think he's kind of scared to call… and I'm not going to call him. Riley would flip… and it couldn't possibly help matters."

"No, you're right… what are you going to do?"

"I don't know… I guess, I'll just keep trying to be patient.. just do whatever I can to get Riley to forgive me."

"But it's not really your fault, Buffy. Doesn't he know about the sedative?"

"Yeah, but… I told you... I knew something was wrong… I just didn't *do* anything! I shouldn't have just gone with my hormones!"

"Don't do that to yourself, Buffy. You always make yourself feel guilty for things that are out of your control. You were seriously grieving, not in the best place mentally… and under the effects of medication!"

Buffy laughed sardonically. "I just wish Riley saw things your way."

Their food arrived then, interrupting them momentarily. Once their server was gone, Willow continued the conversation.

"Maybe you guys could see a marriage counselor? I mean, leave out the Angel is a vampire part… just say he is your ex… your first love... that's what's *really* important here. Maybe the counselor could help you guys work through this?"

"You think *Riley* would see a mental health professional?" Buffy asked incredulously.

"Did you ask?"

Buffy slowly opened the door to her apartment and walked in quietly. It was only nine at night, but with her luck, Riley would already be asleep and if she woke him up it would give him yet another reason to be pissed at her.

Instead, she found him sitting on the couch watching ESPN with a beer in hand. He didn't even appear to notice she was home.

"Hi Riley." She greeted apprehensively.

He glanced over at her. "Hey."

"Did you have dinner?" she asked as she set her purse down and sat in the recliner.

"Yeah, I ordered a pizza."

This was going well. An actual conversation. Riley appeared to be paying more attention to the TV than her, but he was saying more than two words at a time.

"That's good… um… I was thinking… maybe we could use a little help with the repairing our marriage thing. Willow gave me the number of a really great marriage counselor. She called up her friend when we had dinner. She says the counselor totally saved her marriage."

She had his attention now. The television completely forgotten, Riley turned to her with shock written all over his face. "Are you nuts?! Not only do you blab about our *private* lives to Willow, but to her friends too?! And you expect me to go to some head shrinker and tell them all about how you like to fuck vampires?"

"Riley it's not like that! Willow is my *best* friend! She just called her friend asked for the number of the person... She didn't say a *thing* about us!"

Riley shook his head, obviously not in agreement. "And the counselor? What makes you think I would *ever* go for that?"

"Because you said you want to save our marriage. Because.... we're not doing too great without help." Buffy answered in a small voice. "We can't spend the rest of our lives hardly speaking and with you on the couch... and we're not doing anything to improve the state of our marriage... We have to do *something*."

"Well, fixing this problem is going to take some time, okay? I have to learn to trust you again."

Buffy gave up. She'd given it a good try, but Riley would never go for that. She just hoped that he *did* plan to make some changes in the near future.

"I'm going to go to bed." she told him. "You know… it's a lot more comfortable than the couch. I could scoot really close to the edge and you wouldn't even know I was there."

"He was in that bed. With you. Having sex. I wouldn't touch it with a ten foot pole." Riley replied, taking a swig of his beer.

"Fine. Enjoy your couch!" Buffy told him sarcastically, getting up and heading towards the bedroom. She felt a twinge of guilt as she reached the door. He didn't deserve her treating him that way after what she'd done. "Goodnight."

Not receiving an answer, she went to bed and cried herself to sleep like she had almost every other night for the past month.

October 2004

Buffy lay in her bed and stared at the ceiling. It was quickly becoming her favorite hobby. She really didn't have much else to do. Reading a book or magazine took too much concentration, and that wasn't something she had a lot of these days. The TV was in the living room and that was where Riley was. Ever since she had suggested the counselor two weeks earlier, things had gotten even more tense, so she gave Riley wide berth and let him come to her. So in her room she stayed.

Buffy really had nothing else to do when she wasn't at work. She'd found that whenever she had tried to go out and have some time to herself, Riley accused her of cheating on him. She only went out with Willow if the redhead came over and Riley saw her. Otherwise he wouldn't believe that she really wasn't going to be with another guy or something. So... she tried to stay home.

"Are you going to lie there all day?"

Buffy turned her head and was surprised to see her husband standing in the doorway. "Yeah?"

"What's wrong with you?" he asked, sounding almost annoyed.

"Nothing." Buffy replied, pushing herself up into a sitting position to look at him better.

"You never used to spend all the time in bed staring at the ceiling. Now.... it seems like that's all you do when you aren't at work."

Buffy looked at him in surprise. She hadn't thought he would notice. "Well, you don't trust me to go out alone and you don't seem to want me in the living room so I stay in here."

Riley shook his head and went over to his dresser to pull his sweatshirt out. It wasn't quite October, but it was a windy day and unseasonably cold.

"Were you... worried about me?" Buffy asked from the bed, biting her bottom lip.

Riley turned and looked at her. "No... I just don't want you to get fat."

Opening a bottle of beer, Riley leaned back on the couch to watch the news. The bedroom door opened and he looked over to see what Buffy was up to now. When she came out in her workout clothes with a windbreaker on, he was caught off guard.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

Buffy looked up at him and gave him a look, as if surprised since the answer was so obvious. "I'm heading down to the gym to work out. You know, so I won't get fat."

Riley winced at her words, but he realized she had every right to be mad at him. However, that didn't mean he had to take it. "Why can't you work out here?"

"Because we don't have workout equipment like they do at the gym *downstairs*." Buffy replied. She couldn't believe him. He gets on her case for not doing anything, so then she tries to and he gives her shit.

"Oh, and we also don't have guys that you're not married to for you to have sex with."

Buffy took a deep breath and tried to make the conversation a positive one. "You know, Riley, if you don't trust me, why don't you come with? We're supposed to be working on our marriage and we always used to enjoy working out together."

"I'm busy." He replied.

"Fine." Buffy sighed. "Well, if you don't trust me, you can watch me walk over there from the balcony."

Riley shrugged slightly, pretending to be engrossed by some beached whale up north. Buffy quietly left him alone and he relaxed a bit, putting his bottle down on the table and dragging his fingers through his hair.

He was so confused. A part of him wanted to grab Buffy, hug her, kiss her and make love to her because she was his wife. Yet another part of him wanted to lash out at her and make her suffer. Riley knew it wasn't exactly her fault, but he *needed* his anger.

When he was completely honest with himself, Riley knew the anger stopped him from hurting. As long as he was punishing Buffy, he wasn't feeling the pain of seeing his wife in bed with the *vampire* that she had first fallen in love with. That tore him apart.

However, Riley felt bad for the way he'd been treating Buffy. The look on her face when he'd made the fat comment had been almost too much. And the constant suspicions that she was sleeping with other guys had to hurt as well. She wasn't doing that... was she?

Riley decided to head down to the gym. He could apologize... and check on her.

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