[Anya]
This is the man
That I plan to entangle
Isn’t he fine?
My claim to fame
Was to maim and to mangle
Vengeance was mine
But I’m out of the biz
The name I made I’ll trade for his
The only trouble is…
I’ll never tell

[Xander]
She is the one
She’s such wonderful fun
Such passion and grace
Warm in the night
When I’m right in her tight..,
Embrace, tight embrace!
I’ll never let her go
The love we’ve known can only grown
There’s just one thing that - no
I’ll never tell

[Xander and Anya]
‘Cause there’s nothing to tell

[Anya]
He snores

[Xander]
She wheezes

[Anya]
Say ‘housework’ and he freezes

Xander]She eats these skeezy cheeses
That I can’t describe

[Anya]
I talk
He breezes

[Xander]
She doesn’t know what please is

[Anya]
His penis got diseases
From a Chumash tribe

[Xander and Anya]
The vibe gets kind of scary

[Xander]
Like she thinks I’m ordinary

[Anya]
Like it’s all just temporary

[Xander]
Like her toes are kinda hairy

[Xander and Anya]
But it’s all very well
‘Cause god knows, I’ll never tell

[Anya]
When things get rough, he
Just hides behind his Buffy
Now look - he’s gettin’ huffy
‘Cause he knows that I know
[Xander]
She clings
She’s needy
She’s also really greedy
She never…

[Anya]
His eyes are beady

[Xander]
This is my verse! Hello?
She…

[Anya]
Look at me! I’m dancin’ crazy!

[Xander and Anya]
You know
[Xander]
You’re quite the charmer

[Anya]
My knight in armour

[Xander]
You’re the cutest of the Scoobies
With your lips as red as rubies
And your firm yet supple…
Tight embrace!

[Anya]
He’s swell

[Xander]
She’s sweller

[Anya]
He’ll always be my feller

[Xander]
That’s why I just can’t tell her
That I’m petrified

[Anya]
I’ve read this tale
There’s wedding, then betrayal
I know they’ll come the day
I’ll want to run and hide

[Anya and Xander]
I lied
I said it’s easy
I’ve tried
But there’s these fears I can’t quell

[Xander]
Is she looking
For a pot of gold?

[Anya]
Will I look good
When I’ve gotten old?

[Xander]
Will our lives become too stressful
If I’m never that successful?

[Anya]
When I get so worn and wrinkly
That I look like David Brinkley?

[Xander]
Am I crazy?

[Anya]
Am I dreamin’?

[Xander]
Am I marrying a demon?

[Xander and Anya]
We could really raise the beam
In makin’ marriage a hell
So thank god, I’ll never tell
I swear that I’ll never tell

[Xander]
My lips are sealed

[Anya]
I take the fifth

[Xander]
Nothin’ to see
Move it along

[Xander and Anya]
I’ll never…
Tell!