"One Moment"
Author:
Pamela
Contact: destructo-girl@cox.net
Notes: Thanks to Chelle and Mary Ann for being such great helps with
this story.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, Buffy, really." Riley assured her as he gave her hand a squeeze.
They were sitting next to each other on the living room couch, waiting for Angel to arrive. As one of the conditions of her coming home, Riley had agreed to let Angel be a part of the baby's life, just in case he was the father. That meant that Angel got to come over and sit with Buffy, look at sonogram pictures, and touch her belly while the baby kicked. Riley didn't *like* it, but he was determined to deal with it.
Buffy brushed her hand over his cheek. "Just remember I love you, okay?"
"You're making me very self conscious," Riley chuckled.
"I'm sorry, Sweetie, it's just that I think if one of your ex's came over and did this… I would go nuts."
"Well, I have self control. It's a prerequisite for marrying Buffy Summers-Finn."
Buffy laughed before leaning over and giving him a kiss. "You really are wonderful."
The doorbell rang, bringing the both of them back to reality. The night that lay ahead was sure to be full of surprises.
"So...." Angel started, then stopped since he couldn't think of what to say.
"Yeah…" Buffy replied, feeling the same way.
"You know what? I could just go and watch TV or read a paper…" Riley told them, moving to get up from the kitchen table where they sat.
"No, please… stay." Buffy pleaded. "I want you here and so does Angel. Don't you Angel?"
Angel nodded, disguising the fact that he really would have loved to not be sitting with Riley well. "I agree with Buffy that it's best if the three of us work together in this as opposed to Buffy and you and Buffy and I."
"Okay..." Riley replied. "Was there something that the three of us needed to discuss?"
Angel smiled politely. "Well, I was wondering how the baby's doing this week… anything exciting?"
"Nothing new, really. Although I am getting to the point where I am really looking forward to giving birth so that I have my body back," Buffy grinned.
"One more month." Riley reminded her. "You can do it for one more month, can't you?"
Buffy rolled her eyes and sighed. "You wouldn't understand."
"Buffy's not big on patience, you know that." Angel teased, surprised to get a smile out of Riley. They actually might be able to work as a team after all.
Creepy.
"I cannot believe you, Riley and Angel actually had a civilized conversation!" Willow exclaimed as she pushed a grocery cart behind Buffy.
"Me either, but I was *very* proud of the both of them." Buffy replied, tossing bags of potato chips in the cart. Riley would probably scold her because they weren't at all nutritious, but she *craved* things, damn it!
"Sounds kind of weird to me." Willow commented, wrinkling her nose. "Your ex-boyfriend and your husband… bonding…"
Buffy shrugged. "I never was one for normal."
"How *is*, Riley, anyway?"
"He's great, Will… just like before!"
"Before?" Willow prompted.
"Before the whole Angel thing. You know, the perfect husband?"
"Ahh, I see. No more neglectful Riley?"
"Not at all. I told you about what he did to the nursery- which you *must* come and see later- and he's been coming to childbirth classes and doctor's appointments… he rubs my feet, when he doesn't have to work he brings me a cup of milk when I go to bed. He even reads stories to the baby!"
Willow smiled at her friend's enthusiasm. She really hoped this was for good this time. Buffy deserved it.
"Have you made a birth plan yet?" Angel asked Buffy.
She gave him a strange look. "Well… I *plan* on having the baby. Is that enough of a plan?"
Riley chuckled as he put a frozen pizza in the oven. "That's not what he means, Buffy. A birth plan is where you decide on the conditions of the birth. For instance, you might want low lighting or music... what kinds of drugs you want… that sort of thing."
"I find it rather disturbing that the two of us know about this, but not you, Buffy." Angel remarked.
"I'm sorry, I'm too busy buying maternity clothes, seeing doctors and preparing to have the baby to read all that stuff like you two." Buffy replied.
"Are you still taking your vitamins?"
"Riley, something horrible has happened!" Buffy gasped.
Both Riley and Angel looked over at her in fear, thinking something was wrong with the baby.
"Buffy what is it?" Riley asked his wife.
"My father has somehow taken over Angel's body!"
Riley rolled his eyes. "I told you, when you're eight and a half months pregnant, you cannot scare me like that. Everything must be calm, Buffy."
"It wasn't funny either." Angel added.
Buffy sighed; if the two of them didn't *have* to hate each other because of her, they really could have been great friends.
They made small talk for a while, discussing Buffy's aching back and swollen ankles, as well as other things that would affect the baby once he was born. They didn't touch on the subject of paternity. They never did. It was definitely taboo.
Once the pizza was done cooking and Riley had given it a chance to cool, he sliced a piece and set it on a plate, then handed it to Buffy.
"Is that what you're having for dinner?" Angel asked her, then looked at Riley. "You're giving her *pizza* for dinner? You know she's supposed to have all sorts of nutrients that she can't get from pizza!"
"Well, actually.." Buffy tried to interrupt. The pizza was just a snack. Riley had forced her to eat a vitamin-filled, totally boring meal a few hours earlier, but the both of them had gotten hungry again.
"Excuse me, I don't need *you* telling *me* what to feed *my* wife. You're not her father, like she said, you know," Riley replied, annoyed.
"Yeah, I know, but I am the baby's father and if you aren't giving Buffy good things to eat, you are depriving him as well." Angel answered, standing up so that he could face Riley.
"First of all, we don't *know* you are his father! And second, Buffy is a grown *woman*! Yes, I like to make things for her on occasion, but that doesn't mean she doesn't have a mind of her own! She can decide what to eat!"
"Would you two knock it off?" Buffy sighed. "You were both getting so much better!"
"Buffy lets you do all sorts of things to her that aren't good for her and the baby! What can I say? She loves you and there is no accounting for taste.." Angel retorted before being interrupted by Riley lunging at him and grabbing him by the lapels of his jacket.
As the two men struggled for control, Buffy stood up, not sure what she would do. It probably wasn't a good idea to try to physically break them up, but she had half a mind to throw something at them. Or maybe call Giles. But the former sure sounded a lot more fun.
All of a sudden, a sharp pain in her abdomen caused Buffy to hunch over. "Oh God."
Riley noticed her outburst and turned his head away from Angel for a moment. "Honey?"
Angel then noticed that Buffy was clutching her stomach with a strange look on her face. "Are you all right Buffy?"
Buffy shook her head before looking up at the both of them. "I think I'm in labor."
"What?!" Both Riley and Angel screeched, releasing their grips on each other.
"I think I'm having a contraction. I think the baby's coming." Buffy told them.
"But you aren't due for two weeks!" Angel replied.
"Well, she's obviously having the baby sooner than that! It's probably because you upset her with your high and mighty 'I know what's best' routine!" Riley retorted.
"Oh, how can you blame me for this?! It's probably because of all the shit you have put her through!"
"Both of you, come here!" Buffy ordered, then grabbed them both by the ear when they were within reach. "I will not put up with this arguing! I'm having a baby and I don't need two *little*boys* to take care of at the same time! Now either the both of you agree to be civil or get the Hell out of my way because I have a baby to deliver!"
They both promised to be good, so Buffy released them and tried to get her head together as they pouted and rubbed their sore ears.
"Okay… Riley, go into our room and get my suitcase. Angel, go bring your car around to the stairs." Buffy ordered, hoping if she gave the both of them something to do, they would behave.
Riley opened his mouth to protest against letting Angel be the one to drive, but one look at Buffy and he thought better of it. Besides, this way *he* would get to sit next to her in the backseat and support her while Angel had to drive.
As the two men eagerly went off to perform their duties, Buffy put a hand on the kitchen counter to steady herself as she took deep, calming breaths. It was happening, it was really happening! She was having her baby... in as soon as twenty-four hours she might be holding him!
"Are you sure you don't want me to come down there?"
"No… I think I have my hands full with Angel and Riley. I don't need another tense person around. Besides, it's late... and I could still be in labor tomorrow." Buffy answered.
"Well, if you're sure." Willow replied. "Just promise to call me as soon as he's born? I don't care what time it is!"
"You got it." Buffy smiled. "I'll talk to you later."
"Good luck. I love you!"
"Love you too, Will." Buffy said before hanging up the phone.
"What should I do now?" Riley asked, pacing in front of her as he wrung his hands.
"Stop doing that." Buffy replied. "It's making me nauseous."
"Do you want ice chips?" Angel asked.
Buffy nodded, realizing that for the time being, they couldn't just sit and talk to her. Maybe she should have waited until the baby was close to arriving before bringing them to the hospital. Of course, unless she could keep them both in the dark that she *was* in labor, they would be driving her just as crazy at home. At least now she didn't have to worry about Angel not being able to be there because of the sun.
"Riley, come here." Buffy called as Angel left the room.
Riley complied, sitting down in the chair next to the hospital bed where Buffy rested on her side. Taking her hand, he kissed the back of it before giving her a concerned look. "What did you need?"
"I just wanted to talk to you." She replied. "How are you doing?"
Riley chuckled. "I'm fine… how can *you* be asking *me* that right now?"
"Because Angel is here and I know that's hard for you. I know that you really want it just to be the two of us, and I'm sorry that I can't give you that. It's not fair to him."
"I'm okay, baby." Riley assured her, kissing her hand again. "You don't need to worry about me or Angel… just focus on having this baby, okay?"
Buffy nodded and smiled. "I love you."
"God, it hurts so much!" Buffy cried as yet another contraction came to an end.
It was nine o'clock in the morning, over twelve hours since she had felt her first contraction. The blinds in her hospital room had been closed tightly, and Angel had informed the doctors and nurses that he had some disease that made him hypersensitive to the sun. He'd told Buffy that he had used it as an excuse for quite a few years, and it appeared to have worked.
"You're doing great, Buffy. The nurse said the doctor will be in here any minute and then you can start pushing, okay?"
Buffy nodded as she whimpered. They had given her an epidural, but it didn't seem to be working. She'd dozed off and on through the night between contractions, but she was exhausted. Just wanting to have the baby so she could rest, Buffy groaned.
"How about if I go get you some ice chips?" Riley offered.
"Okay," Buffy replied, "but hurry back."
"I will; I don't want to miss a thing." Riley assured her before leaving her alone with Angel. He didn't really like the idea of another man being there to hold his wife's hand and comfort her through the contractions while he was gone, but Buffy's needs were far more important right then.
As she was hit with another contraction, Buffy gripped the handles on the side of the bed tightly. Angel moved to her side and took her hand, whispering words of encouragement as she tried to endure the pain.
"You're amazing, you know that? I'm so proud of you, Buffy."
As the contraction ended, Buffy looked over at him with tears in her eyes. "Angel, I'm so scared!"
"Don't be… I'm here for you, Riley's here for you… and everything is just fine."
"Not that… I'm scared about what's going to happen in a week… two weeks… a month…" Buffy explained. "I'm scared that the paternity test is going to come back saying you are the father. I know that Riley says he will deal, and I believe that he believes that… but what if he can't?"
Riley stood outside the door. He'd been about to go in when he had heard Buffy's admission of fear. He didn't know why... but he didn't want to interrupt.
"Buffy don't worry about it! I'm here for you! You know that I am fully prepared to be a father to my son… to be whatever you need for you. And I have money to support the both of you."
Riley suppressed the urge to barge in and toss Angel out. It took a lot of self control, but he really needed to hear Buffy's reply. It would be telling.
"I'm sorry, Angel, but that's not what I want. I *know* that you can be all that for my son, and I appreciate that more than you'll ever know. But I love Riley. I *love* him! I *want* him!"
His heart soaring, Riley breathed a sigh of relief. She had said *exactly* what he had wanted to hear, and she hadn't even known he was listening. Walking back into the room, he set the ice chips down and gave Buffy a firm kiss on her forehead. He had a wife that needed reassuring he was there forever.
"Come on Buffy, just one more!" Riley urged as Buffy tried to work up the strength for another push.
"I can't! I can't do it anymore!" She cried out. It was almost noon and Buffy had had been pushing for two and a half hours. Slayer or not, she was worn out.
"Yes you can, I know you can!" Angel argued, ducking when Buffy attempted to punch him. Both he and Riley had gotten used to her trying to cause them bodily harm, along with verbal abuse. It was strange, both of them had come close to almost wishing the *other* man was the father of the baby… so that *he* would be at fault.
"Let's go!" The doctor ordered.
Buffy bore down as everyone in the room counted to ten. She just kept reminding herself that one more push was one less push before she would see her son. At last, he was coming. That always gave her the extra bit of strength she needed to keep pushing.
"Here he is!" The doctor announced. "His head's out… come on, just push a little bit more."
Buffy did as he said, squeezing Riley and Angel's hands tightly as she gritted her teeth and continued to push.
A moment later, they heard a cry ring out. Buffy tried to catch her breath as the doctor lifted her newborn son in the air, smiling as the infant cried and wiggled. He was okay! They cleaned him up a bit before wrapping him in a little blanket and set him on her chest.
As Buffy held her son for the first time, she cried. He was so tiny and beautiful. Checking right away, she counted ten fingers and ten toes. All too soon, they were taking him away and Angel and Riley were pacing around the room, trying to come down from the high they both felt. They were so wired after spending nearly fifteen hours worrying about Buffy and the baby. But now he was here and both mother and child were fine.
Buffy slowly came awake and gazed around the room, trying to remember where she was. It didn't look at all like her bedroom. She saw Riley dozing in a chair on her right, then moved her head to the left and saw Angel sitting in a chair, gazing out the window.
Seeing him made it all come back to her. She was in the hospital. She'd had her baby.
"Angel?" she called quietly, finding that her throat was dry.
Angel turned his head sharply towards her before getting up and walking to the bed and smiling down at her. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm okay, I guess… where's the baby?" she asked.
"He's in the nursery." Angel told her. "They asked if you wanted him in here, but you were already sleeping so Riley asked if they could keep him there while you slept so that you could get some rest for a while. They're bringing him back when it's time for him to eat."
"Okay, good." Buffy smiled. "I want him in here with me."
Angel nodded. "I'll make sure they know that. They also… they did the test."
"Oh… does Riley know?"
"Yeah, he actually had them take a sample from him as well, just in case the test didn't work the last time because my DNA is… abnormal."
"Really?" Buffy asked, looking over at Riley. She *knew* he was really trying this time. Now everyone else would have to agree.
"He did… I was surprised… but impressed." Angel admitted.
Thinking about people that doubted Riley made Buffy think of Willow. "Oh God! I was supposed to call Will as soon as I had the baby! I was so out of it that I totally forgot."
"It's okay, Buffy, I called her. She's coming by at about seven tonight, along with Xander and Giles. Both Riley and I made several phone calls after you fell asleep. He even called your mother."
Buffy averted her eyes from him. "He shouldn't have done that."
"He wants you to be happy. He believes that if you aren't speaking to your mother, you won't be truly happy." Angel explained. "I have to confess; I don't think he's wrong."
"She hates me!" Buffy looked up at him, her eyes welling with tears. "She heard about what *really* happened and that Riley may not be my son's father and she was disgusted with me!"
"She doesn't hate you, Buffy. Your mother has never really… accepted… you ever loving me. She's always wanted the best for you… and I never was that. I wish things had gone better when you told her, but…" Angel trailed off. "But as I said, she doesn't hate you… she told Riley she would be coming here tonight too."
"Oh God… and you're here! This is going to be a nightmare!"
"I… I could go if you wanted. I don't want to make things worse."
"No." Buffy shook her head. "I'm not pushing you out of the baby's life. If that paternity test comes back and says you are his father, you are here to stay… she'll have to deal with it."
"I don't want you to have a bad relationship with your mom."
"I want my son to have a *good* relationship with his father more." Buffy replied, giving him a smile.
"So… it's been a long day, hasn't it?" Angel asked Riley as they sat tensely next to each other on some plastic chairs outside Buffy's hospital room, giving her some privacy as a nurse showed her the ropes of breast-feeding.
"Yeah…" Riley replied.
They spent several moments sitting in silence, neither knowing what to say each other. It was enough of a feat that they could be in such close proximity without resorting to physical violence.
"Um… what about the baby's name?" Angel asked. "I know Buffy said that she was waiting until she could look at the baby's face before she named him, so has she said anything to you?"
Riley shook his head. "I left the final decision up to her. We made a list of names that I was cool with and she promised to choose one of them."
"That's a good idea." Angel nodded. It was something he had worried about. He didn't really have any names selected, but he didn't like the idea that Riley got to name his son instead of him.
The nurse who had been helping Buffy emerged from her room. "Gentlemen, Mrs. Finn asked me to tell you that it's fine to come back in."
Standing up, they quickly filed into Buffy's hospital room to find her sitting up in bed, cradling the sleeping baby. Looking up at them, she grinned.
"He's absolutely perfect in every way!"
Riley couldn't help but get caught up in her excitement. Kissing her on the cheek, he looked down at the baby. "Just like his mom."
Angel wanted more than anything to hold the child that he was positive was his own, but he knew by the way Buffy was looking at both he and Riley that she was fighting an inner battle to find a way to choose which man could hold him first. Deciding to sacrifice something he wanted to make her life a little bit easier, Angel moved towards the door. "I need to make a few phone calls and I forgot my cell phone at your place in all the rush last night, so I am going to go find a pay phone."
Not realizing what he was up to, Buffy protested. "You can use the phone in here."
"That's okay!" Angel replied, giving her a wink.
Buffy gave him an appreciative smile before he left the three of them alone. Looking up at her husband, Buffy grinned. "Want to hold him?"
"Of course!" Riley replied, carefully taking the newborn from her. He'd held his niece when she had first been born, but this was different, somehow. This was his own child.
Buffy finally persuaded him to put the baby in his crib so that they could talk. After gently setting the baby down and watching to make sure he was okay, Riley pulled his chair up to the bed and kissed Buffy on the lips. "I love you so much."
"I love you too… and I'm sorry I called you all those names. I didn't mean it."
Riley laughed. "I forgive you. My mother, on the other hand, already has a grudge against the baby."
Buffy bit her bottom lip and smiled. "Oops… she wanted to be here when he was born."
"Yeah, but I think one look at that face and she'll forget all about it. She's supposed to call later tonight with her flight information."
"She's changing her flight?"
"Of course! She can't wait two weeks to see him… she's trying to come in tomorrow."
Buffy laughed, it would be fun to see her mother-in-law get all excited about the baby.
"Cordelia says congratulations." Angel said as he walked in the door. "She's sending a gift."
"That's sweet of her." Buffy replied, just as the baby started crying. Leaning over, she pulled him out of the crib and held him against her chest, trying to calm him.
Once he settled down, she moved him into a cradled position and gently rocked him. "Oh yeah, since I have the both of you here, I have something to tell you."
"What?" Riley asked.
"I picked the baby's name!" Buffy announced happily.
"What is it?" Angel asked, smiling at her.
"Joshua Giles Finn."
"Sounds perfect to me." Riley replied, kissing her forehead. "Giles will love it."
"He's definitely a Joshua." Angel nodded.
Buffy beamed down at her son. "Welcome to the world, Joshua."
Per Buffy's insistence that he eat, Riley left the room to get some dinner in the cafeteria. Once they were alone, Buffy handed the baby to Angel and smiled as she watched him look so amazed at the tiny person in his arms.
"He's nothing short of a miracle, Buffy, you know that? A miracle!"
Buffy nodded. "He really is…"
They were interrupted by Riley returning to the room. "Guess who's here?"
Buffy and Angel both looked up in time to see Joyce Summers following her son-in-law into the room. Seeing Angel holding her grandson, Joyce's eyes widened.
"Well, this is not at all what I expected!" She stated, looking at her daughter with dismay.
Angel quickly handed Joshua back to Buffy
before looking back up. His eyes met Riley's and the younger man knew that Angel
really didn't want to make things worse.
Joyce moved next to the bed so that she could speak more privately with her daughter. "Buffy, how do you expect to make things work with your husband when you let Angel be here and hold the baby and all this?!"
Before Buffy could answer, Riley stepped between them, gingerly taking Joshua from his wife and positioning him so her mother could see the baby. "Joyce, don't you want to meet your grandson?"
Seeing that Riley didn't appear upset about Angel, Joyce sighed and took a closer look at the baby before her grandmotherly instincts took over and she melted into a smile. "Oh, he is so adorable! What's his name?"
"Joshua." Buffy answered her before looking over and Angel and giving him an apologetic smile.
He shrugged and returned the smile, just relieved to see that things were okay with Joyce after all.
"I think he has *my* nose."
"Xander, why would he have *your* nose?" Willow asked as she cuddled the sleeping bundle of baby in her arms.
"Buffy, should *I* tell them, or do you want to?" Xander asked, waggling his eyebrows at the slayer.
"Bad joke, Xander." Angel replied, giving him a dirty look from his position leaning against the wall.
"Buffy, I cannot tell you what an honor it is that you made Giles his middle name. Especially since I will never have any other sort of namesake."
"You deserve it." Buffy smiled, squeezing her watcher's hand.
Willow, Xander and Giles had arrived fifteen minutes earlier and Joshua had not left Willow's arms ever since. She and Xander stood at the foot of Buffy's bed, fawning over him as Giles sat in the chair beside Buffy's bed, Angel held the wall up, and Riley talked to his mother on the phone.
"So when are you ditching this joint, Buff?" Xander asked, moving to sit on the side of the bed.
"The doctors say I should be out of here by noon tomorrow. I can't wait to get in my own bed." Buffy sighed.
Willow looked up at her and gave her a grin. "You're a new mother, you think you're going to get any sleep whatsoever?"
"Thanks a lot for reminding me, Will." Buffy pouted.
Riley hung up the phone. "Don't worry, my mom will be flying in at seven tomorrow night. With her here, all you have to worry about is feeding the baby."
"Goodie." Buffy grinned. She felt absolutely giddy. Her baby was here and he was perfectly happy. Riley seemed to be dealing extremely well with the whole Angel thing. And her mother seemed to have forgiven her. What could go wrong?
Riley took a deep breath before opening the driver's side door and walking around the Taurus to where his wife and son waited in a wheelchair with a nurse attending them. He was bringing them home from the hospital, thus officially starting their life as a family.
"Can I get out of this now?" Buffy asked, giving him a small smile.
"Chomping at the bit already?" Riley teased as he carefully lifted Joshua out of her arms and set him in the baby seat that he had strapped into the backseat. When he turned back around, Buffy was pulling herself out of the chair. "Buffy, let me help you! You just gave birth yesterday!"
Buffy rolled her eyes as Riley held onto her elbow as she got out of the chair. "I'm fine, Riley."
"Humor me, will ya?" He replied, opening the passenger side door and doing his best to help her in. When he insisted on putting her seat belt on for her, Buffy sighed loudly, but Riley ignored it.
Once
he was back in the driver's seat, Riley turned the key in the ignition and tried
to calm himself. Buffy noticed how nervous he was and looked at him strangely.
"Riley, you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm just… precious cargo… you know?"
Buffy smiled and squeezed his hand. "I love you."
"I love you too," he replied, lifting her hand to his mouth so that he could kiss it.
"Let's take our son home… we can show him the room his daddy set up for him."
With excitement in his heart, Riley started the car and carefully pulled out of the drop off/pick up area and headed out into the street. He'd never been so cautious when driving in his entire life, but he hadn't been kidding. Their baby was in the car… and the thought of them getting in an accident horrified him.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am positive… if you don't feel up to it, I don't want you going to the airport with me. Besides, you are supposed to be resting. Let me call Willow… or your mother. I think it would be really good if your mother came over." Riley told his wife as he moved around the living room, straightening it up. They'd been back from the hospital for only six hours and already there were diapers, clothes, and baby toys all over the place. Granted, they had been less from necessity and more from when Riley had panicked upon hearing that Joshua was crying and it *wasn't* because he was hungry.
"I don't want my mother to come over." Buffy replied, yawning. She was so tired… childbirth really took it out of her.
"Why not? You're not mad at her are you?"
"No… I don't think so. I just don't want to hear about how disappointed she is about the whole Angel thing. I can't deal with that today."
Riley nodded. "I can understand that. I'll call Willow then."
When he reached for the phone that sat on the end table next to where she was sitting on the couch, she covered his hand with her own and shook her head. "You really don't need to. I'll be fine on my own. *Better* on my own, actually."
"Buffy, you are supposed to be resting. It won't kill you if your friend comes over to help you out."
"I know that, but really, Riley, what is she going to do for me? You're bringing home dinner, so I don't have to worry about that… all I have to do is take care of Josh and Willow can't feed him for me. If she's here, she is going to hover, and I don't need anyone hovering."
Riley sighed dramatically as he bent down and kissed her. "You are such a brat."
"That's how you love me," Buffy laughed.
"You know it Baby... if you need anything at all, you call me."
Buffy nodded. "You got it. Love you."
"Love you too," Riley replied, giving her another kiss before heading out the door to go pick up his parents from the airport.
Buffy lifted her legs so that she could try and nap on the couch. Joshua had been sleeping for about an hour and Buffy was hoping he might stay that way. She really didn't know about his sleep pattern yet, but she had heard that newborns sometimes slept three hours at a time.
Closing her eyes, Buffy smiled as she thought of how wonderful her life was. Her son was here, he had ten toes and ten fingers and he was absolutely perfect. Riley was blissful, and her in-laws would be there shortly. With thoughts of all the things she had to look forward to, she started to drift off...
Before a harsh cry rang out in the nursery.
With a sigh, Buffy groggily sat up and pushed herself off the couch. Maybe bottle feeding wasn't such a bad idea… at least then Riley and his mother and father could occasionally feed the baby. However, when she opened the nursery door and peered down at her tiny son, she knew that she'd made the right decision. Breastmilk was best and Joshua deserved nothing less.
"You're going to meet Grandma and Grandpa tonight. I know you met one Grandma yesterday, but you will get to meet the other one now. She's Daddy's mommy. And she loves you very much. Everyone does, Joshua, because you're just so wonderful!" Buffy cooed as she gently rocked her son in her arms.
Joshua's little mouth opened wider as he yawned. Buffy couldn't help but smile; she found everything he did absolutely adorable. Figuring he was very close to falling asleep, she got up out of the rocking chair to put him in his crib, but was interrupted by the sound of someone knocking loudly on the door.
Buffy hurried to the door so that she could answer it before the person knocked louder and fully woke Joshua up. Opening the door while holding the baby wasn't easy, but she managed it... and was surprised to find Angel on the other side of the threshold.
"Angel… hi." She greeted, giving him a smile.
Angel visibly brightened upon seeing Joshua in her arms. "Hi Buffy… is it okay for me to be here? It's just.. well, the sun went down and I wanted to see him."
"Sure… he's a little sleepy, but if you haven't noticed, he doesn't let people holding him wake him up. Which is a good thing, because Riley's mother will not put him down for a second, I am positive." Buffy replied, allowing Angel into the apartment before setting Joshua in his arms. "Oh no!"
Angel stopped gazing down at his son lovingly to give Buffy a startled look. "What is it?"
"Riley's parents! They're gonna be here for, like, over a week. They don't know about how Riley might not be Joshua's father, for obvious reasons. How am I going to explain you?"
"We'll work something out." Angel assured her.
Buffy nodded in agreement before leading him into the living room. "Did you want anything to drink or something? I mean, I know you don't *need* to drink… but you enjoy it every so often, right?"
"Yeah, I do," Angel smiled. "I mean, I do enjoy it every so often… but I don't need anything right now. Mostly I wanted to see him… and you. How are you doing?"
"I'm tired… a little sore… but in perfect health for someone who gave birth yesterday."
"Good… I'm glad. And with your mother-in-law here, you should be able to get a lot of rest, right?"
Buffy nodded her head resolutely. "Plenty… probably more than I want."
"Well, let her help you Buffy. You have *got* to learn to let people give you a hand sometimes. It won't kill you."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Buffy replied, rolling her eyes. "You're one to talk. We both know you're the same way. It's the way we were built. We're supposed to be the strong ones, the ones that *never* need help. And even if we need it, it's sometimes hard to take it."
"I let you help me. Many times. You're still helping me, because you gave me a son, Buffy," Angel told her.
Buffy sighed. "Angel, please…"
"Please what? Please pretend I don't *know* I am his father? Well, I'm sorry, but I can't do that. I *am* his father and I *won't* deny it. I'll let it slide when you say 'if you are his father' to me until we get those results back, but then you will see."
Buffy sighed again, having nothing to say back to him. She was so unsure of what she knew was true. At one moment, she would say that Angel had to be Josh's father. Angel was absolutely positive and he would never lie. On the other… she had to deny it. She had to hope that the baby's brown eyes were just from one of her and Riley's relatives. She had to believe that Angel might only be so sure he was the father because he *wanted* it so badly.
"There he is, there is my boy! Oh, but now you aren't a little boy, you're Daddy!"
Riley blushed as his mother moved towards him with her arms open as she gushed over the sight of him. He could see people looking at him out of the corner of his eye. Madeline Finn *sure* knew how to make an entrance.
Following behind his wife, Walter shook his head. "Sorry Riley, she's been this way ever since she found out Buffy had the baby."
Riley smiled at his father over his mother's shoulder as she squeezed him tightly and told him now that he was a father, he looked older and more dignified. After she had gotten him to let her kiss his cheek, she released him so that he could shake his father's hand.
"Feel different now that you're a father too?"
Riley smiled, "Actually, I do. I feel like there's a weight on my shoulders… but a nice weight."
As they walked towards the baggage claim, Riley half listened to his father's words of wisdom about mutual funds, mortgages, and a dozen other things he should be thinking about to procure a home and start saving for Joshua's college education. Normally, his father's speeches stressed him out, because he worried about every thing his father said, as though he *had* to do it all. He'd always lived to please the elder Finn.
Now, however, things had changed. It no longer mattered as much to him. Riley had a whole new perspective because of the birth of his son, and he was a better man for it. All the decisions he had made before were so clearly right or wrong to him, and he was resolved to doing things differently. There was no threat to his and Buffy's relationship, he was sure of it. They were forever.
Buffy awoke with a start, pushing herself up. Looking around in surprise, she found herself on the living room couch with Angel seated in the recliner holding Joshua.
"Hey, have a nice nap?"
Groaning, Buffy put her hand on her forehead. "I can't believe I fell asleep. That was so rude. I'm sorry."
"Don't be… that's part of the reason I came over… to give you a hand," Angel replied, keeping his voice quiet so he wouldn't wake the baby. He had been holding Joshua the entire time as the newborn slept, entranced by how perfect he was.
"I still can't believe I did that," Buffy told him while yawning. "How long was I out?"
"About an hour," Angel answered. "It's a quarter to eight."
"Oh my God, they're going to be home any minute now!" Buffy gasped.
Angel's forehead wrinkled in confusion. "Who?"
"Riley and his parents! Their plane came in at seven," she explained as she got up off the couch and paced back and forth.
"Okay, well then I will just get going," Angel said calmly, standing up. "Will you give me a call soon so that we can set something up so I can see him again?"
"You've got it," Buffy promised.
Before Angel could hand her the baby, Riley walked in with his parents. Both Buffy and Angel looked stunned, while Riley looked horrified. His parents just looked confused at the strange man alone with their daughter-in-law and holding their grandson.
Riley was the first to come out of a stupor, so he moved past his parents towards Buffy and Angel. "Mom and Dad, this is Angel."
"Angel, hello… nice to meet you." Madeline greeted with a cautious smile, taking a step towards him.
Angel handed Riley the baby and shook the woman's hand. "You too Mrs. Finn."
Walter shook the vampire's hand as well before asking, "And you are..."
"Gay."
Everyone in the room turned and looked at Riley, his parents in shock, and Buffy and Angel glaring.
"Well, I know you were wondering what he was doing here alone with Buffy. He's a homosexual, so you don't have to worry about it."
"Oh…" Madeline replied, at a loss for words.
Chuckling, Angel nodded. "Yes, you don't have to worry about anything happening between Buffy and I. Riley, on the other hand... Well, remember his homosexual phase? I was his boyfriend."
Riley's parents' faces when absolutely white while Angel smirked at the man who had married the woman he loved. It was Riley's turn to glare. Buffy, on the other hand, was about to kill the both of them.
Forcing herself to laugh, she explained the 'truth' to her in laws. "Riley and Angel are such kidders!"
"So… neither are h-h-homo-homosexual?" Walter inquired.
"Of course not," Buffy reassured him. "They've been friends for a while now and it's one joke after another with them."
"Oh, well, that's good," Madeline replied, calming her still-pounding heart.
Deciding a subject change was in order, Buffy plastered a smile on her face. "Don't you want to meet your grandson?"
It worked like a charm because Madeline was immediately overcome by the sight of the sleeping baby in her son's arms. Gushing about how adorable he was, she took him from Riley to cradle him tightly, her husband not being able to stop himself from peering down at the infant with a proud grin on his face.
Angel felt a bit awkward. This was family time and even though he could feel in his heart that he was Joshua's father, these people would probably never know it. Perhaps after a few weeks or a month, he could persuade Buffy to bring the baby to LA to his office. That would be *his* family time. In the meanwhile, though... he felt out of place.
"I really have to get going." Angel announced, smiling at Riley's parents. "It was nice meeting you both."
"You too, Angel… perhaps we'll be seeing you later? I like to make big meals so I probably will want *all* of Buffy and Riley's friends over one night," Mrs. Finn replied.
"That sounds nice. Oh, I brought something for Joshua, but I forgot it in my car," Angel said, giving Buffy a look.
Taking the hint, Buffy smiled. "Why don't I walk with you to your car so you can get it? Riley, you should get your parents something to drink."
Riley nodded and tried to busy himself with setting dinner up. Much to his surprise, he'd found out that his homemade cooking loving parents were actually fans of Chinese food. As he set out plates and silverware, he tried not to wonder about what Angel had to tell Buffy. It was probably nothing. He probably just wanted to make her promise to call him or something. It wasn't anything that would drastically affect his life any *more*.
"So what did you want to tell me?"
"Maybe I didn't want to tell you anything. I really do have something for Joshua in my car, you know."
"Angel, you gave me a 'I have something very important to tell you' look. Spill!" Buffy ordered as she and Angel headed towards his car.
Angel smiled at how well she knew him. "I just wanted you to know that you
could reach me at a new number now."
Buffy looked at him casually, not really grasping what he was trying to say. "Okay, do you have it on a business card or something? Because there is no way I am going to remember it off the top of my head."
"Buffy," Angel replied, sighing dramatically, "you're supposed to play along."
"Huh?"
"Don't you want to know *why* I have a new number?"
Buffy grinned at his playfulness. "Okay, why do you have a new number, Angel?"
"Because I am staying at my old apartment, Buffy."
Buffy stopped in her tracks. "You mean..."
"The one I lived in before the mansion… before I went bad. The one we first made love in," he couldn't help but bring up. "I am going to try living there a few days a week and going up to LA for a few days a week. It's not that long of a commute and this way I can see the baby."
"Are you sure?" Buffy asked, feeling uneasy. If Angel was living in Sunnydale, or half-living, anyway, he would be around a lot more.
"I want to be here for the both of you. I would feel a lot better if I was fifteen minutes away, as opposed to two hours, in case… maybe youandRileyhadafightandyouwantedtoleavehimandyouneededme."
Buffy shot him a dirty look. "I am *not* leaving Riley!"
"Fine, fine… don't get all worked up. I'm sorry I said it," Angel sighed. "Look, I want to be nearby. I want to be able to *know* that if you need *anything* at all, I can help you. Just let me have that peace of mind, all right?"
Buffy conceded and nodded her head. "Just quit talking about Riley and I breaking up."
"I will," Angel promised, unlocking his car now that they had reached it. He pulled out an old, but still in good condition book.
Buffy took it from him and looked over the front cover before flipping through some pages and found it written in a foreign language. Looking back up at the vampire with a raised eyebrow, Buffy smiled. "Gaelic?"
Angel nodded, "They're nursery rhymes. I know Joshua is still very little, but from all accounts it is a good idea to start reading to children right away."
"That's very sweet," Buffy grinned. "Since Riley and I don't know Gaelic, you know you'll have to come read this to him."
"Sounds good to me."
"Thank you," Buffy told him. "Thank you for the book… and for being so understanding. I really appreciate it."
Angel reached over and gently squeezed her hand. "Anything."
"This is nice," Riley murmured as he wrapped his arms around Buffy's waist. He was spooning her from behind in their bed their first night home with Joshua.
"Yes… it's very nice not feeling like a whale," Buffy replied with a chuckle, referring to the fact that she was almost back to her pre-pregnancy figure.
Yawning, Buffy closed her eyes and snuggled against her husband. Amazingly enough, she was quite tired. Even with all her napping and her mother-in-law's insistence that she rest on the couch all evening, she still felt like she could sleep for a week.
"What was that book Angel gave you?" Riley asked, trying to sound casual.
"Oh, it was this Irish book of nursery rhymes for Joshua. It's all in Gaelic. I think it's pretty sweet. I told Angel he was the one who could read it to the baby, since we don't know any Gaelic," Buffy answered, smiling. She still found the whole idea so incredibly sweet.
"Well, I've been meaning to learn Gaelic," Riley replied, feeling a bit of jealously boiling in his veins.
Buffy laughed. "You have not!"
"Well, I am now!" Riley told her. "Go to sleep!"
Still chuckling, Buffy shook her head. "Whatever."
After a few moments, both had quieted down and were quickly slipping into unconsciousness.... when Joshua began to cry. Both Buffy and Riley opened their eyes and stared at the red light on the monitor on Buffy's nightstand.
Sighing, Buffy sat up. "He's probably hungry. You get some rest, you have work tomorrow."
Getting out of bed, she quickly left the bedroom and went into the nursery, hoping to pick the baby up before he woke everyone. Quickly lifting him out of his crib and holding him against her shoulder, she managed to get her top open and sit in the rocking chair to feed him.
Yawning, Buffy glanced at the clock on the wall and saw it was half past midnight. At this rate, she would get *maybe* six hours of sleep. And that would be two hours at a time. Still... when she looked down at her son, Buffy knew without a doubt that she wouldn't give this up for anything. Joshua was her everything.
"You're just Mommy's little sweetheart, aren't you?" Buffy cooed as she smiled down at her son. She had just gotten through dressing him for their big day in LA. It had been a week since his birth… and their paternity test. Buffy was anticipating and dreading finding out who Joshua's father was. On one hand, she would finally *know*, but on the other... whether it was Angel or Riley, someone was going to get hurt.
Still, she was hoping to get a call from Dr. Davis' office soon. She'd even arranged to have Madeline spend the day with Joyce and told Walter she was probably going to meet an old friend in Los Angeles when they called and she was taking Joshua with her, so her father-in-law was planted in front of the television, watching game shows.
"How long do you think you'll be gone, Sweet Pea?" Walter asked as he looked at his daughter-in-law, carrying her son into the living room.
"Oh… several hours. It takes about two hours to get to LA, so it's four hours driving, and you know I'll need some time with my friend."
Walter sighed dramatically. "Yes, I know how you get to talking. Sometimes I want to turn you around and see if there is a battery sticking out of your back."
"Colonel!" Buffy scolded as the older man laughed. However, she was interrupted by the telephone ringing. Quickly remembering what she'd been waiting for, Buffy grabbed the cordless phone. "Hello?"
"Buffy Summers-Finn?"
Very aware of the other presence in the room that expected her to be talking to a friend, Buffy tried to *not* sound like she was on the phone with a doctor's office to find out who fathered her son. "Hi!"
She could tell that the receptionist was a bit taken aback, but she continued on. "I'm calling from Dr. Davis' office. Your test results are in."
"Oh, that's so good to hear."
"Can you come by today? The doctor will be free at about eleven this morning."
"That's perfect, it'll take me about two hours to get there, so eleven will be really great."
"All right, I'll put you down. See you in a bit, Ma'am."
"See you!" Buffy replied cheerfully, trying not to show that her heart was beating wildly. Looking up, she saw Walter looking at her.
"Was that your friend?"
"Uh huh… we're meeting at eleven for lunch, so I need to get going. I have Joshua all ready to go," Buffy told him as she got up and grabbed her purse and diaper bag off the kitchen counter. "Are you sure I can't take you anywhere? I feel just awful leaving you all alone."
Walter shook his head. "Between you and me, I actually enjoy being a couch potato every so often. Don't ever tell Maddy that."
Buffy chuckled and waved at him. "Bye Colonel."
"Bye Sweet Pea, drive carefully."
"Please, God, please," Buffy whispered as she headed down the freeway off ramp. She wasn't sure exactly what she was praying for; Joshua to stay asleep or the results to be that Riley was his father, but her heart was racing and her palms were sweaty.
Glancing at the clock, Buffy saw that it was still twenty-five minutes until eleven. Luckily traffic hadn't been bad at all, because whenever she had her son in the car she made a conscious effort to be a safe driver. By the time she was pulling into a parking space, she still had fifteen minutes before they were due to see the doctor.
Managing to hold her purse and the diaper bag while not waking Joshua as she pulled him out of his carseat proved quite a feat and Buffy made a mental note to just stick her wallet in the baby's bag from then on so that her life would be that much easier. As she walked into the office, Buffy felt like her knees were jello.
After she was told to have a seat until the doctor called her, Buffy situated herself on one of the plush chairs in the waiting room, trying to calm down. But she couldn't stop worrying about it and trying to figure out what she would do if Angel was Joshua's father. He was positive that he was and it didn't sit at all well with Buffy. What would Riley do? His parents were there, so would he play along? Or would he not care that they found out everything because he was going to divorce her anyway? She reminded herself that she always had a home with Angel. He'd made it clear that his home was hers if she needed anything at all. A place to stay, or even a haven for a few hours to get some peace. Why couldn't that be of comfort to her? Why did she have to want to not *need* a place to go to if things got bad at home?
Dr. Davis stood in the doorway that led to the offices and called Buffy's name. Buffy quickly stood and nervously returned the doctor's warm smile.
"Buffy he is just darling!" Dr. Davis announced as she led her patient into her office.
Buffy smiled again, this time genuinely. "Thank you… he means everything to me. This whole paternity mess… at least I know I will have Joshua in my life. Although I feel just awful not knowing who his father is."
Dr. Davis brushed her hand in the air. "Don't dwell on it. I don't know the details and I don't want to, but I can tell you love your husband, and I would assume that you have a temporary lapse in judgement… you made a mistake. You *are* human. It's what you do afterwards that counts."
"Well, once I can at least tell Josh who his dad is… it will make me feel a little better."
The doctor nodded. "I can understand that. Why don't we go ahead and look at your test results?"
Buffy felt numb as she watched the doctor open a file and read some results of the test. Dr. Davis kept her face emotionless; it was a skill she had learned through necessity soon after she had started this line of work. It was a lot easier on the patient if they couldn't read the results on your face.
Closing the file, the doctor looked Buffy in the eye. "The results indicate that the father of your son is Mr. Daly."
Cordelia breathed a sigh of relief as she walked down the hallway of the hospital. That had been a hellish experience she was glad was over. Okay, she liked babies. They were cute and stuff. When they didn't emit some sort of disgusting bodily fluid all over you, anyway. However, she hadn't been prepared for her cousin to force her to look at all the *pictures* of the birth. At least she hadn't had to watch the video!
Glancing at her watch, she saw that it was only about a quarter after eleven. That left the entire afternoon for shopping. Of course, Angel assumed she would be manning the phones at work, but since he was in Sunnydale, she didn't have to worry about being the good little employee. It was his own fault for up and deciding to have two residences, especially since he wouldn't tell her what was really going on!
She was almost to the door when a woman with a baby came barreling down one hall and almost smacked into her. Cordelia opened her mouth to spit out some smart retort, but halted when she saw who the woman was. "Buffy?"
Buffy looked up and saw Cordelia standing in front of her, the brunette's face full of surprise. Trying to wipe at the tears streaming down her face as best she could with one hand, Buffy forced herself to smile. "Hi Cordy."
Seeing the very small baby in Buffy's arms that didn't appear much older than her cousin's, Cordelia was taken aback. "You had your baby."
"Yeah… a week ago," Buffy replied. "His name is Joshua."
"Oh," Cordelia answered. "He's cute. For a baby, anyway."
Buffy laughed for real. "Some things never change."
"What's wrong with you? Do you have that post partum thing? I hope not, because it's really disgusting."
"No.. it's a long story."
Something clicked inside Cordelia's head. Something had been going on between Buffy and Angel… and there was the big fight when Buffy's husband had showed up at the office... plus Angel had announced his big plan to move to Sunnydale part of the time about a week and a half earlier. Something told her that all that had to do with Buffy being so upset.
"I have the afternoon free, want to talk?"
"Wow.. you know, you are the only person I know that could ever get themselves into such a huge mess."
"Thanks Cordelia," Buffy replied wryly.
"Well it's true! I mean, how many people can get pregnant, not with their husband's son, but with their former lover's- who happens to be a vampire, and the only way he was able to do it was a freak accident?" Cordelia remarked. "That is just *so* extreme!"
"I do seem to constantly get into huge messes," Buffy sighed. "God, Cordelia, what am I going to do? I have a newborn baby who isn't the son of my husband! I'll be divorced with an infant."
"Angel will take care of you," Cordelia reminded her.
"I know that, but... Cordelia, imagine if it were you. Imagine you fell in love with somebody and got pregnant but he left you. You know that Angel would help you out. He would make sure that both you and your child had everything you needed. Clothes, food, furniture… all that. Would that be enough, though? Would you not at all want for that man you loved to be there for you?"
"You're sure Riley is going to leave you?"
Buffy shrugged her shoulders. "Not really *sure*, but I'm too scared to hope he won't leave me."
"Well… what if he does. I mean, I'm not saying I think he will, because I hardly know the man. In fact, from all I have seen, he is totally in love with you... But do you have any plans made for if you go home and tell Riley this and he tells you it's over?"
Tears welled in Buffy's eyes and she tried to form an answer. "I have no idea. Riley would never ever throw Joshua and I out... But I suppose if I had to go somewhere… I would go to Willow or Angel. What should I do, Cordy?"
Cordelia grimaced; wasn't it enough that she was having lunch with her high school friend? She was even listening to her whine! Now she had to help devise a plan?
"Okay, well, I have never- and doubt I *will* ever- been in your shoes. But a plan does sound like a good idea. With both Angel and Willow, you're going to get full support. Angel is totally ready for the responsibility. However, if you go to Angel you might get all confused about your feelings for him and push yourself into another relationship before you are ready."
"So then I should go to Willow?"
"Well, on the other hand, since Angel is Joshua's father, would it be better for the baby to have his dad around."
"So what should I do?"
Cordelia sighed heavily. "Do I have to do *everything* for you? How should I know what to do? Am I the one who got herself pregnant with her ex's baby? I think not!"
Riley came home in a good mood. He'd been almost excited about returning home after work in the week after Joshua had been born. There was nothing Riley enjoyed more than being with his wife, son and parents.
However, when he opened the door to the apartment, he was surprised to find things rather quiet. Normally his mother was banging pots and pans around in the kitchen while making their dinner and his father would have the news blaring on the television, while Buffy cooed at Joshua as she held him in her arms.
With a concerned look on his face, Riley entered the apartment and found the news on the television low with his father sitting subdued on the couch watching it. Madeline sat beside him, half watching the news as she knitted something blue. Riley could see the bassinet beside the couch and assumed Joshua was inside it. Buffy, though, was nowhere to be found.
"Is something wrong?"
Walter and Madeline both looked at their son in surprise.
"Riley, we didn't hear you come in!" Madeline replied, getting up and giving him a kiss. "Talk quietly, because the baby is napping."
"Hello son," Walter smiled with a nod.
"Where's Buffy?" Riley asked, growing worried.
"Oh, she's in the bedroom. Riley, I think she might have a touch of the baby blues. She seemed a little down when she got home today. I've been trying to help out with the little one as much as possible," his mother explained.
"Where was she today?"
"She went and met a friend in Los Angeles for lunch," Walter told him.
Riley put two and two together and realized what Buffy had really gone to do. If she was upset... well, she would probably be sad for Angel if he wasn't the father, but Riley knew better than to hope too much for that. With an ache in his heart, Riley nodded his head. "I better go check on her."
"That's a good idea honey," his mother replied as Riley headed towards the bedroom.
Filled with dread, Riley walked towards the bedroom door, fearing what he would find on the other side. This could be it. Buffy could be leaving him this very day. Would he be able to bear it?
Slowly, Riley opened the bedroom door and saw Buffy's still form on the bed. Quietly, he shut the door behind him and crept towards the bed, not wanting to be too loud, in case she was sleeping.
Despite all his efforts at stealthiness, Buffy's eyes opened and she turned her head towards him. "Riley?"
Giving her a small smile, he sat down on the edge of the bed beside her, brushing a stray strand of hair off her face. "Hey Baby, I heard you had a bad day."
Buffy pushed herself up into a sitting position, determined to tell him the truth and just get it out in the open. There was no sense in avoiding telling Riley about the test results. "The doctor called today."
"The doctor with the DNA test results," Riley concluded with a sigh.
Buffy nodded and tried to continue on, but found that it took all her self control to keep from bursting into tears. Riley saw the way her eyes were welling up and her chin wobbled. Immediately, his own pain at the expected news was forgotten with an intense need to comfort her.
Riley wrapped his arms around his distraught wife and hugged her to him. "It's going to be okay, Buffy. I love you and Joshua more than anything in this world. Nothing could take you two away from me. I won't let it. We *will* work this out."
Buffy broke into a sob as she pressed her face into his shoulder. "I wanted Joshua to be *your* son so much... but he's not… how can I expect you to raise the son of the man I had an affair with? You have every right to leave."
Riley whispered words of comfort in her ear as he rocked the both of them until Buffy stopped crying. Once she had regained her composure, he pulled back so that he could look her firmly in the eye. "I'm *not* leaving. I swear it, Buffy. I'm here forever... if you want me."
"Of course I want you Riley! I meant it when I said that Angel is not the man I want to spend my life with. It's you. It will always be you."
Riley smiled and kissed her forehead. "It may not be easy, Buffy. I won't promise you that. I am only a man and I don't think I can ever be happy about Angel being in your lives… but I am going to try to learn to deal with it. I want to be able to control my feelings about it. Hopefully with time I can handle it better. Just give me a chance."
Buffy nodded. "You know I will. I'll do anything for you, Riley."
"Does Angel know yet?"
"No… I couldn't even think about telling him. I was too busy worrying about telling you."
Riley couldn't help but feel a small twinge of satisfaction that it had been he, not Angel, that Buffy had found it more important to tell. "Well, I suppose you should call him and let him know. We're going to all have to discuss this and make a lot of decisions."
"That's something else you need to know. I didn't mention it before now because I was hoping I would never *have* to… and I didn't know how you'd react," Buffy told him, her voice laden with trepidation.
"What is it?" Riley asked, a nervous feeling growing in the pit of his stomach.
"Angel has half-moved back to Sunnydale," Buffy informed him. "He told me last week that he is staying in his apartment here for several days at a time, then going to LA to take care of his business for a few days. You know how he was always so positive that he is Joshua's father… and he wants to be here for him."
"Wow, so he's right in town instead of 2 hours away… that's… close," Riley replied, trying to accept the idea of Angel being just a few moments away and able to visit quite often.
Buffy nodded her head sadly. "I want to be mad at him for it. I want to scream at him to give us our space and time with our son, but I can't. He loves Joshua too and he doesn't deserve that just because he wants to be a good father."
"He doesn't deserve that," Riley agreed half-heartedly. Even he had to admit that it would be wrong to deny Angel his son. That didn't mean he didn't want to punch him, though.
"I know it's hard for you to have Angel in our lives. I mean, it's hard for me too. I wish things were simple with just you, me, and the baby… but I know it's harder for you," Buffy said. "But I want you to know that he isn't going to push you out of the picture or stop you from being a father to Joshua. Even if he tried, I wouldn't let him. Joshua's going to have two fathers. People have done it before, and you know how I am when I get determined."
Seeing the way Buffy tried to smile assuringly at him, Riley couldn't help but give her a grin. "Hell hath no fury like a determined Buffy."
"You got that right, Baby."
Riley put his arm around her and kissed the top of her head. "Do you feel up to joining everyone for dinner? I can already smell my mom making something."
Buffy nodded. "I feel a lot better now."
"Okay," Riley replied, standing up. "I would like to take a quick shower before dinner. You want to call Angel?"
Buffy took a deep breath and nodded. "I guess so. I am afraid I'll start crying all over again, but I *have* to do it."
Bending down, Riley kissed her gently on the mouth. "It'll be okay. I'm sure it's no surprise to Angel. All you have to do is keep reminding yourself that I love you, I love the baby, and we're a family. You only have to tell Angel the test results and that the three of us have to discuss things together. There are no difficult decisions to be made tonight. Everything is okay."
"I love you," Buffy replied, smiling up at him.
"I love you too," Riley responded before heading towards the bathroom.
Once the door was closed, Buffy closed her eyes and said a silent prayer. Riley's reaction had been much better than she'd ever dared to hope. He *really* was getting better. He wasn't going to flake out like Willow said.
Now if only the call to Angel would go just as smoothly. She certainly didn't need any more bombshells from him, and she really didn't want to have to give Riley any more news.
Picking up the phone, Buffy quickly dialed Angel's Sunnydale phone number. She half-hoped he wasn't home, but she knew it wasn't appropriate to leave a message on his answering machine announcing that he was a father officially. It was definitely a personal type of news.
"Hello?"
"Angel… it's Buffy."
"Hi Buffy, how's it going?"
Buffy wasn't sure how to respond. Things weren't horrible, but she wasn't on cloud nine either. "Okay…"
"Is Joshua all right?"
"He couldn't be better," she told him. "The doctor called with the test results today."
"Oh," Angel replied quietly on his end of the phone. "I suppose they weren't inconclusive this time?"
"No, they weren't. It's no big surprise to you, I'm sure, but you are Joshua's biological father."
Angel was silent for a moment. "I'm sorry."
"What? You're sorry? Why? You love Joshua," Buffy replied, caught off guard.
"I do.. he's my son and every time I look at him I am amazed because he is such a miracle. I'm not sorry that he's my son. I'm overjoyed. But I love you Buffy, and I know this complicates your life and makes things harder for you. And for that, I am sorry."
"I told Riley," Buffy responded. "He took it well. He's sad, of course, but he's not mad at me, he's not leaving, he is convinced that the three of us can work things out. In fact he wanted me to tell you that we all need to discuss this and make some decisions."
"Good… that sounds very good. I'm glad he's dealing so well with this. You know if he didn't, I'd have to kill him," Angel teased.
Buffy laughed lightly. "You're terrible."
"I can't help it. I am male and you know how we are."
"Yeah, I know."
"Riley's right, you know. The three of us *can* work things out. And we will."
Buffy wanted to believe him more than anything in the world. If he was wrong... she didn't know if she could live with it.
"Okay," Buffy began, taking a deep breath as she looked at the two men seated at the table with her, "where do we begin?"
Madeline and Walter had left a few hours earlier, after having spent the first week and a half of Joshua's life with him. Not wanting to waste any time, Riley had decided that Angel should come over right away so they could set everything up. As much as he hated the thought of what they were doing, it was something that had to be done and he wanted to get it over with as soon as possible.
"Well, how about deciding how often Angel visits with Joshua and for how long?" Riley suggested. "I think it's very important that we do set a schedule and stick to it. Even if the length of the visits vary, if we have it planned in advance we don't have to worry about anyone forgetting and making other plans or something."
Angel nodded his head in agreement. "I think that having a set schedule is the way to go. Besides, a child needs stability and if we are always running around, trying to figure out how we can fit a visit in here or there… Joshua is going to suffer. I think we all agree he has to be the most important thing to consider in all our decisions."
"So… Angel, will you be having a regular schedule where you are here certain days and in LA others?" Buffy asked her former lover.
"Yeah, I already have it set up. I'll be here Thursday through Sunday, and there Monday through Wednesday. However, sometimes things will happen to alter that, but you know I will avoid it at all costs."
"For now, I am sure that Joshua won't notice," Riley replied quietly.
Buffy looked at him apprehensively, trying to figure out if he had made the comment as a jab to Angel, or if he was just stating the obvious. Angel, on the other hand, took it as an insult. Riley may be the man who was raising his son, but the vampire still considered him the enemy.
"Where should we have these visitations? I was thinking here would be a good idea… until Joshua gets older, anyway," Buffy suggested, looking more at Riley. She wasn't sure how wild he was about the idea of Angel coming over several nights a week.
"I think that's a good idea," he responded, surprising her.
Angel nodded as well. "I think that's the best for now. Besides, I don't have extensive knowledge of babies… I'm going to need the time to learn with you, Buffy."
Buffy wasn't about to relax given the illusion of agreement and calmness in the room. They might not be screaming at each other, but she was no fool. Riley looked extremely tense, Angel was shooting his dirty looks and she was trying not to lose her mind. How were they ever not only going to be able to reach an agreement, but make it work for the rest of their lives?
"That's my boy," Riley whispered as he set the sleeping newborn in his crib. Immediately, Joshua's hand moved to his mouth so that he could suck his tiny thumb.
Riley stood with his arms on the railing, gazing down at his son with pride and love. Joshua, with the exception of Buffy, was the best thing that had ever happened to him. He put things in perspective, and made Riley realize what was truly important in life. He showed Riley how easy it was to love. He showed Riley what it felt like to have someone depend on you for everything. Riley considered him a son, even if Angel actually was...
With a sigh, Riley sat down in the old rocking chair, trying to get his head together. He had been working so hard to keep himself together, to be calm and in control, to not let this bother him... but after all that work, he still felt so insecure. As much as he knew that Angel was going to be a part of Joshua's life, he'd had the strongest urge to physically throw him out earlier that evening. Joshua would learn to call him Daddy, but even as he had held him while Angel had been there, Riley had felt almost like an intruder. There was Buffy, with her blonde hair and hazel eyes, and Angel, with his dark hair and eyes... and then Joshua, with his blonde locks and chocolate eyes, the perfect combination of his biological parents.
He tried to tell himself that he was being irrational, that he was the lucky one because he had Buffy and Joshua while Angel was all alone, but it didn't work. He felt so unsure, so afraid of so many things. Would Buffy fall out of love with him? Would Josh ever consider him his father? Would his own insecurities ruin everything?
Putting his face in his hands, Riley let himself cry.
Buffy glanced at the clock on the nightstand and frowned, setting her magazine down. Riley had headed to the nursery to put the baby down while she got ready for bed. Even though Joshua had already been sleeping, she'd expected Riley to take several minutes since he had a propensity to watch Joshua, adoring the way his little nose wiggled in time with the sucking of his thumb, or whatever other precious thing he happened to be doing.
However, it had been ten minutes and Buffy began to wonder what was taking so long. She really wasn't worried… after all, if something was wrong with the baby Riley would have called her… but she couldn't think of what could be taking him so long.
Pushing the bedcovers off of herself, Buffy got out of bed and headed out of the bedroom. Opening the door, she found all the lights were off, except for the small lamp in the living room that they always left on, just as she had left them.
With a frown, she walked up to the nursery door and slowly opened it. The room was completely dark, except for a small amount of light spilling in through the window from a nearby street lamp. But it was enough light for her to see her husband in the rocking chair, hunched over.
Buffy rushed to his side and knelt beside the chair, putting a hand on his back as she looked at him with concern. "Riley?"
When he looked up with his face wet with tears, Buffy was taken aback. She had rarely seen Riley cry; he hadn't been raised to cry. For him to do it now… she knew something was wrong.
"Are you alright? Has something happened?"
Riley pulled her into his arms, squeezing her tightly against him. "I love you so much… I don't want to lose you. I don't think I can bear it."
Buffy hugged him back. "You won't lose me, Riley. Joshua and I are your family. We're forever and you couldn't get rid of us if you tried."
"I.. know that. I tell myself that, but I can't stop feeling how I feel," Riley replied, extremely conscious of the sleeping baby in the room.
"Let's go to bed… we'll talk there," Buffy said as she stood and pulled Riley up along with her. Silently, the two left the room and headed to their own bed.
Snuggling up against her husband, Buffy lovingly brushed her hand across his cheek. "I wish I knew what to say to you… I wish there was some way I could assure you… but I would only be repeating myself. You know how much I love you… you're the man I want to grow old with."
"I know that," Riley nodded. "Not just because of the fact that you've said it… but you show it. The things you do for me, the way you look at me, I know you love me. But still… every time I see Angel… especially if you are near him… it makes me insane."
"A very wise person once said that love makes you do the wacky," Buffy told him with a slight smile.
"I'll say," Riley sighed. "Buffy it was so hard tonight when I held Joshua… you know, when you and Angel were marking those dates down on the calendar… I felt like I didn't belong… like I was the intruder. I love Joshua like my own son… but you have no idea how much I wish he really was my biological son."
"That doesn't make you love him any less, you know. I'm positive because *I* wish he was your biological son too. It would make things so much easier. But we've never gotten anything easy… yet we still overcame everything we've come up against," Buffy replied. "We can't do anything about Angel being his father. We can't change that. All we can do is try to make the best of it."
Riley nodded. "Do you think after enough time, it'll be easier?"
"I do," Buffy answered. "I mean think about it. In the past month, we have been separated, had a baby, found out Angel's the father, and tried to live with waking up every three hours a night. I'm overwhelmed, you're overwhelmed… we're all tired and trying to get used to our new life."
"Why can't I make all this go away?"
"All what go away?"
"All this… fear. Fear of what's to come, I guess."
Buffy shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe you can't. Maybe you just learn to live with it. I mean, ever since I was sixteen, I had to live with the knowledge that I very well might not live to see twenty. I had to get up every morning and know that I might die that night. Maybe I am just so used to knowing that around the next corner, my life could end, or be thrown into upheaval, or whatever… that I just relax and take things as they come."
"That's very possibly true," Riley replied. "After all, you know how much I like stability, and knowing what's coming… this is against my nature."
"It is," Buffy agreed with a smile, "and it's called parenthood. Welcome to the next eighteen years of our lives."
Riley chuckled and shook his head at her joke, squeezing her tighter.
"Look, there are a lot of things *I* can't tell you. I don't know if Joshua is going to get an ear infection next month, I don't know if you'll ever feel comfortable with Angel in the house… but there are a few things I do know. I love you, and I'm spending the rest of my life with you. Joshua already loves you, and you are a terrific father to him. Blood doesn't affect that; blood doesn't change the fact that when he wants to ask a girl out or learn how to play baseball… he's going to come to you."
"I don't know what I did to deserve you," Riley sighed, lightly stroking his thumb over Buffy's eyebrows.
She closed her eyes and leaned into his hand, a content smile curving her lips. "You were you."
"Yo Riley!"
Riley was interrupted in the middle of his conversation with Graham, only to see Forrest carrying Joshua by his underarms, as though he wanted as little contact as possible with the three-month-old. Riley frowned as the other man approached. "What's the matter?"
"Your kid did something disgusting!" Forrest replied, trying to shove Joshua into Riley's arms.
"What did he do?"
"All I know is, his face got really red and we were afraid we broke him… and then we smelled it," Forrest explained, a revolted look on his face.
As Riley realized what had happened, he quickly looked around and spotted Buffy talking with several other people about twenty yards away. "Couldn't you just take him to Buffy and pretend you couldn't find me?"
Forrest shook his head in dismay. "Man, you're out of line."
"Oh, I don't see you asking me for diapers! You're all too happy to just dump him with me," Riley retorted.
"He's not my kid!"
"Well, trust me, no man ever wants to encounter that. I swear to you, Buffy's femaleness makes her immune to stinky diapers."
"What'd you say about me?" Buffy asked as she walked up to them with a smile on her face, until she saw the strange way Forrest was holding her son. "What's wrong?"
"Joshua made a stinky," Riley explained, giving her a casual smile, hoping she'd just pick the baby up and take him away. How was he supposed to enjoy the company picnic if he had to deal with that?
"Oh, and I suppose my generous husband wants *me* to change him?"
"It's never too early for a mother and son to bond, Buffy," Riley informed her, a half smile on his face.
Buffy laughed and shook her head. "One of these days, I am going to smack you."
"Promises, promises," Riley replied as he watched her take Joshua from Forrest and head off to where she had left his diaper bag. He watched her for a moment while Forrest said something about beers and left Graham and him alone again.
"Everything's going okay?"
Riley looked over at Graham, who was being his typical quiet self. Such the opposite of Forrest. It amazed him that two such different people could both be such great friends to both he and Buffy.
"Everything's great. Buffy's doing okay with working again, getting over the guilt factor, Joshua is the greatest kid… the only thing about my life I wish I could change is Angel."
"But that's not possible..."
"No, it's not… so I am dealing with it," Riley sighed. "What else can I do?"
"I know," Graham nodded. "And I know it's not fair that you guys can't have the perfect family and perfect life... you deserve it. But I still have to say you are damn lucky to have them."
Riley grinned at his friend. "Jealous? I always knew you wanted my girl."
Graham rolled his eyes, playing along. "Hey, Buffy's easy on the eyes, but I felt pity for you and *let* you have her. If I had wanted, she would have been mine."
"Dream on, Miller, Buffy only has eyes for me!"
"Aww… you guys fighting over little ol' me?" Buffy laughed as she returned to them with Josh in her arms.
"You know it, Baby," Riley replied, dipping his head down for a kiss.
Buffy reciprocated before pulling her head back and giving him a dazzling smile. "Guess who wants more than anything to spend some time with his Daddy?"
Riley sighed as though very exasperated as he took his son in his arms. Buffy gave him one more kiss on the cheek, before waving goodbye to Graham and the baby. Riley turned to his friend, giving him a look that screamed 'Can you believe she's making me do this?!'
Graham shook his head and laughed. "Don't give me that, you love this!"
Riley opened his mouth to protest, then grinned. "You're right, I do."