"One Moment"
Author: Pamela
Contact: destructo-girl@cox.net
Notes: Thanks to Chelle and Mary Ann for being such great helps with this
story.
Buffy was pleased to find the gym wasn't that crowded. On colder days the gym tended to be filled with people who didn't want to brave the bad weather while getting their exercise, but on this day there was only about five people in there. She got on a treadmill and began walking briskly while watching some movie on the small TV mounted on the wall.
After about ten minutes, a man got on the treadmill next to her and fumbled with the buttons. She observed his obvious confusion for a moment before he looked up at her and gave her a smile.
"Do you happen to know why this isn't working?"
Buffy returned the smile and stopped her machine. "Let me take a look."
After hitting a few buttons, she managed to get the machine going for him and set the speed. "Here we go… all set."
"Thanks so much… I am an idiot when it comes to these things." The man replied gratefully.
"No problem." She told him with a smile and turned back to her machine. Somehow, she managed to trip over her own foot and lost her balance.
"Whoa!" the stranger said as he caught her. Even after steadying her on her feet, he kept his hand on her shoulder and bent a little to be eye level with her. "You okay?"
"Yeah… just… tripped." Buffy answered, surprised she had been so clumsy.
Riley walked into the gym and found his wife standing far too close to some guy he didn't know. Some guy with his hands on Buffy.
"Buffy." he said, through gritted teeth, as he approached.
Buffy looked over at him in surprise as the other man took a step back and released his hold on her. "Riley, what's up?"
Riley looked at the man. "If you'll excuse us, my *wife* and I need to be going."
Noticing how angry Riley was, the man simply nodded, then turned to Buffy, who was looking a little nervous. "Thanks again."
"Sure." Buffy replied quietly, giving him a small smile before Riley gripped her arm tightly and began dragging her out of there.
Embarrassed, Buffy didn't struggle. The last thing she needed right now was someone calling the police because she and Riley were fighting. As soon as they were in their apartment with the door closed, though, Buffy yanked her arm away.
"What the Hell is going on with you?!" Buffy screamed.
"Me?! You're the one who acts like I am *so* irrational and what do I find when I go to work out?"
"Me, talking to a guy. Oh my God, it's so scandalous! Everyone knows I am not allowed to speak to anyone with a dick!" Buffy replied sarcastically.
"Well what do you expect, Buffy? You cheated on me! How am I ever supposed to trust you again?"
Buffy's chin shook as she tried not to cry. "I don't know."
Riley sighed and turned away. He felt like a major ass, but he couldn't swallow his pride. He couldn't let her see how weak she made him.
Not knowing what else to do, Buffy decided to go take a shower and spend the rest of the night in bed, staring at the ceiling. What else could she do? She was stuck. Buffy couldn't fix her marriage without Riley's help.
And neither of them knew *what* Riley wanted.
Buffy sighed as she pulled the curtains closed, trying to shut out as much of the early morning sun as possible. She was completely exhausted and needed sleep desperately.
There had been an army of Geicar demons gathering and planning to attack the town in time for some planetary alignment that was to occur that night at midnight. Willy had come through at the last minute, managing to get Buffy the message, but only giving her six hours to research, come up with a plan, and get the guys to stop the demons.
As soon as she'd gotten the news, Buffy had informed Riley and called Walsh. Within five minutes, the couple had been in Riley's truck, with him driving to the base as Buffy made phone calls.
They'd worked together that afternoon, and were so caught up with their work that the problems they'd had with one another were, for the most part, ignored. There were a few uncomfortable instances, like when it was time for Riley to head out on his mission and Buffy stood by the door and pleaded with him to be careful, still frightened by what happened that last time the guys had gone out on more than an ordinary patrol two months earlier. Riley's heart had swelled as he saw how much she loved him. But still, he only gave her a firm nod before heading out the door.
It had been a long and arduous battle, but all the men had come back to the base, and only a few with minor injuries. As soon as Buffy had seen Riley, safe and sound, she'd wanted to run up to him and hug him as tight as he could. But as soon as he saw her, he'd handed Forrest his weapon and walked in a different direction, apparently heading towards the bathroom.
Forrest knew something was up. Riley was his best friend, and he and Buffy had always been good friends. However, neither had offered information and appeared to be doing their best to hide the fact that anything was wrong, so he didn't push. Instead, he played the horny friend and hit on Buffy whenever he got the chance while being there for Riley to open up to, should he decide to do so.
"Buffy, I'm really tired and achy… what do you say to a full body massage?" he asked, waggling his eyebrows at the blonde as she made sure all the guns had no bullets left in them before putting them away.
Buffy laughed. "I don't know, what would Riley say about that?"
Actually, Buffy shuddered to think what Riley would say about that. He'd probably imply that Buffy always did that with every guy or something else that was equally contemptuous.
"Riley would be totally cool with it! Riley shares." Forrest told her as he nodded, as though he was completely serious.
Graham shook his head at his friend as he began helping Buffy. "Forrest, you'd think you would know better than to try to not only mess with a married woman, but a woman who was married to someone who very possibly could kick your ass."
Buffy smiled at him. "Forrest will never learn."
"I know." Graham sighed.
Buffy liked Graham, he was a true friend to her. She knew he wasn't just nice to her because of Riley… he was *her* friend too. It was nice to know she had someone she could talk to, and she knew Graham would listen.
That had been in the wee hours of the morning. It had taken nearly four hours to get everyone taken care of and all the paperwork done. When Buffy and Riley had driven home at seven that morning, it had been a silent ride. But unlike the usual uncomfortable car rides they shared, this one had been from a lack of energy. They both wanted to get home and collapse.
As soon as they walked in the door, Riley had flopped down on the couch, tugged off his shoes, and lay down, pulling the blanket over him.
Buffy went into her bedroom and was currently readying to settle down for at least eight hours of rest. It was her night off and Buffy couldn't think of anything she wanted to do more than be unconscious.
Once the windows were covered, Buffy kicked off her shoes and pulled off her clothes. Clad only in her underwear, she climbed into bed and closed her eyes. She knew she'd be out in a matter of minutes.
And then the phone rang.
With a groan and a prayer that it wasn't someone calling to tell them that they had yet another catastrophe heading their way, she picked up the phone.
"Hello?"
"Hi Sweetie, were you sleeping?" Joyce asked on the other end.
"No… actually I was just going to bed. We had a little emergency at work."
"Oh dear, well, everything's okay, right? I mean, the world is still.... here… so I assume you were successful?"
"Of course." Buffy yawned.
"Okay, well I can tell you're tired, so I'll make this quick. I was just calling to remind you about dinner tonight."
"Dinner tonight?" Buffy asked, having no clue what her mother was talking about.
"Buffy, you didn't forget that I was having a big family dinner, did you? I told you about it *months* ago!"
"Oh… yeah… now I remember." Buffy replied. Joyce's sister, Buffy's Aunt Rebecca, was flying in from New York with her husband and son. Joyce wanted Buffy and Riley to come over so that they could all have a nice happy family-filled evening.
Sounded like a nightmare.
"Mom.. we're both so tired. Couldn't we do it some other time?" Like... *never*.
"Buffy! I have been planning this dinner for ages! I've already started making everything! You are coming!" Joyce insisted. "Now their plane comes in at four. You know how Becca is, she won't let me pick her up at the airport. They should probably be at the house by five. I was going to ask you if you wanted to come over and help, that way you could be here, but you two need your rest. Just be here *by* six. That's when dinner is ready. Okay?"
Buffy sighed. "Okay." She was too tired to argue, and she knew she would lose anyway.
"Good… can I talk to Riley?"
"Riley?" Buffy asked, alarmed. Riley was asleep, on the *couch* and her mother was *not* going to find out about that.
"Yeah, well, you're in bed aren't you? So he's right next to you?"
"Yeah, of course." Buffy lied. "He's just already asleep.... you don't want me to wake him, right?"
"Oh, of course not. I just haven't really gotten to talk to him for so long. But that's okay, I can do it tonight."
"Yeah." Buffy replied quietly.
"All right then, I better go. I need to run to the store. I love you Sweetie."
"Love you too, Mom." Buffy replied before hanging up the phone. Great, this was just what she needed. She knew Riley would agree to go to the dinner; he didn't want Joyce to know that he and her daughter's relationship was so strained. But still... he wouldn't be happy about it. And neither would she. Pretending to be the happy couple while knowing how true that wasn't was sure to be a night of Hell.
Despite the worry Buffy felt deep in her belly, her exhaustion forced sleep to overtake her.
"We what?!"
"We have to be at my mother's by six for dinner. Remember on the fourth of July she told us that my aunt and her family was coming over and she wanted us all to have a big dinner?"
Riley sighed and pulled some clothes out of his dresser while Buffy finished making the bed. "Okay, well then we'll leave at five-thirty. Should get us there a little early and make your mom happy."
Buffy walked over to her dresser and picked up her hairbrush. "What are we going to do?"
"We're going to lie like Hell and pretend we're the happy couple we were before you slept with Angel."
Buffy nodded and began slowly brushing through her wet hair. Riley walked into the bathroom and shut the door so he could take his turn in the shower. Buffy closed her eyes, praying for the sanity she would need to get through the night.
"So… is Joycie going to be a grandmother anytime soon?"
Buffy and Riley both looked at Joyce's sister in surprise.
Chuckling nervously, Riley shook his head. "We have no plans for babies anytime soon."
Seated on the couch next to him, Buffy nodded in agreement and smiled at her aunt. Unless Riley could get her pregnant from a different room, it was *not* going to happen.
"Rebecca please! I hate to think of the fact that *I* am old enough to be a grandmother!" Joyce laughed as she sipped her cup of coffee.
Rebecca laughed as well. "I know, I just love making the two of them squirm."
"Oh, it's funny to her now, but if *I* ever meet a girl and get serious and the possibility of *her* having grandchildren becomes real, you know it will be a different story." Adrian, Buffy's cousin and Rebecca's son piped up.
They'd managed to make it through dinner and now dessert with relatively no problems. Riley would never admit it, but the little touches and hand holding that he and Buffy had been doing for show were so nice. He'd missed being that way with her. But every time he let himself fantasize going home with Buffy and being the couple they were before, kissing and hugging and talking and... sleeping in the same bed... images of her and Angel invaded his mind.
"You all must be so tired… with the time change and all. Isn't it, like, almost midnight in New York?" Buffy asked, seeing her uncle yawn.
"Yeah, plus the six hour flight." Riley agreed.
"We should probably be going anyway, it's getting late." Buffy added. She really wanted to get out of there. She'd slept until three in the afternoon, so she knew she wouldn't get to sleep until late, and even though she didn't look forward to an evening of being with Riley and feeling so lonely.... pretending to be happy with Riley and touching him while knowing he didn't really like it as he had before... It hurt too much.
"Okay, well we *must* do some things together while I am here! Uncle James and I want to take everyone out for dinner and I need to go shopping with my niece. We don't see you enough." Rebecca said as she stood up and hugged Buffy as she and Riley got up from the couch.
Buffy gave her a big smile. "Sounds fun." Especially the shopping part. She always loved getting new clothes and Riley probably wouldn't freak if she went out to go somewhere with her aunt.
"And you... you take good care of my niece, okay? She's so thin! Make her eat!" Rebecca teased Riley as she gave him a hug.
The couple said their good-byes to everyone else and made their way out of the house. Silently, Riley drove them back home in Buffy's Taurus. Things were right back to normal.
November 2004
Buffy felt like she was losing her mind. She wasn't sure she could take it anymore. It had been a week since the dinner at her mother's and nothing had changed. Riley still hardly spoke to her, he still gave her suspicious looks whenever she went anywhere.... and he still spent every night on the couch.
The worst part was, she couldn't escape it. At least if she had a normal job, she could go there for eight hours a day and forget what her home life was like. But she worked with Riley. They were side by side from the time they arrived there until they left, but they did go in the same car, as they always had, and they did have to discuss certain things. Just being in the same room with him made Buffy tense up. Her life was a nightmare.
She sat in the room she used for an office and cried, praying nobody came in. They'd want to know what was wrong and she wouldn't know what to say. Sure, she knew it was because of what had happened with Angel and the way it had affected her life with Riley... But there was no one thing that she could pinpoint that was making her break down and cry right then.
It was everything. Buffy couldn't keep living with so much tension and no happiness. It was breaking her.
Forrest was walking down the hall towards the snack machines. He needed a fifteen minute break with a Mountain Dew and some Doritos. However, when he heard a soft sob and a sniffle come from Buffy's office, he paused and listened more closely. Again, he heard it. Someone was crying in Buffy's office.
The door was slightly ajar, so he slowly pushed it open. He found Buffy sitting in her chair, her face in her hands as her elbows rested on the desk. "Buffy?"
Buffy looked up at Forrest in surprise and tried to wipe away her tears. "Hey Forrest."
"Buffy what's wrong?" he asked, moving into the room and shutting the door behind him so that they wouldn't be overheard. He looked down at her sadly. "It's Riley, isn't it? You guys are having problems."
Buffy wanted to argue, but she knew that he had probably known all along and lying wasn't going to help. She nodded her head. "I think our marriage is over."
Forrest was thrown. Sure, they appeared to have been not getting along for quite a while, but he'd never dreamed that Ken and Barbie would end up getting divorced. "Why?"
"Because… we don't talk, we don't sleep in the same bed... and I think Riley hates me... he thinks I'm disgusting and not at all attractive anymore."
"What?! Why?!"
Buffy *really* didn't want to give him all the details. She hoped maybe she could just hint and he would let it go. The thought of having to tell him that she slept with the vampire that was her first love when she thought it was Riley.... she just really didn't need to go there again.
"Let's just say that there was someone else… just one time… but trust is, like, impossible now."
Forrest was completely taken aback as he tried to process what she was saying. He took a few seconds and put two and two together.... and came up with five. "Riley cheated on you?! What the fuck was he thinking?!"
Buffy stood up and argued that he had it wrong, but Forrest didn't even hear her. He was too busy ranting about what he would do to Riley when he got his hands on him.
Angrily, he turned and stormed out of the office, almost running into another one of the officers, Perez, in the hall. "Do you know where Finn is?"
"Uh… yeah, I saw him in the washroom a minute ago." Perez told him.
"Thanks." He told him as he started marching towards the bathrooms.
Storming in, he found Riley at one of the sinks, washing his hands.
"You bastard!"
Riley looked over at him is surprise, not having a clue what he was talking about. "What?"
Two other men were using the urinals, but upon seeing the exchange between the two superiors, hurried and finished their business before rushing out of the room, leaving Riley and Forrest alone.
"You have a sweet, smart, beautiful and loving wife, and you had the nerve to cheat on her! How could you do that?!"
Riley looked at him in disbelief. "Where did you get *that* idea?!"
"Buffy! I found her in her office, crying her eyes out… I made her tell me."
"She told you *I* cheated on *her*?"
"Yes!" Forrest replied, then shrugged his shoulders slightly. "Well, she told me there was someone else and that you weren't attracted to her anymore, I guessed the rest."
"Well, you guessed wrong! My sweet little wife fucked her ex. You know, the vampire?"
"What?"
"Oh, yeah… caught them in bed together... the night she thought I died... Took her a *really* long time to get over me. She claimed that she thought it was me. Because Angel and I look *so* much alike."
Graham rushed into the room, having heard from the two younger officers that Forrest and Riley looked like they might go at it. Instead, he found Riley looking extremely angry and Forrest staring at him with a stunned look.
"Everything okay in here?" Graham asked.
Riley shrugged and walked past him. Forrest shook his head in shock. Graham turned and left him alone, walking out of the bathroom to find a dissipating crowd of people who realized that since Riley left there wasn't going to be a fight.
Buffy rushed over to him, apparently coming from her office. "Graham, what's going on? Someone said something happened to Riley!" Hopefully not Forrest. She'd tried to stop him but Walsh had run into her and wanted to talk about a demon she had read about. As soon as Walsh had left her alone, one of the techs had rushed by and said he'd heard something had happened to Riley.
"Riley's fine… he just… went somewhere... I didn't see. He and Forrest were arguing about something." Graham explained to her, grateful to see that everyone had gone back to work and they were alone. His observant nature hadn't failed him and he had a pretty good idea of what had been going on for the past two and a half months.
"Oh God.." Buffy whispered, tears welling in her eyes. She had really screwed things up now.
Forrest came out of the bathroom and glared at her. "You have a lot of nerve, feeling sorry for yourself when you had sex with the one guy that you know Riley has always been jealous of in the bed you're supposed to share with Riley!"
"Forrest, you don't understand, I tried to stop you… there's a lot more to the story than you know." Buffy tried to argue.
Forrest put up his hand to quiet her and shook his head. "You're a slut. That's all I need to know."
Graham decided to intervene as Forrest's words hit Buffy like a ton of bricks. "Take a walk, Forrest."
Forrest's jaw tightened, but he took his friend's advice and walked away, leaving the two of them alone.
Buffy broke down and began to cry again and Graham's heart broke for her. Gathering her in his arms, he began to lead her towards her office, hoping nobody would see them. The last thing she needed right then was questions.
Luckily, they made it there uninterrupted. Graham got her in the room, shut the door behind them and got Buffy seated on the small couch positioned against a wall. He set the box of tissues in front of her and grabbed a bottle of water he saw, getting her to take a sip.
"Buffy, you have to calm down... It's going to be okay." He told her as he sat down beside her.
Buffy shook her head and dabbed her eyes with a tissue. "Graham, I don't think it will ever be okay again."
Graham sighed. "Buffy, I know how much you love Riley... And I know he loves you. He might not be showing it right now, but he does."
"But what I did to him… I don't deserve him!"
"Buffy, I have a pretty good idea of what happened… I've been in Riley's shoes... And I think you *do* deserve him. So why don't you tell me from start to finish what happened?"
So she did. She told him how upset she was the night she thought Riley had died and how even all this time later, her memories were sketchy. Buffy told him every detail, knowing he wouldn't tell anyone else. And once she was done telling him what their lives were like currently, she took a deep breath and closed her eyes, awaiting a lecture.
"It's going to be okay, Buffy." Graham told her quietly. "Trust me, I see how he looks at you when you're not paying attention. Riley loves you now like he always did. And this thing about him not believing in divorce? Complete cop-out. Sure, Riley's religious, goes to church every week and all that… but if he really didn't want to spend his life with you, he *would* divorce you. He might not even be admitting it to himself, but he loves you and he doesn't want to come home and not have you there."
"But he's not trying to make it better, Graham... He's making us live a Hellish life... I don't know how much longer I can do this."
"I know… I know… I'm going to help you, Buffy... we'll make things better." He promised as he hugged her again.
Buffy closed her eyes and hugged him back. She wanted to believe him so badly. She hoped he was right... he *had* to be right. If he wasn't... Buffy didn't know what she was going to do.
"So he's getting better?"
"Well… he's looking forward to that party tomorrow… nothing like beer, pizza and two guys beating the crap out of each other to make a guy happy, I guess. Anyway… he hasn't been as grumpy and he's actually talking to me. I mean, it's only about how many pizzas should we order and how much junk food will we need, but at least he's talking to me. And we're both going to the grocery store tomorrow morning to get all the stuff." Buffy told Graham as she spotted him while he lifted weights. The two had grown quite close in the past two weeks since she had first told him what had happened between she and Riley.
"Sounds like improvement to me." Graham replied, slowly lifting the barbell up.
"Well, my outlook is better. Before, the only one who knew and didn't hate me was Willow and I am too scared to tell her everything."
"Scared?"
"Yeah… I don't want her getting too mad at Riley… she could hurt him."
Graham chuckled and almost dropped the barbell. Luckily, Buffy did her job and grabbed it, setting it on the rack. Deciding that he'd done enough, Graham sat up and grabbed his bottle of water, chugging it down to replace the fluids that his body had sweated out in exercise.
"Seriously, though… a lot of the improvement has to do with you. It's so... helpful... having someone to talk to. I mean, Willow's great and I know she thinks she's being a good best friend, but sometimes I don't need to hear that Riley is a jerk. Sometimes I just need someone who listens and builds me up without putting him down, and you do that. I just want you to know that I really appreciate it." Buffy told him, sitting on the bench next to his so that they were facing each other.
Graham smiled and reached over the squeeze her hand. "Hey, I told you… you guys are two of my best friends, and I have learned from experience how stupid it is to waste valuable time being angry with the one you love."
"I just hope *Riley* will see that." Buffy sighed.
"Give him time. I know, it's been nearly three months… but you two *are* spending time together... that's an improvement. It'll happen." Graham reassured her, then stood up. "Now, I better grab a shower... And your husband should be looking for you so that the two of you can get home."
"Okay… I'll see you tomorrow night, right?" Buffy replied, standing up and heading towards the door.
Graham nodded. "You got it."
"I'm going to make myself a sandwich. Want one?" Buffy asked Riley as she finished putting away the groceries they had just purchased.
"Sounds good; I'm starving." Riley replied. "Do you think four pizzas are enough?"
"For eight people? Let's hope." Buffy answered. "Want roast beef with mustard?"
"Sure, thanks."
Buffy quickly made their sandwiches and put them on plates with some potato chips. Riley poured them two glasses of soda and headed into the dining room. They both sat down on the table and began eating their food quickly. People would probably be arriving in a few hours to drink beer, eat pizza and chips and watch the big boxing match on TV.
Finishing his drink, Riley was about to take his empty plate and cup and set them in the dishwasher when he saw Buffy had a bit of mustard next to her mouth. God help him, he found it adorable.
Seeing the way he was looking at her, Buffy gave him a strange look. "What?"
"You have a little... um… mustard." He told her with a smile.
"Oh.." Buffy replied, her cheeks pinkening as she looked for something to wipe her face.
"Let me." Riley said, picking up and napkin and carefully dabbing at the smudge.
Buffy's entire body tensed as she felt his warm breath on her face as he wiped away the mustard. They hadn't been in such close proximity to one another in months. It really hit her how painful it was to not be able to touch the man she loved, to be able to tell him how much she loved him without a major risk of rejection.
Riley finished wiping the mustard off her face, but realized he didn't want to stop touching her. His other hand moved up to her face and tenderly stroked her cheek. She was so beautiful, so precious. Looking at her like this... it made Riley realize how much he loved her.
Buffy closed her eyes and she leaned into his carress. It felt so good… so unreal. She wouldn't let herself stop and analyze the situation, she just let herself get caught up in how it made her feel to be touched by *him*.
As he gazed down at her face, Riley couldn't stop himself from dipping his head down. Her rosy lips looked so inviting that he just had to cover them with his own. Buffy felt a shock as his lips met hers, but she didn't pull away. Riley pressed soft kisses against her lips until she opened them just a bit, allowing his tongue to enter her mouth. As Buffy melted into the kiss, leaning her whole body against his as her fingers played with the ends of his hair.
As he kissed her, all these memories rushed into Riley's brain. Their kiss at their wedding… their wedding night… the way Buffy looked when she was beneath him in the throes of passion… how it felt to be inside her...
But then the good images were replaced by bad. He remembered coming into their bedroom and finding Angel on top of her, and the horror he felt when he realized she had been making love to *him*. All the images of the two of them making love that he had involuntarily imagined over the months then rushed to the forefront.
He couldn't do this. He couldn't think of these things that made their way into his brain when he kissed her. Riley had to get away. He broke the kiss and jerked away from a now stunned Buffy.
"I… can't." he uttered, turning and rushing out of the kitchen.
Buffy heard the bathroom door shut a few seconds later. Leaning back against the counter, Buffy covered her mouth with her hand and tried to comprehend what had just happened.
Buffy sat in her bedroom and tried to ignore the sounds of loud cheering in the other room. What was it about men and sports?
She and Riley had barely spoken in the two hours while they got ready for the party. He didn't appear angry with her, just... she knew that he'd stopped kissing her because it reminded him of what she and Angel did. And that disgusted him. *She* disgusted him.
Sighing, she looked at the clock and saw it was half past nine. The match would have to be over soon. She really wished they would be gone so that she could go get some food for the kitchen. Buffy had gone into the bedroom as soon as the guys started arriving, not wanting to have to face Forrest accusing glare and those cold, unreadable looks from Riley.
However, as her stomach grumbled yet again, Buffy gave up. Maybe they were all so involved in watching two guys pummel each other that they wouldn't notice her stealing some pizza.
Quiet as possible, she crept out of the room and into the kitchen. Nobody said anything, so she assumed they either didn't notice her or they just didn't care. She grabbed a plate and stuck a handful of pretzels on it before raiding the pizza boxes on the counter for leftovers. Smiling, she discovered that the pineapple & bell pepper pizza had hardly been touched.
Perceptive as always, Graham had noticed Buffy come out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. He'd been a bit worried about her all night. After their talk the previous day, she had seemed so positive and he had hoped to see her sitting on the couch alongside them, watching the match.
Casually, he picked up his empty beer bottle and headed for the kitchen, apparantly getting a new bottle. In reality, he wanted to check on Buffy. He'd grown very protective of her. He'd even shared one of his biggest secrets with her, something he'd only told a few people. The reason why he felt so compelled to make sure that she and Riley worked things out.
A few years back, he had fallen in love with a girl. She made him feel things that he never knew existed. One night, though, she had gotten drunk one night and cheated on him. He had felt horribly hurt and betrayed, but after a few months they had gotten back together. Unfortunately, not too long after they were once again happy, the girl had died in an accident. It had taught Graham that time wasn't something to waste when it came to love.
As Graham walked past him on the way to the kitchen, Forrest noticed Buffy was in there as well. He shook his head in dismay. She had both Graham and Riley so turned around that they had no clue what was going on. He had to admit that Buffy had him fooled as well for the longest time.
Their match ended and he and Riley were pretty much left alone as two guys headed out on the balcony to smoke and the rest went to the kitchen or the bathroom. Deciding to take the opportunity as it presented itself, Forrest cleared his throat.
"Hey man, there's something I think you should know."
Riley took a swig of his beer and looked over at his friend. "Yeah?"
"Over the past few weeks, I've noticed something... Graham and Buffy... they spend a lot of time together."
"They're friends." Riley replied with a shrug.
"It's more than that Ri. They spend a lot of time alone in her office. I keep seeing them talking and touching…"
"Touching?"
Forrest nodded. "Like, hugging and holding hands. For instance, just yesterday, I saw them in the gym... But neither were working out. They were sitting on the benches, facing each other and holding hands. I mean, I never caught them kissing or anything... But I have to wonder.."
"You think Graham is sleeping with my wife?" Riley asked, making sure to keep his voice low.
Forrest shrugged. "I'm not sure if it's gotten that far yet. I just have to wonder about all this time they are spending together. I know that Graham feels sorry for her... I just worry that she might take advantage of that. Judging by what she did to you, you have to wonder, you know?"
Riley stared straight ahead, trying to understand this. He couldn't believe that Buffy would do this. Buffy was honest and kind and sweet... She wouldn't take go out and have an affair with one of his best friends. On the other hand, she had slept with her ex-boyfriend the night she thought he died. Did he even know her? Maybe she *was* this manipulative woman that Forrest thought she was.
Before either man could say anything else, the others started filtering back into the room. People started saying goodbye and Riley played the happy-go-lucky host. Soon, the only guests left at the party were Kevin, Forrest and Graham. The first two were sitting in the living room with Riley, drinking. And the other one was alone with Buffy in the kitchen.
Riley tried not to care, but Forrest's words ate at him until it was all he could think about. He couldn't focus on the conversation because in his mind possible scenarios of what might be happening in the kitchen were running through his head. Finally, he gave up and decided to just go and look. He would probably see Buffy washing dishes and Graham raiding for food and then he could laugh at Forrest and relax.
Buffy had been about to pour her heart out to Graham when they'd been interrupted by the guys dumping dishes in the sink, throwing away their beer bottles or getting fresh drinks. They were all very nice to Buffy, making conversation with her, teasing her about avoiding a night with the guys… and then they were gone. And once again it was just Graham and her alone, with him giving her a look of concern.
Buffy didn't know quite what to say. She knew she really shouldn't be ashamed, but her husband was disgusted by her, which was rather embarrassing. So she tried to look away, hoping he would just go sit with the other guys. She knew she'd have to tell him sooner or later… but on the phone was so much better. Yes, she could tell him on the phone the next day. That way she wouldn't have to look into his eyes.
"Buffy, what happened?" Graham finally asked, after watching her pick at her pizza for a bit, realizing she wasn't going to tell him without a push.
She looked up at him, tears unwillingly welling in her eyes. "Riley kissed me."
"He did?"
She nodded and gave him a sad smile. "*He* kissed *me*, Graham. Without me trying to make it happen or anything."
"Well, that's good. He's starting to move past what happened and let himself forgive you."
Buffy shook her head. "No, he can't do that... he… pushed me away… and the way he looked at me. Graham, he's never going to be able to touch me without thinking of me and Angel… and that disgusts him… *I* disgust him!"
Buffy began to cry while trying to keep her voice down. Riley would be furious if she embarrassed him in front of her friends by crying and letting everyone know about their marital problems.
"Shh… It'll be okay." Graham assured her as he pulled her into a hug. "He just needs a little bit more time to move on, that's all, Buffy. Even though what happened wasn't your fault, it shook up his world. He loves you so much and he is threatened by what you had with Angel."
"But I married *Riley*, not Angel. Even though I couldn't be with Angel, I wouldn't have gotten *married* if I didn't love Riley so much!" Buffy replied against his chest.
"I know that, Buffy. But still… it's a insecurity Riley has… he might always have it. And seeing you in bed with Angel was like seeing his worst nightmare. It will take time for him to regain his confidence in your relationship. But the fact that he kissed you today is *good*, Buffy. He still loves you and wants you despite himself. Haven't you ever heard that time heals all wounds?" He told her, hugging her a little tighter and closing her eyes, hoping that he was right.
He never saw Riley coming.
Riley tried to assure himself that Forrest was wrong and when he walked into the kitchen, he would see that *nothing* was going on between Buffy and Graham. Grabbing his empty beer bottle to appear inconspicuous, he got up to throw it away.
When he walked in and saw his wife held tightly in Graham's arms, he felt like the floor fell out from beneath him. Once again, a sight he had told himself he would never see was presenting itself in front of his eyes. Unlike Forrest, he wasn't figuring Graham was the innocent victim to Buffy's seductive manipulations. He saw him as a man that wanted to get in the pants of his wife. He wasn't sure whether Graham was preying on Buffy's vulnerability or the two of them were just acting on hormones and Riley's stupidity. And he didn't care.
He just blindly struck out, punching Graham in the face.
Buffy felt Graham fall back and opened her eyes, stunned to find Graham covering his right eye with his hand after being hit by an enraged looking Riley.
"How dare you!" Riley shouted at his friend, pointing an accusing finger at Graham.
"Riley, what are you doing?" Buffy asked, wiping the tears from her face.
Riley shook his head. "Don't *even* talk to me right now. You're the one who can't keep your hands to yourself!"
Graham looked at his friend in disbelief. "Oh come on, this is ridiculous man, I'm not sleeping with Buffy!"
Riley grabbed him by the front of his shirt. "Oh right, you're just being the comforting guy friend? How could you do this?! You're supposed to be my friend!"
Forrest and Kevin rushed into the room, pulling Riley off Graham. Riley struggled for a bit, but then was content to verbally attack the two of them.
"Fuck her yet?"
"Riley!" Buffy screamed, not believing he was doing this, and humiliated that he was doing it in front of others. "You know I wouldn't do that to you!"
"Oh, shut up! You've *done* it already, I'm just wondering if you did it *again*!"
"Man, you're not thinking clearly. You know we would never…" Graham tried to protest.
"Did you fuck her in our bed? Or, if you haven't *yet*, are you planning to? I don't much care. She screwed Angel in that bed, I'm never touching it again."
Forrest felt entirely uncomfortable and, seeing the way Riley was acting and the way that Buffy was looking at him, he realized he might be a bit off. Unless she was the world's best actress, she really looked like she had been put through the ringer and was telling the truth about not sleeping with Graham. This was tearing her apart because she loved Riley so much. So maybe she wasn't the monster he had painted her as since he'd found out about she and Angel.
Since Riley didn't need to be restrained anymore, Kevin did what he always did in situations like this. He busied himself by grabbing a handtowel off the counter and put some ice in it, carefully handing it to Graham.
Buffy shook her head in disbelief. "You can't really believe this. I know that you're hurting and you need to be angry with me, but you can't honestly believe that I would do this to you. That *Graham* would do this to you."
"Buffy, I realized almost three months ago that I don't know anything about you. I never would have thought that my wife would cheat on me." Riley replied, then chuckled humorlessly. "Boy was I wrong! Hey, I bet you would like it if I just handed *you* out at my next party. Then you can sleep with *all* my friends!"
Buffy couldn't help but let out a sob at his harsh words. "You're such an ass!"
Riley rolled his eyes and shrugged. "Not anymore… I saw you for what you really are. Whore."
Buffy never felt so hurt and angry in her life. She decided that she couldn't bear to be in the room with him anymore. She needed a lot of space and she needed air. Buffy had to get out of there.
Rushing past Riley and Forrest, she headed out of the kitchen and towards the front door. She had enough presence of mind to grab her shoes and slip them on before opening the door and walking out into the chilly November night.
"Where the Hell do you think you're going?" Riley shouted after her, then shook his head when he heard the door slam. "Do you believe her?! After what she does to me, *she* walks out? She'll be back."
"She probably will. Which is a shame, because you really don't deserve her." Graham spat as he too moved past Riley with the makeshift ice-pack held against his eye.
When he was gone as well, Riley waved a hand to show he didn't care before grabbing another beer and chugging half of it down in front of a stunned Forrest and Kevin.
Holding up his beer, Riley decided to make a toast. "To Buffy… for being a great piece of ass that likes to share too much."
"I'm out of here." Kevin declared, grabbing his coat.
"Bye man. Sorry you couldn't have any Buffy pie. Maybe next time." Riley muttered as he moved back into the living room and collapsed on the couch.
Forrest followed, deciding he owed Riley some good advice to try and repair his decidedly bad advice from earlier. Sitting down in the easy chair, Forrest took a deep breath.
"I was wrong about Buffy."
Riley laughed, growing drunk from the numerous beers he had consumed. "Forrest, man, you couldn't have been *more* right. She's going to spread her legs for every guy who looks her way and I have to accept that."
"I don't think she is. Yeah, she slept with Angel. She admits that, though. Maybe the thing with him really was a mistake..."
"Don't fall for her act too… it's the eyes… she has those big doe eyes. You look into those and you believe any lie she tells you. Trust me, she had me fooled for five years."
"Riley, I don't think she has anyone fooled. Look at yourself! You see her hugging another guy- your friend- and you attack him and say... horrible things to her… based on a hug. You're close to the edge, man."
Riley sobered up a bit as sadness overwhelmed him. "I told her I wouldn't divorce her because I didn't believe in it. Truth is, I don't want to divorce her. I treat her like she's dirty and I won't talk to her or sleep with her, but I can't bear the thought of being without her."
"Then you have to win her back… you really hurt her tonight, Ri."
"Do you think she'll come back?"
For the first time in a long time, Forrest didn't know what to say.
"Buffy! Buffy wait up!"
Buffy stopped walking and turned, praying Graham was alone. She doubted he would bring Riley, but the way her luck was going....
"Buffy, I'm so sorry… I had no idea he had that in him."
"Neither did I... and it's not your fault. Sorry he hit you."
Graham shrugged. "I'll live. Where are you going?"
Buffy shivered, wishing she'd had more than a tank top and jeans on when she'd left. "I don't know… anywhere but here… I can't be near him right now. Oh God… I'm so embarrassed. If he had said those things when it was just us, it would be one thing. But in front of you guys… how am I supposed to work with you now?"
"Trust me, Buffy, Riley embarrassed himself more than anything. He's drunk… and he is really going to regret it in the morning." Graham replied, then held out his hand. "Let me take you somewhere? We can go get coffee and talk, or I could take you to a friend's? You can't stay out here all night."
"Oh, I'm so furious! Let me hurt him, Buffy! Please?"
"No!" Buffy sighed, picking at the TV dinner in front of her. She'd had Graham drive her to Willow's because she really was embarrassed by what Riley had said. Talking to Graham was not on her list of 'fun things to do' right then. Unfortunately, she really didn't want to deal with Angry Willow.
"Buffy, please leave him. He has *no* right to talk to you like that. Please, I know you have self-respect, don't let your guilt over something that wasn't your fault make you stay with an... abusive husband!"
"Riley isn't abusive. He's just… lashing out and saying unnice things."
"Buffy, I saw this on a talk show. Husbands aren't supposed to say things like that to their wives. And that is emotional abuse."
Buffy shook her head. "I can't leave him, Will."
"Give me one good reason why you need to be with Riley."
"Because I love him." Buffy replied, getting choked up.
Willow sighed and stopped pacing so that she could sit down beside Buffy at the table. "Buffy… love isn't always enough. Angel loved you, but that wasn't good for you... so he left you to give you a better life. Sometimes doing something only for love isn't doing the right thing. If you don't have any reason to be with Riley other than the fact that you love him... You really need to consider leaving."
Buffy looked down. "I have another reason."
"What?"
Riley sat on the couch, looking at the mess in the living room, thinking of the mess in the kitchen. It was after one in the morning and he really needed to get to sleep so that he would be up in time for church. He would be in major pain in the morning, he already knew that.
However, he wondered if he should attempt to clean up the mess. He knew if Buffy came home it would be a really bad idea to find the place trashed... But would she come home? He couldn't believe what he had said to her. Riley really wouldn't be surprised if *she* filed for divorce in a few days.
Much to his surprise, the front door opened and Buffy walked through it. He stood up and looked at her, but she put her head down, obviously not wanting to look at him. He took a step towards her, but halted when Willow walked in behind Buffy, shooting him a dirty look and ushering Buffy into the bedroom.
Knowing he might as well not try to sleep because he was sure to get a lecture from Willow in a matter of minutes, Riley began picking up beer bottles and other trash from the living room, taking it to the kitchen and throwing it away.
As predicted, a few minutes later, Willow came out of the bedroom and shut the door behind her, then stood in the doorway to the kitchen with her arms crossed over her chest, glaring at Riley.
"What?" he sighed.
"Against my advice, Buffy wanted to come here. I am doing everything within my power to get her to leave you, just so you know. For some reason, she feels obligated to be with you. Buffy thinks that just because she loves you... she can make it work. *I* think that you don't deserve her and I'm worried about the damage you might do to her while she... disillusions herself into thinking that you can make her happy."
"Why don't you mind your own business?" Riley asked her as he leaned back against the counter.
"Because someone has to look out for Buffy. She's not doing it, and you most certainly aren't. So I have to."
"I didn't mean what I said tonight. I haven't been thinking clearly lately and I was drinking. I regretted it almost immediately."
"Well that's not good enough! Do you have any idea how that made her feel?"
"Willow... Please stop."
Neither of them had noticed Buffy coming out of the bedroom. Willow opened her mouth to protest, but stopped at the look on Buffy's face. Nodding, Willow turned and headed for the door.
"I'll call you tomorrow." She told Buffy as she walked out the door.
Buffy nodded and closed it behind her friend, locking the deadbolt. Riley came up behind her and gingerly placed his hand on her shoulder, trying not to notice how she flinched.
"Buffy..."
"Please stop." She pleaded, her voice wavering.
Riley nodded and backed off, letting her go back into the bedroom before finishing cleaning up the kitchen.
Riley had possibly the worst hangover of his life. Not only was it from the alcohol he'd consumed... but the incredible guilt for the way he'd treated Buffy. Not just for the night before, but for the past three months. Willow had given him quite the wake-up call.
That was part of the reason he *had* to go to church. He definitely needed to do some praying.
Quietly, he opened the bedroom door so that he could go shower and was surprised to find the bed empty and the sound of Buffy crying softly in the bathroom. For a moment, he tried to decide what to do. The night before, she had made it clear that she didn't want him touching her. But still… she needed someone… and what better way to start on the right path than to be there for her?
Slowly, he walked into the bathroom and saw her sitting on the toilet with the top down. Tears streamed down her face as she looked down at the floor. Riley noticed a white plastic stick clutched in her hand.
"Buffy?" he asked softly. "What's going on?"
Buffy looked up at him in surprise, she hadn't even heard him come in. Not being able to find the words to say, she showed him the stick.
Riley looked at it and saw two blue lines, but he didn't really comprehend what was going on.
Seeing the confusion on his face, Buffy took a deep breath and uttered the only two words that came to mind.
"I'm pregnant."
"You're what?"
"Pregnant." Buffy repeated before breaking into sobs.
Riley didn't know what to do. Buffy needed comfort, but he didn't know if she wanted it from him and only one world kept repeating in his mind. Pregnant.
After a moment, he had regained some control over himself and Buffy was crying silently, still staring at the floor. Deciding that he *really* needed to calm her down, Riley knelt in front of her and took one of her small hands in his.
"Buffy, are you sure?"
Buffy shrugged. "It says that two blue lines means it's positive, and there are two blue lines on here."
"H-how accurate are these?"
"I don't know… I think they are usually right."
Riley nodded slightly. "Okay, well… you should probably make an appointment with a doctor, right? I mean, to double check… and plus, the doctor would want to make sure everything is okay."
Buffy nodded. "I'll make an appointment tomorrow morning."
"Yeah.." Riley agreed. "Why don't you head back to bed? You don't look like you slept very well last night."
"Willow bought me the test last night… I worried all night about it. I couldn't sleep."
Riley nodded, that was understandable. He wondered if he would ever be able to sleep again. Somehow he doubted it. Riley put his hand on her arm and gently pulled her to her feet. "Well, now you probably know… so I want you to get some sleep…"
Slowly, the two of them walked out of the bathroom and Riley lead her to the bed. All he could think of was getting her in the bed, then getting some air so that he could think about this.
"What are we going to do Riley?" she asked him, her voice wavering in uncertainty.
"Shh.." he hushed her, pulling the covers over her as she settled down on the bed.
"Riley, will you… stay with me?" She asked, her voice almost pleading. She was scared and she really needed him to be with her. Knowing that they were in this together would make her feel a lot better.
Riley shook his head. "I can't… I have to go to church."
"But, couldn't you miss it this week? You don't *have* to always go… I really don't want to be alone right now."
"Buffy, you need to sleep… I'll only be gone for a few hours. I'll bring you home lunch."
"Riley, I don't want lunch, I want you!" Buffy knew she was pathetic, but she didn't care.
"Please, Buffy… I need some time to think. Could you just give me that? I'll come home and we will talk, I swear."
"Fine." Buffy replied quietly. At least he was thinking about it. He wasn't burying himself in the shell he'd been living in for the past three months. She could be grateful for that.
After Buffy had quieted down in bed, Riley had grabbed his church clothes and gone into the bathroom to shower. After he had cleaned and dressed, he quietly opened the door and was pleased to find Buffy sleeping peacefully. She needed it... and he didn't need those sad looks she kept giving him.
He lingered to look at her as she lay in bed. She was so beautiful… he let himself imagine what she would look when she was round with pregnancy... carrying *their* child. Riley had always dreamed of having a family with Buffy.... but why did it have to happen *now*?
With a sigh, he headed out of the apartment to church, hoping that maybe his faith would provide him with the answers he needed.
As soon as she heard the front door shut, Buffy opened her eyes and stopped pretending to be asleep. Why couldn't she ever be happy? Why couldn't Riley have pulled her into his arms, kissing her and telling her how excited he was about their baby?
Buffy sighed and shook her head. That wasn't fair of her. She'd had some time to let the idea sink in but even she was having a hard time grasping the reality that she had a baby inside of her. Even though she'd had her twinges of suspicion that she was pregnant for the past few weeks… she had squelched them. If she couldn't deal with another human being growing inside her own body, how could she expect Riley to do so?
Her hand moved down to her belly and Buffy imagined what it would be like when she got big. She hoped that she's have Riley by her side, telling her how beautiful she was, helping her shop for baby essentials, going with her to the doctor... But she feared that wouldn't be her reality. Buffy was afraid that Riley wouldn't change. She couldn't bear the thought of going through this pregnancy alone. The idea of having to prepare for the baby's arrival with Riley barely speaking to her and sleeping on the couch... it broke her heart.
As she ran both positive and negative possibilities through her head, Buffy drifted off to sleep.
Riley decided to forgo church that day so that he could have some time to himself to think. He knew he had yet to truly grasp that fact that he and Buffy had made a baby... another living being. After parking at the church, he changed directions and walked across the street to the park.
Sitting down on a bench, he tried to organize his thoughts. He had to get it together. If not for his or Buffy's sake, for this innocent baby. Already, with all Buffy had been through, this baby had been put at risk. They needed to work through their problems so that they could get to the matter at hand. Their baby.
For all his knowledge of psychology, Riley had no idea how to fix this. Every time he and Buffy got close, he saw her with Angel. He couldn't trust her with other guys. And he knew that wasn't fair. Riley knew that she probably wasn't lying when she said she thought it was him and not Angel that she was making love to. But that didn't change the fact that it *was* Angel.
Sighing, Riley racked his brain, trying to come up with a plan, any plan. He needed to be able to come home and tell Buffy *something*. He couldn't think straight. A baby! She was having a baby! A part of him rejoiced at the thought. But another part of him, a part that he was a bit ashamed of, took it as bad news. If only it had happened at a time when all was right with their marriage, so that Buffy could tell him and he could be so excited and whirl her around in the air.
But it couldn't be like that. Sure, he could go with the happy feelings he felt and be the excited husband and father-to-be, but he had studied enough psychology to know that he would still have these feelings of hurt and doubt inside him. Burying them would only make it worse in the long run.
Somehow, he had to get past that. He just wished he knew what to do.
Buffy rolled out of bed, giving up on restful sleep. She'd continuously had nightmares, mostly revolving around Riley abandoning her and the baby. In some of them, he stayed, but he ignored them. In others... he left her. She wasn't sure which scared her more.
She had another half hour before Riley was due back from church, so she decided to take a quick shower. Anything to end the monotony of lying in bed and worrying about the future. Why couldn't anything be simple for her? Why was there always something standing between her and happiness?
Sighing, she pulled off her nightgown and walked into the bathroom. There was no answer to that question. She'd decided years earlier that that was the way things were and there was no changing that.
Buffy turned the shower on and looked at herself in the mirror as she waited for the water to heat up. Turning to the side, she examined her waistline. According to her calculations, it would be just a couple of months before her belly would grow swollen as the baby grew inside her.
It was all too much. A pregnancy was a lot for most women… but she had to massively repair her relationship with her husband as well. Then again, nothing ever was easy in Buffy's life.
Deciding the water was warm enough, she stepped into the shower and let the spray beat down on her. Showers always relaxed her. She smiled as she remembered showering with Riley... That was always far from relaxing. That was also so long ago. Buffy wondered if they would ever do that again.
Once she was clean from head to toe, Buffy stepped out of the shower and toweled herself off. She walked into the bedroom and began digging around in her closet for her overalls. Once she'd pulled them out, she picked out a white t-shirt and wondered how long she would be able to wear it. Maternity clothing was definitely in her near future.
There was a soft knock at the bedroom door, startling her. She hadn't heard Riley come in.
"Yeah?"
"I'm home and I brought lunch. Want to come eat?"
"Sure, I'll be out in a minute." She replied, quickly getting dressed. Pulling her wet hair up into a plastic clip, she gave herself a once-over and decided she was good enough au natural. She wasn't trying to look like a fashion model… and Riley had once told her that without make-up, she was just as beautiful, if not more.
Taking a deep breath, Buffy opened the bedroom door and saw Riley pouring two glasses of lemonade. He looked up at her and gave her an awkward smile. Buffy could tell that he was just as unsure of what to do as she was. Surprisingly, she took comfort in that. They could find their way through this *together*.
"I picked up McDonald's. I figured it's a change of pace from pizza." Riley told her, holding both glasses and gesturing towards the dining room."
Buffy followed him and found a large bag from the fast food restaurant sitting on the table. "What did you get?"
"Um… I got myself two quarter pounders and one for you, 2 large fries and two apple pies."
"Wow."
Riley shrugged. "I was hungry."
Buffy smiled and sat down, taking the burger he handed her. Trying to get her thoughts in order and think of the best thing to say first, she unwrapped the burger and laid her fries on the wrapper.
Looking up, she saw Riley really was extremely hungry as he began stuffing food in his mouth. Cocking her head to the side, she gave him a look. "Slow down or you'll choke or something. If you don't eat the whole thing in thirty seconds, it won't run away or anything."
They shared a smile; she hadn't been so relaxed around him in a long time. Buffy took a few bites of her burger and looked up at him. "We have a lot of figuring out to do, you know."
Riley nodded, and looked thoughtful for a moment. "Um… how far along do you think you are?"
"Almost three months… I'm pretty sure. My doctor should be able to tell."
Riley nodded; doing the math and realizing it was probably the afternoon that she'd teased him with her new bikini in the jacuzzi... the night that she and Angel had...
"You're sure that it's mine?"
Buffy was aghast that he could even ask that. "Vampires don't make babies, Riley… you *know* that! How can you even ask?! Unless you really think that I slept around with…"
"I didn't say that! God, I don't even know why I *asked* that!"
"I do!" Buffy replied angrily as tears welled in her eyes. "You asked because you don't *want* this to be your baby. You don't want it, and you don't want me!"
"Buffy, stop…" Riley protested as she stood and rushed back into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her.
Shaking his head at his own stupidity, Riley slowly got up after her and walked towards the bedroom door. Gingerly, he raised a hand to gently knock on the door.
"Go away!" Buffy shouted on the other side.
Riley sighed and decided he would have to resort to begging. He *did* owe it to her. "Buffy, please just talk to me."
"There is *no* talking to you! All you do is accuse me of being a horrible person and I don't deserve it, Riley. I made a *mistake* and you made me suffer for months and I *let* you! But not anymore; I am finished."
Riley could tell by her voice that she was crying and it broke his heart. With a deep breath, he turned the knob and opened the door. His eyes widened as he found Buffy with her back to him as she threw clothes into an open suitcase on the bed.
"You're leaving?" he asked, bewildered.
Buffy turned and looked at him, her face wet with tears. "Yes, I'm leaving. I'm going somewhere that I won't have to deal with being unwanted."
"Buffy, I never said…"
"Riley, I can't play these games anymore. You won't sleep with me or talk to me, but you won't divorce me. You want to work things out, but you accuse me of cheating on you every chance you get!" Buffy interrupted angrily. "Well, it was one thing for you to put *me* through that… but *I* have a baby to consider now. The stress this puts on me isn't good for it! I have six months to get my life in order, so I don't have time to wait for you to get your head out of your ass!"
Riley stood silent, not sure of what to say. Buffy went into the bathroom and started grabbing her toiletries, focusing only on packing her stuff. It was all she could do not to break down and curl into a ball so she could cry her heart out.
As Buffy continued tossing items haphazardly inside her suitcase, Riley realized he had to stop her. If he let her walk out that door, at least without a fight, he would most likely lose her forever.
"Buffy, please... don't go." Riley pleaded, walking up behind her and lightly laying his hands on her shoulders.
Buffy noticeably stiffened before replying quietly. "Why should I stay here?"
"I can't really give you a good answer to that." Riley sighed. "I know I have been a jerk, and I've mistreated you... and I've given you no reason to believe that I am going to change now. All I really have going for me is that I love you… and that baby inside you is something we made with our love and the thought of that makes me feel… pretty amazing. I want to change. I want to be the way I was before… I want to make you be the way you were before... I want the life we had before."
Buffy shook her head. "I'm *pregnant*, Riley… we'll never have that again."
"You're right…" Riley replied. "I'm sorry… this is just… it's surreal. Every so often it just hits me… it's like I am just beginning to understand what this means."
Nodding, Buffy turned around to face him. "I know what you mean… sometimes I just stop and put my hand on my stomach and think about the fact that there is a *person* growing inside of me... it's a big deal."
Riley nodded and gave her a small smile. "Very big deal. To create a human being... It sounds normal and fathomable when they teach you about it in sex ed… but now… it's like a miracle… so amazing."
Buffy returned the smile as she wiped away her tears. "Do you really think we can work this out? And promise to really try?"
"I do, Buffy… I do… I was an idiot and I forgot how much I need you... I can't live without you."
Buffy let herself lean against his chest, craving his comfort. Riley moved his arms around her, letting himself love the feel of having her in his arms again. He bent his head down and smelled her still damp hair. He loved the way it smelled.
"Buffy… I have to confess… I want to fix our relationship, but I don't know how."
Buffy nodded. "I don't really know either… but maybe if we talk to each other… *really* talk to each other… and if we spend time together… it could help."
"Well, that's better than anything I came up with… which was nothing.. so I guess it's worth a try." Riley replied with a chuckle.
They stood there for a moment, content to snuggle with one another, until Buffy's stomach began to rumble.
Giggling, Buffy pulled back a bit so that she could look up at him. "How about we go finish that lunch?"
"Sounds good to me… although you're going to have to start eating better than greasy fast food now that you're eating for our baby. I'll make sure to discuss that with your doctor when we go get you checked out." Riley informed her as they walked back to the dining room.
Buffy smiled at him as she sat down in her seat across from him. "You're going with me to the doctor?"
Riley nodded and swallowed his first bite of his second burger. "Unless you don't want me to…"
"I think that would be very nice." She replied, smiling wider and taking a bite of her french fry.
They continued eating in silence, both caught up in their own thoughts and relief. Neither had felt better in months, but now the happiness they had once had with each other was again within their reach. And they had no plans for letting the chance slip by.
Deciding that there was no time like the present to spend time together, the couple settled in front of the TV and just vegged out for a few hours. It was nice to not feel like they were walking on eggshells around one another... Just to enjoy each other's company. After a while, Riley even reached his hand over to hold hers. After a few hours, they both drifted off to sleep.
Riley awoke to find the apartment dark. Looking over, he saw Buffy's sleeping form leaning against him. Remembering all the events that day, he decided they were both worn out. It had been *quite* a day.
Careful not to wake her, Riley stood and picked his wife up, carrying her to the bedroom. Sighing, he saw the forgotten half packed suitcase. He laid Buffy down on one side of the bed, then moved the suitcase to the ground.
Pulling the comforter and sheets down on that side of the bed, Riley gently lifted Buffy again and set her down, covering her up so she wouldn't get cold. Standing back, he looked down at her, so peaceful and content. He wanted to be with her, like he had before. Deciding it wouldn't hurt… and would probably *help* things if he showed her he was committed to making things better by taking a big positive step, he pulled off his shoes and climbed in beside her.
"You nervous?"
Buffy looked over at her husband in his seat next to her in the busy waiting room. When she'd told her doctor that she was probably about three months pregnant and had just discovered it, so she had yet to get any prenatal care, he'd made a point to get her squeezed in for a mid-morning appointment.
"A little." she admitted. "It's kind of silly, I guess… but I am."
"I am too." Riley replied, giving her hand a squeeze. "I don't know exactly what I am nervous *about*, but I am."
When they had walked in twenty minutes earlier, she'd seen that only a few women had a man with them, she felt so happy that Riley had come. Sure, some of the women probably just had husbands at work, so they were alone… but some of them looked so sad and lonely that they didn't have the support of the father of their baby. Buffy knew that she could have very easily been just like them… and if she and Riley didn't work hard to repair their relationship, she could still be like them.
It was so nice finding him in bed with her when she woke up that morning. He was trying, he was really trying! It was the perfect way to wake up, because then she knew that the day before hadn't been just a dream.
Smiling, Buffy had rolled on her side and softly stroked Riley's face. Right away, his eyes opened and he smiled. The two of them had laughed and just enjoyed being together until Riley has insisted Buffy call the doctor. He'd even sat and watched her do it, looking so eager and adorable... Like a kid on Christmas.
The whole morning, he'd been antsy to get to the doctor, almost dragging Buffy out the door half-dressed and an hour before her appointment. Somehow, she'd managed to ignore him bouncing on the balls of his feet as he watched her get ready, occasionally verbally trying to prompt her to hurry.
At long last, they had gotten there and Riley had anxiously peered over her shoulder as she filled out the paperwork. Once that was done, the couple had settled down in the seats, waiting for Buffy's name to be called.
She wondered how Riley would react to her exam. He was the type to get very nervous and embarrassed in a situation like that. However, she had *no* desire to try and talk him out of joining her.
"Buffy Summers-Finn?"
Riley rolled his eyes as he always did when he heard Buffy's hyphenated last name. She'd hated 'Buffy Finn' and he had insisted that his wife should have his name… so she'd done *that*.
He and Buffy quickly stood up and followed the nurse through the doorway. After Buffy was weighed, her blood pressure checked and her temperature taken, she was given a gown and led to a room.
Riley settled down in a seat beside the examination table in a chair and waited for the doctor as Buffy got changed. Instead, a nurse arrived and drew three vials of blood from Buffy, explaining that it was for a pregnancy test, just to be sure there wasn't an error with the home test.
A few minutes later, the doctor arrived. Now, Riley had never spent a lot of time imagining what it would be like to sit in a room while another man examined Buffy's nether regions and felt her breasts for lumps, but he would have guessed that he'd be a lot more jealous and a lot less embarrassed than he was. The whole time, he stared at the floor, until the doctor announced that it was time for the ultrasound.
Riley hopped to his feet and stood at Buffy's side as the doctor applied a special lotion to her abdomen and moved a device over her skin. A few moments later, the doctor pointed out their baby to them.
The couple stared at the screen in amazement. They could see their baby, hear it's tiny heart beating... It made it all so much more real. There was a baby growing inside Buffy. It was tiny, and it was *theirs*.
The doctor confirmed that Buffy was three months along, and gave her a due date in the beginning of May. Not even six months away… and they would be parents.
All too soon, the doctor was turning off the ultrasound, telling Buffy about the prenatal vitamins he was going to prescribe and telling her what nutrients she would need, as well as informing her of the dangers of drugs and alcohol while pregnant.
Once his spiel was over, he told Buffy to get dressed while he reviewed her test results. As soon as he left the room, Riley rushed over to Buffy and pulled her into his arms, filled with joy.
Before either of them thought about it, their lips met as they kissed passionately and full of love. Reluctantly, they broke apart so that Buffy would be dressed when the doctor returned. As soon as she had all her clothes on, the both of them sat on the edge of the examination table and held hands.
After a few moments, the doctor returned and informed them that both mother and child were well. He gave Buffy her prescription as well as strict orders for taking her vitamins. Buffy made an appointment for the next month and the couple headed out of the hospital.
As soon as they were in the parking lot, Riley let out a little cheer, causing Buffy to laugh.
"Buffy, we're going to be parents!"
"I know… it's amazing.." Buffy sighed.
"Our baby is inside you… growing and depending on you for everything… oh!"
"What?" Buffy asked, wondering what Riley had realized.
"Well, I agreed with you earlier when you said we should wait until our relationship is a lot stronger before announcing your pregnancy… but you need to tell Professor Walsh soon… like, tonight."
Buffy's shoulder's sagged. There was no telling what Walsh might say. "Oh... Yeah."
At that moment, Riley was *really* glad he wasn't Buffy.
"You're pregnant?"
"Yeah… you know.. expecting a baby." Buffy replied as she sat anxiously in a chair in front of Professor Walsh's desk.
"Yes, I know.. it just caught me off guard." Maggie Walsh replied. When Buffy had told her she needed to tell her something, Maggie had no idea that she was going to say this. She knew that Buffy and Riley had been having problems for a while; she never said anything, but it was rather obvious the way they looked at each other.
So… this news came as quite a surprise.
"Well, Riley and I just thought I should tell you… we're not really announcing it yet… but since I'll have to take maternity leave and I won't be able to do as much physical stuff as before… you needed to be told quickly."
"Yes.. yes, that's right. You know, I usually don't even deal with this sort of... issue. For some reason, none of my soldiers ever get pregnant."
Buffy smiled; Walsh making a funny was a momentous occasion, and not something one should let pass without acknowledgement. "I would like to work up the last moment, though… so that I can be with the baby more."
Maggie nodded. "That's understandable, and I am sure we can work that out. Actually, there are a lot of things to go through... You'll be coming back after having the baby?"
"Of course." Buffy nodded.
"You and Riley already discussed it?"
"Well… no."
"Well, then, that is something you two need to talk about. But there really isn't any rush. I'm sure there are a lot of other things that you two have on your mind as well, with a baby on the way."
"Yeah, we need a bigger apartment, baby furniture, names… lot of decisions to be made."
"Exactly." Walsh nodded in agreement. "We'll make a point to figure out everything for your maternity leave soon and I will file the paperwork before I leave tonight."
"Thanks.. I really appreciate it."
"How far along are you?" Walsh asked, beginning to take down the information so she wouldn't forget.
"Three months." Buffy replied, smiling sheepishly. She felt like a total idiot for not taking a test earlier... with 20/20 hindsight, Buffy realized that she had known she was pregnant for quite a while.
"Wow… you're well into it. Everything is okay, right? Because with what you've been doing throughout your pregnancy so far…"
Buffy nodded. "The doctor gave me a clean bill of health."
"Good… well, I don't want you helping the boys with their training anymore, and until you work out a regimen with one of the doctors who have a clue about pregnancy health, I don't want you working out either. And, of course, absolutely no going on missions."
Buffy nodded obediently, knowing when to pick and choose her battles. Even if she managed to talk Walsh into letting her be the slayer; she would have to get through Riley. Besides, she wasn't going to do *anything* to put her baby at risk.
"Buffy?"
Buffy looked up at her husband from across the table as she took a bite of her pasta. "Hmm?"
"I believe you." Riley told her earnestly.
"What?"
"About Angel... I believe that you thought he was me… that the sedatives messed you up."
"Oh…" Buffy replied as she set her fork down on the plate, unsure of what else to say.
"I always did… to some degree. I mean, at first, I was just… so hurt and angry... and shocked. Then, the next morning… I thought it was possible, but I was still hurt and angry… so I wrote it off as just me *wanting* to believe it so much, and it wasn't true… so that I could be angry with you." Riley confessed. "So I made you suffer… because I could focus on that instead of feeling my pain. And, Buffy, I am so sorry for that… for what I did to you. At first.. it was hard to do… to see the look on your face when I said something to crush you. But as time went on, it got easier. I learned to ignore it… and it was almost like you did too. I mean, you still felt pain, but it wasn't as shocking for you when you'd heard it before so many times. For so long, I managed to pull it off… just to punish you instead of feeling what I needed to feel... until the other night. I felt horrible, and not just what I said that time... For the past three months."
Buffy reached across the table and squeezed his hand. "It's okay."
"No… no, it's not okay. You're my wife, and I love you so much. You should never have had to hear anything like that from *anyone*, nonetheless *me*."
Tears welled in Buffy's eyes and she smiled. "Riley, don't do this to me when my hormones are out of whack!"
Riley chuckled. "Sorry… but I am… sorry… about both things."
Buffy nodded. "I understand. I mean, yeah, it hurt… but I know *why* you did it and I forgive you. It also helps that you are opening up to me… that you feel so comfortable to tell me."
"Well, we *did* agree that being open and talking about our feelings was the way to go… and this baby has really changed my perspective. It's made my... insecurity about... sharing.... seem so unimportant."
Buffy felt her heart swell; things really looked like they just might work out. "I love you."
"Mmm…"
"That feel good?" Riley asked his wife.
"Fabulous.." Buffy moaned.
Riley smiled as he continued rubbing his wife's feet as she lay on the couch. They had just finished cleaning up the dishes from their first Thanksgiving alone. The year before they had gone to Buffy's mother's house, but Joyce had opted to spend the holiday in Colorado to go skiing with the man she was dating.
So the couple had spent the day enjoying one another's company. Together, they had made the meal before sitting down and eating it by candlelight. Then, as a team, they had cleaned up.
Buffy closed her eyes and let herself relax as Riley expertly massaged her feet. It was quickly becoming routine for him to treat her to such indulges every night. Even though she hadn't reached the stage of pregnancy where her entire body ached... Riley liked to do it… and who was she to deny him?
"So when do you think we should tell everyone that you're pregnant?" Riley asked her.
Opening her eyes, Buffy smiled at him. "I thought it would be pretty cool to tell our parents on Christmas."
Riley nodded and returned the smile. "Yeah… I'm sure that would be the ultimate gift for me to tell my mom when I call… and your mom will be pretty thrilled. We could tell her when we have Christmas Eve dinner with her."
"That'll work… and maybe we can have Giles over for dinner sometimes soon… and I'll tell Xander whenever… oh, and Walsh said she can just announce it to everyone at work at a staff meeting." Buffy nodded. They had already told Willow about the baby the day Buffy had gone to the doctor, since she had known that Buffy thought she might be pregnant. Since Graham had always been there for Buffy, the couple thought they should let him know as well. And Buffy was so overwhelmed by Forrest's heartfelt apology about the way he'd treated her, that she had talked Riley into tell him as well.
So… secrets weren't her forte; was that such a sin.
"Well, then that's set." Riley replied, resettling himself so that her calves sat on his thighs. Leaning over, he dipped his head down to kiss her tenderly. "I can't wait to announce to the world that we're having a baby."
"I know… I already have been looking at maternity clothes and I won't even need them for a while."
"Yeah? See anything you like?"
Buffy made a face. "No… I don't know *what* I am going to wear!"
Riley laughed. "Well, maybe we could buy a few baby things. You know… unisex. I just think it could be fun."
"That would be fun. I like that idea." Buffy agreed. "And just think… in about a month we can find out if we're having a boy or a girl."
Riley nodded. "Yeah… and then we can buy the clothes and pick a nursery set. I need to figure out a budget for baby shopping. Plus, we need to look for a new apartment."
"And we need names…" Buffy reminded him.
Riley sighed; naming the baby would be... interesting. He liked traditional and Buffy liked weird. Okay, she said they weren't boring and old fashioned, but he still thought they were weird.
"We have a *lot* of work to do." He said aloud, more to himself than to her.
Buffy smiled. "But it will be interesting."